Hmm... well, it's a start, but there are a few things that you could do to improve your fic, I have to say... let's start from the top. This may be a lot to read, but I hope you'll find it of use to you. =)
Here, I can see that you're trying to inform us where we are and even the time - however doing it in this form by directly stating the place and time can be a bit too specific, and really only offers us so much. We know that he lives in a house - but we don't know, say, what this house looks like - a big house, a small one, a run-down house, one on a floating island... think about these things and consider them - they are opportunities to use some description and give us more of a sense on what you are talking about.
"Baby... baby, get up now or else you're going too be late," said a girl's voice.
Punctuation is a mistake you tend to make... although you do seem to know what to do with it around quotation marks which is quite good to see. Anyway, if someone is referred to by name, or nickname, or any sort of name, a comma tends to either precede or follow that name. Here, the mother seems to be calling him 'baby' - hence I feel a comma should be there.
'you're' instead of 'your' (the first means 'you are, while the latter doesn't); 'to', rather than 'too', and girl's over girls - the first one there means the voice belongs to the 'girl', while girls means many girls, which doesn't quite fit in.
Also, I'm a bit sceptical over calling the mother a girl - woman, or female, or something like that would work better, I feel.
Hawk opened his eyes and looked towards his door. He saw his mom looking at him. He got up from his bed and walked over towards his closet to pick out his clothes. He walked over too the bathroom, put down his clothes on the counter and shut the door. He turned on the water and stepped inside.
Here, one of the problems is your sentence length, and the words you use to start sentences - it just tends to be a bit too simplistic. Each sentence here is all about the same size as each other, and all follow the same structure - 'Hawk did this. He did that. He did this. He did that' is the kind of style persistent here - and four out of five of these sentences starting the same way is repetitive as well. Note that 'too' there should be a 'to'.
As Hawk was taking a shower, he washed his body and his hair. It been around fifteen minutes since he been in the bathroom so he shut off the water and dried off the water from his body. He put on his clothes and looked in the mirror too brush his har. While he was looking at himself, he saw the he was wearing his new blue shirt and his new black pants.
Another 'too' that should be a 'to', and 'har' should be 'hair'. As for the 'fifteen minutes' remark - is there really much importance in telling use that it takes him 15 minutes to wash himself? Probably not - remember that readers don't need to know such specific details like that - but it's probably better than stories out there that jump from one thing to another so fast you wouldn't know what's happening.
Another point I'd make of the above is that it's really not that interesting - admittedly, all that he is doing so far is... take a shower. Now, it possibly could be made into something more interesting, but the repeated sentence structure you usually use lets you down - makes it sound more like a detailed list of events, rather than a story.
Try changing it up a bit. Have some long sentences, and some short sentences, for a start - they'll change the repetitive pace the story gets from sentences which are the same/similar length to each other. One way to extend a sentence (besides just joining two together) is to use some description.
Now, you do show us what do his clothes look lie - which is good - shows you did consider it. However, you could use more - again, us readers still know very little about Hawk. He know what he wears, and... that is it! We don't know anything about how he looks himself - hair, eyes, height, weight, and so forth, which means we don't really know much about him - nor does he appear to be that interesting if we don't know his personality either. Is he happy, and out-going? Maybe he's shy? However, we don't know this, unless you show it to us.
This doesn't mean that you should suddenly add in a list about what he looks like - e.g. 'Hawk had black hair, was 1.58 metres tall, and he liked long walks on the beach.' is something you'd want to avoid. It's ok in parts, but don't info-dump on us. Bring the odd detail occasionally to use, and mention it in passing. Rather than telling us about his black hair outright - mention it while he washes it - that way, you're adding more to the shower scene, hence making it more interesting, and also describing Hawk!
On his personality too - don't state it, but show it. If he's happy, he'd talk in an enthusiastic manner, for instance. If he has a short temper, this may show in his actions, such as him muttering to himself while...idk, waiting for a person to show up who's late by half an hour. Don't say these kind of things, but show them through actions and thoughts and dialogue. This helps draw us into the story, and lets us think and use our imagination rather than just get told about it.
Back to quotes...
He opened the bathroom door and walked inside his bedroom. He looked at the clock and saw that it was about time too go. He grabbed his black jacket and his black bag and than he walked into the kitchen too get something too eat. He was anxious too find something too eat because he didn't want too be late so he just opened a box of bars and grabbed one.
