systran chronicles

trivium

pokemon trainer
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    This is a story i wrote a few months a go and my friend thought it was pretty good, i will be up dating the story every week or so, I hope you enjoy my story

    Prologue
    The region of Systran

    Systran is a region in the pokemon world, east of Kanto. It is mountainous to the north, there's a large sea to the south and plains in the middle. It has its own pokemon league with a elite four and a champion. It has pokemon from all over the world and is the largest region. It has over 450 known pokemon and a lot unknown pokemon.

    The year is 2007, new technology has now been invented, like the pokeorb and the pokelauncher. Pokeballs are no longer used now there is a newer catching device called a pokeorb, these are only the size of an average cherry and they display the pokemon's name, mood, type and status on the little screen. The pokelauncher is a new way of catching and sending out pokemon the launcher has two settings 'capture' and 'battle' in capture mode is shoots pokeorbs at the opponent pokemon and in battle mode it shoots pokeorbs out containing the pokemon you choose.

    Its three starter pokemon are cyndaquil, squirtle and treecko. Professor Ley gives pokemon to kids that are older than 13. Danny a teenageer from Springgreen town is about to start his first adventure with his first pokemon.


    Chapter one
    The grass is greener at Springgreen Town

    Danny woke up on a bright summers day in Springgreen town. He could hear his mother downstairs making breakfast and his farther in the living room turning the pages of his newspaper. "Breakfasts ready" Danny's mother shouted. Danny jumped straight out of at hearing these words, he got his favourite t-shirt out of the draw and put it on, then he pulled out his favourite pair of pants and put them on. Next he walked over to the mirror and looked at himself, Danny was average height for a 13 year old, he had lightly tanned skin with a few freckles on each cheek, he had aqua blue eyes and blonde hair with natural fiery red streaks. He pulled on a sleeveless blue jacket over his red t-shirt, is pants were dark green in colour. Danny then walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. There was his father reading the newspaper and his mother in her apron serving bacon and scrambled eggs with two pieces of toast. "I made your favourite." Danny's mother said, "Eat it all so grow up to be full in your adventure." Danny's father commented. 'My adventure?' Danny thought to himself, "What are you on about?" Danny asked his parents. "You know how yesterday was your birthday, well today you can start your adventure with a pokemon." Danny's father said. 'How could I forget' thought Danny.

    Danny ran thought the front door of his house, through the garden and charging through the gate knocking over the postman. He stopped in the middle of the pavement. The looked both ways to see if the road was clear, it was. Danny ran across and then he ran right down his street.

    He took a left at the corner and continued to run down the next street. He could see Professor Ley's lab down the end of the road. Danny ran as fast as he could to get there, half way down the road he tripped over a stick and fell flat on his face. Danny heard a laugh behind him, he thought he recognized the voice. It was his best friend Blaze, Blaze was taller than Danny, he had jet-black hair and brown eyes, his skin was pale and he was wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. "You off to Ley's lab?" asked Blaze as he helped Danny up. "Yeah." replied Danny, "We'll go together." said Blaze, so the friends started to walk down the road.

    When they reached the lab the realised prof. Ley had locked himself out of the lab again. "Can I get some help over here boys?" prof. Ley asked, "Sure" both Danny and Blaze answered in unison. They got a ladder from a nearby house and used it to climb onto the roof of the lab and climb down the chimney. Once inside prof. Ley thanked the boys and walked off to do his research. "Wait" Danny shouted to prof. Ley.

    "So Blaze you choose cyndaquil as your starter pokemon?" asked prof. Ley, "yeah, cyndaquil." answered Blaze. Prof. Ley handed the pokeorb to Blaze and then turned to Danny. "Have you chosen your starter yet, Danny?" prof. Ley asked Danny "Yeah, I've chosen…." just as Danny was about to give his answer, he heard a slamming of doors and two teenagers walked into the lab. One of them was a girl of around Danny's and Blaze's age, she had dark green hair and shiny blue eyes, she was wearing a white shirt and a pair of shorts. The other was a boy the same age with light blue hair. He had green eyes and was wearing a black t-shirt with grey cargo pants. They both walked up to prof. Ley "my name is Aqua and I've come for a starter pokemon." the boy said in a harsh tone. "and my name's Flora." the girl said in a sweet voice. "I want a squirtle" yelled the boy at prof. Ley, the professor handed the pokeorb containing squirtle to the boy. "I hope you take great care of this pokemon and all that you catch." prof. Ley said quickly, "what starter would you like?" prof. Ley asked the girl who was standing behind everyone. Danny had forgot that she was there and quickly moved out of the way. "I would like a treecko please." the girl answered timidly, prof. Ley handed the orb to her and she pulled out a strange object, it was green and had a handle to fit her hand and a small screen on it. It also had a small trigger.

    The object looked a bit like a small gun but no bullets. Danny saw that the boy, Aqua, had one but his was blue. At first Danny thought she had pulled out a gun. Prof. Ley looked at Danny and saw that he was confused about what the objects were. "These are pokelaunchers, you launch pokeorbs from them." prof. Ley explained. Then he handed one to Blaze.

