Storm Trainers

[Emo Kid]

Chapter One: The Beginning of a Storm

Four dark figures made their way to the Sinnoh pokemon lab in the middle of a storm, where Professor Rowan awaited them. They came from different Regions, Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh. The dark figures havent even known that each other existed until today.
The sky was heavy with big, grey clouds. A harsh rain and the occasional crack of thunder was heard. The four figures made their way down a forest path, muddy and wet.
The lucky ones who had coats pulled them tighter around themselves. Ahead, they could see the light coming through a back door.
A man stood at the door. He had a white and blue shirt, white hair, white beard and brown pants. He was non other then the famous Professor Rowan himself.

"Come in." He said and opened the door. The four shadowy figures made their way in. "Follow me."

Professor Rowan lead the four into a back room behind a tightly locked door. Inside, the floor was a dull grey cement. So was the rest of the room. The only piece of furniture in the room was a cabinet.
The cabinet was a brown one with four glass shelves. Each shelf held three pokeballs. The pokeballs, in turn, were locked behind the thick, glass doors of the cabinet.
The thunder rumbled outside as Professor Rowan slowly unlocked and opened the cabinet. The glass doors made faint creaking sounds, probably from lack of oil and proper care.

"The four of you," Professor Rowan began. "You probably don't know why you're here."

"No." All four said at once.

"Well, let me see. You're April from Pewter City." Rowan said, looking at all the youths. "Kyle from New Bark Town, Sydney from Pacifidlog Town and last but not least, Kiffeny from Mt. Coronet."

April, Kyle, Sydney and Kiffeny nodded quietly.

"On to why you all are here." Professor Rowan cleared his throat and began to explain. "I don't believe you know about Storm Trainers, correct? Storm Trainers are, er... Like normal trainers, in a way. You catch pokemon and learn about them, and you may find something about yourself as well. Are all of you about to go on your journeys?"

"Yes." The four answered, nodding. They seemed to want to say as little as possible.

Then Professor Rowan lowered his voice, as if he was about to tell a secret. "All four of you are... Different, or so I've heard from my sources. That's why you're all here today. You all are about to become Storm Trainers."

"But," Kyle suddenly piped up. "We don't even know what Storm Trainers are."

"So allow me to explain." Professor Rowan lowered his voice again. "Storm Trainers are like an undercover special police force. Most Storm Trainers are stronger then the Elite Four. Very few are ever chosen to become a Storm Trainer, but those who are must exhibit their difference among others, like you four."

"But we can't do anything special." Kiffeny said in a calm tone.

Professor Rowan smiled, but it was barely visible beneath his beard. "Kiffeny, you have been known to speak and understand the pokemon language. That's not something I would call ordinary."
Kiffeny only gave a slightly annoyed grunt before pulling the rim of her black hat over her eyes.

"Now, the Storm Trainers are to use their abilities to, under cover, help other trainers and pokemon in need. You are not to tell anyone that you are Storm Trainers, and you are not permitted to join up in a team like most normal trainers do on their journeys." Professor Rowan paused, then looked around the small group. "Whoever thinks they cannot take on the responsibility, I ask you to leave immediately."

Nobody moved. They stood at their spots as if rooted to the ground.

"Good, very good." Professor Rowan nodded. "Now, on these shelves are pokeballs, as you all know. Inside are a variety of pokemon, not necessarily the starters you would normally get. You will not know what pokemon are inside them, therefore you have to choose by instinct. This is a small test, actually. You will subconsciously choose the pokemon that matches up with your personality. April, you will choose first."

April, the pride of Pewter City walked up the cabinet. Her long, brown hair swayed as she looked at the pokeballs. Most people would say she looked like someone who walked out of a fashion magazine. She has bright blue eyes and clothes that matched all the time. Right now, she was wearing a light blue T-Shirt and blue jeans that were ripped at the knees.
She reached up and picked the first pokeball out of the first row. Inside the pokeball she chose was a Budew. It showed that at first, April may look so innocent people wouldn't think that she could cause much damage. But when their guards were down, she could change into something dangerous. It was like how Budew looked so innocent until it evolved into a Roselia, then a beautiful but dangerous Roserade.