Consistently you keep using the word 'too' when 'to' should be used - too means 'as well', or 'too much', 'excessively' and 'in addition'. Also, that 'than' should be a 'then'.
Note also that again, each sentence here starts with the same word (He), and has the same structure to it - 'He did this. He did this. He did that' - change that up a bit too - start sentences with different words and in different ways - a sentence on describing something is just one thing that can change it up. In stories, repetition only works in cases - too much of it just gets boring after a while, is all.
Just inside Pallet Town: 6:15 A.M.
Firstly, it took him apparently 15 minutes to have his shower, and zero minutes to do the rest... maybe rethink this? Also - is there that much importance again on telling us the exact time? Consider that as well, as it doesn't appear to have much importance whatsoever, unless you told us what time he should be there and all.
Also, this way is a bit bland and simple. We don't know what Pallet Town looks like - consider describing it. Describe the setting, and so forth - it's 6 in the morning, so the sun might've just risen - is there much light about? Is it cold at this time? Consider these things, and then describe and show them to us.
As for the time - how does he know it? Maybe he looked at his watch, and sees it - hence a way to tell us the readers about it too.
Just outside Pallet Town, he walked towards Professor Oaks' laboratory. While he was just outside laboratory, he saw a note on the door so he read it: "Dear Pokemon finders, if you are in need of a Pokemon, I am in the near woods, the only Pokemon you would get are Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle."
More from the above - description can really help improve your story. Here you tell us that he walked to the lab, and then he saw a note - not that exciting either. How did he walk - maybe, since he didn't want to be late, he walked fast? Or maybe a light jog? There's also a chance to describe the setting as well while he walks through it. Also, the lab - what does that look like?
Also, Oak's message seems very hurried - too hurried - consider chopping that message down into smaller sentences that go on for too long. They're called run-on sentences and are simply ones that sound like they go on for too long, which disturbs the pacing and distracts the reader from what is really happening.
Hawk walked around the town asking people too see where the nearest woods were located but than, he found a trail that lead into the woods to he followed it until he found Professor Oak. He was walking and walking, he was also getting tired and overwhelming. As he walked a couple more feet, he spotted Professor Oak.
Another misused 'too', and the 'to' bolded doesn't seem to fit in at all.
Slow down - expand on things. What do these woods look like? How would these people respond, having some kid as them about where the woods are, which he probably should know about given he lives in Pallet Town and they are nearby, at 6 in the morning? Also, from that paragraph, it appears that he found Professor Oak twice - he found him, then you mention that he was getting tired, and then he found him again. Some sentences here sound awkward as well if you read them out - be careful as in stories, it's important to have everything be as clear, concise and correct as possible.
"Why hello there my fellow Pokemon trainer," said Professor Oak.
"Hello there Professor Oak, I'm here too choose my first Pokemon," said Hawk.
"Yes, yes, here are three Pokeballs and if you choose one of them, that will be your Pokemon, there's no refunds or retakes," said Professor Oak.
Incorrect 'too' again... and Oak's second piece of dialogue here is also too long - he's saying many things (acknowledges Hawk's greeting, tells Hawk about three Pokeballs, and that if he chooses one hes stuck with it) - consider expanding on each, and dividing into separate sentences, although you can just do the latter. Also - what does HE look like? Again - us readers don't really know.
Also, separate dialogue with an extra space - more a presentation sort of thing as on forums, things stuck together can get confusing, hard to understand, and can hurt one's eyes.
As Hawk chose closely, he chose the middle Pokeball and than suddenly when he opened it, it was a Charmander.
"Alright! A Charmander!" exclaimed Hawk.
Again - description? What does it look like? Even if it may be obvious, here's a Pokemon that will probably play a big part in the story - give us an idea on what it looks like.
"Yes, it's a Charmander, you may nickname it if you want," said Professor Oak.
"No thanks, I think I'll take my chances and take my Pokemon and battle other Pokemon trainers," said Hawk.
Take his chances by not nicknaming it? I'm unsure why that is taking his chances... =/ Also, consider Oak's viewpoint. He just told Hawk to carefully choose his Pokemon. However - Hawk just grabs the first Pokemon, sees what it is, and decides to take it without even looking at the others. If I was Oak, it's look like that Hawk just ignored me, and was rude by doing so - and this would probably show as well.