    The professor then saw that Danny was without a pokemon. "Danny, I'm sorry to say but we have no pokemon left for you, except a baby pokemon that hatched only a few hours ago. If you don't want that pokemon you can wait a month for a different one." Danny thought about it, a baby pokemon was weak and he had no idea what pokemon it was, but if he waited for a different one he would be a month behind Blaze. Blaze had already waited two weeks for Danny to start his adventure he couldn't see him waiting a another month. "ok, I'll take it." Danny said, unsure if he had made the right choice. Prof. Ley went over to his desk and picked up a pokeorb. He walked back to Danny and handed it to him. Danny hoped it wasn't a magikarp, he had heard a trainer a few weeks ago took the same risk and had to start his adventure with a magikarp.

    Prof. Ley also gave Danny a pokelauncher. It was black and silver. Danny put the pokeorb carefully into the launcher and pressed the button that made the pokemon come out. Out shot a bright white light it then materialized into the baby version of lucario. "I'm going to name you Rioru." Danny told the pokemon, the small pokemon nodded in agreement. The four teenagers left the lab and the brother and sister walked of in another direction and left Danny and Blaze. Both boys headed home, when Danny got home he saw his parents standing in the living room waiting for his return. "What pokemon did you get?" Danny's father asked eagerly. "Hold your ponyta's!" Danny's mother said in response. Danny got out his launcher and released the tiny pokemon into the living room. It gazed around looking and taking in it surroundings. "Awwwwwwwww, it so cute!" Danny's mother squealed. The pokemon struggled to get away from her but she ran after it, but Rioru was faster. After 15 minutes of trying to catch the pokemon Danny's mother gave up and came to stand with her husband. "We have something for you Danny." his mother said excitedly, then she pulled out a new backpack from behind her and handed it to Danny. "Thanks." Danny said, "We packed food to last ten days and a spare set of clothes for you." Danny's father said. Then his mother hugged him and he left the house.

    that was just the first chapter. i just wanted to say a gamebased on the story is coming out in a few months
     
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    I might be able to help on the game with something, we can talk about it on pm.

    Good story, by the way. It could use some description, but the most important thing is that what a character feels is just as important as what he says.
     
    Chapter two
    Route 301, the path from home


    Danny walked down the road and into the local pokeshop, it sold all stuff to do with pokemon capturing and pokemon technology. He bought ten pokeorbs and five potions, two revives and some pokefood. Danny then walked out of the store and down the street, while walking he thought about where he might go on his adventure. His goals, like many other pokemon trainers was to capture many pokemon, get badges from gym leaders and challenge the Systran Pokemon Battle league. The first gym leader was Alice of Whitesmoke city, she trained flying pokemon, Whitesmoke town was a few days walk southeast from Springgreen town, Danny had to go through route 301, pass through Rosybrown town, walk on route 302 and find his way through the twisting Teha Forest.

    Danny was walking along route 301 when suddenly a pokemon jumped out at him. It was small and purple with big fangs, it was a rattata. Rattata advanced on Danny it could smell the food in his backpack. Danny reached for his pokelauncher and sent out Rioru. The small pokemon jumped up and down for a minute or so then stopped when it realised what was going on. It took a long hard stare at its opponent, before charging at it with a tackle attack. Danny was surprised to see his pokemon battling without orders. "go Rioru, use another tackle attack!!" Danny ordered his pokemon, rattata also went for a tackle attack. The two pokemon clashed in the middle and flew off in different directions. The battle was over as soon as it started. Danny rushed over to Rioru. "Rioru are you ok?" Danny asked the pokemon, it nodded slowly then jumped up onto its feet and started to jump around again. Danny sighed and wondered what he should do about the rattata, but then it slowly got onto its four feet and limped off into the bushes.

    It was approaching dinnertime when Danny decided to stop for the day. He had had so many things happen that day he had became a trainer, got his first pokemon and won his first battle. He let Rioru out of his pokeorb and let him have some pokefood while Danny ate some of the food his mother had prepared for him. He enjoyed the meal and when he noticed Rioru had finished his food he went to look for fire wood. After Danny found fire wood he looked up into the darkening sky an saw a murkrow flying over head. This route had many mountain pokemon on it as Springgreen town was up in the mountains. He saw the sun set over the mountains and it became very dark.

    Danny walked back to his camp and saw Rioru whimpering by Danny's backpack, Danny guessed that Rioru was scared of the dark, but he had not seen the houndour surrounding the campsite. Danny went over to Rioru and lit a fire. Suddenly one of the hound our jumped out from the bushes and aimed a ember attack at Danny and Rioru. The targets dodged the small flames. "go Rioru, use tackle attack now!" Danny ordered his pokemon but Rioru started to cry he had learned a new move 'fake tears'. the houndour stoped in its tracks right in the middle of a tackle, Rioru smirked, got up and tackle the houndour in the side which sent it flying into a tree. Another houndour jumped out, but it to met the same fate, it was tackle and collapsed on to the ground. Only one left this was the leader, it growled at Rioru, but Rioru wasn't intimidated. The houndour jumped up and shot a ember at Rioru, but Rioru dodged and tackled the houndour, the wounded pokemon got up and launched another ember attack at Rioru, but Rioru was to fast and jumped up over the pokemon and kicked houndour in the face. The houndour howled and tried to bite Rioru, and caught the baby pokemon in the leg. Rioru punched at houndour. He hit his opponent in the side of the head and houndour went down. Danny set his pokelauncher to capture and launched a pokeorb at the leader houndour. It hit the pokemon in the side and the pokemon turned into a bright red light. It orb began to glow from white to red and black signalling the capture of the pokemon and showing its type.