Next was Kyle, who chose the middle pokeball out of the second shelf. He had short, messy black hair that flopped over his brown eyes. He was wearing a brown vest over a light brown shirt and blue jeans too. Kyle seemed to be an easy going, friendly guy.
The pokemon he got was a Magikarp. This showed that at first, he was so easy going to the point that he was useless. But, if he was to choose the right path in life, he could turn into a rare force to be reckoned with. Just like how Magikarp was so common and weak that most people don't even take the time to train them. But the people who do would end up with a Gyaradose, rare and powerful.

Sydney walked up the cabinet next. He also had short, messy hair, only his was a dark red colour and they didn't cover up his brighter red eyes. He paused half way at first, as if he was hesitant, then walked the rest of the way. He looked over his shoulder at Professor Rowan once before looking at the pokeballs in the cabinet. Sydney seemed really shy and careful.
The pokemon he got was Sentret, a very shy and nervous pokemon. This showed that Sydney could me very shy and nervous, always looking out for some danger that might not even be there. But it also showed that he could be very caring and would protect what he thought was important, like how Furret mothers protect their babies.

Kiffenys turn. She was always last and always looked down upon. Some people even thought she was crazy because she spoke to pokemon and claimed that she would understand them. She lives on a small ranch on one of the hills on Mt. Coronet with her grandparents. Kiffeny had black hair and really pale skin, along with grey eyes. She wore a white, sleeveless turtleneck, then a black vest over that. She wore plain black pants to go with that, and a grey scarf.
She picked the last pokeball on the bottom shelf, showing that she wanted to be unnoticed. In the pokeball was an Aron. Getting an Aron meant that Kiffeny was very defensive and often stays away from people. She may seem like she is cold at first, but later on, she could turn gentle and will have good reasoning skills if she concentrates on her goals.


"Here are a few more things." Professor Rowan said and handed them all a pokedex, only this one wasn't red. It was a foggy grey colour. They got a package of supplies they would need, a backpack, six pokeballs and a map.

"A little bit about the pokedexs first." Professor Rowan said. "You are to try and not let anyone see them because they are a Storm Trainers icon. Make sure to keep them well hidden. Extra features on them are an attackdex, berrydex, statdex and pokenav all in one. Also, theres a section in the pokedex explaining more about what you're supposed to do and a deeper explanation on what Storm Trainers are."

By dawn, four new Storm Trainers emerged from the pokemon lab. They were ready.

 

[Dachampster]

Well, this isnt cliché, dont listen to anyone who tells you that. Use a word processor- Microsoft word, or whatever you have. If ouy have been already, use F7 to spell check. The story's coming on fine, so good job!

 

[Lily]

Concept is alright, just work on your details and grammar errors (do you have some official word document with spell checker?). Try not to rush the introductions, and don't skimp on the descriptions. It's an interesting idea, but just remember to execute it correctly. Maybe delve into the trainers' history to explain exactly how they'd become storm trainers, and such and such. Otherwise, good luck.

 

[~Swish~]

Yeah very nice concept but like Lily said some bits are slightly rushed. I would like to find out more about what exactly a storm trainer is and what their actual role and their goal is. Is it to just become a Pokemon Master or is it something deeper? I have read where you said they have something different about them that sets them apart, but why call them storm trainers? What extra does it give them? Otherwise great story.

 

[Emo Kid]

Thanks you guys.
I edited the spelling mistakes and I fixed up the last paragraph a bit. As the story goes on, it'll explain more about what a Storm Trainer is and what they have to do. Dont worry, ukballer and Lily, I'll add more details in later chapters.

 

[Emo Kid]

Chapter Two: Sandgem and beyond

"You sure you'll be alright in the mud?" Kiffeny asked once she split up with the other Storm Trainers. Her Aron was almost up to his neck in mud.

"Aron, aron!" He clicked, struggling to keep his head above the mud. Aron was a steel and rock type. That means that the mud wasn't good for him.

