Society of Creative Minds (Writer, Poet, Song Writer Club)

Thank you!


I have plenty of writings here, and elsewhere...as my official welcome...I'll post a humorous scene from my completed short fic, "Adventures in Pokesitting"

Day 3: Early Morning

Pikachu yawned as he rolled around in bed. The sun was not yet up...and here he was, wide awake...so since he didn't feel like going back to sleep, he climbed out of bed and tiptoed over to the back room, being extra careful not to wake Ash.

But, the door to the back room was closed...so Pikachu began to push against it with all his might, until it opened with a creak.

"Azuri?" Ami woke up, startled by the noise. "Azu azu?" she called as she tottled over to the crib's edge and looked down.

"Pi pika Pikachu..." Pikachu assured Ami as he climbed in the crib with her. "Pika pi...pi pika pi pi?" he asked.

"Zu!" Ami cried, clapping her paws excitedly at the prospect of playing in the living room.

"Pika..." Pikachu cautioned as he helped Ami onto the ground and started out the door. "Pika pikachu pika..."

"Azuri?" Ami asked.

"Chu pi Pikapi, Pikachupi, pi Pipika..." Pikachu explained. "...pika PIKA pika pikachu!" He made an angry face to illustrate his point.

"Azu..." Ami sighed as the two others walked past Ash's room again. "Azu azurill ri rill!" she called to the other Pokemon. "Rill azu?"

"Saur!" Bulbasaur led the other Pokemon downstairs...

---------​

"Pika pi!" Pikachu announced as the Pokemon entered the living room. But before he could say any more, he heard a Click clack click clack clack click.... coming from Ash's computer. "Pika?"

"Azuri!" Ami giggled as she tapped away on the keyboard.

RRRIPPP!!!! Grovyle had found a stack of printer paper and had ripped a piece in half, laughing as the two halves fluttered to the floor.

Click click-clack click.... Ami continued to type.

CRASSSHHH!!! Swellow and Bulbasaur sent the forks, spoons and knives tumbling to the kitchen floor.

WAAAAAOOOOHHHH..... Pikachu, meanwhile, had rolled up a piece of paper into a cone shape and was trying to get a note out of it, but was not doing a very good job of it.

Click click-clack click clickety click clack... Ami started to type in a rhythmic pattern...

ZANG! BANG! PANG! Cyndaquil and Totodile had found some pots and pans to bang on....

RRRIPPP!!! Grovyle ripped another piece of paper in half.

CRASHHHH!!!! Swellow kicked over the trash can, spilling its contents on the floor.

The noise began to meld together...

CRASHHHH!!!!

Click click-clack click....

WAAAAAOOOOHHHH.....

Click click-clack click....

RRRIPPP!!!

ZANG! BANG! PANG!

CRASHHHH!!!!

WAAAAAOOOOHHHH.....

RRRIPPP!!!!

"Aru ri, azurill, ri ri rill ri..." Ami sang as she typed away. "Azuri azuri, azurill..."

"Pika pika chu pika..." Pikachu joined in, blowing a note with his makeshift "instrument".

"Cynda quil, cynda cyn, cynda quil..." Cyndaquil sang over his exuberant drumming.

"Toto dile to to..." Totodile chimed in.

"AZU, AZUUUU!" Ami half screamed, half sang as the cacophony of noise continued...

----------​

"Brock..." Misty yawned as she grabbed a pillow to shield her ears from the noise downstairs. "What's all that noise?"

"Sounds like a mixture of keyboard keys, paper ripping, something that sounds kinda like a trumpet, stuff being knocked over, pots and pans getting banged on..." Brock mumbled as he changed positions. "Could be just your imagination..."

"Oh no, I'm hearing something going on in there..." Misty sighed as she glanced at the clock. "It's...FOUR IN THE MORNING????

"What's going on?" Ash raced in the room, curious about why Misty was awake. "Something wrong?"

"Yeah..." Misty grumbled. "I think we should go see why the Pokemon are awake at this hour..."

"Come on..." Brock led the way downstairs, just in time to see the living
room--or rather, what the living room would look like had a tornado gone through it-- and hear Ami sing one last chorus of "AZU, AZU!!!!"

"WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE???" Misty demanded as she studied the warzone that used to be the living room.

"Pika pi..." Pikachu asked sweetly, blowing a few notes on his "instrument"

"Yeah, the paper trumpet's neat, but you really shouldn't be playing it at four AM..." Ash explained as he led Pikachu to the time out area...
 
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Yeah, I have a pretty good idea of my next uhh..short story. Just give me some time to write it.
Okay..welcome to the club EmeraldSky.
 
Thank you...

I hope to share more of my work in the days ahead.
 