    Danny returned Rioru to his own orb with was brown for fighting type, and he went to bed.
     
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    Chapter three
    The glowing pokemon


    Danny woke up bright and early the next morning. He let Rioru out to walk around with, in case another pokemon jumped out. They had a peaceful morning having breakfast and then walking until lunchtime when they stopped for lunch, that day Danny had seen many pokemon such as sentrets and pidgeys. Danny tried to catch a pidgey but it flew away, while eating lunch Rioru spotted a fast moving object in the bushes, he ran after it. Danny had no idea what was going on, but he ran after Rioru. Rioru stopped at a spring and that's when Danny saw it. It was a big blue dog that had a strange blue aura around it. It stood on a platform of ice on top of the water. Danny wondered how the ice had got there because it was the middle of summer and then he realised that the pokemon must have put it there. This was no ordinary pokemon, it was the legendary dog pokemon, Suicune. The pokemon roared and then jumped off the ice platform back onto land and ran off.

    "Stop, stop!!!" a voice came from the bushes, a young girl around Danny's age, ran out from the bushes, she stopped when she saw Danny and the ice. "Suicune has been here?" she asked Danny. "What? Who? Whose been here" Danny asked "Suicune the legendary dog of water." the girl explained. She had brown hair and was very beautiful. Her eyes were blue and she was wearing a orange pair of shorts with a yellow t-shirt. "Hi, my name's Simone." she said in a sweet voice. "I'm Danny." he said shyly. This was the type of girl he dreamed about in one of his private dreams. She was a pokemon ranger, which is a person dedicated to travelling round the world protecting and saving pokemon in harm.

    With her was a plusle and a minun. "These are my two pokemon helpers, Plus and Minus." Simone said introducing her pokemon, Danny sent his two pokemon out "Rioru and Shadow the houndour." he said. They all walked back to Danny's campsite and talked there for a while. Simone said she needed to get to Rosybrown town. "You can come with us, if you want." Danny suggested, she replied with a nod. The two friends along with their pokemon started to walk toward Rosybrown town once again.

    The next afternoon, the young travellers arrived at Rosybrown town. First of all they went to the pokemon ranger station, where all the pokemon rangers near Rosybrown town met once a month. Rosybrown town happened to be the closed station for Simone to go to. At the station she received her next mission. To go to Whitesmoke city and see the progress of the building of a new station there. Next Danny and Simone to their pokemon to be checked at the pokemon centre. They stayed a night in Rosybrown town before moving on to Whitesmoke city.

    Chapter four
    The light before the darkness

    The first part of route 302 was very short before coming to Teha forest. Teha forest is as dark as night and full of bug pokemon. Many trainers gather there to find rare pokemon. The morning after entering Rosybrown town the two companions left for Whitesmoke town. Danny estimated that if they only stoped for lunch and for nighttimes they would reach Whitesmoke city in 3 days. In the very far distance Danny could see
    Mt. Kyno, the tallest mountain in the Systran region. It was active but only erupted every one hundred years. It was said that it was born from one of the legendary pokemon Groudon's earthquake attacks when Groudon and Kyogre fought long ago. Many dragon pokemon live up on Mt. Kyno because hardly anyone goes up there.

    Danny and Simone were walking along route 302 they had been walking since morning and now it was early afternoon. "Can we stop now?" Danny moaned to Simone "We've been walking all day and I'm as hungry as a snorlax.", "Ok, fine but it'll take us longer to get your first badge if we stop." Simone said teasingly, Danny had suddenly lost his appetite when a wild pokemon swooped down from the sky. It was navy blue and had a red strip.

    "Whoa, that's a taillow, there rare around here." Danny said, while pulling out his pokelauncher. He sent out Shadow and as soon as it was out of the orb at was howling and shooting embers everywhere. Shadow had not grown used to being owned yet. He was used to going where he pleased, doing what he wanted and not having to answer to no one. He was a proud pokemon, the head f his gang and now he was being ordered around by a kid. He wasn't going to take it anymore. Suddenly he shot a round of embers at Danny. Danny dodged, 'that would show him' shadow thought, then he turned to the taillow now cleaning its wings only a few metres in front of him. Without warning he jumped forward and bit his opponents wing making the flying pokemon unable to fly away. Then Shadow launched a ember attack at the grounded taillow. It hit the wounded pokemon in the chest and taillow fainted. Danny shot a pokeorb at taillow and caught the pokemon. Suddenly the orb turned a sky-blue colour to show taillow was a flying pokemon. Danny returned Shadow and attached the pokelauncher back to his belt. "I'm going to name you Skye." Danny said to his newly captured taillow.

    When Simone and Danny reached Teha forest the next day the saw how large the trees were. They covered the sky from the inside. It was hard to see in the forest so Simone pulled out a torch from her backpack so she and Danny could see. In the forest they saw many interesting pokemon such as heracross and many caterpies. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" a yell came from somewhere in the forest. Danny and Simone ran to where they heard the yell. There was a young boy there, with jet-black hair was being attacked by a spinarak. The boy pulled out a pokelauncher and shot out a cyndaquil. "Use ember now!" the boy ordered his pokemon. The small fire type shot out a round f small embers, which hit the spinarak square in the back. The spider pokemon fell to the ground and then sho a string shot attack. It bound cyndaquil like a ariados spins a web. "Cyndaquil use ember on the web!" the black haired boy ordered so that's what cyndaquil did the fire went all the way up the web and hit spinarak. The bug pokemon collapsed to the ground in a big green heap. Then the boy launched a pokeorb at it and caught the pokemon. "That was a great battle, you've really improved Blaze." Danny said. Then the boy turned around to see Danny and Simone. He walked up to Danny, "So, you made it this far, have you. I see you found a girlfriend, Danny." Blaze teased. Simone blushed when Blaze said she was Danny's girlfriend. "SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!" Danny yelled, but Blaze just laughed "I know, I know I was just teasing you jeez." Then Danny walked off and Simone followed him. "Who was that?" she asked Danny. "oh, he's my friend from Springgreen town." Danny explained. Blaze came running up from behind and started to walk with Simone and Danny.

