Penumbra
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- 373
- Posts
- 16
- Years
- Uranus, UP
- Seen Dec 26, 2010
No offense, this is sheer constructive criticism:
Get someone to text edit. Don't do it your self. Let's be realistic.
Your spelling is crap and that post had a lot of grammatical and spelling
omissions.
Into your story... You're completely contradicting yourself by saying
"evil team, boring" and "fakemon that didnt take time" and what not.
I'm not sure about the fakemon, so I'll skip on to the "evil team, boring"
comment. Your story's intro may not include an "evil team", but just
by the summary, I could almost grab hold of the fact that an evil
team is lurking around the corner, waiting to randomly spring into
the player's life. With that, I must say your story is completely
common. You may have added in a few elements like a killed
father or whatever, and some inhuman assassins, but other than that,
it's completely overused and unoriginal, sorry to say. Also, about
that "controlled pokemon" and mysterious forces and whatnot:
It's taken. By a few zillion other hacks (why is zillion not red underlined?
Is zillion actually a word! :I) and Pokemon Ranger. Oh also, that
random purple lady. How she bumped into you and gave you
pokemon. That's completely random. At least give her some
back story later on in the hack or completely scratch out the idea
of randomly obtaining pokemon.
But It's constructive criticism, so now I must give you the scaffolding
on which you can continue to build.
First of all, how the player starts his journey.. What the heck motivates him?
Some purple lady bumps into him, gives him a pokemon, and now what?
You just said he was scared in his room, and all of a sudden he's playing hero?
You need to explain more! Secondly, get rid of any evil team involved. If
there isn't people controlling the pokemon, then it must be a pokemon, yes?
In that case, keep it that a Mewtwo (example) is controlling all the pokemon.
Once that's done, you need to create a story as to why Mewtwo is wreaking
havoc among the world..
That's about it. Good luck!
Get someone to text edit. Don't do it your self. Let's be realistic.
Your spelling is crap and that post had a lot of grammatical and spelling
omissions.
Into your story... You're completely contradicting yourself by saying
"evil team, boring" and "fakemon that didnt take time" and what not.
I'm not sure about the fakemon, so I'll skip on to the "evil team, boring"
comment. Your story's intro may not include an "evil team", but just
by the summary, I could almost grab hold of the fact that an evil
team is lurking around the corner, waiting to randomly spring into
the player's life. With that, I must say your story is completely
common. You may have added in a few elements like a killed
father or whatever, and some inhuman assassins, but other than that,
it's completely overused and unoriginal, sorry to say. Also, about
that "controlled pokemon" and mysterious forces and whatnot:
It's taken. By a few zillion other hacks (why is zillion not red underlined?
Is zillion actually a word! :I) and Pokemon Ranger. Oh also, that
random purple lady. How she bumped into you and gave you
pokemon. That's completely random. At least give her some
back story later on in the hack or completely scratch out the idea
of randomly obtaining pokemon.
But It's constructive criticism, so now I must give you the scaffolding
on which you can continue to build.
First of all, how the player starts his journey.. What the heck motivates him?
Some purple lady bumps into him, gives him a pokemon, and now what?
You just said he was scared in his room, and all of a sudden he's playing hero?
You need to explain more! Secondly, get rid of any evil team involved. If
there isn't people controlling the pokemon, then it must be a pokemon, yes?
In that case, keep it that a Mewtwo (example) is controlling all the pokemon.
Once that's done, you need to create a story as to why Mewtwo is wreaking
havoc among the world..
That's about it. Good luck!
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