[Pokémon] Survival Project

Time went on and revealed more events that I didn't want to have to experience. The scene at the radio tower had told me that Team Rocket was lurking around for whatever reason. Automatically I assumed that they were after me. They had caught on to all of my misdeeds and were ready to take me back to my prison. I had to do something quick to make up for it. My choice: I had to make Rennio fight, despite his fear of battles. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have made him do it, but it was up to people who were much more powerful. When we lost to Whitney, my intention wasn't to leave my pokémon behind for days at a time. I only wanted to leave and find a safe hiding spot for us to go to as quickly as possible. Before I could find any suitable location, however, I had already been confronted by a Team Rocket grunt who was instructed to come to me and bring me back to Mahogany Town for "rehabilitation."

When I found out what this "rehabilitation" was, it seemed unnecessary for me to go all the way back to Mahogany Town, but others apparently differed in opinion. The rehabilitation involved me being in my cell once more while being asked to take my medication. This time I was forced by Dr. Richards to do so. He called me out on not taking it, saying it was fairly obvious when someone stopped. I had no choice but to give in to him. He would check my mouth after every swallow to make sure that the pills were actually gone, and then he would leave me alone with my thoughts.

Soon enough I was starting to feel manic again. I couldn't sit still and I couldn't think about my pokémon's whereabouts and conditions anymore without my mind wandering off somewhere else. I asked him why this happened because the goal of medication, I thought, was to keep me stable, not to make me go up and down. He explained to me slowly that Giovanni had paid him money to give me antidepressants instead of mood stabilizers in order to keep my moods "high" and energized for proper travel. Supposedly I was more active and successful during these times in my journey.

"So they've been watching me the entire time," I said bluntly.

"Yes... and they'll continue to do so. I'm sorry."

When I left about two weeks later (after they said I was "fully functional" once more), it occurred to me that I hadn't seen my mother at all, but I wasn't going to stick around and prove to her that I had temporarily failed. I fled back to Goldenrod City, hoping my pokémon were still there and that they were being well taken care of in my absence.

When I returned, I was overjoyed to find that my pokémon had waited for me. If they hadn't waited for me... Well, I didn't know what I would have done. Started over? Tracked them down? At least I didn't have to think about it for too long, since my pokémon noticed my arrival almost immediately and of course wanted to know where I was. With me being secretive as always, I tried to pretend it never happened. It worked, to a certain extent. I could tell there was a different feeling in the air now, one of tension and mistrust. There was nothing I could do about that, and perhaps it was for the best, anyway. Now I could do things better than before.

But I quickly ran into a problem: Sasha. I had another choice to make when she confronted me about taking my pokémon to the fan club. Either I could say no and insist on going to the gym in order to not waste time or I could go with my own instincts, my own desires of wanting to be her friend. Despite everything, I went with the latter. I just didn't have the heart to say no, and it was only for a few hours, anyway...

Seeing Senori evolve into a furret at the Goldenrod City rematch was worth it. It was a proud moment for both of us. He looked as if he were finally letting go of his past somehow, as his new movements were much lighter, much less tense. And to see my very first pokémon come so far in such a short amount of time made all of the exhaustion and pain I had gone through thus far seem like nothing compared to the joy I felt when I was with them. When Senori came to me that night with my antidepressant bottle in hand, asking me to stay with them, I felt like a true trainer for the very first time.

I thought that things were looking up then, and I didn't just think it was the medication having an effect on my brain. But then the incident with Rennio and Ezrem happened. Once again, I had a choice... and I chose to backtrack and save Ezrem from the burns that he suffered. There was no way that I could leave him behind now, not with Rennio trying so hard to battle for me. When I actually called him by his real name in the waiting room and when I saw him cry, I had to try not to cry too, for similar yet different reasons.

Things got worse. That day, Atis told me that he wanted to leave the team. I understood and didn't question him at all. After the Ezrem ordeal was settled, I tried to celebrate one last day to make Atis happy, and also to try to get him to stay. I couldn't come up with anything that would convince him. I couldn't even convince myself of wanting to stay. Only the evil thought of turning him in swayed in my mind. In a way, it was perfect timing. I hadn't meant to deceive him... but I couldn't let him go. If I had let him go, I was risking more suffering on my part. It was selfish, I admit. When I watched him faint in front of me, the disbelief in his eyes ripped into me. I felt sick myself. I could only hope that my promise to miss him every day had rung true in his mind.

It felt unnatural, but I cried all night. My pokémon tried to comfort me despite their own sadness, but there was no way I could tell them what I had done. They would all leave me and know me for the terrible person that I was. I couldn't afford any more mistakes now. Anything else would have let Atis's sacrifice be in vain... but when had I ever been known to stick to the rules? When had I ever not followed my own intuition? Never. I just didn't have it in me. My adventure without Atis didn't last long at all. When no one wanted to fight for me versus Morty, it reminded me of Atis and his introverted self. When Senori couldn't attack the ghosts, it reminded me of Atis's knowledge of the world that surpassed my own. My team was falling apart because it wasn't just me that could hold the team together. We all held the team together in our own way, and the absence of one of us was showing.

I panicked. I wailed. I screamed random obscenities because I was so very tired of keeping quiet about all of my lies, all of my secrets. I didn't know how much I was revealing, but I didn't care. The only thing I cared about was getting to Atis as soon as possible, before he became an experiment of Team Rocket's, like I had been. He was a special pokémon, just as I was a special child... but his situation could be handled much more effectively. Something else could be done—or so I hoped.

Thanks to the map that my mother had given me, I knew exactly how to get back to Mahogany Town. Coincidentally, there was a cave to the right of Ecruteak City that led me directly there. I didn't stop to rest until I got there, even when my limbs felt like they were about to break down from fighting so many wild zubats and geodudes. I didn't sleep or even hesitate a moment before running back into the laboratory that offered so many unfavorable memories to me.

Inside, I violently grabbed the first person that I came into contact with by the scruff of his collar and yelled, "Where's my mother? Where is Atis?"

"I-I don't know any Atis…" he stammered, dropping the papers that were in his hand.

"Where's my mother, then? Where's Melanie Luart?"

"Sai…? W-What are you—"

"Where is she?!" I said more fiercely, gripping more tightly onto his uniform to make a point. He was making small talk, and it was unacceptable to me.

"Last I heard, she was going to train and—"

I let him go, not needing to hear anything else. There were only two training locations in the entire place, and whichever one she was in, I knew that she—and Atis—weren't too far from me anymore. I scrambled up the stairs in the corner, causing two more scientists to make a mess with the materials in their hand. I didn't even stop to apologize, for I felt I had no reason to and I was in a rush. My head felt like it was going to explode at any moment if I didn't see that Atis was somewhere in this building, safe. Not locked up or bruised or bleeding.

It seemed that, for once, there was one good thing about living in this place for so long. Despite being locked up for years, everyone recognized me. Everyone knew who I was and no one questioned my presence. There were no alarmed shouts about an intruder, so I could go wherever I wanted. They all chose to ignore the wild fire of tears that was undoubtedly falling down my face.

I ran up the next set of stairs, to the second floor, to the first set of training grounds. My gaze shifted from one person to another, from one pokémon to another, but neither my mother nor Atis were there. They all stopped to stare at me, even the pokémon who were in the middle of attacks. I panted for a moment before sprinting once more. I crossed the middle of the arena to save time, despite the fact that I might have been hit. It reminded me of the time when I was a child and would purposely do this, but I had grown up now. Couldn't anyone see that? Couldn't anyone see that I was as normal as I would ever be?

I went up and up and up, to the roof. That was the only other place they could be now that I knew the second floor wasn't where I needed to be. Please be there, I thought. Please be there. I didn't want to have to hurt anyone else just trying to find them. But at last, I did find them. Thankfully, I found only the two of them. No other pokémon—no other signs of harm—were present. The only bad sign was that my mother was standing next to Atis. She was too close, too close.

She looked at me in disbelief. "Sai?" she said. "What are you doing here?"

"You know exactly what I'm here for," I said, motioning toward the fighting-type. Atis was also staring me down, but I couldn't tell if he was glad or disappointed. It was times like these where I wished that he was easier to read.

"Hmm…" my mother said. "This pokémon is no longer yours. The moment we took him away, he was the property of Team Rocket."

"But I'm… I'm part of Team Rocket, too!" I said, the words leaving a foul taste in my mouth. It was the first time admitting this in my entire life, and I could only wonder if I would regret it after all was said and done.

"You're not part of this group. You're… an experiment yourself—"

"Don't remind me," I said, gritting my teeth. "I'm a toy, I know. Don't I have a say in anything, too? What about the others? Where are they right now?"

"The others? Well, we followed them for a short amount of time…" she said, shifting her gaze away from me and lowering her voice.

"What are you saying?"

"They're dead, Sai. They're all dead. Killed by pokémon, suicide, murdered… You name it, and it probably happened."

My eyes widened. To know that I was the only survivor was hard to believe. Wasn't the will to live supposed to push anyone through any adversary? Wasn't misfortunate eventually supposed to give way to good fortune? It made no sense to me. I put my hands over my ears, wishing I had heard nothing.

"But they were sick like me… They were special…" I said, taking a few steps back.

"Whatever they were means nothing. All they are now is dead," my mother said, shaking her head. "I told you that you would be able to overcome anything, Sai. By the looks of it, you didn't even run into anything truly dangerous. Besides yourself, that is…"

I looked up and saw that she was walking toward me, still moving her head disapprovingly. I peered over at Atis and saw that he was shuddering. Lost and confused. What had I learned from Atis? How could I prove to him that his journey with me wasn't for nothing? I tried to persuade him with pleading eyes. His mouth opened for a moment as if he were going to speak, but then his face scrunched up and his eyes closed.

"Sai!" he suddenly shouted, darting forward. But my mother seemed to anticipate his actions and caught him by the arm before he could even get close to reaching me.

I bit my lip. "I just want Atis back. I'll do anything you ask."

"You say that, but you haven't done much of what I asked of you before you left."

"I… I mean it this time. Do whatever you want to me, but let Atis go."

"I can't do that, Sai. Pokémon are more than beneficial to us. You know this." She paused. "It looks like you have friends that are here to see you."

"Mother, please—"

I cut myself off. Confused, I turned around to see Senori and the rest of the group close behind him. I gaped at them, wanting to shout at how crazy they were, how they should be far, far away from here and why did they come here anyway? How did they know where I was?

My mother went on, talking about how I had such loyal pokémon now… She said I was still lonely… Was I lonely? Yes, I felt lonely in the sense that no one knew what I was up against in my life… but of course I didn't want to give her the pleasure of knowing that. I yelled, this time being random, I just want Atis back, you told me things would get better and they never did, they never did, I won't follow your rules because you lied to me. You lied to me!

But she knew where to get me most.

"…And then you will never see the light of day again..."

I wanted life. I wanted freedom. When she brought up the idea of me dying, I remembered the others and how they were gone now, and I fumbled with my pants until I found the pocketknife that I had bought at the Goldenrod City department store. I held it out threateningly toward her. It was the only weapon I had left, if words weren't going to work and if my pokémon were going to leave me after what they were seeing.

"Are you going to hurt me, Sai? Just as I've supposedly hurt you?" she asked.

Admittedly, I wasn't sure what my intentions were. I just wanted to seem like a scary person, just as everyone else seemed to me. I almost didn't believe it when she put her hands up in surrender and let Atis flee over to the rest of us. Atis ran right past me, as expected, and started mumbling things to Senori that my mind couldn't properly process. I could only focus on my mother's words, which hurt me more than any damage the knife could ever do.

"I'm done listening to you," I said, and it was the most confident thing I had said during the whole conversation.

"…Then you will pay for it."

I watched as my mother reached behind her and pulled out a few pokéballs off of her belt and extended them toward me. "A pokémon battle," she said. "If you win, I will see to it that you are allowed to leave this town and leave this project. If you lose… you must subject yourself to us once more, or choose death. It's up to you."

I stayed silent for a moment, unmoving, thinking through the proposal. How could I beat her, a trainer of many years? I had little experience in battling. I had done little actual training with my pokémon. Having three badges couldn't be enough—and I didn't even have the badges to prove my strength. They were lost. It felt like I myself had already lost. And would my pokémon fight for me, anyway?

Slowly, I put my arm down, and I put the knife back into my pocket.

"Unlike some people… I am not a torturer. I am not a killer." I sighed. "I agree to your challenge, but only under fair one-on-one conditions. I also won't be forcing any of my pokémon to actually fight. If they choose to leave me alone in this battle, then so be it."

I turned to face my team. They looked up me with such innocent, questioning eyes. I smiled as best as I could and kneeled down so I could look at them directly.

"I'm sorry I left again," I started. "I had to find Atis, but I didn't want to put you guys in any danger. I hope you understand, but if you don't… it's okay. If you don't want to fight for me right now, that's okay too." I extended my hand out toward Atis gently. He flinched slightly at my touch, but he let me pet him on the side of his head for a few moments. It was all I needed. I had intended to tell them everything after the incident was over, no matter what happened, but the touch felt so final, so conclusive, that I explained everything in that moment: that I was mentally sick and I had been imprisoned for it. My goal as a Team Rocket experiment was to train pokémon for usage in battles and other projects better than any normal person ever could. I told them everything and I was out of breath by the time I was done. I shook my head and repeated that they didn't have to fight for me.

I didn't wait to see their reactions. I didn't think I could handle it. I simply stood up and turned to face my mother, saying I was ready, and that whoever wanted to fight could step forward.

"If you're ready, then let's begin," my mother said, tossing a pokéball into the air. Out popped a small lizard pokémon whose tail lit brightly with fire. The orange creature let out a fierce growl, saying it was ready to go. It was my mother's first pokémon, a charmander from the Kanto region, and it didn't seem to recognize me. To go from playing with this pokémon as a child to fighting in a life or death battle seemed beyond surreal to me.

I held my breath and waited for the inevitable, my mind reeling with words of false persuasion and comfort. I knew in my heart that not a single pokémon was going to step forward. They had no good reason to defend me anymore, and I wouldn't blame them for leaving. But Rennio—Rennio, out of all of them—stood in front of me and faced the fire-type pokémon in front of him.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Rennio?" I asked quietly.

He turned his head to me and nodded. Though he was frowning, I could tell his reaction was sincere.

"All right," I said. "I won't be commanding this battle… as usual. Everything is up to you."

Again, he nodded. And then it began.

I would like to say that everything that happened next was by my own design. I would like to say that I watched Rennio battle and cheered him on like any normal trainer would. But I was manic from before, and now I was also depressed from everything that had happened. When you're manic and depressed at the same time you can only keep yourself occupied on a single thought or situation for a few seconds before you succumb to something worse. The battle, then, was sporadic for me, and I only thanked myself enough to have found the strength, courage, and the time to be able to explain everything to my pokémon before the end of it all.

Come on, self. Keep me on my toes. Keep me in the know. But I couldn't do it. Rennio shocked the charmander and the charmander retaliated with a tackle and then my thoughts turned to death. It was all over for me. I didn't raise my pokémon well enough. I was a failure of a trainer, just as Marty had deemed me to be. He should have taken everyone away while he still had the chance.

Team Rocket should have executed me when they had the chance, all those years ago. I should have been a different experiment, one with cords and machinery and a bunch of paperwork filled with invaluable information. The white cords would have been happy cords and the black cords would have been sad cords and they would have hooked up to me simultaneously, sending me back and forth between the two extreme emotions that constantly pervaded my life. Because that's what life was to me. It's all a game, it's all a game. It's all a joke, a fraud…

Rennio was swinging the charmander around by the tail, an otherwise amusing sight. The charmander smashed into the wall. At this point, Kuiora asked to switch in, since her water attacks were much more effective. There's another one on my team. Two out of five. Why are my pokémon here, anyway? Is that Ezrem cheering Kuiora on? Three out of five. My god, they're raising hell. They're raising hell to give to me what they already gave to me once—a chance at independence and happiness. They can't do it again. It's too late for me.

It's okay. If I don't make it, someone else will. A normal person, maybe? It has to be a normal person. Everyone else is dead. All they had ever been was dead. But I believe one of my kind will prevail someway, somewhere. We're special, after all. Kuiora, when did you get so strong? I didn't train you at all like I should have. You did all this for me? Stop raising hell already. It's too late for me.

I couldn't sit still anymore. I started making my way around the edges of the battleground, watching them as intently as I could, which doesn't say much. Kuiora took down the charmander, as expected. She'll be happy to know that my mother is a fire-type pokémon trainer. My mother sent out her ninetales next. I remember it being a young vulpix. Why hadn't Charmander evolved? Is my mother threatening me again? If you mistreat a ninetales, she's saying, you can be cursed. Do I want my pokémon to be cursed? I'll take the curse for them. But you're already cursed enough as it is, the ninetales said…

Unbelievable. I was cursed with depression and mania. Depression is needing all day tomorrow to recover from today and mania is needing all day today to prepare for the invincible tomorrow. It's a vicious cycle. It doesn't end. Because of my medication I hardly have had any periods of normalcy. I don't know what it means to be stable, but my pokémon do. That's why Atis just ran into the middle of the battle to make Kuiora save the rest of her strength for what was to come. Four out of five. That leaves Senori. Senori? What do you think of me? …What do I think of myself?

Well, how can your mind get this messed up? How can you be so clueless, so lost? How can you be so lonely that you don't even like yourself for company?

How could you not?

I tried to give my love to the world. The world didn't seem to want it. The only constant I have ever had in my life is my mood swings and air. Air has kept me alive and breathing and together with my pokémon. It has been with me in the cells, in my dreams, in my lungs.

It would be the perfect way to go. …And I was in the perfect position to go.

The ninetales was defeated. Was I winning or was I losing? I wasn't even part of the battle anymore. Maybe I never was to begin with. I really can't get over this pokémon training thing. I wanted it for so long and I never even grew accustomed to it. I liked the feeling of learning and having my pokémon teach me instead. I liked not being expected to know everything. Tell me, Senori, that I'll never get used to this—this so-called form of living. The unknowing and uncertainty will come to me and I will always be ever so inviting.

Senori was the last one. He was the only one I had any hope of getting help from, and he was last. He was last! This told me something, but I couldn't figure out what. My mother has six pokémon, and I only have four usable pokémon. We are overwhelmed, no matter what my furret does. It's too late for me.

