The Legendaries Beginings

[Pikalover10]

PG:13

This will be made up of short chapters based on how the legendaries came to be.:) Hope ya like it!!:D

Chapter 1: The beginning of the pokemon world​

The universe was formless, dark, and lifeless. The only thing in the entire universe was a single cell. Over millions and millions of years. The cell multiplied until it formed into a creature.

The creature was silver with a golden ring connected by spikes around its stomach. This creature's eyes sparkled bright green like emeralds when it was feeling normal, bright red like rubies when it was mad, and light blue like sapphires when it was calm. It loved thinking about the magnificence and beauty of the colors of pearl and diamonds. It thought they were so beautiful, but it was only his thoughts. They never really existed.

One day it got bored and then created its most magnificent piece of art, the earth. The earth, though, was just a sphere of nothingness. It found this as an opportunity to make its most desired artifacts, diamonds and pearls.

It took thousands of years to make the perfect beings after discarding many creatures it made. Then finally it made the perfect beings. Palkia, the keeper of space so that there would be room for many new creatures along with the keeper of pearls was Palkia, and Dialga the keeper of time so that there would be plenty of time to make many new creatures and Dialga was also the keeper of Diamonds.

Along with these two pokemon Arceus had no trouble making new creatures. It made the main creatures which would help by keeping order with the new creatures that weren't as powerful such as Regice the master of Ice along with Articuno, Regirock the master of rock, Registeel the master of steel, Mew the phantom pokemon master of psychic along with Mesprit, uxie, and Azelf, Articuno master of ice along with Regice, Moltres master of fire along with Entei, Heatran, and ho-oh, Zapdos master of electricity along with Raikou, Ho-Oh master of Fire along with Entei, Moltres, and Heatran Suicune master of Water along with Kyogre and Lugia, Raikou master of Electricity along with Zapdos, Celebi master of Grass, Kyogre master of Water along with Lugia and Suicune, Groudon master of Ground, Rayquaza master of Dragon along with Latios and Latias, Latios master of dragon along with Rayquaza and Latias, Latias master of Dragon along with Rayquaza and Latios, Jirachi master of wishes, Deoxys master of form changing, Manaphy prince of the sea, Uxie master of psychic along with Mesprit, Azelf, and Mew, Azelf master of psychic along with Uxie, Mesprit, and Mew, Mesprit master of psychic along with Uxie, Azelf, and Mew, Heatran master of fire along with Ho-Oh, Moltres, and Entei, Giratina master of ghost, Cresselia master of peacefulness, Darkrai master of darkness and shadows, and Shaymin master of aromas.

Arceus was pleased with his new helpers and created many other creatures. He then created creatures with two legs instead of four, two arms, and the ability to talk to each other. These creatures didn't have the harmony to be able to work alongside pokemon, though, and now there are poachers, evil organizations, and then the good people who are trainers and want to end all of that nonsense.

Arceus got very frustrated by the works of humans for this is not what it wanted. It went into the Hall of Origin to think things through. It kept thinking things through for hundreds of years and never came to a conclusion. Then it decided that the humans could do what they wanted on their home world and if they destroyed it, they would die and only the main creatures he created would be save and placed on a new planet that would be called Legendary Planet.​

It figured that if the humans could not learn to get along with pokemon peacefully their planet would be destroyed. It laid down exhausted from all his work and fell asleep for thousands of years and still sleeps to this very day. For its energy takes very very long to replenish. Nobody in the universe other then the legends know about this god called Arceus, and that is exactly how Arceus wants it to stay.​

END​

(Next chapter. Chapter 2: The three legendary dogs creation.​

Picture for this chapter's main idea:
(image no longer exists)​

Oh and please comment and criticise. Thank you:)​

 

[~MasterMind~]

Arceus got very frustrated by the works of humans and went into the Hall of Origin. It laid down in an isolated area and fell asleep. It slept for thousands of years and continues to do so.​

oke now why would GOD himself get angry at something and then just immediatly falls asleep now come on i have several more storys where he shows his ever impounding wrath on humans and other legendaries

you should go in there and fix Alot of punctuation

theres my critisizm
hehe anyways i give it a *drum roll*
9.5/10


Edit: oke it sounds better BUT adding the face the one millionth a second thing is to musch take that away and you got my 10/10

 

[Venia Silente]

Hey Pikalover10!

This topic called for my attention, I rread it and liked a lot. A depiction of how the Pokémon universe came into existence, not clamped by the boundaries of the NDS system... interesting.

And you say there's more... well, I'll be waiting to read the part where you write about Articuno and the other Birds.