Yeah, its no problem. Although your last one hasen't been properly reviewed yet. I'll wait.
 
hey can i join? here's my favorite poem i made. i think it;s my best to...
Discarded

​
why did you discard me?
One day we were talking and drinking tea,
when you suddenly got up explaining that you hated me
You walked away as happy as could be
why did you discard me?
I saw you the next day at school
you pointed at me and laughed
sad and sore i walked away
why did you discard me?
I hate you
you hate me
we don't talk anymore
Why?
Why did you discard me?​
 
You are giving me an awful image of me in the future..*cries*
Alright, it'd be best if at the beginning you have capital letters, and punctuation, not just ?'s at the end of each one. Some punctuation in the middle of sentences, including I capitalized. Just grammar errors I believe, nothing else.
I know why you wrote this..;) LoL
 
thanks i'll have to do this. really u think u know why? why then?
 
Can I jon??? I love righting songs!!!
 
Welcome to the club!

Now, what could you say about my poem? Dismantle it and I don't care...just give it your best shot at criticizing it...

Thorns

There she is, sleeping soundly on her bed.
I was silent for nothing can be said.
I was speechless, gazing at her pale smile.
I felt myself weak for a little while.

A thorny stem I could see in her hand,
She held it softly with her scarlet fingers.
I knelt next to her bed and began to weep,
For the wounds she placed on my heart were so deep.

I felt the crimson petals slipping away;
They liquefied as they reached her fingertips.
The aroma of the petals was strong,
As I wept bitterly for it was too late.

She looked so innocent and beautiful,
Almost like an angel with that solemn smile.
Yet I could see dried tears trailing from her eyes;
A perfect being above the blue skies.

Her hand was cold as I kissed it softly,
Her once rosy cheeks are now pale and pallid.
I could not help but let the barbs of love
Constrict around my wounded and weak heart.

How I love her so much?
How I long for her touch?
Her voice, I couldn?t hear anymore,
And that laughter that I adore.
 
May I join?

I'v never joined a place for poems and such, but I would like to ^^ Thanks for making the baord , it looks very nice and I like the mood of the place. Very warming and kinda to new poets songwriters ect.

I'm working on poetry, This is just something I made last minute. I'v been told by my friends off pc that my poems have some strang feeling to them. C&c is very much in need ^^;;

The Celest dragon's poem(Wip)

This my dream is what I mention
to the sky with full intension
A beast of power -wind reaction
kind at hear & full of effection

Crystal winged small gaudrian Dragons
here My offer, I await you'r actions
My dreams to see you in this realms light
beyond the sheeth of my eyes sight

Celestial realm please open for me
show the dragons I wish to see
Kinderd spirits made from star-dust
To see you not is really a must

so heres my offer I now deree
I give you this here little key
it opends the gates to the ground and the sea
It came from a shaman whos name was ?

And thats where I am right now, I got stuck and I'm working on finding a name to match.
Thats a touching poem oni flygon Reminds me of someone I know..
 
Aye, lovely poems. I don't see anything wrong with them though..
So Good job!
 
Anacortes said:
Aye, lovely poems. I don't see anything wrong with them though..
So Good job!
Click to expand...
It would be great if you can just add a little bit more effort of trying to interpret my poem a bit more... I'd like to know how you felt of the diction, syntax, meter, etc, etc... just give me everything you've got... =D
 
Really, I'm all for a little experimentation with poetic forms, but here, you just seem to have lost your touch. Corrections are in red, comment below each stanza.

There she was, sleeping soundly in her bed.
I was silent for nothing could be said.
I was speechless, gazing at her pale smile.
I felt myself grow weak for a little while.
I made the changes I did because you switched tenses. Not good. Pick a tense and stick to it. The "grow" was added to complete the rhythm and feel of the stanza.

A thorny stem I saw in her hand,
She held it "softly was not needed. Breaks up the rhythm. with her scarlet fingers.
I knelt next to her bed and began to weep,
For the wounds she placed on my heart were so deep.
If you're gonna begin in couplets, continue in couplets. Otherwise, it breaks up the overall feel of the poem, which I feel is quite strong.

I felt the crimson petals slipping away;
They liquified as they reached her fingertips.
The aroma of the petals was strong,
As I wept bitterly for it was too late.
See above.

She looked so innocent and beautiful,
Almost like an angel with such a solemn smile.
Yet I could see dried tears streaming from her eyes;
A perfect being from above the pale blue skies.
Again, a few corrections to strengthen the rhythm. And again, couplets.

Her hand was cold as I kissed it softly,
Her once-rosy cheeks are now pale and pallid.
I could not help but let the barbs of love
Dig into my wounded and weakned heart.
Again, couplets. Also, barbs don't constrict. Finally, tense again.

How I love her so much?
How I long for her touch?
Her voice, I couldn?t hear anymore,
And that laughter that I adore.
An excellent conclusion, I like it., This stanza, and the first are the best in the poem.
Click to expand...
 
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