I backtracked to the edge of the building. This way I could see not only my pokémon but also my mother and my opponent. I felt like I was watching a show that I had no part of. I was completely dissociated from myself. My only thought: I was already gone. No matter how much I wanted to live, the idea of death and death itself were overtaking me. Even if I won the battle, I would never get better. I would forever be sick. If I lost… Well, then I was even more gone. Either way, I was dead. Who is dead? I'm dead.

It's such a shame that I'm drowning in my goddamn shame.

…I always wanted to see myself become a better person. I wanted to see Senori stop having to worry about me all the time. I wanted to see Kuiora evolve into her final form and fulfill her dreams. I wanted to hear Atis smile so much that I forgot his normal scared voice. I wanted to continue watching Rennio learn to fight again and I wanted to feed him… whatever that meant. I wanted to see Ezrem through his old trainer's eyes.

It never once occurred to me that any of these things could still have happened.

I might have begged for help, once upon a time… but I didn't.

I jumped.
 

SURVIVAL PROJECT​
chapter 25 ; [EZREM]
phoenix

*​

It's odd, the things you remember when you're watching someone die. I mostly remembered this: it only takes a second. It only takes a second for everything to go wrong; it only takes a second for everything to change. Such is what I learned when I manipulated Obieme into starting that fire and when I decided to follow Sai. And when he jumped… Sai, before this, you didn't tell anyone that you were hurting so much. Or maybe you did and it went over our heads. Is that how it usually goes? Is that how death is supposed to appear to everyone—completely unnoticed and unexpected until the endless moments of reflection that scream otherwise?

When he jumped, the world stopped. The battle ceased instantly. It felt like there was cotton in my ears and everyone's shouts emitted no real sound. The walking traffic from the ground below had been dulled and unwillingly shoved into our pathetic world. We were all experiencing the same thing. If anyone's experience was different, it was Sai's. Sai, is the white light at the end as bright as it's supposed to be?

You're going to tell me all about it, goddamn it.

It only takes a second, and I didn't even have to think about it at all.

I sprinted forward and jumped after him. I did this because there was something about losing my own dreams that made me even more stubborn when it came to others. Annie would just have to understand my second betrayal, which wasn't really a betrayal at all to me, but an act of desperation and the desire to see someone—my own savior—live. It was my only choice, just as the nurse had said…

I let myself evolve. At first I was flapping wildly from being unable to fly and soon I had a larger body with larger wings and larger talons and no pain, no pain! Easily and undoubtedly, I could focus now. I positioned myself so that I could dart straight down and catch up to Sai. The wind tried hard to push me back and keep me from flying, but I wasn't going to take it. As I got closer, I could see that his body faced upward and looked to be at rest already. His eyes were closed and his small movements were graceful, as if this is exactly what he wanted. That was just too bad. This was what he was going to get for not giving me what I wanted at the beginning.

I don't know exactly when I caught him or how far away from the ground we were. All I know is that he felt heavy in my brand new talons, though my evolved form was clearly stronger. I was carrying not only his body but all of the burdens that he had suffered in his life and had tried to release with one swift jump. I thought his unbelievable weight was going to make us crash despite my efforts, and I struggled to bring him back up to the top of the building. It didn't take me long to realize that it was just me not being accustomed to my new form, and that I had only acted so fluently in the heat of the moment.

After setting him on top of the building—purposely away from the woman who had started this whole thing—I had to struggle not to collapse on top of him. My new form was exhausted already. As everyone ran over to us, I looked at my wings. There were no signs of scars or burning anymore. I was completely fine. And Sai, so innocent and lost, was clearly not fine. Surely, something more had to be done. Saving him from death itself was not enough. If we left him alone now, he would suffer more and maybe try jumping somewhere again.

"Sai!" Senori yelled, trying to shake our trainer awake. Somewhere along the line, he had fainted in midair. "Wake up! Sai, why did you do this?"

"Isn't it obvious why he did this?" I scoffed at the furret. "You're a leader, right? What should we do next?"

"I-I… We should take Sai to a pokémon center!"

I fluffed my feathers, trying to prepare myself to take off again as I said, "Everyone get on my back. Yes, we're going to take Sai to a pokémon center."

"A pokémon center? That's for pokémon—" Atis said frantically, but he didn't seem to have any better ideas.

"It's the only place we know. I'm trying, okay? We're all trying," I said, shaking my head. "I'm just as worried about him as you are. Let's just do our best."

Everyone was silent. Rennio and Kuiora were sobbing and holding each other because even though I had rescued our trainer, it wasn't over yet. It wouldn't be over until Sai sincerely smiled again.

"Are you going to take him away from me?" a voice said. I turned swiftly and saw the woman—Sai's mother, apparently, though I found it hard to believe—walking to us, her head down and her body appearing utterly beaten by the event that had just taken place. When she was close enough, I could see that she was holding back tears.

I sneered. "Of course we are. You haven't been much help, to say the least."

"I always knew you'd take him away from me," she said. She looked at me and smiled weakly. "I knew it from day one. But out of everything I've seen regarding this project, I could never have expected this from my own son."

Her words made me sympathize with her, but I wasn't about to admit so. There was nothing else for me to say. There was nothing that anyone could say that could change anything or make things better.

"There's a human hospital right next to the pokémon center in this town. You should take him there instead," she said after a few moments.

We all looked at each other, quietly deciding that we had to trust her words. As previously instructed, the team climbed on my back, one by one. Everyone except Atis, that is. After all this, he was still being shy and reluctant. I couldn't blame him.

"It's up to you, Atis," I said. "Are you on this team or are you not?"

Atis looked to the ground, then nodded fiercely. With the help of the others, he was also on my back in a matter of moments. Aside from Kuiora, everyone was light and small, so I felt that I could do this. No, I had to do this anyway, even if I had trouble. I lifted myself off of the building's roof and gently took Sai into my talons once more, noticing how light he was this time.

Together, the six of us flew to the pokémon center.

*

This was our second time sitting in a waiting room in a matter of days. At this rate, every Nurse Joy in the Johto region would know our names by the end of our journey. That was assuming that Sai would want to continue our journey after this, however. I was no psychiatrist, but I had a feeling that Sai would need to work on himself before even thinking of going back to the gym challenge.

When we had arrived, Senori had surprisingly composed himself enough to be able to explain to the nurse at the counter what had happened to our trainer. She took the boy in her arms and rushed him into the back room. When she returned, she said that there was a special unit in the hospital meant for these kinds of patients. He would have to stay for a week or more, until he was no longer deemed a threat to himself or others. Still, she said, visitors could be allowed at certain times.

So we waited for what seemed like hours. I had to go outside a few times to stretch my wings, and I almost missed being a tiny rufflet that could fit into any building without a problem. It was much easier to follow along and keep up with everything that was happening that way. The evolution had been worth it, though. Had I let Sai fall knowing I could have done something, I don't think I could have lived with myself.

It was just turning dark outside when Nurse Joy said that Sai was awake, which meant that not too much time could have passed, considering that a majority of the day had been spent making our way to Mahogany Town. She led us into a room in the back, explaining that eventually Sai would have to be moved into a psych ward, but that we could visit him here for now.

"Pokémon are allowed to be with their trainers at all times, but if Sai has any friends that want to see him, they'll have stricter visiting hours from here on out," she said, making me wonder what had happened to Marty and Sasha. Surely they didn't know about the situation and they couldn't have just left us without figuring out how it ended…

I stopped thinking of them rather quickly when I saw Sai. He looked as normal as he possibly could, as there were no machines by his bed or any cords hooked up to him. He was lying down, looking straight up at the ceiling, eyes open and barely alert. I didn't have to be near him to know how exhausted he was.

"I'll leave you guys alone. If you need me, there are nurses all around the hall," Nurse Joy said quietly, and then she was gone.

At first, things were awkward. No one wanted to go near him because none of us knew what to say. What do you say after you just watched the person in front of you jump off of a building to end his own life? The aftermath seemed like nothing but a delusion that a ghost-type pokémon was forcing upon us.

After a few moments of nothing, I offered to step up first. I told them that I felt obligated to talk to him first, since I was the one who saved him. So I flew over to his bed and nudged him on the cheek with my beak when he didn't look in my direction. Slowly, he turned his head toward me, but his dark blue eyes were as hollow as ever. He looked back up at the ceiling.

"I'm alive," he said simply.

"Yeah. That's my fault. I'm not sorry," I said bluntly. "If you have any pent up anger that you want to kill me with, I'd totally understand. Actually, I wouldn't understand, but I'd let you do it anyway."

Sai smiled at my words. He actually smiled. It seemed difficult for him, but he was then able to prop himself up so that he was sitting up. Staring at me, he said nothing.

"I'm not even part of this team and I saved you! I disobeyed my old trainer's orders for you. That takes a lot. But you don't have to be grateful," I said, being dramatic by folding my wings to make a point.

At this, Sai frowned. "Ezrem," he said sternly, "you've… you've always been part of this team. I didn't know it yet, but you joined the team the same time that Rennio did."

"Oh, come on," I said, shaking my head. "You don't get to be all sappy on me now. You're supposed to tell me you despise me for saving your life and that the light at the end of the tunnel let you see your whole life over or something."

The mood had been lightened enough for everyone else to join me at Sai's bedside. I expected another breakdown from him at the sight of Atis, but he only reached out his hand and scratched the side of the hitmontop's head. Atis accepted the touch without a problem, an odd feat for him.

"I'm not angry at you. You have to understand… I never wanted to die," Sai said, looking at us seriously one by one. "I wanted to stop the craziness in my head. I wanted to stop my sickness. It seems… It seems that it's something I just have to deal with."

"Well, you seem calmer now, and that's all that matters, right?" Senori said, jumping on the bed and snuggling into Sai's lap. Sai used his other hand to scratch the furret behind the ears.

"Yeah… They gave me medication that they say will help," he said. He added quietly, "Real medication."

"I don't know what you—" Senori started.

He was interrupted by a loud banging sound. The door had been shoved open and had crashed against the wall. In stormed Marty, who gave off a fierce glare in Sai's direction. There was a nurse behind him who was begging him to calm down and stay quiet for the other patients.

"I'll be quiet once I give this boy a piece of my mind," Marty said through gritted teeth.

"Wait," Sai said. "Stay there."

"Sai, what are you talking about?! This guy's going to beat you to a pulp!" Atis cried, pulling back from the boy's touch to hide in the corner.

"Not if I can help it," Kuiora said, taking a defensive stance in between the two trainers.

Ignoring the two of them, Sai swung his legs around the edge of his bed. He pushed himself off and struggled to keep his balance and stand up. He made his way over to Marty and looked the other boy in the eyes, his fists clenched.

"Whatever you have to say to me, we should at least be face-to-face when you say it," Sai said confidently.

Marty snickered. "Good grief. Where do I start? First of all, what were you thinking, leaving your pokémon in Ecruteak City all by themselves? What the hell were you doing in a laboratory full of idiots who obviously didn't know a thing about pokémon?"

"I didn't want to get them into trouble—"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you've got an answer for that. But next! What are the prerequisites for committing suicide? That you be ****ing insane? Me and Sasha just saw something fly down past us in the window while we were fighting, and it obviously wasn't a bird… Well, then we saw a bird, but still…"

"That was Ezrem. Wait… You were in the lab?"

"You ignored my first question," Marty said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm as insane as you think I am," Sai said confidently. Ever since he had admitted to us all of his secrets in one breath, it had obviously been easier for him to speak about himself, especially about his past and personality.

"It's just like you. You want to kill yourself, so you make it as inconvenient as possible for everyone else. What would have happened to your pokémon? Why'd you make them watch?"

This, however, made Sai look down. "You would have taken my pokémon, right? That's what I was hoping…"

"Hmph. Of course I would have. You act confident, but I can tell you're still avoiding some of my questions for a reason."

"I'm sorry," Sai replied. "It's been a long day, as you probably already guessed."

Marty's eyes shifted to the empty air beside him, indicating that he had heard something nearby. "Anyway, kid… I'm just glad you're all right," he said, and then he stepped aside.

I would like to say that a much calmer person walked into the room this time, but it would only be half true. Sasha, her face red and her hands covering her mouth, came into the room quietly, but immediately burst into tears the moment she saw Sai. She ran up to him and embraced him, almost causing the boy to fall over from the surprise.

"Sasha…?" Sai said, looking at her with concern.

"I'm sorry… I waited to come in so I could stop crying… but I can't help it!" she sobbed miserably. "I can't believe you did that to us…" she added, burying her face into his shirt.

"Hmm…" Sai mumbled, putting his arms around her and squeezing her while resting his chin on top of her head. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't think you'd be affected."

"Of course I would! I-I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone, but especially not a friend, dummy…"

I thought Sai was going to push her away as he lifted his head up and extended his arms so that they were just a foot away from each other, but it appeared he only wanted to put enough distance in between the two of them so he could take a good look at her. He gazed intently, as if trying to see if her words had been sincere. Finally, he acquiesced and smiled.

"I'm your friend, huh?" he said. "It's... really nice to hear that. I don't know how I can ever repay you because I don't know what friends do."

He continued to lean forward until his forehead was touching hers. To see Sai act so closely with another human partly made me want to roll my eyes, but another part of me was happy with embracing others like him rather than pushing them away after what he had just gone through. At first glance, it seemed like Sasha had just walked into our lives, used and seen out of sheer convenience. But if I thought about it, she had been there from the very beginning of my journey with Sai, and possibly even before then. Sai must have thought that she--and Marty--had been his companions this entire time despite their obvious reluctance toward him. And perhaps that was why he felt the need to express his gratitude in the only way he knew how: by tilting his head upward and kissing her on the forehead, right in front of her suddenly flustered brother and in front of all his watchful pokémon. He murmured something I didn't hear and then looked at her again for a reaction. She blushed and stammered out intelligible words.

"I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but don't you ever make a move on her again!" Marty fumed, clenching his fists but not taking a step toward them.

"My mother used to do that whenever I was sad," Sai said, frowning.

"I-It's fine, Marty," Sasha said, swaying her hand around. "You're welcome, Sai, for... whatever I did."

"You did everything." He turned to gesture toward the rest of us. "You all did everything. Because of you guys, I have quite a few things left to do. If you don't mind, Marty... Sasha... I'd like to be alone when she comes."

"When she comes...?"

"One of the executives of the building you guys found me in," Sai said. He took a deep breath before explaining everything that he had told us on the roof--about his sickness, his imprisonment, the rules he was forced to follow should he not want to be killed. While he was telling it, his voice was much quieter and less rushed. He wasn't in a life or death situation anymore; he was free, and his voice portrayed this newfound freedom. By the time he was done, Sasha had broken out in tears once again, and Marty had calmed himself down considerably.

"So that's why I'm weird. And that's why I'm a terrible trainer. I wish I could have told you guys and my pokémon much, much sooner, but... I just couldn't," he said, stepping away from Sasha. He hung his head low as he sat down on the bed, visibly exhausted.

"It's okay," Sasha said.. She went over to Sai on the bed and ruffled his hair with her hands and chuckled through her tears. "That's my version of your kiss, okay?"

"Okay," Sai said, smiling.

"Sounds like a bunch of excuses to me," Marty joked, waving his hand to gesture to Sasha that he was leaving. Indicating that he had gotten what he had come for and that there was nothing else for him to hear, he held the door open and said, "You're all right, kid."

And with one last good-bye, they were gone. Sai fell asleep almost instantly after they left, and us pokémon watched over him as if he were going to disappear again at any moment.

*

She showed up just one day later, at the very same time that Marty and Sasha had come the previous day. This showed me that she had called for information about visiting hours and had obeyed them, coming in at the earliest moment she could. Well, she could have come the day before, but she was probably still recovering. A mother's loss of a son is quite different from a detached friend loss, so I could forgive her, despite her rather crude first impression.

As Sai had hinted, he knew that she was going to come sooner or later. Whether he knew she'd come so soon, I didn't know. All I knew was that I was going to go crazy after listening to all of his rehearsing for their meeting. This clearly was not a woman that Sai was confident around. Even while practicing he stumbled over his words and everything came out wrong. He paced around the room and attempted to make small talk with us once in a while, trying not to appear frustrated. It wasn't working.

When she knocked on the door, Sai supposedly knew it was her because he tensed up and cleared his throat before telling her that she could come in. She opened the door slowly, saying she hoped she wasn't interrupting anything. She wasn't interrupting anything at the moment, but I thought that maybe the sanity in the room might have dissipated by the time she left.

Her reaction to seeing Sai was the exact opposite of Sasha and Marty's. She didn't cry or appear angry or even seem sad. The tension in the air betrayed her body's lack of emotion, however. It seemed that either Sai's stellar intuition was rubbing off on me or she was just terrible at hiding how she was sad over the fact that own son had tried to commit suicide right in front of her.

"Hello, Sai," she said, putting off the idea of looking at her son for a few more moments while she faced the door as she closed it.

"Hello, Mother," Sai said, shifting around in his spot uncomfortably. He resorted to laying back down in his bed, probably to prevent any wild actions in the future.

"Did you think I'd come visit you?"

"Yes... I thought you might."

"To be honest, I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me. I debated over whether or not to come. But I told myself I just had to see you... one last time," she said. She certainly wasn't wasting any time getting to the point. I sat in the corner of the room, pretending to fluff my feathers while the rest of the team listened to conversation intently and, in Atis's case, nervously. Sai's mother was choosing not to notice us, perhaps knowing that Sai wouldn't want to get rid of us for even a moment. This, he had already proven by chasing Atis down to Mahogany Town.

"One last time?"

"I know you, Sai. I know your plans. You won't be able to keep quiet about us anymore, will you? After all this time, you're ready to speak," she said confidently.

Sai stared at her, dumbfounded, and I could only guess that he was surprised over how she had seemed to read his mind.

"What you guys do... It's horrible. You torture pokémon and turn them into your slaves. You're not afraid to do similar things to humans. You're only out to do evil. I can't... I can't let that go. Not after being out in the real world for even a short amount of time."

After a few moments, his mother said, "Do you think I'm evil, Sai?"

"I think that at some point in your life, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time... and you made the wrong choice. Because you've mostly been good to me, I think... I don't really know anymore..."