"Alright then." Kiffeny took out one of her six pokeballs and aimed it at her Aron. "Return, Aron."
The iron armor pokemon disappeared back into his pokeball in a flash of red light. The light illuminated the area for a split second, but that was enough.

Kiffeny turned quickly, she thought she had seen something when the light from the pokeball lit up the area. She knew that her Aron would be at a disadvantage if she went to investigate and got into a battle, so she quickly fled down a muddy little path.
The area was beginning to light up from the rising sun. The dawn painted the sky beautiful shades of orange and yellow. Some blue peaked out at the edges. The storm had passed, the grey clouds were gone. They were replaced my white, fluffy ones that hung high in the sky. Despite all this, the ground was still muddy and wet.

"Lemme see..." She stopped once she thought she got far away enough from whatever that was back there. Kiffeny took out her map and pointed to a little blue dot that said Sandgem Town. "If I take route 202, that'll bring me to Jubilife City. Route 201 would bring me to Twinleaf Town. I'll probably go to Jubilife."
She decided to go to Jubilife, but before that, she would need to get to a pokemon center and get cleaned up. Kiffeny jogged down a large road surrounded my shops and diners. Not a lot of people were out yet since it was only dawn, but they would be getting up soon. Despite the lack of life, Sandgem still had a cheerful atmosphere. They also had a nice little beach where anyone would go and relax.

"Finally." Kiffeny sighed and walked through the doors of a red roof building, the pokemon center. A woman with pink hair stood at the reception desk, she looked just like every other Nurse Joy Kiffeny had ever seen. Some trainers in the waiting room relaxed, while others looked nervous. A few of the trainers had their pokemon out, but some were just there to see old friends. It looked like a busy place at any time of day.

"Excuse me, Nurse Joy?" Kiffeny walked up to the reception desk. "Can you give my pokemon a check up?"

"Why, of course." Nurse Joy said in her usual peppy voice. "Just wait 15 minutes."

Kiffeny gave Nurse Joy her only pokeball, then found a nice quiet spot. She looked around hesitantly once she sat down in the soft chair, then when she knew no one was looking, she took out her grey pokedex. Quietly opening it, she used a small stylus and quickly located the Storm Trainer information guide.

Storm Trainers area a secret, almost underground, society for people with supernatural powers. These group of people use their powers to help pokemon and other trainers, but they have only one main goal. The main idea of Storm Trainers is to research and discover more about pokemon, along with long forgotten secrets that may be discovered through their powers. Another goal is to disband and get rid of organizations like Team Aqua, Team Magma and Team Rocket. Storm Trainers are supposedly stronger them normal trainers are because of their extra tie to pokemon.
Storm Trainers were first recorded over 500 years ago, when humans were just beginning to understand pokemon. The first Storm Trainer is unclear, though myths say that his name was Cole Merin. He was said to be able to see into the future, therefore he could predict the upcoming situations he would face and avoid them.
From then on, every five years, a group of beginner trainers are chosen. These trainers must show how they are set apart from the rest, either by having a supernatural ability, or showing that they have exceeded a beginning trainers level. This group is brought to the Sinnoh pokemon lab where Professor Rowan will give them a first pokemon. They would then set out on a quest like most trainers do, but to the side they would work on disbanding evil organizations and uncovering secrets trademark to their work.

That was all Kiffeny was able to read before Nurse Joy called her to pick up her Aron.

"Kiffeny? Oh, there you are. Here is your Aron." Nurse Joy said in her cheery tone as she handed her back her pokemon. "I saw he was a little muddy, so I cleaned him up."

"Thanks." Kiffey says, taking her pokeball. She turned and quickly left through the sliding glass doors. Her mind was racing. What? What can I do? Not much, that's for sure. I know I can understand pokemon as if it's my first language but I don't think that can help much. Can it? I'm supposed to disband an evil organization with the power to talk to pokemon?

It was bright outside now. All the little shops were open and there were people with baskets and bags walking in and out of them. Some were even already at the beach, where the clear blue waters seemed to go on forever.
Kiffeny sighs and begins to walk the other way and onto route 202. There wasn't much to see, really. There were Bidoof, plenty of them. Sometimes she would turn around and see one staring at her with those little black eyes. There were Starly and Shinx around here, and that was what she was interested in. But so far, not a Starly or Shinx in sight.