    The three friends slept in the forest that night. They took it in turns to see if any pokemon tried to creep up on them, but none did. The next morning Danny woke up before the others and walked off to look around.
     
    Chapter five
    The great water sprite

    Danny walked for about half an hour before turning back. But then he forgot which way was back to camp so he started walking south. Which was the wrong direction because the camp was back up north. After waking for another twenty minutes he decided to stop. that's when he saw it was that big blue dog again, Suicune the legendary dog of water. Danny ran after it, but the pokemon was to fast when he caught up to where it was standing it was so far away its was like a lone lighthouse in the middle of a stormy sea. All Danny could see of the pokemon was it's blue glow. Danny ran after the pokemon as fast as he could within seconds he was where he saw the pokemon for the second time in the forest.

    Suddenly a green blur jumped down from out of the trees. It was a treecko, the pokemon stopped and stared at Danny for a few moments before turning around to see its trainer running after it. It jumped back up into the trees and springing from branch to branch. The mysterious treecko trainer stoped to catch her breath in front of Danny. Danny recognised the trainer as the girl he met at the lab only days before. "was that your treecko?" Danny asked the girl. "yes, hey you're the boy from Prof. Leys lab. Danny, right?" she asked. "Yeah my names Danny, and yours is Flora." said Danny.

    They both ran after the treecko together. Eventually the caught up to it when it was resting below a tree. "Gotcha!" Flora shouted when she tackled her pokemon. She quickly returned it, then turned around to see Danny. They walked back to Danny's camp when they saw that Simone and Blaze were awake. Blaze was cooking breakfast and Simone was collecting everyone's things. They were surprised to see Danny with someone else. Flora introduced herself to Simone and Blaze. After having breakfast they packed their things and walked through the remainder of the forest. At the exit they all decided to walk to Whitesmoke town together.

    The next night they arrived at Whitesmoke town. They all walked to the pokemon centre and when they got there , Simone said she had to go check up on the Ranger HQ. She bid her farewells to her new friends and walked of into the sunset. The three pokemon trainers all walked into the pokemon centre. There they hired three rooms for the night.

    The next morning, Danny, Flora and Blaze all went to the Ranger HQ. They discovered that Simone had been sent on another mission at Gainsboro city. The three trainers walked around for a while before coming to the Whitesmoke city pokeshop. There Blaze and Flora bought some pokeorbs and a few potions. When they went up to the counter to pay the shop manager said that 3 packages had come for them. In the packages were 3 new pokedexs.

    Next the Flora went back to the pokemon centre while Danny and Blaze went to the Whitesmoke Pokemon gym. The gym leader there was Alice a flying pokemon trainer. She was tough and the only thing that her pokemon where rock and electric attacks which none of Danny's pokemon knew. Danny was afraid that he would be smashed by Alice.

    When Danny and Blaze arrived at the gym they saw it was huge bigger than any other of the buildings of the area. They walked in but no one was there, but as soon as they were going to walk out they both heard a calm female voice. They saw a woman in her mid twenties walking towards them. " I am Alice, gym leader of Whitesmoke City." she announced. She had light blue hair and was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and blue pants. Danny guessed her favourite colour was blue. "The battle field is this way." she said, turning around and walking away from the boys. Danny and Blaze followed her. They were both nervous and excited about there first gym battles. Danny went first. As he walked up to his platform he saw a lager crowd in the stands all cheering for Alice.

    "this is a two on two battle, they first trainer to have both their pokemon faint loses." the Referee Announced over his microphone. "Let the battle begin". Alice's first pokemon was a pidgeotto and Danny's was his houndour. The pidgeotto swooped down at Shadow, the houndour dodged. "ember, now" Danny shouted, Shadow shot out his strongest ember he had ever done, the attack hit the pidgeotto and made the pokemon tumble to the ground. "Now, Shadow use tackle." Shadow charged at the pidgeotto. He hit in its weak spot and then bite down on its wing. "Pidgeotto , use aerial ace on the houndour." Alice commanded her pokemon. The pidgeotto's wings stared to glow and it shot down at the houndour. The attack hit and nearly knocked out houndour. Houndour got up and shot another ember at pidgeotto. This time it hit pidgeotto sending it flying to the ground and Alice's pokemon was unable to battle. " the match is Danny's way by one pokemon." announced the ref. Next Alice sent out her swellow. Before Danny could give Shadow an order the swellow had charged at Shadow knocking it through the air. Shadow didn't get up. "Shadow is unable to battle, this round goes to swellow." next Danny sent out his starter pokemon Rioru. His Rioru was strong but not as strong as a swellow.



