[Pokémon] SoulSwitch [M]

[Bay]

I think you accidentally called Landon Sam the last few paragraphs there (old habits die hard, huh?), lol. Speaking of Landon, I kinda feel the description of his appreance is a bit weak with you listing off "tall, lanky man, black hair, thin nose" etc. The professor's description you did a bit better with some action thrown in. Actually since this is Landon's POV he probably won't describe how he looks like in his head.

I don't think I read the first version of SoulSwitch, so you're lucky there. =P So, we have a Latios here that apparently burst someone's brains out hah. Latios' appearance makes me think his role here relates to his Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire entries over how he can make images and only open its hearts to compassionate people. There's also the Soul Dew orb that only Latios or Latias can hold. Ok, going off tangent here now oops. But yeah, interested how where this story will go.

 

[Bay]

Landon shot him a glare so full of malice that the professor blanched and brought his hands up. ?Alright, alright,? he said hastily, ?I believe you!? He took a deep breath and held a hand against his chest. ?Sweet Jesus, I thought you were going to bite me.?

This imagery is cute especially when Landon is now a Latios, haha. Landon and the professor's banter (real ramen, pffft) after that is also amusing.

Yeah, had a suspicion that soul/body switching will be involved. Still a bit early to tell where you'll take this plot, though something tells me Latios won't switch bodies that easily.

 

[Bay]

Before I being with my next comments, I want to point out I have eaten real ramen several times before. I just thought that portion of the dialogue was funny lol.

Anyways, so you told me you made some changes in the first couple chapters. While I don't have any problems in my first read through, I'm not going to complain some of the additions you made either. I can see why you added the little subplot with the Gabite and Rhydon (of course you'll need a dart for that Pokemon because, well, it's a Rhydon lol).

Now onto the latest chapter. Looks like Latios also needs to get used to his new body there. I find it slightly unusual he's experiencing these emotions the first time since Latios and Latias can feel compassion, as I mentioned in my first reply here. Putting Landon in a pokeball I get so he doesn't get seen, and the mention of all the professors named after trees or flowers was a cute fourth wall jab heh.

 

[Bay]

Hyacinth grimaced. He had thought through all the organizations he could think of that could try to catch such a rare pokemon, from the professors to the police, wealthy corporations and pokemon collectors, but all of them seemed equally likely. Hyacinth grimaced at the thought of handing Landon over to the very person responsible for the accident, and one hand dropped from the steering wheel to the ultra ball in his pocket.

Minor, but you have grimaced twice within a paragraph there.

"Aura?" Hyacinth felt his heart skip a beat at the unfamiliar word. "What's that? Is it some kind of energy? Is it diffused through the body or concentrated in one area? Do pokemon have it too, more or less strongly, or in different areas? Is it what drives spontaneous evolution, or perhaps mega evolution?"

Latios muttered under his breath, too quiet for Hyacinth to make out. Then he said, "It's better you don't know."

Hm, wonder if this is reference to Latio and Latias's Mega Evolution in the Hoenn remakes. That, and if this is a clue as to how this ties to your other stories.

I like the conversation with Hyacinth and Latios there concerning emotions and Landon's past. Sounds like Landon had a very rough childhood there, though him proud of taking care of Hyacinth's injury was cute.

 

[Bay]

I admit, I think this is the most effective and amusing way to detail a bit of how Latios is adjusting to being human. The parts with him figuring out food and clothes and being a Steven Universe fan is cute. I think some parts, like when Latios sees the homeless guys, I feel could be better in regular prose writing as it kinda contrasts the more lighthearted parts of this particular chapter due to the seriousness of the topic. And I admit the parts where Latios learns the more, um, bathroom business, gets kinda old after the first couple of mentions. Otherwise, this is a fun read overall.

 

[Bay]

Hyacinth watched with interest as Latios threw on underwear, socks, pants, and shirt in the correct order, with no clumsiness in his hands and legs. Landon, on the other hand, had bumped his head multiple times during their bathroom conversation, and even left a dent on the underside of the bathroom sink. He prayed the hotel staff wouldn't notice.

Oh dear, poor Landon. You know, you've been focusing a lot with Latios being a human, hopefully we'll get some stuff on how Landon is adjusting as a Pokemon soon.

Not surprising the police are after Hyacinth and Latios there. Does make me wonder if they'll miss their train and they'll have to find other ways to get their destination or something else.

 

[Bay]

On the statement of Hyacinth seeing twenty to thirty year old trainers, hm I would think there would be some pre-teens/teenagers joining in too, unless those trainers are established ones and not beginners. But anyways, looks like everyone is taking a detour for a while. Possible sighting of Latias, huh? That may or may not go well.

 

[Bay]

Is this part meant to be Latios or Landon's thoughts? If Latios then a point of view slip there as this chapter seems to be in Landon's point of view. If Landon's then typo there.

Anyways, quite a run in they had with Dragonite there. I can imagine Pokemon like Dragonite can be pretty violent. And looks like some folks spotted Latios (or Landon as Latios there), Latias, or something else entirely.

 

[Bay]

Oh, so Bill will make an appearance? He's perhaps one of the most underrated Pokemon characters, so it should be interesting to see your take on him. And an upcoming gym battle, huh? This should be fun.

 

[Bay]

As the metal shard clattered onto the pile, a memory came unbidden to mind. Mounds of corpses piled in streets, and live humans, rotting as they walked, where a flourishing metropolis once stood. Blood ran like rivers and pooled into lakes where they dug mass graves. Tears glistened in his eyes, and his hands shook uncontrollably.

That memory of Latio's I take it is reference to one or two of your past stories? I mean, Sinex got name dropped earlier... But I can see why Latios would feel guilty unable to do anything and feel bad if something were to happen to Dragonite. Landon's getting a bit suspicious there when he avoided Latio's question, but it probably has to do with some of his backstory mentioned in one of the earlier chapters I believe.

 

[Bay]

I feel the exposition/info dump explaining Bill and Mega Evolution could be better used later in the story as it seems out of place during the battle. Landon trying to figure out how to battle as a legendary is cute though, especially with him realizing ramming with your head is a legit way to battle heh. At least he and Latios won the badge and can move further with their journey.

 

[Bay]

This chapter went a bit of head hopping here. Usually your chapters have one person's POV, but this one you have both Latios and Landon's point of view here. I feel having this chapter be in Landon's point of view could work better than Latios's, especially with the final few paragraphs you set up there. I also think you can have Landon react a bit more upon Gabite getting almost killed by the Rhyperior since it's his Pokemon, but I did like Latios's reaction there. Speaking of Rhyperior, he seems like a very tough one to deal with. I wonder if it's Landon or someone else that saved the group there.