While Hawk was walking back towards town, his cell phone was ringing and it was a text message. He read it and it said: "Oh my god! I heard that you had a Charmander! I think I should go and battle you." He was wondering who that was and than when he was about too leave Pallet Town, he turned around and it was his cousin Falco.
Again; description, my boy! What does this Falco look like? Also, I'd question just how he knows that he got a Charmander when he only just got it. Nobody else was there - unless Falco stalks people? Note the bolded words of doom as well. =P
"Yes I do, let's go than," said Falco.
Then, not than. Also - how do they say these lines? Enthusiastically? Anrgy? We don't know - tell us (..." said Hawk happily), or show us (..." said Hawk with a smile, as he quickly assumed a battle pose.) - it just adds more to the story, makes it more interesting, and tells us how things happen, rather than just what happens.
As the Pokemon battle rages on, they both send out their Pokemon. While Hawk sends out his Charmander, his cousin Falco sends out Squirtle.
Suddenly it seems you changed the tense - from words like 'walked' and 'washed' and so forth, suddenly you use present-tense words, which just feels unnatural. Be consistent in your wording.
"Alright, use Scratch, Charmander!" exclaimed Hawk.
"Alright, use Tackle, Squirtle!" exclaimed Falco.
You need those two commas as they are addressing their Pokemon by their names, and also another case of repetition - they same similar things the same way, and even both 'exclaim' it.
Charmander raised its claws high and ran towards Squirtle while it was running towards him. They both clashed together. Squirtle was on the ground with a cut on his belly and Charmander had a bruise on his belly.
Well, here you suddenly did use a bit of description here on how they attack, and the effects of it - although it could stand to be improved, it's better than other things you had before which had zero description...
"Get up and use Scratch again Charmander!" exclaimed Hawk.
"Get Up and use Tackle again Squirtle!" exclaimed Falco.
Apply comment I made two quotes up to this as well.
Once again, Charmander raised its claws and slashed Squirtle while it tackled Charmander in the belly. Both Pokemon were down nearly fainted so they stopped for awhile. They both looked at each other shaked hands. Falco left Pallet Town waving at his very own cousin and than right after, Hawk called his mom that he was leaving Pallet Town.
This conclusion was... very quick - they then suddenly stop the battle, shake hands, he walks off and begins calling his mum - not that exciting sounding - again, instances of telling us what happened, rather than showing us what happened.
All in all, the main thing is that this is a bit too simplistic, as you tended to reuse the same sentences or sentence structure and length, while having a noticeable absence of description. Consider what people look like more, how they do things, how things happen, and so forth - reading about that is much more interesting that just reading what happened, without any idea of how it did. Give us the feeling that it is really happening - 'he didn't want to be late, so he...walked there' doesn't feel quite as right if you consider that he doesn't want to be late, and hence make him walk briskly, or something like that, which keeps the facts rolling on, and more believable. In brief - description is one main thing you need to make this more interesting and improve this story.
If it's 6 in the morning - show us this - a watch says this, or the sun shows that it is early - again, it's not so important for us to know the exact time, or how long it takes him to shower.
This will go a long way to make you fic more interesting, which it needs. See, there are many OT (Original Trainer) fics out there, so to make a good one that stands out, it tends to either need something 'different' (and by different, not a plot involving saving the world by beating Team *insertnamehere* or so forth - that's done to death and is quite like the games as well - or to be very well written - and description is vital to make places and people sound and seem interesting, as well as perhaps help develop character's personalities and so forth.
Also be careful with your mistakes - a spell checker would pick them up easily. Use Microsoft Word and it's spell-check function - it'd help wonders. Note though that it doesn't get everything, so be sure to read things yourself to see if they make sense - for instance, the 'Hawk saw Oak twice' thing is a mistake in itself. If you don't have Word, use google search to find and download Open Office - it's a free program that is pretty similar to word.
In addition, I might suggest to take your time with fixing this chapter and writing new ones. Have a look at the guides and Advice threads around here and in the Authors lounge - they will be helpful sources to you. Also take a look at some of the fics around here, and see what makes the really good ones stand out - they may give you ideas, and will show you how to write better. Consider also a Beta Reader (you can apply for one in the Beta Place Thread) - they look over your story and pick out mistakes and give you advice on how to improve your story.
Don't take this badly - everyone has to start somewhere after all, and you have potential - you just need to know how to use it is all. Good luck!