    Chapter six
    The gym battle, the goodbye and the hatchling

    Rioru jumped up and tried in vein to tackle swellow. "Use, fake tears" shouted Danny. Rioru began to cry, swellow stopped in midair. Then Rioru got up off the ground and tackled his opponent in the chest. The swellow had was winded by the attack and fell to the ground. "Tackle, now!" Danny shouted but as Rioru got in position, his fist started to glow white. Then in a flash Rioru jumped up and punched swellow in the beck. The flying pokemon was sent flying through the air before crashing into a wall. The match was over. "the match is over, Danny from Springgreen town wins." shouted the referee over his microphone. The crowd went wild at seeing the spectacular battle.

    Back at the pokemon centre, Danny released his pokemon so he could congratulate them for their battle. Danny had a aero badge on his jacket that was as blue as a cloudless day and in the shape of a pair of spread wings with a dark blue orb hording them together. "That was fantastic!" Blaze said excitedly to Danny, "We both have our first badges," he continued. Blaze had just battled Alice and won his aero badge as well. "and that iron punch, that was awesome." finished Blaze. The finishing move was a newly discovered one called iron punch.

    The next morning Danny and Blaze left the pokemon centre to leave for route 303. "hey Danny? I'm going to stay in Whitesmoke city for a while, but you go on, I'll see you later." Blaze said, and the two boys parted ways at the border of Whitesmoke city. Danny released Rioru so he could walk with him. Danny and Rioru walked all day until dinnertime where Danny set up camp. He got Shadow to light a small fire. He let Skye stretch her wings and then fed all his pokemon and himself before going to bed.

    The next morning Danny woke up bright and early and packed all his things ready to go back on his adventure. He fed his pokemon and then returned them except for Rioru, to keep him company. They started walking and before long Danny realised he had walked off the track. He ran for about an hour back to find the track. Eventually he found it again. Now he had wasted a lot of time. It was midday before Danny had really made any progress along route 303. He stopped for lunch and then after that he began walking again. Suddenly a purple blur shot past him. Then a trainer appeared from out of the shadows of the trees. She was wearing a pink jacket and white pants with a badge that looked like a grey oval and a black circle inside the oval on her jacket. It was the badge from Oldlace city. The purple blur came to stand at her side. It was an espeon, the psychic evolution of eevee. She had a brown egg in her hands with big white splotches on it. Danny guessed it was a egg of a eevee. He had always wanted a eevee but they were rare and few people in Systran owned one. "Hey, my name's Kate," the girl said, "I am a pokemon breeder." she said to Danny. "Hi, my name's Danny, I'm a trainer." he said. The espeon stared at Rioru. "This is Rioru." Danny explained to Kate. They walked for a while and talked about pokemon evolutions. When it got dark they stopped and set up a campsite. They had come to the end of route 303 and were about to start route 304 in the morning. That night the stars were out bright and Danny could see all the constellations. Group of stars were in the shape of a milotic and another looked like a lone arcanine.

    The next morning Danny woke up late because he had stayed up into the early hours of the morning. "GET UP NOW!!!" Kate shouted at Danny, "I'm up." Danny replied yawning. He was like a slaking in the mornings. Talking about slaking's, right that moment he saw a white object jumped out of the bushes and landed in front of Danny.
    It was a vigroth. It's claws were trashing around everywhere. Now was a great time to test out his taillow, but before he could send it out, Kate had sent her Espeon into the battle. "Espeon, use psybeam now!" Kate commanded her pokemon. The light purple pokemon sent out multicoloured rays of light from the red bead on its forehead. The vigroth was dazed by the attack, then espeon tackled it's opponent with a quick attack. The vigroth ran back into the trees. Danny and Kate finished packing their things and set out on route 304.

    It was late afternoon when the eevee egg started to crackle and make sounds. It was hatching. The egg suddenly fell to pieces and standing on the shattered egg was a eevee, but this was no normal eevee. It's fur was white instead of brown. "It's a shiny pokemon." Kate squealed. "It's a what pokemon?" said Danny totally confused about what was happening. "Shiny pokemon are rare, they are born under curtain circumstances or if there is a problem with one of the parent pokemon." Kate explained to Danny. "In this case the father was espeon and the mother a vaporeon so its fur is white. Say that the father was a umbreon and the mother was a flare on the baby maybe a darker brown than normal. The attacks maybe passed on like this eevee may know the bubble attack and confusion even though others may not."

    Danny and Kate stopped walking when night fell. All the baby eevee did was sleep in Kate's arms the whole journey. At ten o'clock in the night, the eevee woke up and started to shot things with bubble attacks. She shot Danny in the face three times before he woke up. Then after waking Danny, she went over to Kate and began to use confusion attacks on her. When Kate woke up she saw the eevee and started to scream, because she wasn't expecting to see it that close up. When Kate calmed down she saw that the eevee was blasting Danny with bubble attacks.

    After calming down the eevee, which took a few hours Danny and Kate finally got some rest. The next morning, Danny woke up first and deciding to stay at camp he got up and dressed. In the distance he could see Mt. Kyno in the south in the distance, to the west he could see Oldlace city.
     