"Say no more, Sai," she said, putting her hand up. "I just want you to know that I only made you stay in the laboratory because I was too afraid to lose you, just like I had lost your father. I had no intentions of hurting you."

"I already know that. But you... you did hurt me. In more ways than one."

"I... I won't pretend to understand," she replied, looking away from him again. So she did have a weak point. This woman was making it hard to tell if she was an ally or an enemy. If I had to, though, I was ready to pounce on her and throw her off a building to see how she liked it instead.

"If there's more to life out there, I want it," Sai said, changing the subject. "I mean, I'm still here despite all logic and likelihood, right? I'm the only survivor of this survival project. So I should enjoy the rest of my life while I can--"

"I always knew you'd make it," she interrupted, putting her hand to her forehead and shaking her head. "I really do marvel at how everything connects. With the way you acted as a child and an early teenager, I could tell exactly how your journey was going to go."

"You knew I'd... jump off the building?"

"That was the only part I wasn't expecting. Unlike you... I am not sick. You got that from your father. Like I said, I don't understand it. It seems those sorts of things cause you to do things that are irrational and completely unexpected."

"Yes... That sounds about right," Sai said quietly, as if he were recalling painful memories from the past. It made me wonder just what else he had really gone through before he met me.

"Now, my only question for you is this: what will you do next?"

"I wish I could tell you, honestly, but I don't even know."

This was where the team reacted and decided to butt into the conversation. Senori, Atis and I all spoke at once, saying something along the lines of how the woman couldn't know where we would go next. If she knew, then she would follow us and make our lives miserable, and he didn't deserve that, he needed something better now--

"It's okay, guys," Sai said, patting Atis on the head like he had been doing so lately, to prove to himself that yes, Atis was still here, and he was healthy, safe. "She won't follow us... even if she can."

At this, his mother's eyes widened while we settled down, not completely comprehending his words. We were thinking that this meant he was going to report her along with the rest of the Team Rocket organization, but as it turned out, it was actually the other way around.

"What do you mean, Sai?"

"I'll give you two days. Pack your things, get out of here. Get as far away as you can," Sai said. Surprisingly, he wasn't stumbling, and unless I just wasn't listening enough, he hadn't rehearsed this part of the conversation at all. Then again, the conversation wasn't going like he had imagined it. "I'm reporting the team to the police, of course. I'm giving away as much information as I know. You can tell as many people as you want, but I'll make sure they're accounted for in the report... just so you know."

Kuiora suddenly yelled, "You can't let this girl go, Sai! She made you go crazy!"

"You said it yourself, Sai. She hurt you and you're just going to let her go?" Senori added, jumping onto the bed and onto Sai's shoulders to make sure he was hearing the team.

"She's still my mother, guys," he said, not taking his eyes off of her. "I can't do the same thing to her. I don't have the heart to do it..."

His mother bowed and said, "I thank you, Sai, but you don't have to do this. I deserve whatever is coming to me."

"Your choice. But I won't be reporting you regardless."

"You've got to be kidding me," I said, shielding my eyes with my wing for dramatic effect.

"It's really happening, Ezrem," Rennio said. "Was Annie ever really as crazy as this?"

"I bet she wasn't," Sai said, smirking. I had to admit that Sai not only had a good sense of humor, but also he was doing a decent job at paying attention to all of us in the room at the same time when the most important person was obviously his mother at the moment. He seemed to remember this as he turned to her once more and said, "Do you have anything else to say to me?"

"Nothing that would make things better or change the past. What about you?"

"I want to ask you the same question. What are you going to do if you choose not to turn yourself in?"

"All I can think of is going back to your father, but who knows if that is a good choice or not? It's been so long. But what I do doesn't matter. What you do, on the other hand, does matter. Tell people your story. Continue your life and expand your story. Whatever the final product is... Well, that will be my story, too. You're my son and I think it should be this way."

"Whatever you want," Sai said simply. "I'll... I'll remember everything you taught me. I'll try to, anyway. And... I'm going to treat my pokémon right, wherever we go. And--"

"You don't have to tell me. As your pokémon said, I don't deserve it."

"But I still think--"

"I think you're still too sweet, as always. Remember that I lied to you and kept you trapped for many years." There was a moment of silence. "I suppose I should just be glad to have witnessed the second day of your birth. The first fifteen years of your life don't count anymore. I wish you the best of luck as you keep dancing in your fields of infinite possibilities... Sai," she said.

I could tell that she didn't want to leave as she opened the door just as slowly as she had before. As she was walking out, she stopped to look back at Sai one more time. Her son nodded, permitting her to leave without feeling any guilt. As the door clicked shut, he buried his face and his hands and I thought he was going to start sobbing.

"Is it bad to be more upset about how I don't know what to do next? Shouldn't I be upset that that was the last time I will probably ever see my mother again?"

Senori nuzzled into Sai's neck in an attempt to comfort him. "You're fine, Sai. I think you left things on a good note, even if none of us particularly... agree with your actions."

"Thanks, Senori. I do think I did the right thing."

"And that's all that matters," Atis said, speaking for Senori.

"I think he's crazy," Kuiora said, jumping up and down to get her trainer's attention.

"Tell him something he doesn't know," Rennio said.

"I just have one question for you, dear Sai," I said, interrupting the rest of the team. "I ask you this because, you know, near death experiences are my forte. Well, maybe you didn't know that. But now you do. So, have you ever felt sorry for the ground because you thought you were putting too much weight on it?"

"Too much weight... as in all my problems?" Sai said, tilting his head in confusion.

"You've got it," I said, impressed with him not taking me too literally, as he had been prone to do in the past.

"I never really thought about it specifically like that, but yeah... I guess so."

"After that little conversation, I think the ground will be a lot happier from now on with two less people standing so heavily on it," I said, recalling how heavy he had been in my talons just the day before and recalling how I had thought this same thing myself when I was the type of bird who walked on the ground instead of flying.

"Yeah, I guess so..." Sai said, "and it's all thanks to you, Ezrem."

*

Even though I had saved Sai from his suicide mission and even though I felt I had come to terms with Annie's death, there was still one final problem weighing on my mind. It was the last kind of problem that made me feel sorry for the ground beneath me. So when the nurse asked us all to leave for a few moments, I told myself that now was the time. There was no exception anymore; there was no reason to put it off. No reason to keep the suffering going.

"Rennio," I said simply, trying to get his attention. How else could I start to admit that I'd been lying to him for years? The elekid didn't even have the decency to answer me. He seemed lost in thought, contemplating something, probably the fact that Sai had just let his imprisoner run free. Well, I supposed I could start off in a light manner. I unfolded my wings and wrapped them around him, covering his eyes so he couldn't see. Not only was I getting enjoyment out of messing with him, but I was also in amazement that nothing was wrong with my wing anymore. I watched as my joke made him flail around for a bit and I only backed off when I saw sparks of electricity generating from the plugs at the top of his head, as I didn't want to get injured yet again.

"What was that for?" Rennio asked, obviously worked up now. The sparks were still there, and they'd probably remain there until he unleashed the energy somewhere else.

"You should pay attention to me when I address you. I was just making a point," I said, taking a few steps back, wondering if I was already trying to retreat.

"Well, what do you want?"

"Someone's in a sour mood. Come here for a minute, okay?" I said. I had noticed that the others were looking at us weirdly now, so I posed the question to make myself sound as innocent as possible. I made the short flight to the other side of the room and watched as Rennio walked over slowly, wishing that I didn't have to do this.

When Rennio reached me, he looked at me expectantly. It seemed that all of a sudden, I had lost my ability to be manipulative, to make jokes, to beat around the bush.

"Look, Rennio," I began, "I'm just going to get right to the point." I paused, deciding to start with the lesser of the two evils. And then, finally-- "You're not the only elekid in the world... as I told you before."

It was just like Rennio to suddenly appear overjoyed. The amount of sparks increased. "Really? You found another one? ...When did you have time to do that?"

"Don't misunderstand me. I always knew you weren't the only elekid in the world. The entire idea is pretty absurd, to be honest."

"W-What...?" Rennio said, his face falling. "You mean... You lied to me?"

"I did," I said bluntly. That was the best way to get to Rennio, otherwise he would think I was pulling another prank on him. But from the defeated look in his eyes, he seemed to believe me right away.

"Where are the other elekid? Why haven't we seen them?"

"There are some in Unova... where we got you. We got you from a daycare, far away from their home, so you never saw them. And, well, there really are none in Sinnoh. Supposedly, there are even more in Johto, but I don't know where... which brings me to my next point..."

"There's more?"

I nodded.

"...More lies, I mean."

I nodded again.

"Ezrem, do you know how scared out of my mind I've been this entire time? I've been so nervous that I was going to die before I could keep the line going. I thought... I thought I was alone this entire time..."

And then came the tears. I sighed, trying not to roll my eyes. As tough as Rennio tried to be at times, he was always just a baby at the end of it all. Maybe it was me being too harsh on him. After all, this was shocking news, and the worst was yet to come.

"You haven't been alone, Rennio. You've had me, right? And you had Annie... for a while. Until I messed everything up, that is," I added quietly.

"You didn't do anything, did you? Annie just died in the fire... It was an accident..." Rennio said in between sobs.

"Well, yes, it was an accident. But haven't you ever wondered how the fire even started? No one else was found in the forest, so it had to come... from us."

"O-Obieme? Why would he do such a thing?"

"Yes... Obieme started the fire. But it was me who made him start it." I took a deep breath. "It was me who caused Annie to die, Rennio. I'm so sorry."

The elekid stared at me in disbelief. "I thought... I thought Annie's cigarette just dropped after not being put out properly... Ezrem, why would you do such a thing?"

"I had heard stories of a legendary pokemon that comes out in the face of danger in Ilex Forest... so I made my own danger. I wanted the legendary pokemon--the time traveling pokemon--to take me home, back to Unova, back to before we started our journey. I know that doesn't make up for anything, but there it is. And don't blame Obieme, he had no idea at all..."

Rennio covered his eyes, an effective coping mechanism since his arms were so thick. More than anything, I wished that I could read his thoughts. I wished I could convince him that there was no real malicious intent in anything I had done. I only wanted--

I only wanted...

What did I want? His trust? To force him to grow up sooner? His undying loyalty? It was a mixture of all these things and more. And I couldn't explain any of them to him; I was wordless and just as confused as him. But I owed it to him to try to speak.

"You don't know what you do to me, Rennio," I said. I had thought this before. I had thought this about him, about Sai. It seemed to be the best way to start out, but it wasn't going to do if I wanted to get my point across. "You really don't. If I didn't lie to you, you wouldn't have given me the time of day. If you had known about Annie's death earlier, you would have left me. If I hadn't done what I had done... Well, then you would have stopped asking for my help, my friendship."

Rennio kept his face covered, his crying becoming noticeably louder. The other pokemon could even hear him, and as they tried to approach, I had to motion for them to stay away. This was personal. There was nothing they could do. They had Sai to worry about, anyway.

"I didn't... give you the time of day because everyone warned me about you... I should have listened... Annie... Why did you keep him on the team? Annie..."

"Annie was too kind," was all I could say. I vaguely wondered if I had chosen a bad time to tell him all of this, but there was no turning back now. I had used my gut instinct, which had usually served me well in the past, since if I thought about things too much, nothing went right. Nothing.

While it was too much to hope for, I had been imagining Rennio running to me and embracing me as if to say he forgave me by now. He did no such thing. He stood there, completely frozen, immobile, sobbing and reliving the experience of Annie's death all over again. Perhaps he was picturing his own death, too, now that he was just another one of the many electric types in the world.

I shifted around uncomfortably. Was there really nothing else for us to say? Surely it couldn't end like this. Surely it couldn't end with him hating me after all we had been through.

"Rennio?" I said. "Is there anything I can do to make this up to you? I'll do anything you ask."

"No," Rennio said instantly. "Y-You can't bring Annie back. You've already tried to break my fear of death, but it hasn't worked..."

"Okay, so I can't do anything..." I said, disheartened. "Look, Rennio, I was desperate... but now you can look at me and laugh, right? I had a burned wing and had to evolve to save Sai. So I'm no longer a part of Annie's precious, unevolved team. And I'm a shiny Rufflet! Those are so rare, I could really be the only one in the world. See how the tables have turned? See?"

"Yes... I see," Rennio said, removing his arms, letting them fall limp at his side. He looked down and I could see that he was visibly shaking. The sparks that were above his head now surrounded his face, ignited by the tears.

"What... What are you going to do now?" I dared to ask.

"What can I do? I'm not going to leave Sai, not now... I'll just hope to see another elekid sometime. That will be my new goal... I guess," he said slowly, his voice void of all energy and happiness. "What will you do? Can I trust you if you say you'll never lie to me again?"

"If I said yes, would you believe me?"

"No, I suppose not. Well... thank you for telling me. It's a shame, though. I thought I knew you. I really did," Rennio said.

I thought he was coming toward me when he started moving, but he only had to walk past me to leave the building. As he brushed past me, I could feel an electric shock even though we weren't touching. Rennio was powerful, both in battle and in his mind. Whatever damage I had done, it would be fixed eventually. I just had to be patient... starting now.

I stood there, unable to face the rest of the team or even myself. Now that all of my lies were exposed, I felt naked and confused. Sincerely, though, I knew that everything was as it should be now. Sai had accepted me and changed me. Rennio hated me. Kuiora cared for me, though she was still wary and perhaps always would be. The rest of the team dealt with my presence in their own individual ways. It was all fair, whether I liked it or not. I had no choice but to remember that that day, in the mountains where Annie found me, a lot of things went wrong and unbelievably awry.

When Rennio came back not too much later, the sparks were gone. I felt bad for anyone or anything that had gotten in his way outside. I thought I heard thunder outside as I watched him go back to the team. Was it Annie speaking to us, or had Rennio started a storm to say sorry to her for believing in such a fool? I remembered... Patience, patience. Someday, he'll come back around to you, Ezrem.

It's too bad I've never had any patience. If only the time traveling pokemon could have at least granted me that. But that pokemon was given many chances to help me redeem myself, and it always chose not to do a thing. It didn't bring me home. It didn't save my old trainer in the face of danger. Its story didn't help me convince Rennio that what I had done was right.

...What was I supposed to do now?
 

SURVIVAL PROJECT​
chapter 26 ; [ATIS]
memory

*​

I had been teetering on the edge of Sai's wild story. I was where the lies stopped and truth began to unravel itself page by page, thread by thread. Of course, I didn't know this right away. I didn't know anything because I was too busy being poisoned by a faraway butterfree's poisonpowder and knocked out of commission only to be taken away by someone I had never met before.

The experience was, to say the least, frightening. Back at the school, no foes presented themselves, and I hadn't been through anything dangerous like the rest of the team had. I only had to deal with being the closest pokémon to Sai despite my personality. I always kept myself in the back, hard to reach and impossible to break through should anything have wanted to attack me. I was always safe. To suddenly be thrust into the face of an enemy—an invisible enemy, no less—was unexpected. I had no way to counteract and I couldn't even depend on my trainer to help me. All I could do was succumb to the feeling of despair and faint after seeing Sai one last time.

After that, I had woken up a few times. My body and ability to think recovered a little bit each time I regained consciousness, as if my capturers had given me a serum that was to slowly get rid of the poison in my body. They must have done this, or I surely would have died after our long journey. The journey felt long, anyway. It was hard to tell time when you had no idea where you were or what was supposed to be happening.

Whoever Sai had given me away to wasted no time in getting down to business when we arrived at our destination. I was able to overhear two people talking, a man and a woman, and they were discussing how Sai had finally sent a pokémon to them. Yes, the strongest on his team, he said. He was finally fulfilling his duty… Here, in Mahogany Town, was where my next life would begin, she said as they shoved me into a cold area that I soon realized was a prison cell.

I shuddered; a persistent shivering shook through my back. Trying to regain my composure, my hands flattened on the cement, and I instantly thought of my future life below. My future life, I had assumed, was going to kill me in some violent way. I was going to die before I had even accomplished anything at all. I wondered what my own headstone would say and how soon it would say it. For a moment, I regretted wanting to leave Sai, even though it meant I was reveling in his lies.

As soon as I was able to comprehend my surroundings, I was able to see that there were other pokémon around. But none of them were paying attention to me at all. They were all eerily quiet and they weren't even sleeping. The room was almost pitch black, so I couldn't see them, but I had a nagging feeling that told me they knew I was here. They just didn't care. I could ask them for help, but it wouldn't get me anywhere. Communicating with others hadn't gotten me anywhere good so far, anyway… so I stayed silent.

After what seemed like forever, a ray of light poured into the room. Someone had opened the door to the basement and was coming to see us. This was the only thing that made the pokémon react. They started whining and pushing each other to get to the front of the cage. I was easily overcome and shoved to the back, since I wasn't anticipating anything decent to come of the situation. When the person who had come down to us—a lady—grabbed me from the cell and left the others behind, I could see why they hadn't interacted with me from the beginning. I was part of the outside world, a threat to their everyday lives. I wondered just how long they had been here, and why they were here at all.

Since I wasn't accustomed to the light of the building, I was blinded as I was led upward to who knows where. I couldn't see anything around me at all, but I could hear people shouting orders or mumbling loudly to themselves about plans and results. I couldn't make sense of anything, but it was enough to scare me.

My vision finally focused when we stopped moving. Much to my horror, this appeared to be a one-on-one confrontation, a particular aspect about my life that I wasn't able to handle well. To make things worse, we were also at the very top of the building, making escape very difficult. The lady in front of me seemed to be letting me roam wherever I wanted to, so I backed away and tried to appear intimidating, but it didn't seem to work as she chuckled slightly.

"Have no fear, Hitmontop. I will call you that from now on… for we have no need for nicknames in a place where everyone is equal," she said.

She smiled.

Her smile immediately threw me off. I looked over her once and couldn't help but cower at the mixed emotions that followed. From my simple observations of her smile, her eyes, her body language, I could determine that she was related to Sai somehow. Her hair was a similar color, for one. And she had green eyes, but they had the same spark that his had, the same spark that I could never quite identify. Now I knew: it was the dangerous look of knowing things that no one else did. From her one single action, I could determine the nature and depth of my relationship with her, and it could have gone anywhere. Sai wasn't so bad himself, but then again, he had just betrayed me. Her words seemed to bring some peace, but then I remembered that I was just in a prison cell. There was no way that everyone was equal in a place where some pokémon were free and others were not. There was something I just wasn't understanding…

"I know you're confused, but you don't need answers. We're here to gather an initial assessment of your strength…" she said, pulling out a pokéball from her belt.