"Come on out, Aron." Kiffeny raised her pokeball and in a flash of white light, her little iron armor pokemon was out. "Go and find a-"

"Shinx!" Speak of the devil. A little baby blue, yellow and black cat pokemon suddenly jumped out of the tall grass and charged right at Kiffeny.

"Aron!" The iron pokemon jumped to his masters defense. Aron ran right at Shinx and rammed his head into the cat pokemon. Shinx went sprawling backwards, making a slight indent in the grass before staggering to its feet and charging again, a determined look on its face.

"Aron, sand attack!" Aron turned around and kicked up a cloud of sand and dirt, blinding the cat pokemon. Aron then stood at the edge of the smoke, waiting for his next command.

"Use headbutt." Aron ran forward into the cloud of dust and hit the Shink head on. The cat pokemon went flying out of the cloud of smoke, followed by Aron running after it.
The Shinx landed hard on the grass and just lay there, completely still.

"Here it goes." Kiffeny took out a pokeball and blew on it. She thought that blowing on a pokeball before she threw it would mean good luck. With a swift motion of her arm, she threw the red and white ball. It landed just beside Shinx and opened. A red flash of light shot form the orange-sized sphere and engulfed Shinx.

The pokeball snapped shut then shook once, twice, three times. Then there was a faint click. Shinx was caught.

"Great job, Aron." Kiffeny said, leaning down to pet her Aron as she retrieved her pokeball.

"Aron, aron!" The little pokemon began to do a little dance, then comically fell on his back.

"Nice, real nice." Kiffeny smiled and flipped her friend over. "Time to go back into your pokeball."

"Aron." The little pokemon clicked before he was engulfed by a red light. Kiffeny clicked both pokeballs to her belt, now she had two friends she could travel with.

"Up next, Jubilife City!" Kiffeny said loudly before running excitedly further north. She was beginning to think being a Storm Trainer wasn't so bad after all.

 

[Dachampster]

You're getting the Pokéball lights wrong again. When a Pokémon emerges, it's a flash of white light, and when they go back in, it's red light.
And the sentence with the trainers in the waiting room was confusing. "Trainers relaxed in the waiting are while others looked nervous." that sentence made no sense. I suppose you were trying to say "Some trainers in the waiting room relaxed, while others looked nervous."?
And capitalize words like Pokéball and Pokémon. And the "é" is accented. Hold ALT, press "e", take your hand off of the ALT key and press "e" again.

 

[~Swish~]

Nice work, I liked the way you just implemented the storm trainer check on the pokedex.

I personally wouldn't want to be a storm trainer. I would much rather just go on my own journey and not have to bother with Team Rocket etc. Storm trainers seem like a lot of hassle hehe. Maybe thats just me being lazy hehe. Anyway nice stuff keep it up.

 

[Emo Kid]

Dachampster, thanks for telling me how to do Es, but it doesn't work for my computer. Every time I do it, it goes to the edit menu. Is there any other way to do it? And I'll correct the lights thing too.
And ukballer, I wouldn't exactly want to be one either. I would think it was too much work but it makes the story interesting.

 

[Dachampster]

You know the phrase that restarts the computer, CONTROL ALT DELETE? Well maybe you werent pressing ALT. The ALT key has the word OPTION on it too.

 

[luke]

There were Starly and Shinx around here, and that was what she was interested in. But so far, not a Starly or Shinx in sight.

This line is a little hazy. It makes it sound like one minute they're an abundance of Shinxes and Starlies and then the next minute, there are none. It should be more like this:

She knew there were Starlies and Shinxes on this route, but so far, she had failed to spot any.

Something like that.

You're story is a nice twist on the typical trainer takes a journey story. I like the concept of supernatural powers. Keep it up and proof read, proof read, and more proof reading.