    Chapter seven
    The evolution of shadow

    It was night when Danny and Kate arrived at Oldlace city, the eevee ad caused them to go slower than expected because of it's constant playfulness. Oldlace was a big city, many people compared it to Goldenrod City in a land far away called Johto. It was the city in which the Systran Devon corp. was in. it also had the second Systran pokemon gym. The gym leader was Hannah, a dark type trainer. She was stronger than the leader at Whitesmoke city by far. Danny and Kate checked into a pokemon centre and had their pokemon checked for injuries. The next morning Danny woke up and went to the main part of the pokemon centre, which is the waiting room. Pokemon centres have three parts to them, the waiting floor, the recovery floor and the traveller floor. The waiting floor is where trainers go and wait for their pokemon to be recovered, the recovery floor is where pokemon are healed and the traveller floor is where travellers stay over night. Big city pokemon centres have a extra floor called the trading floor, where trainers can link their pokelaunchers to machines and trade pokemon over large distances. He received his pokemon back from the nurse Joy that was serving and went to the pokemon gym.

    They pokemon gym was huge. It was a big, black square building that had one floor above ground and one floor under. As Danny walked in Hannah was waiting for new trainers to battle at the door. She had black hair and wore violet pants with a navy t-shirt.
    "Do you want to battle?" she said in a harsh voice. "I do." Danny said confidently.
    The battle field was huge, it was on the underground floor. There was dim lighting in the room. There was no spectators, Danny preferred it that way. The announcer was ready for the battle already standing in his place. Hannah walked into the square on her side of the field. Danny walked into his. "let the battle begin" shouted the announcer. First Hannah sent out her murkrow, Danny sent out Skye the taillow. "Murkrow, use Aerial ace" Hannah shouted, "Quick dodge it and then use air cutter." Danny commanded. The Murkrow shot at Skye at top speed. Skye dodged and then did a u-turn in midair. Skye then flapped her wings as shard as possible and sent rushing air at the murkrow. The murkrow was sent into the ground. "Now, murkrow use faint attack." the blackbird pokemon disappeared into thin air and then reappeared in front of Skye. The murkrow tackled the taillow to the ground. The taillow didn't get up. Danny returned his flying pokemon. Then he sent out Shadow. The houndour began to bark and growl at the bird pokemon. "Shadow, use ember!" Danny shouted the small dog pokemon shot out orange pellets of fire out of its mouth at the bird. They hit Shadow's opponent right in the chest knocking the pokemon out of the air. The second round was over.

    Next Hannah sent out her Houndoom, the evolution of houndour. It shot flame at Shadow before it was told a attack. "Flamethrower." Hannah shouted. "Ember attack now!" Danny yelled back. Both pokemon shot out fire from their mouths. Suddenly Shadow began to glow. The light began to fade and in it's spot was another houndoom. Shadow had evolved. "Wow." Danny said breathlessly. Both houndoom shot out flamethrower attacks, the attacks clashed in the middle of the arena. Then the pokemon charged at each other, they met and Hannah's houndoom was thrown from the fighting area. Hannah's final pokemon was a umbreon. The dark evolution of eevee. Houndoom fired a flamethrower at umbreon, but the cat pokemon dodged and tackled the dog pokemon in the side. Houndoom was winded, so umbreon took the chance to fire a shadowball attack at houndoom. Danny last pokemon was Rioru. Rioru was sent out of his pokelauncher. "Iron punch, the umbreon." Danny ordered. The small fighting pokemon's fists began to glow white, the Rioru charged at umbreon and punched it in the side. Umbreon was winded so Rioru tackled it in the side which sent it flying. Then the umbreon got up and started firing shadowball attacks everywhere, blowing chunks out of the walls. Rioru dodged all the attacks and tackled umbreon again. Umbreon collapsed to the ground in a big black heap.

    "The battle is over." the referee announced. Danny return his pokemon then walked over to Hannah. She handed him the moon badge. It was a grey oval with a black circle in the middle. Danny left the gym in a great mood. He had one his second badge and Shadow had evolved.



    Chapter eight
    The hooded gang

    As Danny was walking back to the pokemon centre. He decided to see the Devon corps. Systran HQ. Outside there was a gang of people wearing black and white cloaks. Danny could not see their faces. As Danny approached them they all turned around to face him. The tallest one stepped in front of him. "What are you looking at?" the man spat. Danny moved his hand down to his pokelauncher. The man got out his and sent out a mightyena and Danny grabbed his and sent out Rioru. Mightyena rushed at Rioru and bit the small pokemon on the leg. "Use iron punch!" Danny ordered his pokemon. Rioru's fists began to glow, then the small pokemon punched the Mightyena in the face. The mightyena fell to the ground, it had fainted from the powerful attack.

    The strange people ran off into the main street. Danny saw a grey 'O' on the back of their cloaks. He rush to the pokemon centre and when he got their he told Officer Jenny about the strange people. She said that she would take note of them. Danny gave his pokemon to Nurse Joy to heal and then went back up to his room. Kate was sitting on her bed with a sad look on her face. "My brother has gone missing on route 302, I have to go look for him." she said sadly then she picked up her bag and walked out of the room. Danny followed her, "Let me come and help find him." he said. "No you have your adventure ahead of you it would only slow you down." She answered, then she walked out of the pokemon centre.

    Danny walked down the road, after getting his pokemon back off Nurse Joy. He walked to the edge of the city, looked back at the midday sun and started to walk onward to Coral city, through route 305. He walked for the rest of the day until he found a good camping spot and stopped there for the night. The next morning Danny got up, had breakfast and then continued on his journey to Coral Town. He walked all day until he met a trainer, she had red hair and was tall. She had a togekiss and a golduck with her. "Hi, my name's Danny." Danny said, walking up to the girl. "Oh, hello my name's Misty." She answered.
    The girl was the Cerulean City gym leader. Cerulean City was in a nearby region called Kanto. It took a few days walk from Springgreen Town to get to. Danny was thinking about going there after he had completed the Systran Battle League.