But then she immediately put it back, and Sai showed up. Sai was frantic, Sai was angry. A great understatement, really. The lady grabbed on to me and I could tell this wasn't going anywhere good, and then the rest of the team showed up. I begged Senori for help. Senori always knew what to do, he always had the answers, he had to have them this time. I felt like I was dreaming as Sai took over and told us a quick rundown of his story and then asked us to battle. Yes, I fought for him—because I felt obligated to. Even if he was a bad person, he couldn't have been any worse than the woman we were fighting. There was something about her that made us all remember our own personal hells and then think that things could get much, much worse if we were with her for too long a time.

I was still never expecting him to jump…

You can say that you won't miss me, but I'll think about you every day.

*

…The nightmares surrounding my situation hadn't dissipated in the last week. They always started out vivid and then became increasingly unclear once Sai ran into the picture. Was I trying to block out memories of my trainer because they were scary or because I didn't want to reinforce my negative views of him? But I knew everything now. I knew that Sai had no choice but to give me up. I knew that Sai was sick and that he truly wanted to get better. His journey was never about pokémon at all. It was only about survival, and for this, I could forgive him in time. Of course, I had made this decision rather quickly, as I had to choose to jump on Ezrem's back or stay with the lady who was worse than Sai. I hoped I wouldn't regret it.

So far, I wasn't. I was almost exactly where I wanted to be, considering I had once considered to volunteer for a hospital that would help humans. I wished, of course, that Sai was better and that he was encouraging me to go rather than being the actual patient, but… it would have to do for now. Sai needed my help, and I was willing to give him what he wanted since I had only hindered him up to this point. My intentions had been good, and I didn't want to change now. It was hard to change, anyway, when I saw Sai peer over at me every few minutes, as if trying to remind himself that I was still here, and to tell me that he didn't want me to leave again. I forced myself to give an eager smile every time he looked at me to support him.

What else could I do? The nurse had told Sai he would be here until he was no longer deemed a threat to himself or others. Sai was also asked to attend a group therapy session once a day and he was required to write in a journal about how he was feeling at any given time. Those directions seemed simple enough, but Sai was having trouble following them. He skipped the first day, saying it could do nothing for him since he was taught medication was the only cure. And when he tried to write in the journal for the first time, he kept breaking the lead pencil given to him, and so he eventually grew frustrated and gave up. It reminded me of the ferocity he had used when trying to convey his secret to me on paper.

What else could I do…? I wrote to him first, mostly to keep the pokémon from listening, but also because I wanted him to start following the nurse's rules. I found a marker at the receptionist's desk at the front of the psychiatric ward and used it instead, figuring Sai couldn't possibly break this. At worst, his words would bleed through the pages.

What are you doing? I started. It was vague but it gave him room to answer whatever he wanted. After deciding my handwriting was easy enough to read, I gave him the journal. He was only sitting on the edge of the bed, listening to Ezrem and Kuiora bicker with each other as usual, so it seemed like a decent time. He looked at me oddly, but he took the journal nonetheless and wrote back to me.

I'm sitting here.

…Simple, but true. I tried a different approach.

How are you feeling?

Like I want to get out of here.

What are you going to do once you're out of here?

No response—Sai only shook his head and gave the journal back to me.

Well, you should do what the nurse says and you can get better. We're all rooting for you, you know.

I'm afraid you'll leave when we get out of here after what I did.

I gritted my teeth. It was as I feared; Sai was worried about me and he was taking it out on himself. He could be so selfish sometimes… or was it selfless after remembering the dangers that he had put me through before? I couldn't tell.

I won't, I wrote confidently.

…So what do you want me to do?

Write how you're feeling, and go to those therapy sessions. …I'll even go with you if you want.

You will? Is that even allowed?

Uh… Yes? To be honest, I wasn't sure, but I had to convince him somehow. I'm even having some problems myself, so I should go, I finished, shuddering as I recalled the nightmares about the preceding events.

Okay. I saw him pause as he wrote. I'll go.

*

As Sai promised, he gave his mother two days to evacuate Mahogany Town with whatever belongings she wanted and with whoever she wanted before he turned Team Rocket in. And over these two days, as I (kind of) promised, I went to those therapy sessions with him. Surprisingly, I was allowed to, though I would have to stay quiet because not everyone understood pokémon. Well, that was fine by me. I was a better listener than anything, anyway.

When I first went in, I had no idea what to expect. My imagination had set up some kind of wild fantasy where a bunch of people came together and fought each other until they were spent and exhausted. Until their problems seemed to disappear into thin air. That was the idea Sai had given me, anyway, with his mental illness. He was prone to violence and arguments, and so I assumed all people like him were like that.

But it was nothing of the sort. The most violent action that occurred involved the six other people in the room—including the advisor—staring at us for being slightly late to the meeting. Everyone was calm and reserved as they seemed to try to curl up into their seats, as if to pretend they didn't exist. Instantly I understood that these people had problems they were ashamed of, and it made me wonder if Sai would have told us he was sick a long time ago if he had the chance. According to these peoples' postures, he would have kept it himself despite his freedom.

First, Sai was asked to introduce himself and then his guest: me. I felt awkward by the sudden attention—even though I had been anticipating it—but found myself able to relax when the others were clearly more focused on Sai rather than me. They gave him eye contact and smiled at him, exchanged hellos. It made sense. Sai was of their own kind; I was only there to absorb the information about my trainer and subsequently use it to understand him and help him better.

Since we were a bit late, we had missed the introductions by the other members, but they went around again and said all of their names and reasons for being present just for Sai. I could tell by the way his body unwounded that he was welcoming the positive special attention, something he supposedly wasn't accustomed to. It made me realize suddenly why he felt closest to me—I gave him special attention that I gave no one else… and to help him, I would have to keep doing it. I was already surpassing step one by being by his side.

The next step that had to take place was the promise of confidentiality among members. It was vital, the advisor said, for everyone to understand that what was said in the room stayed in the room. This was to keep every member of the group comfortable when speaking and also to prevent trouble for spreading among the outside world. Members could talk about their own experiences in group therapy, but anyone else's information was to be left out of conversation.

Breaching confidentiality was not my intention, so the overall expansion of the session has been left out here. This was the gist of it, though: everyone here had a hard life. They had all lost relatives and friends that were close to them in disasters that lay out of their hands. They had all lost their sense of self. They all were a puzzle that wanted to be put back together, but couldn't figure out how to do it, even with the outside pieces intact.

And even though Sai wouldn't mind, I have chosen to leave his segment out, too. I respect him as much as I would anyone else. It goes without saying, however, that his problems hit the most to home. This wasn't because they reminded me of myself. It was because being with him really was my home, and it made me realize how little I knew of my home. I had no idea what went on inside his head. His moments that seemed crazy to me were completely normal to him. How did he live with such a scattered mind and no sense of control? Even if I asked, I doubt he would know, either. At the very least, I enjoyed seeing him work on himself.

The only piece of information I'll completely reveal is his hardest confession, mostly because it ended up being on national television anyway. Before, Sai had beat around the bush by explaining his feelings and giving vague explanations of his past home surroundings, but he had never said he was part of Team Rocket. He never said that his mother put him through unethical experiments that left him imprisoned for the majority of his life.

It started with an awkward silence that only a human voice could fill. Another boy in the group had just finished telling a story and receiving feedback and advice about the situation, and now it was time for someone else to talk.

"Does anyone else have anything they'd like to share?" said the advisor, an older female who held a clipboard in her hand. She spent her time moderating the discussion and keeping notes of every individual and every conversation.

Sai was usually the one to remain silent until someone spoke to him first and prodded for answers. This time, though, he spoke up immediately. He even stood up to make him point.

"I have a confession to make," Sai said, his fists clenched in determination, "and I expect it to leave this room. If it doesn't, I'll be pretty disappointed."

This caused everyone to look at him, confused. Even the advisor stopped writing for a moment to raise an eyebrow at him suspiciously.

"Yes, Sai? Remember that anything you say in here is confidential to the rest of us," she said.

"Well, I was going to tell the police, but it seems that I'm not allowed to see them from inside this place. So I'm just going to say it here… and hope it reaches the right ears."

"We're all listening," she said slowly. The rest of the group nodded.

Sai took a deep breath before saying, "I'm sure we've all heard of Team Rocket. They're infamous for stealing strong pokémon, selling weak pokémon, and using pokémon for questionable experiments. But no one's known where to locate them. No one seems to know where they're hiding out yet. Well, I'm here to say that I know where they are." He paused. I pulled at his pant leg, urging him to continue. "I know where they are because I was a part of them. Not in the way you're probably thinking," he hastily added, "but because they're the ones who… imprisoned me. For being sick. I was an experiment of theirs."

Silence.

"You guys might have actually… supported the idea behind the experiment, had they not gone about it all wrong. Can the mentally ill surpass the normal people in terms of raising pokémon? Can the mentally ill be good for anything besides destroying things and causing problems? It was my goal to help them figure this out. Well, I both passed and failed. I passed because I survived when no one else did. I failed because I left the experiment. That's how I ended up here. I was tired of it and I left."

Silence.

"You know the laboratory on the northern edge of town? That's where they are. They've been close to you guys all this time and you didn't even know it. They were doing research on everyone like us and you didn't even know it. I'm sorry I didn't have the strength to say anything sooner. I was scared for my life. I wanted… I wanted the freedom the rest of you had. But in the end, we all landed in the same place. It's funny how that works sometimes."

Silence.

Sai sat back down and leaned back in his seat. I saw the corners of his mouth turning upward but also saw tears threatening to leave his eyes. The rest of the group was stunned and merely looked to the advisor for guidance, as they so often did. No one said anything because there was nothing to say. No words could change the frightening past that Sai had had and nothing could change the fact that evil had been taking place not too far from their homes for years on end. There are times when the world proves itself to be a better liar than the rest of us combined. This was one of those times. You won, world. You won for a while, anyway… but now you lose.

"Well, it seems we'll have to end this session early. The rest of you should go to your rooms," she finally said. "Sai, you and Atis should come with me."

And so we did.

*

"Sai, why are there so many uniformed people in your room?" asked a very curious Kuiora as she scrutinized every part about the men in the room. It was easy for her to recognize the weapons in their belts, but she was still young so she didn't know they were here to help, not cause problems. It was easy for her to understand that they were here for serious business, but she didn't seem to see that they weren't here to play these games with her. She tried to defend Sai the best she could anyway. If they glared at her and gave her an unfavorable look, she did the same. If they advanced toward him without giving any warning about doing so, then she growled and started preparing a water gun attack. Ezrem had to take her out of the room eventually to keep her calm.

Rennio and Senori weren't as wary. They knew the police, probably due to past experience or due to hearing about them before, so they stayed out of the way and let them question Sai. And of course, I was completely supportive of the idea. While none of us were particularly thrilled that not all of the culprits would be caught, we had to be satisfied with Sai's decision. It's not like we could have said anything even if we wanted to.

"We are questioning here since we have orders that say you are not to leave this place," the policeman in charge said.

Sai nodded. I remembered him saying that he didn't know other people could visit him, but now he knew otherwise. This was a special exception that the nurses were allowing. They also had told Sai that they had a special announcement for him once the questioning was over. He insisted on knowing at that moment, but they kept to themselves and told him to be patient, smiling all the while.

"Now, how long did you say this had been going on?" the policeman asked, peering at Sai sternly.

"At least ten years. That's how long I was there, anyway. They've probably been there much longer," Sai answered. He was fiddling with his hands, which told me he wasn't confident with his answers. His knowledge was limited despite having been there for ten years. I knew from experience now that that was what happened when you were imprisoned and kept in the dark.

"And why didn't you say anything once you were released?"

Sai gulped, then said, "Because they threatened me. If I told anyone, I was going to pay for it."

The policeman coughed. Did that mean he believed Sai? Surely his current condition could tell the truth behind his story. These things just don't happen out of the blue. For once, it was obvious that we, Sai's pokémon, weren't enough to comfort him when it came to believing his story was real.

"You say you saw them do experiments on pokémon and humans there?"

"Yes… They keep pokémon locked up, and only use them to train endlessly or hook them up to machines that do harm."

"I see. We know Team Rocket is dangerous, but we just want to hear your side of the story." He turned away from Sai and motioned to the others inside the room. "Some of my men are already heading there to look over the place. They have a warrant to get inside if they don't comply. We're also here to offer you protection if that is what you want. That's why so many of us are here."

"Protection…?"

"Yes. From what you've told us, you've been through a lot. These people are a huge threat to you, and they may continue to threaten you through outside sources. This is also possible if any of them escape in time. If you would like, we can keep watch over you and make sure these people don't find you."

"You mean that you'll keep me in one place and tell me I'll be safe within your care."

"That's the idea of it, yes."

Sai shook his head and immediately said, "No. That sounds exactly like what they did to me. Even if your intentions are true, well… If I need anyone to protect me, I can count on my pokémon."

"That is entirely up to you. Just know that the option is open to you."

"Aren't I stuck here for a while, anyway?" Sai said, rolling his eyes. I wondered whether or not he truly hated this place. He had shown me what was inside of his journal and he was progressively getting happier and more stable. And as if his healing affected mine, my nightmares had slowly been drifting away, too, so I could reflect on that incident with a clearer head.

"About that… Well, the nurse says you're free to leave tonight if you want. She told us that you have been making significant progress in the last week and a half, and they are ready to let you go. Of course, you can choose to stay if you'd like, but it would cost you more money than you already owe. This is another reason we offered you the protection idea—just in case you had nowhere to go afterward."

Sai's face instantly lit up. "Really? I'm free to go?"

"Yes."

He softened up a moment, later, however, as he seemed to realize something. "Well, I really do have nowhere to go… but like I said, I have my pokémon. I'll figure something out."

"Then it's settled. You will leave tonight. We wish you the best of luck, and we thank you for cooperating with us and doing what was right," the policeman said. He took a step forward and extended his arm out to Sai. The boy didn't seem to understand the gesture at first, but figured it out pretty quickly and shook the man's hand.

When the policemen left, Sai didn't hesitate to show his excitement once more. "You hear that, Atis?" he cried. "We're getting out of here, and it's all thanks to you!"

On cue, Ezrem and Kuiora returned into the room (with the croconaw sticking out her tongue to the others on their way out), but they only stared blankly at our trainer, along with Senori and Rennio. What were they so confused about? And then it hit me.

"Oh… It's not all thanks to me! E-Everyone helped in their own way, you know…" I stammered out.

"Not really," Senori butted in. "We stayed back because we figured you two needed, uh, some time together. To get things straight, you know?"

"Aren't we so considerate?" sneered Ezrem. He flapped his wings and took off into the air, seeming as if he was going to fly into Sai. He flew over the boy's head, though, and landed on the other side of the bed, where the policemen had previously been standing.

"Did you really have to do that?" Rennio scolded. It wasn't like him to talk back to the bird, and I wondered what exactly had happened between the two of them. It wasn't any of my business, but we couldn't afford another break in the team…

"Yes, I did," Ezrem said simply, in an even ruder tone than usual.

"Do we need to get someone to put a 'do not resuscitate or save' tattoo on that egotistical head of yours, just in case you get hurt again?" Rennio retaliated, folding his arms.

"I see you're being critical of me. That's good, because I'm obviously flawed. That's why I need my daily dose of attention, since Atis has been hogging it all for the last week."

"I… What? I didn't… I mean—"

"It's going to be the next big thing on the news next to the big Team Rocket scandal. Prizewinning pokémon scientist named Atis finds the cure for brokenhearted boys."

I blanched, unable to find the ability to even stutter.

"Ezrem," Kuiora said. "Be good." That was all it took for the braviary to close his beak; he fluffed his feathers inside, hiding his face in embarrassment, probably from Rennio more than anyone else. The bird had no shame in most situations, I had come to notice.

"Speaking of news…" said Senori, who had just been listening intently all the time. "Doesn't this mean… we'll be on the news? Since Sai was the one who reported them?"

The room went quiet. None of us had considered this notion until now. We all looked at our trainer, but as usual, he didn't have an answer.

*

It was a good thing Senori had pointed it out before, or we never would have been prepared to leave the hospital at all. Well, I still wasn't prepared, but that was besides the point. In fact, I was even more nervous and less ecstatic than I had been before. I didn't want the attention that was inevitably coming. If Sai wanted to move on with his life, though, I supposed this was step one…

Once Sai gathered his belongings into his backpack, he checked out of the hospital and was told he would eventually have to pay for his stay. Once he checked out of the hospital, we walked outside and ran into a giant crowd that apparently knew he was going to leave soon. Once we realized that there was a giant crowd in front of us, we noticed that they all had cameras and microphones—all aimed at Sai's face and mouth. In response, Sai raised his hands, as if he were surrendering to their endless questions.

"Uh…" he started, unsure of what to do next.

"Sai Luart, would you please tell us about your life being imprisoned by Team Rocket?" one reporter yelled over the rest.

"Is it true that Team Rocket harmed pokémon and humans while doing their research?" another one asked.

I could feel myself blushing intensely, and I wasn't even the one given the attention. Still, the anxiety I felt in public also attributed to others who were being humiliated. If Sai was being embarrassed by the attention, then so was I. It wasn't logical, but nothing about my anxiety was ever really logical. I tried not to think about it too much.

Still, the overwhelming amount of people here was too much for me. I yelled for Sai to move along, to forget these people because they only wanted to earn money off of his story, but the loud crowd drowned out my voice. I changed my strategy and pushed him from behind, forcing the others to make a path for him unless they wanted to be trampled. The others seemed to catch on to what I was doing and tried to help out. Kuiora growled at everyone while Ezrem pecked at the cameras and broke some of the lens. Senori hopped on Sai's shoulder and covered part of his face with his tail to avoid people from seeing him on television. Rennio forced people to back away in response to the threatening electricity surrounding his body. With all of this, we were able to create a sizable amount of distance between us and the news reporters. And when it was safe, we all let down our guards and gave Sai some room to breathe.

