[Pokémon] The adventures that a PKMN Trainer had in Oundot [Minimum romance included]

[Skystrike]

[OUNDOT IS A REGION I MADE UP!!!]

The adventures that a PKMN Trainer had in Oundot

Oundot
A region with lots of grassy areas, it is suited for grass types. There are, however, volcanoes and sandstorms and deserts and oceans and caves. Of course, there are cities and towns.

This story tells about a boy named Anthony that had adventures in this region.

CHAPTER 1 -- Hard Decisions
Anthony woke with a start. It was January 3rd 2009, which is his tenth brithday. However, he woke up TOO late. It was 11:30, 1 hour past the Professor's lecture.

"Yikes! It's 11:30!" Anthony cried. "I have to get to the Professor's lab!"
He looked in his closet for his trainer clothes. No, No, no, no, YES! he thought. He ran downstairs and then ran out the door.

"Uhh.....no goodbye, no NOTHING," his mom sighed.
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Ring-a-dingding, the Professor's door sounded. Anthony rushed to the table, which Professor Coranado was standing next to.

"You're late," Professor Coranado said.

"I know," Anthony panted.

"Hurry up and choose your Pokemon. I'm not going to tell you what are the choices," he said.

"OK," Anthony said.

Anthony picked up the ball that said, "FIRE PKMN IS "CENSORED""

"You are going to choose that one?" the Prof. asked

"Of course," Anthony said. "GO, POKEMON!"

The Poke Ball spun and opened. Out came a lizard-shaped Pokemon.

"Char, Char, Charmander!" The Pokemon said.

"You got a CHARMANDER," The prof. said, nodding. "Be nice to it. Also, let it walk around."

"Ok!" Anthony said excitedly. "LETS GO, CHARMANDER!"

"Char, Char!" Charmander said.

Until Next time.

 

[Giratina ♀]

Okay. I'm just going to go through the things I noticed on a quick read, because in-depth reviewing on characters and plot is impossible at this stage of the story:

• Don't change the text color or font unless you have to. It doesn't look pretty, and on some skins (like mine, Dimensional Rift) it's impossible to read.
• Don't just describe Ouendot in the beginning! Maybe have Anthony observing a Region map in the first Pokémon Center he sees.
• Pretty generic opening. Instead of dumping information on us, maybe have Anthony wake up in the living room from a long night of playing Pokémon battle simulators and be lectured by his mother or other responsible figure about how what he did was dumb and that he's now an hour late.
• Describe his Trainer outfit as he fishes through the clothing possibilities, and please, for the love of all that is good, find some way to set thoughts apart from narration! Italics, apostrophes, brackets, anything will do.
• Add some more 'meat' to your sequences. Don't have Anthony and the Professor just stand there like talking heads. Give them body movements, expressions, thoughts, and other attributes of a realistic scene. Just because it's fiction doesn't mean it can't be believable.