    "Let's battle, I want to see if Systran's trainers are stronger then Kanto's." She said fiercely.
    "Let's go" Danny replied. First Misty sent out her Golduck and Danny sent out Skye. She had stronger ever since the gym battle at Oldlace city. "Golduck use psybeam." Misty ordered. The blue duck pokemon shot a multicoloured beam of energy from the little red bead in it's forehead. "Skye dodge and use aerial ace." commanded Danny, Skye dodged the attack at the last second and then rushed at the golduck. The flying pokemon hit the duck pokemon in the weak spot and golduck fainted. "You win, I give up." Misty said exhausted. "I'm lost, I was going to Coral town to see Matthew but got lost along the way." she explained. "You can come with me, that's where I'm going." Danny replied.

    They walked together until nightfall, when they set up a camp site about four kilometres from Coral town. They slept until the late hours of the morning and then got up and started on their journey once again. Four and a half hours later Danny and Misty found themselves standing in the main street of Coral town. First they went to the pokemon centre to get their pokemon healed. After their pokemon were recovered fully they went to the Coral town pokemon gym. The gym leader was Matthew, he trained water pokemon and was the third gym leader in the region. Danny had to win his third badge to be able to battle Alex the fire gym leader of Sienna city. The gym was a outdoor one with a big pool and then a floating battle field on top of it. As Danny got closer to the gym he saw some junior trainers practising battling water pokemon. One of the trainers was using a totodile, the water starter of Johto, another region far away. The other trainer was using a mudkip, the starter water pokemon from a land called Hoenn.

    Hoenn is a land even further away from Systran then Johto is. It's on it's own continent in the middle of the southwest ocean. Not many trainer travel there from Systran because its so far. The champion is said to have travelled many different regions, such as Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Acrilica (the region east of Systran) and Kanto the region east of Systran. He was said to come from a town in Kanto called Pallet town.

    The mudkip blasted a huge mudshot from it's mouth and the totodile shot a water gun attack back. The battle was a draw. Matthew was standing next to the gate of the battle field waiting for challenges. "I am Danny from Springgreen town, I challenge you to a battle.", Danny said, Danny and Matthew walked onto either side of the floating battle ground.

    "let the battle begin!!" announced the referee.
     
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    can sone one please rate my story or write a comment because if everyone thinks it's bad i'll stop writeing but if its ok i'll keep writing it.

    Chapter nine
    The battle and the bird

    Matthew sent out his prinplup, the Sinnoh water starter. Prinplup looks like a oversized blue penguin. Danny sent out Skye the taillow. "Skye use quick attack on prinplup!" Danny shouted, prinplup used a watergun attack on Skye but it didn't work, the bird pokemon flew straight through it and tackled prinplup as hard as she could. Suddenly prinplup started to glow a bright white. It was evolving.

    An empoleon stood where prinplup stood just a few seconds ago. "Empoleon, use water pulse!" commanded Matthew. Before Danny had time to react Skye was plummeted to the ground with a huge wave of water. Next Danny sent out houndoom, it was a risk because of empoleon's water abilities but there was an advantage was present because if the steel abilities of the pokemon. Houndoom shot a thick line of fire from its mouth straight at empoleon. The attack hit empoleon but the attack hardly did any damage. Empoleon shot a stream of water back at houndoom. The attack hit and made houndoom collapse to the ground. Danny only had one pokemon left, Rioru. Danny sent out his last pokemon the small pokemon stared straight at empoleon. "Rioru, use iron punch!" shouted Danny, "Empoleon use steel wing!" commanded Matthew both pokemon collided in the middle of the battle field and both were flung back to either side of the arena. Rioru jumped back up and tackled the giant penguin, but it did no damage. Empoleon stood up and grabbed Rioru by the legs and spun him around. Then he released Rioru into the air and dropkicked him. That was a new attack called Spin Kick. Rioru was knocked out before he even hit the ground. Danny had lost the battle.

    He and Misty walked back to the pokemon centre to heal his pokemon. While walking up to his room Danny saw the trading floor. He wandered in and saw many trainers trading pokemon. One trainer was looking for a taillow and was offering a chatot for one. Danny walked over to the boy. "I have a taillow, if you want to trade?" Danny offered the boy. The boy nodded his head and they both walked over to the trading assistant. A trading assistant is a person who makes sure the trade is fair and makes the trade official. Both trainers placed their trading pokemon on the trading machine. The machine scanned the pokemon and the both pokeorbs stared to glow. Then the light faded, the trade was now over. Danny now owned a chatot. He nicknamed it Tune.

    Chapter ten
    The second battle

    Danny walked out of the pokemon centre eager to win his third badge. Outside the gym Matthew was standing waiting for more challenges. "So your back for a rematch." Matthew said with a smirk on his face. Danny and Matthew walked onto either side of the floating battle ground just like had done hours before. "Let the battle begin!!" announced the referee. Danny sent out Rioru and Matthew sent out his empoleon. "Rioru use Iron fist!" shouted Danny. "Empoleon use surf!" a huge wave of water rose up around the battle field and crashed down onto Rioru. But the attack barely effected Rioru, the pokemon shot straight a Empoleon and punched the penguin pokemon right in the chest. Empoleon. Rioru started to glow a bright white colour, it was using hidden power. Then little balls of energy flew at empoleon knocking the pokemon off the battlefield. Next Matthew sent out a big seahorse pokemon, it was a seadra. "Seadra use water pulse!" Matthew commanded, the seahorse pokemon shot out a powerful wave of water from its mouth. The water hit Rioru and he was sent flying across the field.