"Well, it looks like the police caught and arrested Team Rocket, at least… Do you think I'll be wanted on television forever?"

"Just until the next big story…" I said, rubbing the back of my head nervously.

"Remember, Atis, you are a prizewinning scientist pokémon—" Ezrem started.

"No thanks…"

"So what are we going to do now?" Rennio asked, still not amused by Ezrem's antics.

"I don't know yet," Sai said, shaking his head. He looked behind him to make sure no one was following him. Indeed, no one was, so he continued, "I thought about going back to Ecruteak City, but how can I show my face to Morty after what happened?"

"What happened?" I said without thinking. It didn't occur to me that I might have had anything to do with the situation.

"You don't want to know," Senori assured me. I didn't ask again.

"Anyway," Sai went on, "I don't have concrete plans. I want to keep traveling. I want to keep learning things. I want to be a better trainer… and friend… If we see something we really want to do along the way, then we'll know. And we can go from there. How does that sound?"

"You sound like you've thought this out real well," Ezrem said sarcastically.

Sai reached out his right arm and clamped his hand around the bird's beak, not allowing him to speak. I thought that Sai was going to get angry with him like he had before, but Sai was actually laughing.

"You be quiet," was all he said, and then he let go. "I thought about it in the hospital, but I didn't think of anything. So sorry."

Yes, he seemed a bit more stable now… and that was really all any of us could have asked for. It was one of the few times that Ezrem's wild demeanor brought some positivity to us. I owed him a great deal already for saving Sai, but now he was helping even more. Hopefully the rest of the team could find their own niche in Sai's life and contribute to it to the best of their ability. I believed they had found their niches already, they just didn't know it yet. Their comments about me hogging the attention had told me so, but they would learn in time, I believed. Ezrem offered a good laugh once in a while, which never hurt anybody. Senori guided us down safe paths, and Kuiora gave off a sense of naivety that was ideal for staying sane. Rennio's youth let Sai know that he was important and that he had someone to protect.

And I… I gave Sai the determination to want. To reach out. To have dreams. I wanted the world. I got the world plus Sai and the rest of the team. Now Sai wanted the world, too, more than anything. We just didn't know what was in store for him.

I hoped for nothing but the best.
 

SURVIVAL PROJECT​
chapter 27 ; [SENORI]
scald

*​

Oh, Sai. What could I say about him after all that had happened? I never realized that we had such disparate ideas of what life could be. He believed life could be controlled from afar. He believed life could be spent scared and paranoid. And here I thought that life could be spent in the aura of forgiveness and in the hands of fate.

I had already forgiven him for what he had done, but I couldn't help wondering: was what happened meant to happen? Did fate try to take Sai away, and then Ezrem defied it? Did fate throw this obstacle at Sai with the intentions of having him survive and turn into a better, happier person? Either way, I couldn't blame fate for wanting my trainer back so soon. He certainly was special. I had always considered him special, but the events over the last week and a half had proved it. He had such great trust in us and the sudden willpower to live couldn't have been mustered so easily. Sai had an effect on my beliefs that I still couldn't quite place.

…If I tried to think about it too hard, though, my thoughts turned to mush. I was hoping some sort of understanding would just fall from the sky, but I had no such luck. All I knew was that I couldn't bear the idea of losing Sai after I had lost all my clan members. Again, it would undoubtedly be my fault for not helping him sooner. Again, I would be alone and destined to start another journey that was doomed to end far too soon.

That was how much I cared. And I cared for not only Sai, but also for the others. It seemed that every member of the team had taken on physical forms of all the fears that threatened to follow me everywhere I went. The fear of loss, the fear of guilt... They had never left. I had never lost them, not even after I evolved. These faults of mine had just been replaced with new hearts, new lives, and they wouldn't go away unless I was separated from a member of the team, permanently or not. The six of us took breaths like one, and it showed.

Even if life was only offering me inevitable pain, it was worth it to be with them and only them.

That was what I felt, anyway, as we made our way out of the hospital and past the news reporters. Did they know that a dangerous entity—Sai's mother—might be lurking nearby? Did they know that the boy whose shoulder I was standing on lost a majority of his life to people who only wanted to harm him? Probably not. Would they care, even if they knew? Probably not, unless they earned a profit from it. They wouldn't even care if Sai's old cage was placed in the middle of Mahogany Town or if he begged them for release, too exhausted to try to escape himself. All of these people and reporters passing by knew that pokémon live in the wild, babies come from eggs, and that somebody died for their sins. They never stopped to think about it, though. That was why they kept passing by, looking for the next big story. I was glad to see the other people and reporters go. It was a rather pessimistic view, but I couldn't help it. That was what Sai's story had taught me: you can only count on a small amount of capable people. For Sai, it was us, Marty, and Sasha. Maybe some nurses, maybe the police. But no one else, not until they gave us a reason to call them worthy. Of course, I would be wishing that the boy's future changed this negative view. For now, it would have to stay.

*

We were heading back to Ecruteak City only to leave it and set out onto our next big adventure. Of course, whenever we planned to go anywhere, something or someone interrupted us. As if fate were reading my thoughts about trustworthy people, we ran into Marty shortly after the news reporters had gone away while mumbling loudly to themselves about how Sai wouldn't talk. Surprisingly, Sasha wasn't with him, and he quickly explained that he had to see Sai right away. Alone.

"What's the matter?" Sai asked, looking behind him once more. "We're alone now…"

"Yeah, yeah. I waited for all those news idiots to get away from you. Look, I'm sorry about those things I said in the hospital. I was just stunned, that's all. But your pokémon… did a good job of protecting you from them. They must like you a lot," Marty said quietly, peering over at us one by one, giving each of us a confident yet heartbroken smile.

"I don't know why, but they do," Sai said, reaching behind him to pick me up off of his shoulder. He cradled me in his arms and pet me behind the ears. If only I could have explained to Marty that we cared because of his tender moments like this amidst the craziness.

"It was wrong of me to have said otherwise. It was uncalled for." When Marty saw that Sai was about to protest, he added, "I know we both said you're a bad trainer, but you're not. There's a difference between being a bad trainer and learning in the process of becoming a good trainer. That's why I have a request for you."

"A request…?"

Marty pulled out a pokéball from his belt and pressed the middle button to enlarge it. He threw back his arm and then thrust it forward, calling out, "Go, Gracie!"

The quilava appeared in a flash of red and white, but instead of giving off a battle cry like I thought she might, she sat there, disinterested. The very act of releasing a pokémon, however, sent everyone into battle motion. Marty was known to be extremely aggressive toward us and after everything that had transpired, we were even more on edge than usual, despite the boy's kind words.

And so, Kuiora took it upon herself to step forward and say, "I'll take care of the fire-type!"

"Seriously? Marty wants to fight us?" Atis said, slapping himself on the forehead.

"Looks like it," Ezrem said. "I'll support you, Kuiora! This *******'s got nothing on you."

"I'll fight second if you need to rest!" Rennio said.

"Guys," Sai said, grabbing Kuiora and forcing her back to him, "I don't think Marty wants to fight. Am I right?"

Gracie looked back to her trainer quizzically, even though she didn't particularly seem to want to battle herself. At this, the team relaxed and watched for the other boy's reaction. Marty frowned and nodded, saying, "I just wanted to do that… one last time."

There was a moment of silence before Sai asked, "Marty, you're not the kind of person to be vague. Is something wrong?"

"Did you know your pokémon came to find me and Sasha so we could help them find you?"

"No, I didn't," he replied, but he didn't appear to be surprised.

"Gracie helped translate what was going on. She traveled outside of her ball the entire time and talked to some of your pokémon. You see, she's been acting very strangely since then. She won't eat, she won't battle… This is the first time she's looked at me for a long time."

"Oh. I see," Sai said, setting me down on the ground. "Do you want me to talk to her for you?"

"No," Marty said quickly. "I mean, I think I know what's going on, but I don't want you to force anything out of her. I think I've done enough of that already."

I saw Gracie hang her head, which only proved Marty's words to be true. I remembered that time—it seemed so long ago now—where we had ridden on the back of the boy's mantine and talked about her past. About the abuse she endured. About Marty's persistence and assertiveness and constant reminders, and how she couldn't handle it. Perhaps I had brought up too many harsh memories for her and had caused her to treat her trainer with disdain. That hadn't been my intention, and I stared at her with sad eyes. If she looked at me, she would know that I knew and that I was feeling guilty for it. But she didn't look my way. I tried to console myself with the fact that she would have cracked sooner or later, with or without me. Surely, there had to be some way to help her now…

"What do you want me to do, then?"

"Gracie," Marty said loudly to get her attention, "I'm giving you a choice. I've given a lot of thought to this. It's been hard because you're my starter, but if you're not happy with me, then… you can leave. I brought you to Sai because his pokémon might have done something for you I'm not aware of. You should go with him, if you think that's a better fit."

"Marty, what are you—" Sai started.

"Hush, Sai. You'll take her, won't you? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let her go and she ended up in the hands of the wrong person. You of all people should know how I feel."

At this, Sai kept silent and, perhaps unconsciously, moved toward Atis.

Gracie spun around, stopping once in a while to look at both our group and Marty. Her face looked strained, her mouth was open as if she wanted to say something, and the fire on her back was dimming considerably out of fear. She was obviously confused and unsure of herself. While everyone else stood back and watched the scene unravel, I went up to her and tried to assist her. It was my fault that she was in this mess to begin with, after all.

"I know you don't want to stay," I said, hinting at our last conversation. "This is your chance to be happy!"

She looked down suddenly, scratching carelessly at the ground with her paws. "Will I be happy with Sai, though? Is he better than Marty?"

"Sai's… got his own problems, sure, but they shouldn't conflict with yours. He would never push you farther than you wanted to go."

"But Marty's fed me all this time, and he takes me out of my pokéball to exercise. He trained me enough to evolve and he's never afraid of me like other people are because they think I'll burn them. On the other hand, he's just so… triggering. And what about Sasha? She'll be crushed. What about the rest of the team? I-I don't know…"

"I'm sure Marty's thought about that. Maybe he even talked to them about it. They'll have to understand. And if you're not happy with what he's done, then… something's still wrong."

"You'd think that after all this time, he'd be able to understand me and hear me out," Gracie said, shaking her head. "But I was starting to think it'd never happen. I lost hope, so I ignored him… I guess that was hard for him not to notice, huh?"

I nodded, having nothing else to say. The rest was up to her. The only thing I could do now was make her know that Sai would have her if she chose to go.

"You'd take her if she wanted to come, right, Sai?" I said, turning to my trainer.

"Of course," Sai said without hesitation.

"No dice?"

"No dice."

I waited for Ezrem to make a sarcastic comment about how unfair the situation was, but none came. The team was shifting around uncomfortably, probably remembering how they had been given this very same choice once, and how much had happened since then. It was awkward to have it be happening to the initial perpetrator right before your eyes.

"You hear that, Gracie? We'll have you."

"I don't know what they're saying over there, Gracie, but… please choose. Don't worry about me," Marty said. His body was visibly tense; he was trying very hard not to show any weakness so that he could stay true to his word.

Gracie looked at her original trainer once before taking a cautious step toward Sai. With every move she made, she became more confident in her decision, and she ended up walking straight to Sai without any evident reluctance.

"So this is your decision?" Sai asked, leaning down to see his new pokémon.

"…Would you tell Marty that he's a good boy, but my heart's just not in it yet?" Gracie confirmed, extinguishing the flames on her back so she could nuzzle up to Sai's leg without hurting him.

"Well, that's that," Marty said, turning away swiftly at the sound of her voice. I could tell he could break at any moment when his shoulders crouched forward and he faltered in his first step. It had to be difficult, losing your first partner, but it had to be some consolation, to feel you were doing the right thing.

"Marty, I'm so sorry, and so is Gracie," Sai explained sincerely. "I don't know what else to say. What are you going to do now?"

"As I said, don't worry about me," the boy replied, waving his hand around weakly. "Thank you, Sai. I must say, I've grown to love your disappearing acts, so… I think I'll do one of my own. Right now. …See you around."

And with that, he ran off into the next route leading out of Mahogany Town, leaving his pokémon in our care. His disappearance marked the end of Gracie's quest for contentment, and we all welcomed her home as best as we could.

*

I originally thought Gracie was very shy, but she still had that determined side of her that I saw when we first fought. Anyone who could deal with Ezrem and Kuiora's witty bantering, anyway, had to be extremely determined.

"Kuiora's probably ecstatic that she has a perfect opponent on the team. You better watch out, Gracie. She may shoot a water gun at you at any time," Ezrem said, flying high enough to where Kuiora couldn't hit him in response.

"I wouldn't do that!" she cried instead.

"You were ready to do it when she was sent out of her pokéball," Ezrem retorted.

"W-Well, that was different…"

"It's okay," Gracie interrupted. "I'll practice with you anytime. The braviary, on the other hand, better not underestimate me or he'll receive a swift kick in the face."

"That's awfully rude of you. If you're finding it difficult to laugh at yourself, then I'd be happy to do it for you."

"Hmph. You can use me for your witty jokes. You can step on me and walk all over me like I'm not even here. But I will not let you look down on me."

"Wow," I said, running up to them since I had been listening to their conversation the entire time. I felt obligated to join at this point, so I did. "Gracie's standing up for herself and she hasn't even been on the team for a whole hour."

Needless to say, I knew why she said what she did. Having someone look down on her reminded her of the past abuse. I could tell by the intensity in her voice. The human who hurt her literally towered over her and struck her down as punishment constantly, so it made her think of pain. It was similar to how the sentret in my clan looked down on each other when they became taller with their tails. This was how they declared their dominance. Unlike the sentret, though, she didn't mind being invisible or used as a source of humor. That was just the kind of pokémon she was. With these characteristics, I thought she'd fit nicely into the team.

"I'll step all over you while I still can, then," Ezrem said, rolling his eyes and ignoring me.

"Is that a threat?" Rennio chimed in.

"No," Ezrem defended quickly.

"I think it is."

"Oh, Rennio, where have you been all my life? Such a reliably disappointing pokémon such as yourself deserves to be my top priority."

"I was hiding from you, like everyone else should."

"L-Let's all be nice, guys," Atis said. We were able to hear him though he was traveling behind us, next to Sai. "We don't want our new companion to think she made the wrong decision, do we?"

"Let's talk about something random," Kuiora offered. "Like, uh, how blue Sai's eyes are."

"What?" Sai said after hearing his name. So much for having an attentive trainer who was watching us to make sure we were behaving. I wondered what he was thinking about, but there was no way to know.

"You know. Like a lake or something. …I thought of it because I could really go for a swim right now. Sorry. It's been a while."

"The city we're going to, Olivine City, has a huge ocean next to the ferry port. We could go swimming there if you really wanted," Rennio suggested.

"Really? How do you know?"

"That was where me and my old trainer arrived in Johto. We were able to explore the town a bit before starting at the beginning in New Bark Town."

"I'd like to point out that I was there, too," Ezrem said. "And what he says is true."

"Wow!" Kuiora said, jumping up in excitement. "Can we go, Sai? Can we?"

"Uh," Sai said. "It's not like we have anything better to do…"

"That's a yes!" the croconaw affirmed. "Oh. Sorry, Gracie, I bet you don't like water, do you?"

"I don't mind it," she lied. "I'm not like most fire-types, I guess."

"Isn't it great to have a fire-type pokémon on our team?" Atis sighed before Ezrem could make another snarky comment. "Maybe she can help us keep warm at night…"

"It's just like you to be thinking of sleep. We pretty much just rested for a week. Don't tell me you're still tired," I teased him.

"It w-was a lot harder of a time than it looked, you know…"

I looked up at Sai to make sure he wasn't paying attention before continuing to speak. "I don't know what you did for him or what changed your mind, but thank you."

"Ah, I didn't do anything, really…" the modest hitmontop replied.

"But of course you did. We all stood back on purpose because we knew you could do it. Do you regret it or something?"

"No… I trust him."

"The error you made before was trusting him. Here's my observation, though: you'd do it again if it meant seeing him smile."

"It doesn't have to be as corny as you make it sound, but yeah."

"Excuse me, leader, but is that you talking to yourself over there? Has being with Sai too long made you a little crazy?" Ezrem asked, swooping down to get in between me and Atis.

"Of course I'm talking to myself," I said, saving Atis the embarrassment by playing along with his games. "I need an intelligent conversation once in a while, you know."

"Your wits don't match mine, but they're pretty high up there," the bird said. "Don't forget who saved your trainer. I could have left him alone. Maybe then I might not have spent that time cooped up in a tight building with strict women."

"It's not Senori's fault that braviary are so huge," Atis protested. Once he realized he had talked, however, he covered his mouth immediately and hung back a little as if trying to pretend he didn't exist.

"Oh, so you do like to talk sometimes," Ezrem said. "You know, I thought I understood evolution until I met you. I thought about it a lot thanks to my old trainer. Weren't you only supposed to evolve into a hitmontop if attack and defense were equal? But it seemed your defenses were higher than anything. Now I see—you've got a mouth on you, too. …You should use it more often."

"I should…?"

"Actually, I agree with Ezrem for once," Rennio said. "We'd all like to hear you talk more."

"And we'd like to see you battle more," Kuiora agreed.

"Then I'd be a real hitmontop, huh?" he said. And he smiled as if he had been forcing back a smile for a long time. Everyone but Sai had missed it ever since the incident.

"A real hitmontop can also spin on his head," I said. I laughed, remembering how he couldn't fully perform the trick for those at the pokémon fan club. Luckily, no one else knew what I was talking about.

Atis gave me a halfhearted glare and said, "I'll spin on my head in the water and splash you. All of you."

"Except for me, right?" Gracie said.

"Right. Sorry," Atis said, blushing.

"Sounds like a plan to me," I said. When we all seemed to quiet down, I turned to my trainer and said, "Sai, you haven't said much. Do you know how to swim?"

"No…" Sai said slowly, as if the word was completely foreign to him.

"I thought I'd ask, in any case. Well, we're going to teach you."

"I'm going to teach him," Kuiora corrected.

"And if he refuses, just remember that I'm an electric-type," Rennio said, smiling.

"Oh…" Sai said, finally getting into our conversation by grinning. "Is that a challenge?"