 

[Emo Kid]

Chapter Three: Team Fauna

As soon as Kiffeny entered Jubilife, this first thing she thought was, Are cities always this big?
Kiffeny had grown up on a quiet little ranch in Mt. Coronet. How was a quiet ranch supposed to compete with a big city like Jubilife? Kiffeny didn't know what to do or where to go.
Alright, She thought. Lets consult the map.
Kiffeny ran behind a building and took out her grey Pokédex. She clicked some options and after half a minute, the screen displayed a map of the Sinnoh region. She touched the big square that showed where Jubilife was. The screen zoomed in and Kiffeny was shown a map of the whole city.
"Pokémon Center first." She said out loud and shoved her Pokédex into her pocket. Kiffeny began a light jog to the Pokémon Center, she needed to get her Shinx healed.


The Pokémon Center looked like a clone of the one in Sandgem. Nurse Joy with her pink hair at the reception desk, four couches in front of a TV, white walls and the door to the back room, all the same. Kiffeny began to wonder if every Pokémon center was like this.

"Nurse Joy? I would like to get my Pokémon healed." Kiffeny said, putting her two Pokéballs on the reception desk.

"Absolutely." Nurse Joy said in the same happy voice as the Nurse Joy in Sandgem. Wow, this was getting annoying. "Please wait 15 minutes."

Kiffeny nodded as Nurse Joy put her Pokéballs into what looked like an incubator, along with at least 10 other Pokéballs. It was a metal table with a glass dome on top. Attached to the dome was a wire with a light at the end. When Nurse Joy flicked a switch, the light came on. The Pokéballs glowed when the light hit them.
Kiffeny leaned on the counter and watched the process. After 15 minutes, the light automatically switched off. Nurse Joy unlatched the glass dome and took the Pokéballs out. She handed two to Kiffeny.

"Here they are, good as new." Nurse Joy said.

"How do you know these are Aron and Shinx?" Kiffeny asked curiously. There were 10 other Pokéballs in there, how could Nurse Joy tell?

"I've worked here for years." Nurse Joy began to explain. "I somehow just know."

"Okay... Well, thanks." Kiffeny said simply and walked out of the sliding glass doors with her two Pokéballs attached to her belt.
Kiffeny took a glance around once she was outside. Next door was a Trainers School, she wouldn't be needing that. Another glance in the opposite direction and she found a colourful tent. In big, yellow letters over the entrance of the tent, it said, Battle Tent.
Many people were walking in and out of the entrance, many with Pokéballs. Kiffeny walked towards the big tent to see what was going on. When she got closer, she noticed a clown dressed in a blinding yellow suit stood at the entrance.

"What is the battle tent?" Kiffeny asked to clown. She squinted slightly because of his bright yellow suit.

"The battle tent," The clown said happily. "Is a place where trainers with three or more Pokémon can battle each other for fun and to train. We travel all over the Sinnoh Region, ya know? So if you miss us this time, you can see us somewhere else!"

"Um... Anything else?" Kiffeny wanted more detail then that.

"Yes, there is something else!" The clown clapped his hands. "We sometimes host contests too."

Kiffeny looked up at the brightly coloured tent. She was about to ask the clown another question, but when she looked back, he was talking to someone else.
She shrugged and turned, only to stop dead in her tracks. On the other side of the street, between two buildings, she saw a pair of glowing white eyes. They were the same ones she saw in the forest. The eyes were staring right at her, the piercing stare seemed to see right through her. She turned and sped off in another direction, hoping to lose it this time.


Meanwhile, the two eyes blinked, then slid away into a drain. The body of the Pokémon fit perfectly through the drain. It scampered through the sewers, its white ears twitching to the slightest sounds. It seemed to finally reach its destination. The Linoone squeezed through a door and jumped onto a man's lap. A bright blue glare from a large computer screen made the white and brown Pokémon's fur look blue.
"What have you found?" The man asked, his voice was low and intimidating.

The weasel Pokémon made a series of clicks, meows and hisses. The man nodded every now and then. "So, that Professor Rowan seems to have released a new batch of Storm Trainers."

