[Pokémon] Reflection

Adâm1

The Lion's Share
  • 90
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Age 28
    • Seen Mar 2, 2013
    My glorious return shall be marked by this, an epic of great proportions, late nights, wondrous loves and terrible heartbreaks. Above all, I hope it will teach you something about yourself, and how to smile when the night grows darker than death.
    Reflection

    (PG 15 for violence and romance)

    Chapter 1
    Me, Myself, and my brother and sister.
    The sun only ever shone in the Summer. But then, that's the way we all liked it, really. When it was cloudy and overcast, it gave us all time to think. Everyone in Illunium, our sleepy little village, had skeletons in a closet that would be better kept in the hidden. So in a way, that permanent grey veil was our veil too. But we were all happy- we were all at home, and we were all happy.

    My name was- is, I suppose- Maria Blure. My family moved to Illunium from Saffron a year before I was born. Illunium is dead in the centre of Anilla, a beautiful region to the far north of Kanto. The only thing most people say bad about it is the weather- it's more or less always raining. but that's the way it is, here, and the beauty is inside the houses. That's the heart of Anilla- on the outside, we all seem grey, and miserable, and sad, but just step inside our houses. We're the best artists in the world, and all of our homes make you feel more at home than your own. That's how I was raised- to be just like everyone else on the outside, and to harbour my beauty on the inside.

    I'll not be arrogant here, I was never the prettitest girl in the world, not next to my sister, Alena. She was wonderful- long, cascading black hair falling in little ringlets down to her hips, skin to die for, beautiful emerald eyes and a laugh like a pealing bell. A laugh that tore into my heart every time I heard it. Then there was my perfect brother, Atticus. Muscular, long black hair covering his face, a smoldering smile and the same penetrating emerald eyes that hold you. He came home with a new girlfriend every week, and like I'd been raised, I'd be polite while she was here, the very picture of grace... And then I'd go to my room and cry and scream until I fell asleep.

    It's not that I was hideous, per-se. It's just that next to the two idols of humanity's grace, even a model would have trouble trying to get a second look. I remember looking at a mirror with a family photo next to it and tearing myself out of it. Anyway, I had pale skin, sort of dirty brown eyes and a fairly nice smile. But my brown hair was so straw-like and messy... I never really tried to make myself look nice. Alena always tried to get me to put some make-up on, to wear a dress, to comb my hair, but what was the point? I could never look as good as her. But there was one thing I could do better than anyone I knew, and ever have known- the violin.

    Oh, my violin... I remember when I first got it. My mother called me a virtuoso, and at the time, I had no idea what it meant. But I loved that violin so much. My sister and brother always loved to listen to me play it while they either did schoolwork or exercised, respectively. But my violin was still the most beautiful thing in the house, regardless of anything else. I could never look or be beautiful, but at least I could create true beauty. That was my true gift and that was why I loved Anilla- the rainy veil of my faceless beauty.

    But despite all of my complaints about my brother and sister, I loved them. I never thought anything could ever change, and I always hoped it would stay like that forever. The folly of youth might be adorable, but it always leads to heartbreak in the end...
     
    I like the way you have personality coming from the narrator's voice (maybe not the personality itself but that's not a bad thing, just my take on the character is all). The set-up of what the region is like is done decently as well, what with the comparisons to weather and how people act and all - seems to be an interesting beginning to this.

    I am wondering how it relates to Pokemon atm as it does so far feel that it doesn't need the Pokemon setting yet but I guess that'll turn up in later chapters. I'll also mention at times to watch out for being too repetitive with some of your wording, and I did find the topics to be a touch dreary (what with the character going on a bit about not being pretty too much for my liking - which is probably why I don't quite like the character herself) or confusing...
    The sun only ever shone in the Summer.
    No need for summer to be capitalised there (it isn't regarded as a proper noun apparently at any rate, afaik).

    So in a way, that permanent grey veil was our veil too. But we were all happy- we were all at home, and we were all happy.
    Instance of the repetition thing - veil came up twice there in the one section, and also appeared later on in the story too - I suggest mixing it up some more. Also the phrase 'we were all happy' appeared twice in the second sentence - maybe it was just accidentally left as so (I know I've done it before), so just be careful with editing sentences/proofreading is all,
    it's more or less always raining. but that's the way it is,
    'But' should be capitalised there as it's the starting word of a new sentence.
    She was wonderful- long, cascading black hair falling in little ringlets down to her hips, skin to die for, beautiful emerald eyes and a laugh like a pealing bell. A laugh that tore into my heart every time I heard it.
    And this is an example of the 'confusing' thing - I suppose that upon reflection that the laugh made her jealous or the like but at the time it sounded odd and I feel it could be clearer... that and if a laugh tore at her heart along with her screaming because she wasn't as pretty as her siblings then I'm surprised that she still 'loved them' - perhaps it is exaggeration but it feels to be too much imo.