And that was how our next journey began.

*

It took us another three days to get to Olivine City. We sped through Ecruteak City due to Sai's unfavorable memories. From there, we made our way past tall grass with a bunch of wild pokémon and eager trainers. There was no time for bantering like there had been at the beginning, and we were all worn out by the time we arrived, especially Sai, who still hadn't gotten over the battle that had taken place on the roof. Perhaps he'd never get over it, and it was our duty to help him out to the best of our abilities.

Still, this was exactly what we needed. There were no memories associated with Olivine City. No one was threatening to follow or hurt Sai anymore. It was an added bonus that we had something to do besides battle the gym leader first, though I was sure we'd get around to that eventually, considering that the gym challenge was all that he had ever known. There was nothing particularly wrong with that, seeing as how Sai enjoyed battlin. He had to grow out of it sometime, though… And it seemed that Atis was starting to rub off on me…

"Senori?" Sai asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Are you going to go in the water?"

I looked at everything around me. Kuiora hadn't wasted any time in asking Rennio to bring her to the ocean, and Sai was happy to give in to the two of them. So here we were, on the west side of Olivine City already, surrounded by sand and a line of beach houses that people could rent out for a day or two. Sai had purchased one, but he said they were expensive so it would be a special treat after everything had happened.

"Anything to make up for what I did," he said sadly.

But the team wouldn't let him feel guilty. Not right now. They forced him out onto the sun and tried to get him into the water, but he said he'd wait to see what everyone was doing first before having some fun himself. He was concerned for us, probably because this was something new to him, and probably because he had a newcomer to care for, a newcomer that could be damaged by too much water exposure.

So I watched as Kuiora hopped on Ezrem's back. I watched as Ezrem flew into the sky and over the deeper part of the water, allowing the croconaw to jump off of him and dive right in. I watched as Atis practiced spinning on his head a few times before finally getting the hang of it. He chose to just run into the water, but I was sure he'd keep his promise. I watched as Rennio did a practice thundershock attack on the ground to get the excess electricity away from him before following. I watched as he urged Gracie to come with him, but also to not get too close. I want to be your friend because you're the new baby of the team, he had said, and it made me smile. And it made me think.

I thought too much, and so Sai interrupted me.

"Yes, I will," I said simply. "I haven't had a bath in… forever."

"Why is that?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Because you, as my trainer, haven't given me one? You take showers by yourself. We have to stay clean too, you know."

"Oh," Sai said. "I didn't know. I'll change that from now on. Sorry."

"It's okay. The others don't seem to mind, not even Kuiora. It might just, uh, be a sentret thing."

"You're a furret."

"But I used to be a sentret, no?"

"I think I've known you longer as a furret, though, so it's a furret thing."

"…Just get in the water already," I said, running behind him and pushing his legs to make him go forward. I didn't have to do it for long, as he followed along with my movements and made his way into the ocean. He paused after seeing other people and pokémon beside us laughing and playing with toys, as if he were wondering whether or not he belonged, but I gave him one last final push before his feet were covered by sand due to the force of a wave.

Before he went in any further, he asked, "Don't I need different clothes for this? Everyone else seems to have… almost nothing on…"

"Who cares?" I said, running deeper than him and splashing him with water. "You'll just be special."

"Right." He chuckled and sat down, letting the sea envelop him, as he was afraid to go any further without being able to swim. "Now I'm just waiting for Kuiora."

Suddenly, a large figure sprang out of the water, causing a massive amount of water to spray at the two of us. Once I wiped the liquid out of my eyes, I was able to see that it was the troublesome croconaw.

"You called?" she asked, bowing at her own fantastic entrance.

"Yes. You said you were going to teach me how to swim, didn't you?"

"That I did. Let's go. You have to be in deeper water. I was barely able to hide myself here while trying to scare you."

We went into deeper water, as I was curious to see how this would turn out. Sai going through any new experience was bound to turn either horribly awkward or magnificently perfect. As it turned out, things went horribly awkward. Water-type pokémon and humans swim in a completely different way. Kuiora was able to glide seamlessly through the water. Her body did a wavelike motion as she swam, but if Sai tried to do this, he only floated right back to where he started.

"He has to move his legs and arms to get around," Rennio offered, trying hard not to laugh at our trainer.

"If you think you're so good at this, then you teach him!" Kuiora fumed, storming off to be with Gracie, who was waiting patiently at the edge of the water, careful not to get too close. "For now, I'm going to be a fire-type pokémon."

Ezrem sighed rather loudly, as if we were depriving him of attention. "Someday," he said, "we'll all look back on this day, laugh nervously, and then change the subject. I can see it now."

"Don't you get smart with me," Sai said, irritated.

"I'm sorry that you only want the dimmest of the dim for your team, dear Sai."

"I'll show you. Rennio, what have you got?"

"Well, I'm no expert, but… you should kick your legs up and down and keep pushing your arms forward. Don't take my word for it, though."

Sai tried it anyway, and it certainly worked better than Kuiora's methods. With Rennio's instructions, he was able to reach even deeper water without touching the ground, and when he stopped, he was able to keep himself afloat. Since he didn't even sink once, he seemed pretty proud of himself.

"See, Ezrem? I can do it," he said confidently.

"If you're so sure of yourself, you should swim until you hit the end of the world. And then you should stay there."

"You'd get too lonely without him, since you hate the rest of us," I said, but Sai seemed to have a different idea.

"The end of the world, huh…?" he said, making his way back to where he could stand. He peered out into the distance, seemingly lost in thought.

As usual, however, we were interrupted, this time by the most unexpected of visitors. It appeared to be an incoming tornado made of water, and it was heading relentlessly toward us. As it passed us pokémon, we all got splashed with a large amount of water. All of us held up our arms (or wings) to hide the blow, but it was pretty powerful for me to avoid entirely. When my vision was clear again, I tried to yell about how Sai should watch out, but it was too late. The tornado leaped out of the water and flipped over, revealing Atis's regular, humanlike form. He landed on top of Sai's chest, sending the boy completely underwater for the first time since he ventured out of here. Atis went under with him, and after a few moments, they surfaced, with Sai's hair covering his face and with Atis suddenly having a concerned look on his face.

"I hope I didn't hurt you," he said after spitting out the water he had gotten in his mouth.

"I didn't know you could do a thing like that," Sai said, wiping his hair out of his face.

"Yeah… Well… Now your hair doesn't look as messy," Atis said, trying to cover up for his actions.

"Now you're a real hitmontop, as you said you would be," Ezrem complimented.

"I would shock you for that, but I can't right now. I'll get you later," Rennio threatened.

"My legs are starting to get tired after swimming and traveling for so long," Sai said, changing the subject. "I'm getting out of the water for now. The rest of you can do whatever."

True to his word, Sai stepped out of the water, with Atis's arms wrapped around his neck, legs wrapped around his torso. I had no reason to stay since I was clean now (or as clean as I could be with seawater), so I tagged along. Ezrem and Rennio didn't want to be alone with each other, but that was the only reason they came, too. Gracie and Kuiora had already been waiting there for a while ago.

"If you wanted a water competition, Atis, you should have just said so," Kuiora said. "I could have showed off more of my moves."

"I'm just glad I stayed at the shore," Gracie said, shaking her head.

Sai sat down next to Gracie, setting Atis down next to him. He visibly shivered a bit and then placed his hands over Gracie's back and asked, "Do you mind?"

"Not at all," she replied, smiling and igniting her flames just enough for the warmth to radiate around us.

"Hmm…" Sai mumbled, rubbing his hands together. Though the majority of his body was facing in Gracie's direction, his head was facing toward the sea. Again, he seemed lost in thought. Had he really taken the bird so seriously? That was a mistake in and of itself, so I had to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid.

"Sai, what are you thinking about?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing," Sai said, but then he changed his mind. "Just… you know… It's still hard to talk about. I was caged up for so long that I'm not used to seeing such… vast scenery. I like the sea."

"So do I! You have great taste," Kuiora said.

"Yeah. It tells me that there's something more out there for me to see. It seems endless, and that's what I always imagined my life experiences to be. I don't know… Sorry if I'm rambling."

An idea hit me as he spoke. "If you could be around the sea all the time," I said, "would you be happy?"

"Yes," Sai said. "It would be good to have a reminder like this. And I'd like to learn to swim more. It was quite enjoyable. The movement makes me feel free. I'm not trapped like before…"

"You know what else could get you around to places? The ferry in the city. The port is right over there," Rennio said, pointing toward a nearby building with a lone ship facing toward it.

"Ah," Sai said. "That would certainly help, too. I could go anywhere I wanted, anytime…"

"Sai, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I said. Apparently, though, no one else was thinking what I was thinking, because they all looked at me in confusion, even Rennio, who I thought had been catching on even just a little bit. "This could be your new home for a while. We don't have to travel anywhere else if you don't want to, especially if it brings you bad memories—"

"I only rented the cabin for one night, though," Sai interrupted.

"We can get more money by battling trainers and buy more nights. Or we can buy a real place."

"What about the gyms? We only have one out of eight badges right now, since we lost some…"

"You don't have to do those anymore, remember? I mean, honestly, did you even enjoy doing them before?"

"Not since I felt rushed…"

"Then you're just making excuses!" Ezrem butted in. "It's as clear as day."

"I'd love to be here all the time!" Kuiora offered.

"You know me… and Ezrem… have always wanted to travel other places, so this is perfect for us," Rennio said, nodding.

"I don't care where we go. Location isn't an issue for me," Gracie said, licking her paws idly.

"What do you say, Sai? It doesn't get much better than this," Atis said. I could tell he was trying to hide excitement in his voice, but he was failing.

There was a moment of silence before Sai sighed and said, "First, we'll go to the gym here in Olivine City… just for fun, all right? It won't be about getting stronger or getting a badge. I want to know what it's like to be a trainer for a little while longer. I did enjoy that, at least." He paused. "And then I'll let you know what I think of your idea."

This seemed like a reversal: the pokémon were being impulsive, while Sai wanted to take his time to think. Was this a good sign or not? It was hard to tell. Difficulty making decisions was an equally troublesome problem. We saw a boy who wanted to find a place as soon as possible, with the smallest amount of traveling involved, so that he could start focusing on recovery alone. And what better place than here? We weren't lying or exaggerating any of the city's features. We were content, and today seemed to go well enough for him. Our hearts were set, but we were also content to wait. We had been loyal thus far, and we didn't intend to change that, so we granted the wish of our trainer and went to the gym.
 
This is the last normal chapter of the fic. The next chapter provides a few months of time skipping and a further glimpse into a certain teammate's future. The last part is the reflection-like epilogue.


SURVIVAL PROJECT​
chapter 28 ; [KUIORA]
unanimous

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chapter 28 ; [KUIORA]
unanimous

*

I could have come up with many of my own myths once upon a time, but after what I had seen, the idea was doubtful. What would be my myth to explain the differences among human language and pokémon language? What would be my myth to explain the origin of the gym challenge? …What would be my myth to explain the entirety of Sai's life? What if I tried to explain it in a single sentence? Would I ever be able to tell his story with a straight face? I imagine that following the story would come an indeterminable wince because I was a part of it. I was real. I was there. I was there when he jumped. I was there when he survived and tried to get better.

I look at my body sometimes and connect with Sai's feelings the most when I wonder if my life has been real. I remember how much smaller I used to be. My fangs used to be much less powerful, less pronounced. I couldn't release as much water, then, either. As a totodile, I was young and silly. My goals had nothing to do with the team or with my trainer; I only thought of myself. Not anymore. I look at Gracie, too, the newest friend on the team. Gracie reminds me of the cyndaquil I used to know, the cyndaquil Sai could have picked. What if he hadn't picked me? Would I have ever come this far? If only Professor Elm could see me now…

I know, now, that death is real. It was right in front of me the entire time and I didn't even know it. I'm sorry, Ezrem, for having told you otherwise. I'm also sorry to the gods above. This was my punishment that I deserved. Most of all, I'm sorry to Sai, because I stopped believing in him when he needed it most. I overcompensated wholeheartedly on the roof of the building, but to this day I don't know if it was enough.

What myth could I use to explain the phenomenon that is death? What about death among the living? That's what Sai thought he was. He thought he was dead. In the cells, he wasn't living at all. He was patiently waiting for something better. He was patiently waiting… for me. I wasn't trying to please the legendaries anymore. I was trying to please him. How am I doing, Sai? How am I doing? I look at my strong body sometimes and wonder.

Love is a fairly funny thing. The way that it can tear apart and repair itself so seamlessly is astounding. When Sai was falling, his name flowed through my mouth like water, because he had been waiting for someone to acknowledge his true self for a long, long time. And I could easily give away my love in carefully wrapped pouches, filled with songs and food and bits of life too precious to abandon. I am not saying that I do not love you now, Sai, my team—but if I had known about your sorrow all this time, I would have loved you hard enough to take your heart and make it start anew.

So it goes, I suppose.

*

The gym gave off an air of invincible determination. On both sides of our team lay clusters of shining crystals. When we first opened the door to the gym (which took some effort, given that it was made of steel), the crystals glimmered in the sunlight and temporarily blinded us. Sai mentioned briefly about how there could be a trap, but his paranoia was soon settled when we saw the interior of the building. There was no one and nothing around besides us, the crystals, and statues of a long snake pokémon protruding from the top of the walls. The statues hung above us, connecting in such a way that it made us feel as if we were walking under an arch.

"All the pairs of steelix statues look like they're kissing," Ezrem commented, flying up to them to get a closer look.

"Are they touching?" Senori asked.

"Almost."

"How adorable," Gracie said. "This looks like a steel-type gym, then."

"And I bet you anything that the gym leader is a girl," I commented, nudging the only other female on the team.

It turned out that I was right. We heard footsteps resounding through the room and we became quiet. A young woman approached, her hands clasped together and held over her heart. She was wearing a white dress that went down to her knees and two orange ball-shaped clips in her brown hair. Her smile was soft and her voice tender as she said, "Welcome to the Olivine City gym. Can I help you?"

"Oh… Well, we were just admiring the decorations… but I would like a gym battle, if that's all right with you." Sai added swiftly, "Or we can come back later if you want."

She shook her head. "No, you're fine. My name is Jasmine, and I would love to have a gym battle with you."

"Really?" Sai said, rubbing the back of his head. "I guess we're lucky… I didn't make an appointment or anything…"

"No need. Follow me," she said, motioning for us to come. We listened, and as we walked, I noticed that the girl was walking barefoot on the cold ground below. Were her feet used to the slick ground beneath us? Such was the toughness of a steel-type gym leader, though otherwise, she didn't look the part.

When we reached the back wall of the gym, we stopped seeing steelix statues and crystals. The emptiness of this part indicated that it was battlefield. The rest of us quit walking, but Ezrem kept flying right past us and almost ended up crashing into Jasmine.

"Sorry. I was busy thinking," Ezrem said, though I could tell he was lying. He just had that sarcastic edge in his voice that I was accustomed to. Who knew if even gym leaders could understand pokémon, anyway?

Jasmine only giggled, and he flew back toward us. More specifically, he flew back to me and passed by me. As he passed by me, I could feel his face turn toward me and I could feel his beak brush against my cheek.

"W-What was that?" I said, rubbing my cheek in case he had left a mark. I looked at my claws, however, and saw nothing.

"A good luck kiss… tap… thing," Ezrem stammered. "Yes, I stole a kiss from you. For good luck. I know he'll ask you to battle."

"What…?" I mumbled as he flew behind the rest of us. I turned and wondered at that phrase he had given me. Why was it called stealing a kiss when he had freely given it to me? Was he stealing anything from me? Was he stealing my concentration on the battle? What a jerk. But I hadn't retreated from the move, so it didn't seem like thievery. It seemed like he was only cheating the world from time itself—we could be battling but instead he was doing weird antics, as usual. This was the kiss we didn't have time for, yet indulged in anyway.

"Stupid bird," I said, stepping forward. "I will battle and not be distracted by your stupidity."

"You want to battle, then, Kuiora?" Sai asked, apparently not having noticed Ezrem's actions.

"Yes, I will."

"Wait," Sai interrupted. "Atis, I have a question for you."

"Y-Yes…?" the shy pokémon asked, fiddling with his fingers.

"Is Kuiora a good type match up for Jasmine? I mean, I sent Senori out against some ghost-type pokémon while you were gone, and that was pretty awful, so, yeah… I'm asking you."

"Oh. Is that all? Well, if Jasmine uses her steelix, Kuiora should be just fine. Steelix is part ground-type, which is perfect for her water-type moves," Atis explained, nodding.

"Sounds good. Otherwise I would've tried Gracie, so she could show off her skills if she wanted," Sai said.

"Gracie would be a good choice, too, but she has a disadvantage…"

"Ground-types are just as scary as water-types," Gracie said. "I can let Kuiora fight."

"I totally agree," Rennio said, appearing behind the fire-type. "Though I think all pokémon are scary, so I'm not sure how much my opinion counts…"

Ezrem scoffed, Gracie glared at him, and I knew that she felt she belonged on this team already. We all belonged on this team for some reason or another. Senori was obviously the leader who guided us all. Atis was as human as any of us would ever be, and therefore he could relate best to Sai's odd ways and help him out when needed. Rennio was the baby we all needed to protect; he gave us purpose. Ezrem was a gentle reminder of how cruel and sweet the world could be at the same time. And Gracie could now be the pokémon who saw right through everyone, through their flaws and strengths, and she could accept them anyway and be our friend.

Again, I wondered. Where was my place? Was I the strongest? No, that was probably Atis, even if he didn't show any of his power. I was the baby, once, but I had been replaced. It's not like I would have enjoyed that title, anyway. So where was I? Perhaps I was an extreme member of the group. I was always extremely eager, extremely angry, extremely worried, but rarely somewhere in between. Perhaps it wasn't about where I was in the team, but rather it was about how the others complemented me. They kept me balanced. And that's why I wanted to fight for them still, even now. I wanted to make it up to them and make them proud. Not to mention how Ezrem apparently had high expectations for me so suddenly.

I stepped forward onto the battlefield to do what I had to do.

"Your hitmontop is very smart," Jasmine said, revealing a red and white pokeball in her hand. "I will be using my steelix. Did the statues give it away?" She giggled, and I thought she was going to thrust the pokéball forward, but she only pressed the button in the middle to enlarge it. She moved her hand forward slightly and the ball burst open, blinding me with the bright light that followed.