The Linoone meowed and nodded, confirming the man's guess. "Four of them, you say?" He paused, seeming to consider what to do next. Then he leaned over and spoke into a small microphone attached to the seat of his chair.
After 10 minutes, eight people stood in front of the man. The four men wore dark green pants with a white F symbol on the bottom. They also wore a green shirt with the same symbol and a green vest over that. A green bandana with the F symbol were worn on their heads or their necks.
The four women wore a green skirt and green shirt, both with the F symbol on them. They also wore the green bandanas either on their heads on their necks.

"Alright, Team Fauna Grunts." The man said, standing up from his chair. "We have reports of four new Storm Trainers, called by the names of April, Kyle, Sydney and Kiffeny."
The man looked at the eight men and women standing at attention in a perfect line.
"Christina and Mike, you go after April. Amanda and Chris, you go for Kyle. Jessica and Tony, you'll be after Sydney. Ashley and Moore, go after Kiffeny."
The man paused again, looking over his chosen eight. "Go, you know what to do."
"Sir, yes sir!" They all said at once and ran in a line down a tunnel and to the only exit from the lair of Team Fauna.


Kiffeny took in a deep breath as she slumped against a tree. She was tired from all that running she had done. Right now, Kiffeny was on route 203 and it was noon, the hottest time of day. She didn't want to go back to Jubilife because of that thing that was following her, so she picked herself up and walked straight ahead. The road was small and lonely. Kiffeny didn't see anyone else on the road, nothing but plants, Pokémon and herself. She inhaled deeply, but was disturbed by a rustling behind some nearby trees. She thought it was probably just another Pokémon so she ignored it. But as she walked past she nearly jumped out of her skin when a man and a woman dressed in green jumped right at her.

"Whoa! Hey, don't do that!" Kiffeny protested as she jumped back and fell onto the hard dirt.

"Are you Kiffeny?" The man quickly yelled.

"Yeah, what of it?" She said, picking herself up off the ground.

"Humph," The woman gave a smug smile. "Well, you're the Storm Trainer we're after."

"Excuse me?" Kiffeny put her hands on her hips. "I don't know-"

"Of course you know!" The man snapped, aggravated. "We're Team Fauna and we're here to bring you back to headquarters!"

"Oh, I don't think so." Kiffeny said unhappily. "If you wanna bring me back to headquarters then you have to battle me and win."

"Fine, and we'll beat you." The woman said.

As Kiffeny unclipped her only two Pokéballs, she thought to herself, Nice job, Kiffeny, you see what you got yourself into?

 

[steel_pscyho612]

its a really good story and i don't know if this is just how your starting it out but your focussing on kiffney to much. try using the others to. but its just the begininng and you'll hopefullyuse the others to.

 

[pokemon157]

I whould have given it a 10/10 if you did some spelling check but I found some errors 8/10

 

[Emo Kid]

steel pscyho612, Kiffeny is the main character in the story. I should have mentioned that. But yes, the others are going to appear soon. I'll put their battles with Team Fauna in.

pokemon157, I did do spell check on microsoft word. But I guess I would've missed some so I'll check again.

 

[Mewtwo42]

This story about the Storm Trainers, is turing out to be be really good, and pretty exciting, too. The concept of the Storm Trainer almost reminds me of Pokemon Trainer/Ninjas. Almost. I thought that the last sentence of chpt. 3 was a little bit wierd. You probably should have had Kiffeny try to run, see that it was pointless, and then tried to defend herself by battleing the team Fauna guys. It just didn't that seem realistic. But, nonetheless, the chpt.'s were still good. 8/10

 

[Dachampster]

This line is a little hazy. It makes it sound like one minute they're an abundance of Shinxes and Starlies and then the next minute, there are none. It should be more like this:

She knew there were Starlies and Shinxes on this route, but so far, she had failed to spot any.

Something like that.

You're story is a nice twist on the typical trainer takes a journey story. I like the concept of supernatural powers. Keep it up and proof read, proof read, and more proof reading.

No, NO, NOOOOOO! There is no plural form in Pokémon!! Stop trying to confuse Emo kid.

