Ehh...sorry for the inactivity, everyone. My uncle's having a big move thing and I was pretty much force-recruited to help carry his stuff; that's cut into my computer time
a lot. T_T Anyways, he promised that today was the last time I was needed so I plan on picking up my slack here tomorrow. Sorry, but I just don't have the energy for it today. -.- However, I'll say this: JBC, you've got the present tense thing all over again in your second and third posts. All those present tenses should be abolished so hop to it. >O If a verb ends with 's' then you're doing the present tense again. Also, we've got a repeat of the old 'fallow' instead of 'follow' issue, so same old, same old. EDITNESS: Comments are up, lookie. :3
Oh, and Jyukai/Mizuki (Dang, you change your name way too much): that works just fine for paperwork, but don't forget that the ones who were promoted senior should get their thaumaturgy licenses (B-Class, meaning they're allowed to do their thing without supervision but only on official assignments). I'm also thinking that juniors would get some kind of temporary permit to identify them as thaumaturges in training and allow them spellcasting under proper supervision. ^-^
Aaand as much as I hate to meddle with other people's students: Chigiri, remember that your character is supposed be
new to spellcasting since he's in the junior class. Unless he's got a thing for exaggeration then his skills are far closer to senior student than beginner at the academy. x.O Remember, before receiving tutelage most students can control little to no magical power and what little stuff they do tends to be spontaneous.
Anyways, back to the promised comments:
@Phanima: Just a couple of small corrections:
The question perked his ears, causing the eighteen-year old to pause and digest what he had just heard. It was a bad habit that he had grown into that whenever something was said or referred to, he would assume it was in relevance to him. This was an uncharacteristic self-involved habit that Soel was willing to break, but had difficulty in doing so.
First off, hiphon needed for 'eighteen-year old'. But more importantly, the underlined bit seems redundant, seeing as how you're essentially repeating the same thing at the end of the sentence. :3 Other than that there's nothing in need of correction, really. Now if Soel would only move his lazy rear-end into the office as instructed...
@Jack O'Neil: Looks like solid RPing this far (I take it the repeat of his rank is a conscious stylistic choice? If it's not then I'm already over-analyzing. xD). The only thing that struck me was with your first post here:
With that on his mind, Edward exited his room and made his way to the auditorium to (re)attend orientation, as was required of all students at the academy. He evoked the specter of the real-life Schutzstaffel with his current choice of attire: black combination cap, khaki shirt, black tie, black jacket, red armband, black pants (complete with the distinct bulges around the thighs), and black jackboots. However, it was the small things that distinguished this proud officer of the Riven Armed Forces from an actual Nazi; his armband bore a pair of kanji instead of a swastika, his rank insignia was distinctly American in terms of appearance (a single gold bar perched atop each shoulder, as opposed to the embroidered collars common to German uniforms), he wore an Colt M1911A1 instead of a Luger or Walther P38 in his belt holster, and his combination cap was completely unadorned.
This is very descriptive, certainly, but the style is something that would be better suited for a profile. When you list things like this, the tempo of your post slows down because there are no dynamic verbs in between the description. The number of remarks in parenthesis is also a bit detracting. This passage is not outright wrong, but it would sound better if you sort of introduced the pieces of his attire as they become relevant and had something happening in between to give the reader an illusion of progress. Ehh...hope that was somewhat comprehensible. Other than that I don't really have much to comment on yet, although Heidrich could also do with moving inside instead of leaving his 'commanding officer' waiting. :3
Aaanyways, getting to Mika's profile another day because I feel like it and because she's preoccupied with band business anyway and won't know the difference. xD