    Next Danny sent out Tune, "Tune use sing attack." The bird pokemon began to whistle sending seadra to sleep. "Seadra is unable to battle, Matthew must use his final pokemon!" Said the Referee. Matthew sent out his chinby, the pre-evolution of chinchou. Chinby is just like a smaller chinchou but with only one antenna and about half the size of it's evolution. Tune swooped down and tackled the water pokemon sending it into the sky, the baby water pokemon shot a thundershock attack at tune but the bird pokemon dodged it. Chinby started to fire lots of electric attacks out of it's antenna, it was using a new attack called powersurge. One of the bolts hit Tune and knocked the pokemon out.
    Danny's final pokemon was Shadow. "Shadow use flamethrower!" shouted Danny, "Powersurge, chinby!" yelled Matthew, both pokemon used the attack like they were commanded, the attacks clashed in the middle sending both pokemon flying, chinby wasn't strong enough to withstand the attacks. "The battle is over." the referee announced. "Danny wins!"

    Matthew presented Danny with the Hydro badge, "Danny, I want you to take this pokemon egg with you." Matthew gave Danny a bright blue egg with light orange spots on it. Later that nite Danny was laying in bed thinking about the battle that's took place earlier that night.
     
    some help

    ok it would like really help me write the story if someone told me what they think of it, because then if someone tells me whats good and whats bad I'll cut the bad bits and keep the good parts.
     
    It's a good story, but it's not exactly well-written. It needs heavy grammar, and description edits. You may be able to picture what's going on in with the story in your head since you're making it up, but without description the readers can't.
     
    ok the word document that the story was saved on was deleted by my dad so the rest of the story is gone. but don't worry by next week i should be back up infront of this thread and the story will be better thanks to your help, Mr.Altosax.

    ok i'll be posting some more stuff soon
     
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    Chapters should be at least three to five pages in word :). Right now you basicly are starting to put a chapter per paragraph which is a very bad idea :\
     
    yea sorry about that, i know i said it was going to be a week, but othere stuff happened and that week turned into like 3 months so yeah sorry but heres a new chapter, i hope you like it. and thank you to all the people who gave their opinions.

    Chapter eleven
    The Dragon
    Danny awoke the next morning, refreshed from the battle the day before, he got dressed back into his travelling clothes and packed his stuff for the days ahead. Next he casually walked down the stairs of the pokecentre, to pick up his pokemon from the healing floor. On the way their he bumped into Simone. She was wearing her rangers uniform and walking around with Plus and Minus. They walked together to get Danny's pokemon. After they went walking around the city to buy stuff for their journeys ahead, while shopping for Pokeorbs at the local pokemart, Danny bought a few pokeorbs before stopping to get lunch, Simone and Danny stopped at a fast food place for lunch.
    After lunch Danny and Simone left Coral town for route 306. On the way to the western shores of route 306, they talked about how they were going to cross the sea separating Systran in two halves. At dusk they reached the golden sands of the western side of the Systran Sea. They stayed in a near by pokecentre for the night. In the middle of the night Danny woke up, he could see a strange light in the distance, he ran out and when he reached the golden sands of the beach, he could see the moons reflection on the ocean, it was like a big white balloon amongst the waves, but what interested Danny the most was the small blue snake-like being floating in the water. The pokemon wasn't moving, so bravely Danny jumped into the freezing water and swam to the pokemon. When Danny reached the pokemon he pulled it back to the shore. Then he saw what it really was, it was a dratini, the mythical dragon pokemon. A Dratini hadn't been seen in Systran for over one hundred years, the had just gone missing, bit this was amazing. Danny had actually found one. He took the small dragon pokemon back to his room and wrapped it in blankets, he didn't know what to do with it, but before he could really even take in the night events he was fast asleep.
    The next morning Danny woke to hear Simone shouting at him, "Where did you get this Dratini from? Where did it come from? I wonder whose it is?" she kept on asking the same questions all day, but Danny wasn't really thinking about that. He was thinking about how they were going to cross the Systran sea. Then he spotted it a boat that was probably capable of crossing the sea. He when into the house, which the boat was docked next to. Inside there where hundreds pictures of a young man holding different types of water pokemon in his hands. Danny guessed that who ever lived there was an expert at fishing.
     
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    how did nobody critque this yet? i think this story is very cliche...its the same as every other story. as for grammar stuff, theres not to mcuh stuff, just minor things that should've been fixed in proofreading (0_o). but the biggie, is to not post two chapters a post. unless your writing a one-shot, its not a good idea. Nobody wants to have to read 20 little chapters at a time. instead of posting 2 chapters at a time, just make it one big chapter. Now, theres also the dialouge that your not so good on. when somebody talks hit the enter key twice, for example:

    The next morning Danny woke to hear Simone shouting at him,

    (enter key twice) "Where did you get this Dratini from? Where did it come from? I wonder whose it is?"

    she kept on asking the same questions all day, but Danny wasn't really thinking about that.
    Click to expand...

    that would be better, and...easier to read
     
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