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Tdata's idea

tdata

Pokemon GX
  • 154
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Oct 2, 2009
    Well first off, I?m not going to name the thread until I get a definite title thought of. So until then, it is the current one.

    Now, this was written while I was at work so be harsh, but detailed as to what I should do. Oh and one more thing. I wrote it on a small memo pad so forgive the short paragraphs.

    One night as you lay down in bed you feel a sharp poke in your back. Like a needle when they take blood. The world begins to turn warped then starts to dissolve.

    You wake up upon a cold hard surface. There is a bright light a few feet from your head. All around you, people in lab coats are milling about. You notice out of the corner of your eye, a man leaving while pocketing what looks to be an old style watch. As you glance around yourself, you begin to notice various instruments. You ask the obvious question, "Where am I?? One of the people in the lab coats replies, "The question isn't where. It is when."

    So now you are confused. Did you jump into the future? Are you dreaming? No, this is too real. It can't be a dream. You can feel the cold surface under you, feel how hard it is. Hear the muted voices of the labcoated people. So what is going on?


    First. Find out where you are.

    As you look around again, you begin to see details of the instruments around you. They look remotely familiar. You decide you must be in some sort of hospital. A hospital that is far more advanced than what you are used to seeing when you go in for a check-up.

    The person who spoke said that the question wasn't where, but when. What did that mean? Why would it be more important to know when I was? So you look around to see if you can find a date of some sort. All you see are the readouts of your health...

    The people begin to leave. When they are gone you just lay there unmoving. You feel hungry. So you look for a call button. You don't find one. You try shouting for a nurse. No one comes. Now what are you going to do?

    It is nowhere near finishing, but that is the first chunk I?m submitting for now. Have at it.

    Second block:
    Boom...

    The surface shakes. Or is the whole world that shook? It doesn't really matter. It wasn't stopping. Boom. Boom Boom. Then nothing. The power flickers then goes out completely. There is no light nor any sounds.

    The door opens. You see a ray of light from what looks like a flashlight. Someone comes towards you and speaks in a strange language. You feel that you should understand what is being said, but it just won't come to you. From the voice you assume the person is female. You see a shadowy gesture that would indicate that the person wanted you to follow. You find you are able to sit up. You move your legs off the surface to hang down. The person extends a hand, palm up, and you take it. It feels very soft. You drop from the hard surface. You watch the blanket that had been covering you up to now, fall on to the floor. You see that you are naked before someone you have never even met before. You find that you aren't embarrassed. Somehow you feel as though this is natural between the person and you. You become scared at that thought, and then realize that there really isn't much to be done about it right now. It is for another time. The here and now is to get out of this place.

    The person begins to pull you towards the door. You follow holding tightly to the hand of the person. As you enter a hallway, you notice several bodies on the floor with large bits of the ceiling around them.

    What is going on here? Something just isn't right. It doesn't make any sense.

    You are still unable to see the person leading you clearly. The dim lighting is casting a shadow upon the person. You begin to speed up to keep pace. You feel as though you have been walking forever. It is getting harder to keep up. Your legs feel like lead and your heart like it is going to burst. Suddenly, you stop.

    You and the person are standing in front of a large set of double doors. The person walks to one side and messes with something. The doors begin to open. Bright light floods in though the opening, blinding you. You shield your eyes from the harsh light. You see the person's outline in the light, still unable to clearly see the person. You hear one clear crisp word. "Come".

    Since I haven't thought of what I want the characters to look like this is where I'm stuck. I have to describe the person now that you would be able to see the person in the light.
     
    Last edited:
    A very nice story.
    Are you creating a game out of it?
     
    I'm going to try. But I'm still stuck on the Charactors. I'm really bad at it... :P
     
    I decided to skip seeing anyone for the moment. Well, you will, but they will be generic characters. Here is what i wrote while at work.:
    You step though the opening into the bright light of day. Stretched before you is the ruins of what must have been a great city. You can see the skeletons of skyscrapers that must have overshadowed the tallest buildings from your time, poking out of the rubble and debris. You begin to get a weird feeling that something very important was missing. Then it dawns on you, there are no sounds. You would also expect to feel the wind blowing but feel it not. You look around for the person who dragged you here, but there isn't anyone around. You feel glad that no one is around to see you as naked as the day you were born. You feel a sence of lonliness at the fact that the person is gone. You look at the building you just left and see that there is just a doorway into a huge hill. The top of the hill looks as though something hit it. You feel the ground begin to shake and here a rumbling from deep in the earth. All of a sudden half of the hill caves in crushing the doorway and the passage beyond.

    You decide that you will need to get cloths and then look for the person to thank him or her for saving you. The only place the person could have gone was into the ruins anyway. You notice that the ground around you is worn out from what appears to be people traffic. You see that the worn places form a path of sorts the heads in the direction of the ruined city. You begin to follow it. You walk the path for what seems like hours coming only a little closer to to your destination. You see what appears to be an old tire, looks as though it when over stakes. You wonder what happened, but figure that even if you knew nothing would change, you are still naked and still miles from the city. You truge on.