True to her word, a live figure of a steelix emerged from the light. The long, silvery, shining snake-like figure definitely was beating me in terms of height and weight already. Its head was massive though the head mostly consisted of its jaw alone, and its long rock body trailed behind it, only interrupted by steel spikes protruding occasionally from its sides. I thought that the pokémon was going to tower through the roof of the building, but I supposed Jasmine had the large gym built this way for a reason. Upon further inspection, I could see that the steelix's tail had a sharp point; I made a note to watch out for it.

I stood there, waiting for the battle to begin and vaguely wondering if Sai was going to try to give commands for once. I looked back at him and saw him looking at Atis in anticipation.

"I'll help you," Atis said, "but we've got to be quick."

"I won't wait just for you to come up with strategies to beat me," Jasmine said, pointing at us with one of her hands. "I will make the first move. Steelix, headbutt!"

Before any of us could even react, the steelix let out a ferocious, low battle growl as it brought the front half of its body backward. It lunged forward and time seemed to stop. For as long as the rock snake was, it shouldn't have taken long at all for it to crash into me. Nevertheless, it seemed to be moving in slow motion, and even I was moving in slow motion as I tried to turn to Sai for a command. The pokémon and the trainer, however, were busy discussing other tactics.

"You should have Kuiora use her water-type moves, yes. Physical attacks won't do much, no matter how powerful she is…" Atis blathered on, making sure the boy was listening.

"Tch," I said, moving my head back. "So much for counting on my trainer." I didn't want to count on just myself. I wanted to count on the entire team, mostly Sai. I wanted him to feel reliable and valid as a human being for once. He wasn't, however, doing a good job right now.

The steelix was still rushing toward me. It was a simple attack, and simple attacks called for simple countermeasures. I pushed off the ground with my feet and flew out of the way from the steelix's fearful jaws.

"Sai, pay attention!" I cried when I landed, my hands automatically showing attitude by placing themselves at my hips.

"Sorry," Sai mumbled. I could barely hear him. "I thought it was just common sense to dodge."

"A little support could never hurt…" Atis said, defending me.

"Hmm. If you command me even for dodging, you'll really feel like you're in control of the whole battle. And that's what you want, right?"

"If that would make me more of a proper trainer, then yes."

"Better do it, then," I said, shaking my head.

Sai sighed, probably thinking about how he still had so much to learn. He was lucky, at least, that I knew what to do in case he was having trouble. Still, I got what I was looking for: a command. "Use water gun!" he shouted.

I snickered at the poor steelix in front of me. Surely it would succumb rather quickly to my water gun attack. I held my breath, feeling the water swish and accumulate inside of me and up toward my mouth. The steelix stood there, looking unfazed. I frowned. I would show him that he couldn't just underestimate me and get away with it. I drew my head back and then thrust it forward, releasing my water gun attack at the same time. A hefty stream of water shot out directly at the steelix. I grinned, thinking he couldn't avoid it. There simply just wasn't enough room on the battlefield. At the last minute, much like how I had moved at the last minute, the steelix raised its tail in front of its face and slammed it down through the water, dispersing it in all directions. The pokémon's face still looked unfazed.

"My steelix may not be able to move around a lot," Jasmine said confidently, "but his tail can absorb any damage you throw at it. You won't be able to beat him so easily."

"We'll see about that," Sai said. "Kuiora, figure out a way to use your water gun attack effectively!"

"That's not a command…" Atis said, exasperated.

I laughed out of sheer happiness over the fact that he was at least trying. If simply trying was going to make Sai feel better, then it was going to make me feel better too. And besides, it seemed relatively simple to obey him. I had to get the steelix's defense out of the picture, and then I should be fine.

Atis had said not to use physical attacks, but… what if I tried to use a physical and a special attack at the same time?

I prepared another water gun attack. When I thrust my head backward, I also prepared to leap from the ground, hoping that the steelix didn't notice. I had to prepare now, though, or I'd never make it. I had to be fast or I wouldn't make it.

As expected, the steelix lifted up its tail when I released my water gun attack again. What the steelix wasn't ready for was how I propelled myself off the ground to dive straight at his tail. I hid myself underneath my water gun so it would take longer for him to see. And as I hoped for, I was faster than the water gun attack itself. When the steelix saw me, he looked surprised, but he had nowhere to go. I reached the long steely snake and swat his tail away with my own, and then fell down to the floor to make way for the real attack.

The steelix was hit by the full force of the water gun, and it struggled not to topple over. By the time the water dissipated, it finally looked like I had made a dent, but not enough damage had been dealt. I scowled.

"Didn't you say this thing was a ground-type?"

"Y-Yes, I did… It must have high defense skills…" Atis stuttered.

"Obviously."

"As the sixth gym leader in the gym circuit, I will not go easy on you or ask my steelix to be weaker than it actually is. Will you be able to overcome his defense?" Jasmine said. Even though I had pointed out how she didn't look like a steel-type gym leader, she was certainly starting to act like one. Her previously shy demeanor must have been a façade.

And suddenly, it made sense for me to be having so much trouble. We only had three badges. Well, we only really had one if you considered how Senori lost two of them. If Jasmine was the sixth gym leader, then that meant we had messed up in our route and we weren't meant to be here. There was so many other things on our minds that we never really considered that we were doing the gym challenge, of all things, wrong.

We had also taken on stronger opponents—Marty and Sai's mother—but those battles had taken place in desperate situations. This was not life or death, loss or gain… If we lost, then it would temporarily break Sai's pride, but it wouldn't break our team. If we won, then at most we'd have something to look fondly back on. Was this a slightly more important loss or gain situation, after all? Surely, there had to be something to gain from all of this… Of course, I was aiming to win, but the outcome looked bleak now.

"Steelix, use tail whip," Jasmine said harshly.

One hit from that rock hard tail and I would've been done for. I simply wasn't strong enough. Despite all of my efforts, my training had only done so much for me. My current body could only do so much for me. Was it time to evolve? I had felt the urge to change for some time now, but I never found the right time to do so. The situation called for attention on Sai, not me. But I was the center of this show, now, and I could do whatever I wanted. Could I evolve right here, right now? If only Sai could see me then…

The steelix stood as tall as it possibly could in this crowded gym, and then it lunged at me yet again, this time with full force. The steel-type was eager to get this over with, it seemed, or he wanted to prove that his trainer's words were true. Either way, he was coming at me, and he was coming at me fast. I knew that this time, at the last minute, he would fling his tail at me and wipe me out.

"Kuiora, dodge it!" Sai said. "It'll hurt you!"

Ah, there it was, the command I wanted earlier. Thank you, Sai. You never cease to amaze me… but this time, I don't want to move. I want to show you how strong I really am and I want to show you that I do indeed belong on this team. If I have to do evolve to do that, then I will. But what was this hesitation I was feeling? If I was going to evolve, I had to do it now to give me enough time to react.

I remembered the time I had evolved from a totodile. I had been in the middle of punching Sai as punishment for not acknowledging me. I had been frustrated and desperate and sad and wanting too much attention for my own good. I didn't want much of that anymore. I wanted to be stronger not for myself, but for him. If it would always be a fault of mine, then so be it. Needless to say, though, evolving didn't leave many good memories for me. At the time, Sai punching me had been a grand moment, but now it was just a reminder of how naïve I used to be. Similarly, I didn't want to evolve now, then lose, and have that failure hanging over my head, too…

Besides, being a croconaw had offered me some of the best moments in my life. I remembered the look on Sai's face when the whole team decided to stay with him after the battle with Marty. I remembered meeting Ezrem and Rennio and worshipping the former as a legendary pokémon. I remembered traipsing around Goldenrod City thanks to Atis. I remembered gym battles and regular battles and times of silence during traveling.

I remembered some of the worst times, too, like Ezrem getting hurt, Rennio crying, Sai jumping… but those situations had made me stronger. They made me realize my mistakes. As a croconaw, I was as mentally strong as I perhaps would ever be. Even if I wasn't physically strong now, I could work on that to become as fit as I could possibly be. Did I want to ruin that? Did I want to ruin the form that permanently made me into who I am today? I didn't want to if I didn't have to. I didn't have to. I just had to fend off the steelix's attack and find a way to defeat him. And again, if I lost, the loss could be fixed…

I stayed in my position, ignoring the pleas from my trainer, Atis, eventually the rest of the team. Even Ezrem seemed worried. Don't you know me by now, Ezrem? Then again, I thought I knew you, but I didn't. Perhaps we can get to know each other better a bit more after this, because I'm not going to get wiped out here.

The steelix raised its tail, getting ever so closer now. There was no time to move even if I wanted to. I tried digging my feet into the ground below me, but it was metallic and made it difficult to do so. I put my arms in front of me, indicating that I would be protecting myself.

But nothing could have prepared me for the impact that hit me. It literally swept me off the ground by several inches, making it impossible to stop the move with force. The only thing I could do was grab the steelix's cold, cold tail and hold onto it for dear life, which was what I wanted from the beginning anyway. I closed my eyes and waited for the next inevitable impact.

It took my breath away.

The only consolation was that the tip of the tail was not as sharp as I originally thought. It was rather blunt, but it still packed a punch. It threw me back into the wall and searing pain soared through my back and then, slowly, throughout the rest of my body. The wall, though it appeared to made of strong material, had been largely dented. The red scales lined on my back had also been embedded into the metal. It took all of my strength to keep holding on to the steelix's tail as he pulled it forward to be kind and let me drop to the floor in agony.

The whole steelix species must have monotone faces, because this steelix's face still hadn't budged an inch from when I first saw it. Even when he noticed my tight grasp, his face didn't change. I could tell he had noticed and was angry, however, when he started flailing his tail in various directions to get me to let go. I wasn't going to let go, not with the cold metal emanating on my skin and into my blood…

"Kuiora, what are you doing? Just let go!" Sai yelled.

"Keep going, Steelix," I heard Jasmine add.

I tried looking at him out of the corner of my eye. He seemed nervous, as he was pacing back and forth. Was he crying? His voice sounded like he might be, but I was never sure with that boy. At the very least, he was worried. Any good trainer would be in this situation. I would have to make him forgive me later…

Crash into the floor, crash into the ceiling, another crash into the floor and I was starting to feel the effects. Sooner or later I would have to give in and let go. I was waiting for my chance, but I was starting to think it would never come. I decided to act now.

I felt cold. Cold enough to do what I wanted to do. I could normally perform this attack by myself, but it wasn't an attack I had practiced often. It wasn't as effective if I wasn't cold enough, either. With the steelix's cold, metallic body pressed against my skin, I felt like ice. I felt invincible.

I opened my jaws, charging my teeth with ice energy. My mouth felt like it would freeze, but I would just have to deal with it for now. When I felt that the attached had charged enough, I waited for the steelix to stop moving so quickly. He swung his tail downward one more time, and I dared myself not to look at the ground lest I should lose the energy in my teeth out of fear. The pain threatened to take my power away, too, but it was just a risk I had to take.

When the steelix was moving its tail slowly upward once more, I took advantage of this. I bit the steel-type's tail as hard as I could. Finally, finally, the steelix showed some kind of emotion as it yelped out in pain and started flailing its tail yet again. This time, I was more than eager to let go. I dropped down to the ground, barely able to land on my two feet and stay standing.

Now all I could do was hope.

Like I said, I could've performed this attack without taking so much risk. But with my body being so much colder, it provided a much higher chance of the steelix's tail freezing upon impact. And that's exactly what happened. Icicles formed and hung from the entirety of the steelix's tail, embracing it and holding the rock form in place. Even when the steelix tried to swish its tail around, he couldn't quite do it as vigorously as he could before. The ice just wasn't going to break—it had come from a croconaw's mouth, after all.

"Wow," Sai said, gaping. "That was quite the plan. I wish I had thought of it. …Kuiora… your job isn't done yet, though, is it?"

I nodded.

"Use water gun."

"Steelix, try to defend yourself!" Jasmine cried, realizing the trouble she was in.

With the strength I had left, I shot out several streams of water, one after another, directly at the steelix's face. The steelix had trouble lifting its tail, but eventually he was able to cover his face with it and dodge one of the streams, but by then he had taken a considerable amount of damage. I stopped the attack, surveying my work. The steelix was breathing heavily and was having trouble keeping its tail up. Even if I didn't attack for the next several moments, he was having his own internal battle.

Jasmine seemed to realize this as she said, "Enough. My steelix is at a loss."

"Really? I mean, it could keep going if it really wanted to…" Sai said, surprised.

"Sai… Gym leader's call…" Atis said, tugging at his pants to get his attention.

"Your hitmontop is right. Any trainer should know when to call out their pokémon," Jasmine said, recalling the hurt steelix to its pokéball. As the pokémon dematerialized in a red light, I saw it look at me one last time with the most emotion I'd ever seen from it, seemingly unaccustomed to losing as it silently thanked me for a worthy match.

"Oh… Do you think I should have pulled Kuiora out there?"

"No. She had a plan and you would have ruined it. I, on the other hand… did not have a plan. Steelix's tail is its ultimate weapon. Without it, he's in trouble. We're still working on it."

"A gym leader has a weakness? I never would have guessed," Ezrem chimed in.

"Don't we all? Sai's is his inability to command his pokémon. I can't say I've ever seen a pokémon try to lead a gym battle before…"

Sai blushed.

"…Nevertheless, your croconaw has impressed me greatly. You did something right. And that's why you've earned this mineral badge," Jasmine said, extending her hand and opening her palm to reveal a small, shining, octagonal-shaped object.

"Thank you," Sai said quietly as he took the badge and grasped it in his own palm.

"Anything for a worthy challenger. Will you be heading to the next gym, then?"

"No… This was meant to be our last gym challenge," Sai admitted, looking down.

"Oh, is that so?" Jasmine said, suddenly frowning.

"Yes. We were thinking about staying in Olivine for a while."

"Is that so?" Jasmine said again. "Well, I hope to see you around sometime. For now, I need to go heal Steelix."

"Of course. See you around…"

She smiled and with that, she turned and left, waving us goodbye as she walked in the direction of the door.

As soon as she left, Ezrem had something to say.

"You know, Kuiora, there are three levels of stupid," Ezrem said to me as we left the gym. I had hardly been able to walk after the pain I had gone through so he was letting me fly on his back to the pokémon center. "There's the kind of stupid you do without thinking; there's the kind of stupid that bites you in hindsight; and there's the kind of stupid where you know it's stupid and you decide to do it anyway. That move right there? That was a little bit of each one."

"What are you talking about?" Gracie intervened. "That was a smart and inventive attack."

"Yeah, let's see you beat that giant snake with just those wings and that annoying beak of yours," Senori quipped.

"As Senori has implied… Ezrem is just jealous that he's part normal-type," Rennio said, shaking his head.

"Wait… What's wrong with normal-types?" Senori asked.

"What? O-Oh… That's not what I meant… I meant that they just wouldn't be good against giant steel-types like that."

"I guess that's true… Fine, I'll accept it," Senori said, bumping the elekid on the shoulder playfully. "Ezrem won't accept it, though."

"Please, guys," I said weakly. "Don't fight over me, okay?"

"Don't worry… I'm a humble pokémon, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am."

"Why don't we talk about something worth talking about?" Rennio said. "Like what we're going to do now."

"We're staying in Olivine City, obviously," I said quickly.

"We are?" Sai said. He was walking alongside us, occasionally looking at me and asking me if I was all right. "We didn't even have enough money to buy a shack for two nights."

"If you didn't spend money recklessly… we'd be just fine," the furret commented. I swore I saw him wink at Sai.

"It's not like we'd have to travel any longer, either," Gracie added.

"Plus, I like the water. And we have a connection already." I said.

"A connection?" Sai said.

"Yes. Jasmine."

"Oh… Maybe. Is that really what we all want?"

"It seems like it," Rennio said.

"We just want you to be happy, Sai," Senori said softly, almost to the point where we couldn't hear him

"Come on. Water, no traveling, money from gym battle, the actual gym badge, Jasmine. We've got it all. I bet she'd help you out since you beat her."

"Must you put it so bluntly, Kuiora?" Ezrem said.

"Be nice to me. I just won a gym battle for you."

"Ezrem is always nice to you," Sai pointed out. "Anyway, if that's what everyone wants… then that's what everyone gets."

The conversation continued, but I stopped listening. I had gotten the answer I wanted, and now I couldn't stop thinking about Sai's words. He had already chosen a home, and so quickly too! Would he really be happy here? It would just be up to us to make his experience as easy and as pleasing as possible. This would be our last step in having him separate from his old home, his old memories… There was nothing better we could ask for. Yes, Senori, I want him to be happy too, and I think he will be.

And he had noticed how Ezrem was being nice. Had he also noticed that I was close to evolving? What would he have done if he was in my shoes? What would he say if he knew? This boy gave me endless questions, but I could deal with no answers.

Still, I had to ask. I broke into whatever conversation they were having and said, "Sai, what would you think of me as a feraligatr?"

"A feraligatr? I don't even know what a feraligatr is."

"Oh. Right," I said dumbly.

Of course. Sai probably didn't even know I could evolve one more time; he probably hadn't been waiting for anything. He kept me on the team for being whatever I was, whether it be a totodile, a croconaw, or… He would probably accept me if I were any other species. Even a species that kept the team unbalanced and gave us more weaknesses… like another normal-type. He didn't care. That was just the kind of trainer he was. His world lay within the unknown and he displayed that uncertainty through words, questions. My world simply lurked in between the spaces of his words, waiting to be discovered.
 
The next two chapters are very short in comparison to others, so I am releasing this final chapter and the epilogue at the same time. Here it is, guys. The ending of Survival Project. I will leave a few notes after the epilogue if anyone's interested…


SURVIVAL PROJECT​
My sister told me a soul mate is not the person
who makes you the happiest but the one who
makes you feel the most, who conducts your heart
to bang the loudest, who can drag you giggling
with forgiveness from the cellar they locked you in.
— Sierra DeMulder
​
chapter 29 ; [RENNIO]
finality

*​

We were in the middle of our first apartment soon enough.