Also, Linoone isnt a weasle, and it doesnt click, meow, or any other nonsense. It just goes "Lyenoon!"

 

[Scarlet Weather]

No, NO, NOOOOOO! There is no plural form in Pokémon!! Stop trying to confuse Emo kid.

Also, Linoone isnt a weasle, and it doesnt click, meow, or any other nonsense. It just goes "Lyenoon!"

I was with you up until the last part, Dach.

Linoone, like all Pokemon, is somewhat based on an animal, and while in Linoone's case the animal is a raccoon rather then a weasel, it doesn't just say "Linoone!" simply because the anime says that's all it does! As far as fanfics go, license may be taken to give Pokemon individual sounds such as clicks, purrs, etc. that relate more to their cry in the games then their "Pika! Pika!" onscreen. Don't ever state that Pokemon don't make sounds other then their name, especially in a fic that is based on something slightly more "realistic" sounding then the anime.

Moving on, may I point out that this story has a major problem with short chapters? Emo, I realize that you're probably feeling depressed at the moment, but that doesn't give you leave to write chapters of this length. *shot for stereotyping*

As has been said, separate lines of speech, and try to describe your characters a bit better. You've said what they look like, but you don't really have any, shall we say, style in your descriptions. They look like you just tacked them on as an afterthought. To get an idea of appealing descriptions, you should probably look at how writers who operate on a slightly higher level do it. May I reccomend "The Adventures of Blue Avenger" as a good example? I know it sounds like a comic book, but the story is anything but. Just read it. Trust me, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Remember, write out numbers like "ten", "fifteen", etc. And for goodness sakes, make your chapters a bit longer. They're pretty short as is.

 

[steel_pscyho612]

r u ever gonna continue?

(dumb 25 character rule)

 

[Astinus]

I hope you don't mind, Emo Kid, if I mention a few things back to your reviewers before getting to your review.

Don't worry about accenting the "e" in Pokemon. As you notice, I don't do that as well in my posts. If typing on the Internet, and if I hit "Alt", the search function for the forums appears. On Microsoft Word, there is are a few ways to get the accented e. The first is to hold "Alt" and press "0233" on the ten-key number pad. (This is the ten-key that's to the side on a keyboard, not the one above the letter keys. Another way is to use the Character Map that I believe comes standard on all Windows computers. It gives you all the characters that you could ever possibly use for every basic font, so all you have to do is copy the particular character you need, and paste it in.

But if you can't get this, it doesn't matter. There is no other word in any language that is close to "Pokemon". And if people don't know that that is what you are talking about on a forum like this...well, I would worry about those people.

Don't feel as though you need to use the other Storm Trainers. Hey, if you want to just write about Kiffeny, then go ahead and write about just Kiffeny. If you want to show that the other trainers aren't dead yet, then go ahead and do that too. I'm just letting you know that you don't have to cater to your readers wishes.

Also, Linoone isnt a weasle, and it doesnt click, meow, or any other nonsense. It just goes "Lyenoon!"

Yeah, but that's the anime. It's not the written word. The anime can get away with Pokemon saying their actual names. In fanfiction, it gets rather tedious to read paragraphs of a Pikachu talking saying "Pika pika pikachu!" It's easier to just say "Pikachu chattered." Short, concise, and your readers don't want to shoot you.

-

What? Review? Ah, fine.

Others have touched upon your grammar. What my main concern is with this fic is the lack of emotion behind it. Everything is told in a straight-forward way, and everything is pretty much told to the reader. There are instances where it is okay to tell information to the reader, but other times, you might want to show it.

This was especially noticeable when the Storm Trainers received their Pokemon. You told us what their personalities were like. What you could have done is showed us by their actions and feelings and thoughts what their personalities were like. That way, your readers could figure out your characters' personalities, like they do with friends. Real people don't just go up to you and say "My personality is quiet, curious, and cautious. There are times, however, where I do enjoy a little fun." Nah. They just act like they do, allowing others to see them.

Okay, I'll stop rambling now. Just letting you know that you should try to get more emotions into your fic. Remember that scenes are actions and reactions. Something happens, and your character reacts to it.