    Overall not a bad start; just watch out for those things I mentioned.
     
    Ah, my dear moderator, all shall become clear with time. Thanks for the comments, I'll be sure to double-back on my work and make sure I haven't made any more silly little slips.

    ---
    One of the very best things about Anilla is definitely the Pokemon League. Not least because of the fact that basically every variety of Pokemon can be caught here, making it easy enough for each aspiring young trainer to build their team up from scratch. Which meant that my oh-perfect siblings, now both fifteen, could head off on the journey of a lifetime and leave me stuck here. Is it capricious of me to complain about the two people who I feel made my life awful and then moan when they're leaving? Probably. Still, that's just me, I suppose.

    'What do you mean everyone has to go on a journey? You're not everyone!' I remember crying those words at Alena, with tears streaming down my cheeks. My mother took me into her arms and whispered softly; 'Don't worry, Mari, in just one year you'll be able to go on your own adventure.' I broke away from her arms and glared at her. 'I don't WANT to go a stupid adventure like those two because I don't LIKE Pokemon at ALL.' I stamped my foot and ran, still crying, to my room. I took my violin out and started playing my favourite song- Love me with all your heart- and my family knew that was a clear warning to stay out of my way. After I'd calmed down a bit, I was still in no mood to go and speak to my family. If they wanted to leave, that's fine, but I wasn't going to pave the way for them with golden smiles and laughs.

    Does that make me a bad person? Maybe that's why they were leaving. They never did, but they were going to. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

    I slumped down at my desk and kicked my phone into gear, hoping to phone someone who could arrange something at short notice- anything at all, if it would just get me away from here. I cycled through the assorted excuses of parents, who all knew that Atticus and Alena were going today, until I came to Mitch's number. Mitch was a friend from Unova who'd moved here about a month ago. We got on fairly well, but I always thought I should get to know him better- why not now? 'Uh... Hey Mitch, it's me, Maria.' I heard a sound at the other end of the line before his reply. 'Oh, right, Maria from school, yeah?' I rolled my eyes. Where else would I be from? 'Yes, that's me.'
    'The one with brown hair and with that fit-as sister?' I gritted my teeth. Of all the things to say to a girl, you say their sister's good looking before anything about them? 'Yes, Mitch, that's the one.'
    'Oh, cool. So... What did you want?' His voice snapped me back from the moment of total distraction I'd just had. 'Oh, right, uh... I was just wondering if you wanted to go out anywhere?' I asked, hoping my desperation didn't show in my voice. 'Yeah, I'm not doing anything too important, so... How about Tenor forest? It's supposed to be really nice there.' I frowned. Tenor forest WAS nice, but it was just a bit odd, plus it was full of Pokemon. But anything was better than sticking around here. So it was off to Tenor forest with a kid from Unova who I'd basically only just met.

    I should tell you a bit of Tenor forest first. It's a beautiful forest in its own right, with towering oaks and the entire place is alive with song. The local legends say that it's the Clefable and Wigglytuff trying to outdo each other with their songs for the favour of Meloetta, but you can't pay to much attention to myths because more often than not, they're just not true. Mitch and I walked down a green, moss-lined path with his father's Arcanine padding along beside him. We'd walked in more or less total silence until he finally broke the tension. 'So, your brother and sister are leaving today, aren't they?' I shot daggers at him. Was he a total idiot or was he doing this on purpose? 'Yeah, they are. I'm a bit upset, but that's life I guess.' I thought I made it quite clear that I didn't want to talk about it anymore, but he wouldn't pick up on it. 'That's a real shame. Your sister's hot, I would have liked to get to know her a bit better.' It took all of my willpower, but could you believe I didn't slap him, or say anything? I just smiled. 'A lot of guys did. Sorry mate.'
    'You couldn't put in a good word for me, could you? Only, if she knows someone's looking out for her, she might want to stay, you know?' THAT did it. With a slightly animalistic hiss I smacked him around the face with a satisfying slap. I turned and walked back as he yelled profanities at me, and I could swear his Arcanine was laughing.

    The night drew up behind me as it always enjoyed to, and I sat under a tree, lost, tired and irritated. Tenor forest was known to be fairly safe, even at night, but I always felt edgy anywhere when it was dark. I pulled my legs towards my chest and closed my eyes. The grassy floor was fairly soft and I started to fall asleep, until an angry Clefairy ran over, screaming and pointing at me with a claw. I screamed and bolted- I couldn't stand wil Pokemon. I don't know why, but some idiotic urge possessed me to see if it was catching up and in that second of distraction I ran head-first into an uncompromising tree. As I faded into unconciousness, I heard screaming and felt a weak tugging on my shirt collar. But even as I faded into darkness, my blood froze cold, because I heard a terrific explosion and more screaming- the screaming of my parents.
     
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