After a week of extensively searching the city for all possible living spaces and after a week of sleeping on the grassy ground once more, Sai had finally chosen a place that he figured was suitable for us. The apartment complex lay just on the outskirts of town, near the gym (Jasmine had indeed helped us upon request). Just north of the place was the route that led back to Ecruteak City, and all features of Olivine would require a bit of walking. This was perfect, Sai claimed, for both states of his mind. When he was manic, he could burn off energy walking to wherever he was going; when he was depressed, he'd have to fight himself to get anywhere at all. We also promised to not let him wallow in his self-pity when those times came.

The building we would be living in was actually a series of buildings, all owned by the same company. We were asked to pay a deposit fee. Sai did so, though afterward he compulsively counted all his money over again to see if we had enough to stay for a while. I whispered in his ear, telling him not to worry because I would battle for him some more if I had to.

We were on the first floor, specifically requested by Sai. He didn't want to be reminded of being high up, though three floors high wasn't particularly high enough to hurt him should he decide to jump again. No one pointed this out. We thought that if we had to protect him from potential burglars, we could do so easily—that's what pokémon with trainer badges do. Anyway, the room was fairly normal. Kitchen, couches, television, bathroom. Only one bedroom—it was impossible to get a room for all of us. He promised us a room to ourselves at the pokémon center if we ever needed it and we just smiled, nodding our heads as if it really mattered…

Time passed at an unbelievable rate. Not only were we incredibly lucky to have found a home so quickly, a place we could relax at and help Sai at the same time, but also we were adapting nicely. Each one of us developed a daily routine that was impossible to break once started. Senori, loyal and faithful as ever, decided to stay home and be the sole protector. He would keep the place clean, would keep watch for any danger, would go out hunting for food when Sai didn't have time to buy anything. He would be responsible for making sure Sai slept on a regular schedule. Jokingly, he said he'd also keep Ezrem from destroying the place with a huge gust of wind, but Ezrem isn't around much (thankfully, I thought at first). The bird pokémon spends much of his time in the northern route of the city, where a small forest-like area and several wild pokémon reside. He, too, keeps watch over them, flying in the sky during the day (and sometimes even at night), looking for possible predators and performing good deeds that the pokémon couldn't do themselves. It's his stable act of atonement, he told me once, and from that day on he became slightly tolerable to me. I haven't entirely forgiven him yet, and I doubt I ever will.

Kuiora, in the beginning, didn't want to hone her battling skills anymore. She was afraid she would have to evolve someday when she didn't want to. Sai, however, convinced her otherwise, said nothing would change if she evolved, nothing but her appearance, and he asked her to come with him to the Cianwood gym to train. She reluctantly agreed, and she goes twice a month to practice with him. Lately she's said she's having growing pains, her limbs are about to burst with the desire of wanting to evolve, and I suspect she'll have to give in soon enough.

As for Atis… Sai and Atis do even more together now. The hitmontop probably spends the most time with him. He goes the other two weeks of the month to help Sai with type match-ups and commanding a battle. The gym leader himself, named Chuck, helps Sai physically, as the boy's skinny, pale body leaves a lot to be desired. During the other days of the week, Sai works part-time in Jasmine's gym as the person who guards the gym and leads challengers in to the battleground. In addition, he volunteers at Olivine City's hospital in the psychiatric unit. This was a suggestion made by Atis, and Sai had been hesitant because he figured it would be triggering. So far, nothing seems out of the ordinary. He returns home on those days with newfound information about himself, about his illness, about things he can do to help others. Soon, he says, when he's eighteen, he's going to sign up to be an organ donor. The doctors can take anything they want, he says, if someone will have me…

As for me and Gracie, we try to pass the time as best as we can. She helps me get over my fear of death by fighting with me. Her being a fire-type is especially convenient and helpful—I couldn't have asked for a better new member for the team. She says she'd like to be productive like the rest of the team, and I feel the same way. We have one idea—but it's one I'm skeptical of. I'm still gathering the courage.

Yes, time has passed. It's interesting, really, how certain events slow down time and other events speed it up. Sitting in a pokémon center waiting room or a hospital hindered our journey in more ways than one, for example. Battles and the calling of death startlingly hasten my life and make it feel shorter. Watching Sai jump was an odd, encumbering mixture of both senses.

But that was in the past now. He had made a vow to tell us whenever he was feeling that down again, and so far, we were in the clear. He's so open that sometimes we have to ask him to stop talking, he's going to break our hearts if he speaks anymore. I hope he understands when that happens, but I can't be too sure. He leaves the room and we find him either looking out the window or we find him sitting at the edge of the sea, as if contemplating himself even more, as if he's asking himself, "Who spilled this secret about my past, when it was supposed to go with me to the grave?"

I can tell you, Sai—it was the child within you, the one that still lives inside you despite your age, the one you'll be trying to make amends with for many years to come. I believe you can do it because I'm growing up, too. It doesn't seem like it, but I am. Remember the first time you brought home groceries? You were so excited that you almost blew down the door with your energy. Everyone asked you what was wrong and you only paid attention to me, told me to come to you, you had a surprise. You held out a shining red apple and explained that the clerk told you apples are definitely one of a pokémon's favorite foods. You took a bite out of it and handed the rest to me. I'm feeding you, he said. I helped you start it. Now it's your turn. You reminded me so much of Annie in that moment, but you're a person all your own, with your own quirks and silly stories to be told. You almost made me melt with happiness, you know that? Yeah, well—I don't need that anymore, and that's all right.

*

Soon enough, it's time. I've heard rumors for the last year that the lighthouse on the southeast part of town is a home to many electric-type pokémon. I'd always wondered—hoped—that there would be an elekid there for me to meet. Ezrem, in his one moment of truth, had told me there are elekid in Johto, after all. Upon asking Jasmine, his words were confirmed, and my chest tightened considerably, so much so that I thought I'd never recover.

Apparently, Jasmine's ampharos is in charge, while there are other trainers' pokémon that give off their electrical energy to keep the light glowing at night for ships. Water-type pokémon trainers are always present, too, to test their abilities. After I explained my situation to her, she encouraged me to talk to her when I was ready, and she would set up a specific day where an elekid could be present. And so I did.

That day is today.

Gracie agrees to come with me. I told her about everything because she's a good listener and she doesn't like to talk about herself except in vague riddles. She's too good to me, really. I enjoy her warmth, her kindness, and if all goes well, maybe she can get something out of this, too.

"Maybe I can get over my fear of water with all those water-types there," she says cheerfully. She seems just as excited as I am, somehow.

"Maybe. Don't tell Kuiora about the place, though, or she'll drive you crazy by asking you to take her there every day."

"I'll keep it in mind."

We make idle chitchat like this, nonsensical and only half-witty, until we reach the front of the lighthouse. Jasmine told us to meet her at the very top, so we start at the very bottom, moving ever so slowly, as if we don't want the suspense to end. Step after step makes me want to cling to her and never let go because I know she won't lie to me. She's not Ezrem. She's not the pokémon whose words still resound in my ears.

We reach the top but see no one. Gracie doesn't seem disappointed, though. She scours the place and realizes that the middle of the room is enclosed by a brick wall that extends to the ceiling. She pushes me to the entrance of the middle of the room, and I try to resist her force, but then I see Jasmine and I stop. Jasmine's smiling that pretty smile of hers and I know she can't be tricking me.

"Jasmine?" I say, as if she's a ghost, a hologram that will vanish in an instant, but Gracie makes one final push and I stumble into her covered feet. The girl laughs and picks me up, unafraid of any possible sparks residing within me. She must be used to this, I think. She must be accustomed to picking up an elekid. One must be here.

She twirls around, me feeling frantic and her being as quiet as ever, and it is then I see them. Not just one elekid, but two. Twins, Jasmine says. Born and raised in Johto by the daycare people. I remember them. It seemed so long ago. If only Ezrem's lies had been exposed then, but this makes up for it. They make up for it. The elekid on the left has a red bow tied to her left spark plug, and the one on the right wears a blue wristband. Otherwise, they're identical, and I can see why trainer wanted to distinguish them. All the same, I know they are just like me. Just like me…

I try to run to them, but I realize I'm up in the air, in Jasmine's arms, and I ask weakly if I can be let down. She obliges and my legs suddenly seem clumsy. I trudge up to them, trying not to seem too eager but I'm sure I'm failing. Awkwardly, I ask if I can hug them. I don't want to get electrocuted and have the moment ruined. They nod, grinning in anticipation.

My life, up until now, has been nothing but a long, long list of events with asterisks next to the ones that would have been better had there been another elekid at my side. I would be lying if I said that everything was marked, but the majority is overwhelming and leaves me to wonder if now I can stop waiting. Is it strange that every day before now suddenly feels like a dream? This seems like a dream, too, my arms wrapped around them, feeling their cold, metal skin against mine.

I want to know all about them. I want to know where they've been, what their trainers are like. I want to save them from their fears, I want to watch them grow old. I want to show them what it means to be broken and then whole again. I want to hold their hands in such a fashion that I won't scratch them. I want them to see the kind of sparks that respond to the music of them laughing.

Before I do any of this, I fear they'll disappear.

Will they?

They're still in my arms. In an instant I gain two friends and my sanity, my hope. I gain this all in one breath. They tell me they know my story, and they're very sorry, but there's nothing more extraordinary than a face that has come so far in life only to finally get what they desire most. They say they can feel my heartbeat—it's still untainted, despite everything. I tell them they're a savior from my loneliness and a cure for my fears. My way of showing gratitude in that moment is just breathing, in and out, and not disappearing on them, too.

When I finally come back to reality, I vaguely hear Jasmine talking to Gracie. She's saying that Gracie should tell me I can stop by when I can. I can help out around here, too, and see the two elekid whenever I want. Gracie, on the other hand, can help out at the gym by brazing together metal statues, which always get ruined in the heat of battle, despite her efforts to keep the battlefield far away. Gracie agrees.

"I've been listening, don't worry," I say, releasing the two elekid. How long had we been embracing? I hope that I haven't made them despise me already, but they seem resolute right where they're standing, as if there's nowhere else they'd rather be.

"So you'll help out then? Is this what you want?" Jasmine asks calmly.

"Yes," I say instantly. "We've been looking for things to do, and this seems right. Now I wonder why I put this off for so long."

"I can understand," the female elekid says.

"Me, too," the male elekid says. "It must've been hard."

"It was," I say, but in truth, the pain seems long gone, dissipated into another dimension, somehow, with this one twist of fate.

I feel utterly relieved and redeemed in the name of my evolution line.

*

I've decided, and maybe Ezrem has, too, but I won't dare ask. Sai's home is my home. Here in Olivine City, I'm safe and secure. I have exactly what I want. I visit the elekid whenever I want, just as Jasmine had promised, and we get along just fine. We share hopes and tell stories and meet other electric-types that make us feel closer together than ever. Once, I even offer to bring Ezrem with me so he can meet them and see how happy I am, but he declines gracefully. Yes, Ezrem, you lied to me—but you gave me a half dream, one that I don't mind if it rests unfulfilled. I want to visit other places, too, with you and with the others.

"I trust you're doing fine," Ezrem said. "I always knew you'd be fine."

"Did you?"

"Yes. I knew I couldn't fool you forever."

I tell Sai, too, on a day where he doesn't seem exhausted. That's how he comes home most days, and he crashes without eating. Senori has to wake him up so he can get something in his stomach and gain some weight. Kuiora gives the team baths, but she treads carefully with me and Gracie. The two of us stick to ourselves and take normal baths. Atis speaks more and more with every passing day, and soon I think that I'll have to tell him to shut up, too.

We're in our home, I'm in our home, my plugs sparking to a nice internal rhythm. I'm such a small thing still, though I'm grown up—I'm only up to Sai's knees, and I can still fly on Ezrem's back without hurting him. Maybe one day I'll grow bigger, but I'm not concerned at the moment. No one's concerned about changing right now—we've done this enough. Inside we all feel like nobility, special and lucky and completely right. It's like we're draped in gold, watching rainbows glitter at our feet. Here, my team can be anyone they want, can do whatever they want—and so can I.
 
(Please keep in mind there is a chapter above this post to read! I posted two in a row this time.)


SURVIVAL PROJECT​
chapter 30 ; [ENSEMBLE]
epilogue

*​

Truly, it is strange how older people and pokémon die so agreeably while younger people and pokémon rot so disagreeably.

The old are—hopefully, usually—satisfied. They goals are accomplished; they've raised enough money and love and happiness in their lives that they can go and hold the hands of those they don't even know. They live with ghosts and they don't mind, because the thing about ghosts is: they can never leave too soon. They spend time together redrawing each other's bones and blood in the most perfect way possible…

The young are more delicate. Unfulfilled and unhappy about it, they struggle to cling to life, to breath. They will claw at each other just to get a chance at their own redemption. Never mind the idea that they all suffer from the same unfortunate fate—they just want to one up each other, at any costs. I don't blame them. I would have done the same, but now…

Whenever death comes for me, I'll be ready.

*

It's just another bird. Just another bug. Just another branch that's fallen and made a crashing sound.

That's what I used to say, anyway. Now they mean everything to me. I talk to them in the most spacious of voices, able to be interpreted in many different ways. No matter what, the outcome is the same: there is no fire except the one in my heart.

"If I said—listen for a moment, okay—if I said that I had a tiny little pidgey, one just like you, only wounded and ready to die within one more foodless day, and so it needed my care in order to survive, and it looked at me with its sad, sad eyes… Well, if I said that this was all I needed to be content, this poor creature that was useless without me, would you think of me as odd? If I said that I was definitely going to take a nest and move into the middle of nowhere—into these woods, essentially—would you think of me as odd yet again? If I told you that I intended to never be heard of again, that I would become a legend in the making, would you offer to come with me? I think you would. I think you really would."

They don't offer to come with me, but at least I make them think about it.

*

I'm thankful for many things that I wasn't thankful for before…

I'm thankful for the darkness which I can now defeat. I am thankful for a voice to tell my opinions whenever I have the strength. I'm thankful for both sleepless nights and nights full of dreams, of nightmares. I'm thankful for a world that gives people and pokémon a variety of choices to pick from. Thanks, life, for the simple things and the complex things that make me think. Thanks, life, for providing my team with a sense of toleration for my wavering self. Thanks, life, both for the love that we all deserve, and for the kind of love that is given yet not asked for. I'm thankful. Sincerely—thanks for friends like the one I've been able to come across.

I'm thankful to be a pokémon that can still do humane, helpful things. I'm thankful to live up to my expectations as a fighting-type. Above all else, I'm thankful for Sai's safety and willingness to become stronger, mentally and physically…

*

The story of this totodile, the story of this croconaw, and the story of the future feraligatr, is a story of naivety and aggression, eventual friendship and supreme strength. She started out as a baby—mature for her age—in the hands of a man who gave her the power and the enthusiasm she needed for success. She was passed on to another boy, one who would treat her with the kind of gentleness that comes from years of wishing and hoping for something great to happen. She went on a journey, hoping to meet a legendary pokémon in the midst of a fantastical myth in the making.

Legends, to me, are the best of history, retold and embellished until they shine. After years of waiting and searching, I've met a legend.

His name is Sai.

*

I like leaders. Real leaders. Not a wannabe who sweetens the day with complaints and false promises. People and pokémon need someone who is bruised and bleeding, healing and suffocating. They need someone with a temper, a sense of humor, someone who throws obscenities at the wind as if they were born to do so. People and pokémon need someone who can both raise their voice and listen with silent intensity.

Fake leaders sit and wait. Real leaders play the game of life, and they play it right. Real leaders love hard, dreams endlessly, act with high ambitions. The real leader knows how to survive in the toughest of situations and watches as his comrades fall asleep so that he can reminisce on the day and think of ways to improve.

A real leader doesn't hide from things he knows need validation, doesn't lie when he says he will both live and die for you.

(I'll never let you down.)

*

To the person who will take my heart when I die and the doctors see that I'm an organ donor—

Treat it nicely. It's fragile. It has lists upon lists of views it wants to see, sounds it wants to hear. It doesn't let you hold your breath for too long, lest you should die sooner than expected. It doesn't contain as much blood as you would like it to. Your ribcage can never be small enough to hold it, so expand its consciousness, in and out, and your ribcage will be filled. Let your senses exhaust you to the brim, and follow the premonitions given to you—you'll never regret it. Don't let any other organ suffer from your musings and tears. Most nights, you'll need to cross your arms and strap yourself down. Please don't try to fix the extra red and black stitching on the surface; they were made by my pokémon in the midst of their honest curiosity. Blue eyes, messy black hair, skinny frame… The heart knows only those things, but it will accept you anyway. Know that I'm sorry—I tried my best for you. And remember to feel real.

Sincerely,
Sai Luart

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

There it is, folks. The end of Survival Project. First of all I would like to thank each and every reader for following along with Sai and the team on their wild journey. I never expected to have reviewers who would be around the whole time or the extensive reviews I've gotten. I never expected to finish a story, as this is the first time I've written anything longer than a one-shot since I was 10. Thanks to Survival Project I now feel more confident in my abilities as a writer, especially when it comes to characters and plotting.

I'd like to thank my characters for being as wonderful as they were. Not a single one of them were particularly closed off to me (except for Sai at times) and I never could have expected to fit so much emotion or character development in a story that changes perspective every chapter. I also never expected to deal with changing perspective every chapter, but I just had to try it. The team always went well with each other in group conversations and I never dreaded writing a single chapter (only a few crazy scenes, lol). Most of all I'd like to thank Sai for being himself despite everything he went through. Sai's story came to me about five years ago now. He was very vague at the time, but we waited until we were both ready to tell his story. Every night I replayed scenes and sentences in my head until I fell asleep, wondering if I would ever really get to that high point in my fic.

I'd also like to thank Sai for helping me in my own battles in real life. Four years after deciding Sai was mentally ill and suffering I was also diagnosed with bipolar. I don't think I would have recognized any of the symptoms or warning signs for mood swings if it weren't for the research I had to put into this disorder. I don't think I'd be this far along in my treatment without this story.

So, thanks for the ride, everyone. Really.

To finish this off I have a picture I drew of the team… I never draw but I felt like doing this one day… It's pretty awful but here it is anyway. LOL. I'm also willing to post other random things like trivia facts, the music I listened to when writing, or my notes if anyone is interested. Sai and his team.
 
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