[Pokémon] Testing- Episode 0

[Morgnarok]

So,I am wanting to start my own pokemon adventure stories up soon,but i want to see if what people will think before i go off writing over 5000 or more words into something that might not be liked or read.So here is a slight peak of what it would be like but without the pokemon so far,battling and more.I would also give before the story the pokemon which appear in this episode and characters.Also would at begin and end of story list the pokemon they have on them and where the others are and that sort of thing.Remember this is my very first time.

So please rate this little bit...



Narrator:On a nice and early morning sun rise a bright young boy is happy that his pokemon adventure starts today.


Lucas:Ah right,i better hurry to Prof.Rowan Lab so i can pick my starter pokemon.

Lucas:I wounder if Dawn is up yet...well knowing her i better go check.

*Lucas walks to dawns house and knocks on door*

Dawns Mom:Well hello Lucas,nice to see you are up and ready to start your adventure.

Dawns Mom: dawn is up,ill tell her you are here.

Lucas: Ok,Thank you

*Dawns Mom walks up stairs and knocks on dawns door*

Dawn:Yes?

Dawns Mom:Lucas is here,i think he wants to walk to Prof.Rowans lab with you so you both can get your starter together.

Dawn:Ok,ill be right down.




​

 

[JX Valentine]

As a tip, it's a bit difficult to judge whether or not we'd be interested in your story from a glimpse at a beginning. Granted, some beginnings are epic enough to grab a reader within a couple of paragraphs, but otherwise, since we don't really have a general idea about so much as the genre (something that'd be revealed through an entire prologue), I don't know how many of us can tell you to write 5000 more words.

With that in mind, what I would suggest if you're really uncertain is pull together a summary of your plot and take it over to the Plot Bunny Thread. That way, you can get feedback on your idea (and a figure on whether or not there'd be enough reader interest) without actually writing the story.

While you're there, I'd suggest going to look at the Beta Thread as well. This leads into the second thing I'd like to say about this fic. See, the more errors -- typos and whatnot -- you have in your fic, the more it distracts the reader from the rest of the content. Some people even take things that aren't proofread to be parodies, especially if you're going for the basic retelling-of-a-game plot (or if it looks like that at the beginning). In other words, there's a lot of grammatical errors here, so you might have some difficulties getting readers to stick around for all 5000 words.

Additionally, when you have script fic, there's two things you should note:

1. A character's lines are all bunched together, basically. As in, you don't need to keep saying "Lucas:" until another character speaks. You actually only need to say it once until Lucas speaks again.

2. A lot of people tend to think that script fic is an "easy" way to tell a story. In actuality, you still have to actually describe a lot. You just do it through stage directions. As in, you can't just have occasional stage directions. You actually need to describe everything a character does, either through lines of text outside of dialogue (the stage directions) or having the character actually say what they're doing. (Shakespeare did the latter a lot, but more modern plays rely on large chunks of stage directions to tell actors what they should be doing at any given moment.) In other words, in some cases, you actually have to be more detailed in terms of actions than straight-up prose because a script is meant to be a set of orders for actors -- as in, everything in your vision needs to be translated to a page so people can figure out what's supposed to be going on. Of course, playwrights also sometimes leave a lot of stuff out so the director can have his creativity field day, but either way, yeah, don't rely on script format because you're not confident with prose. (Not saying that that's why this is a script. Just saying it as a warning.)

Other than that, like I said at the beginning, I don't really know what to make of this because there's not much here to judge. It looks like a basic new trainer plot, but what we've got right now is only a glimpse. I'd say definitely give the Plot Bunny Thread a shot to get a better response.

 

[Gardenia101]

Well, what I can draw from that section is that it lacks in detail. There are also hard-to-miss grammar mistakes in it. It seems more like the lines that characters have to memorize in a play to me.

 

[Astinus]

Note for OP:

Script fics aren't allowed according to the rules unless they are written well. Your thread's been closed for that reason.

If you would like to post your story again, you should try to write in the narration style, and perhaps look into getting a beta reader to help you find and fix your mistakes.