    After going a short distance, you hear a low sound, the first since the hill caved in. You see a cloud of dust coming up behind you and hear the sound getting louder. You duck into the tall grass and hide. The thing passes you then suddenly stops dead in it's tracks. You get the feeling that you've been discovered, but are fasinated but the thing on the path. It is what appears to be a mechanical bug. It has a central fusalage and six legs. It isn't very big, maybe big enough for three or four people. You see a man jump out and walk over to the tire. He picks it up and opens the back of the bug thing and puts it in. Then he walks back to where the tire sat and backs up a few feet. He bends down and touches something on the road. He stands up and while looking down walks towards you. You freeze. You hold you breath hoping that he passes you by. You try to make yourself smaller as though you could just disapper. He stops at the edge of the grass amd looks around a bit. He then calls out; "I know you are there. Come out or i'm coming in."

    Note: I've noticed something while typing this. What is in the noteook and what is being typed are very different. The notebook is a constant flow of ideas along a single track. But it isn't until i type it that i "see" the world. I still keep to the general story from the notebook, but it has just become a reference for that track. What i wrote at work was five pages on a 5x3 notebook. But it is about 12 pages when i copy it back into a second notebook.

    I really want to know what you think. Where do you predict this is going to go?
     
    I write my story while i'm at work. Then type it up nd post it. I have time to help you. I'm learning Javascript right now... It may be an easy language, but it is a pain to find a good tut that doesn't revolve around website javascript. The WOT sign is cool.
     
    I'm 19. And technicly you are the boss. So Yes Boss. :P I've had to call an eight year old boss before so it doesn't bother me that much.
     
    Nope. I was working at an anime site. The owner was 8. But this is getting away from the topic. :P
     
    Here we go again...:

    What should you do? Maybe he is bluffing. He can't possibly know where you are. You haven't made a sound. You haven't moved. The man says; "Okay then, I'm coming in."

    You realize something. The man is speaking English and not the odd language you heard from everyone else. Up until now you never thought about it. You were to scared. But why can he speak English? It doesn't make sense. Well the strange guy in the hospital place, spoke a little. Though he didn't look like a doctor. He did wear a lab coat though... This isn't the place to be thinking these kinds of things. He is coming closer. He speaks again, but this time in that odd yet familiar language. You figure he must be repeating what he said before.

    He gets within a few feet from you and stops. You suppress a shudder as the wind picks up. If the wind keeps up like this, the grass will not hid you anymore. It will almost lay flat. You would be in the open. You want to scurry away, but that might attract some unwanted attention from the man. So now what? Either way you will be spotted. Do you stand up or do you just lay there. Maybe you can run. You begin to silently stretch your leg muscles. Then of all the things to give you away, your stomach growls. The man looks exactly where you are hiding and moves towards you.



    That is it right now. Opinions as usual. Suggestions welcome. The time change is screwing up my internal clock.
     
    Continuance...
    I hate that it doesn't count quotes towards the min charactor limit thinggy...

    The wind changes direction and slows down to a soft breeze. The breeze is blowing just hard enought that the grass is laying on top of you covering you from view... You hope.

    The man walks right to your hiding spot, lifts the grass up, and he looks you stright in the eyes. You stare into his And the world fades to darkness...

    You wake slowly and notice that you are warm and laying on the softest bed in the world. For a brief moment you think that it was all a long dream. Then you hear soft music. Nothing like the music you would listen to. You open your eyes slowly to let them ajust to the light. You blink a few times to clear the sleep from your eyes. You see what must be a hutch directly oppisit you. It's doors are open and you see a small box with speakers attached to it on a shelf. Above the box is a dim projection with some words that aren't clear at this distance. You assume it is the song's title. You notice that the light flickers as though the room was on fire. Alarmed you sit up on the bed and look for the source. You look towards the foot of the bed and see a small fireplace of to the lefthand side. In front of it is an easy chair with a metal object shaped like a book on one of the arms.

    On the wall to the right of the hutch is a door with a screen at eye level. The screen is dimmed and shows nothing clearly. To the right of the fireplace is a kitchen area with a counter that curves around the corner. Then you see a semi-circle table with two chairs around it. in the far right corner is what can only be discribed as a computer terminal with the screen off and the keyboard pushed in. Next to your bed is a small table with a lamp on it. All around the room, except on the wall at the head of the bed, there are windows. This room might really be a house.

    A door on the wall behind you opens. You don't remember seeing it there when you looked around You did notice a bump on the wall though. In walks the man from before. It suddenly dawns upon you that you are naked but you look down and see you are wearing a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. You become uncomfortable thinking that the man dressed you. The most motherly woman you've ever seen walks in after the man and you are suddenly glad you are dressed.
     
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