Now, for some constructive criticism:

The universe was formless, dark brightless, and lifeless. The only thing in the entire universe was a single cell. Over millions and millions of years. T , the cell multiplied until it formed into a creature full being.

The creature was silver with a golden ring connected by spikes around its stomach. This creature It's eyes sparkled bright green like emeralds when it was feeling normal, bright red like rubies when it was mad feeling anger, and light blue like sapphires when it was calm feeling joy. It loved thinking ...

Um... it is well written as far as I can see, but maybe there is an excess of repetition, when you talk about "The Creature". Unless the intent is for this to be read like a Bible (which, BTW, would be great if it can be done).

And, for the perception of divinity one should get when reading this piece, your adjectives do not sound, well, eloquent enough. Substituting for nouns and using a more personal verb like "feel", adds to the sense of primality a being like Arceus should project.

That said, I marked some suggestions above.

Also, to further enhace the sence of primality, you can substitute some of the verbs. For instance, where it reads, "It took thousands of years to make the perfect beings...", you can use the verb create instead. Arceus was the first! Arceus gave us the world, and gave us to the world. Don't be afraid to make it explicit, as at this point, it reads wonderful and I feel is what makes this work enjoyable.

Along with these two pokemon Arceus had no trouble making new creatures. It made the main creatures which would help by keeping order with the new creatures that weren't as powerful such as Regice the master of Ice along with Articuno, Regirock the master of rock, Registeel the master of steel, Mew the phantom pokemon master of psychic along with...

Now that is what I'm talking about! You are writing about the creation of the world! The structure of the paragraph, as well as the order of the elements, even though they make it quite long, they also make it a paragraph very close in style and intent to any of the most important religious texts in the world. It's like enumerating the Saints, or describing the family tree of the Norse gods. Well done indeed. Of course it reads a bit long, maybe if you can add more description of the common group of "gods", and add colons to separate the groups and ease reading, like for example, "Kyogre, master of Water, the element of life, along with Lugia and Suicune; ...".

Arceus was pleased with his new helpers and created many other creatures. He then created creatures with two legs instead of four, two arms, and the ability to talk to each other. These creatures didn't have the harmony to be able to work alongside pokemon, though, and now there are poachers, evil organizations, and then the good people who are trainers and want to end all of that nonsense.

Ummm... that sounds like us Humans, aren't we? --- Well, it felt a bit rushed as a description of events, and the characterization of the creatures does not give enough insight as for why are they different from other creatures to the point the God had to go sleep because it became angry at them... I mean, fine, creatures with two legs... we have a lot, including Blaziken. Two arms? Hitmonchan and Squirtle. The ability to talk to each other? Every Pokémon species can do that, I guess. If you wanted to make it apparent that they were designed differently, a better wording would be more appropiate. What about, like this?

Arceus was pleased with his new helpers and created many other beings. To finish, he created a new species, with two legs and two arms, and gave them the ability to enhace their own means of communication. But when they started interacting with each other, their language revealed their greedy and lusty nature; rejecting the harmony with the rest of the creatures, they turned against them, evolving into hunters, poachers, and, ultimately, evil organizations. But there were some of them who chose to remain inherently good, and became "Pokémon trainers", opossing the greed and lust.

Note how in the above paragraph, I've only superficially described the new creature, and then I've made clear what separated them from the others; although I've made no attempt to reveal that "difference" as the cause of their behaviour, one might extrapolate based on other religious myths of Creation.
Then I use a specific set of adjectives that match, to a point, the behaviours implied in the roles (nouns) that follow. The finish is the same as yours but keeping it in a sentence of its own, strengthens the concept that those "bad values" are everpresent in human nature (a pivotal point for any religion).

It felt a bit rushed that Arceus simply went to sleep and did not explicitly (or implicitly) pondered the meaning of good trainers in its scheme and simply left its entirely and newly created Universe "left to their own devices". Maybe I'm misunderstanding Arceus here, or the next chapters will explore this perception further.

Well, that's all I have to say development-wise. I liked this work, really, and I guess if you can keep with this style and improve on a more "divine" appreciation from the creatures' POV, this can actually become a nightstand read or a motivational Pokémon booklet. Or something like that.

I'm not good at scoring, but I'm going to say this:
Ever since Arceus was revealed, no one could be wrong by saying that thousands of people writing FFs with the new "God of Pokémon" taking a role. And then the OT writers who will now say, "hey, I'll have my new Trainer touched by Arceus' power".
But a work that deals with the concept and the process of Creation, giving them the adequate touches of a religion, and even written in a style similar to a religious treatise, I don't think many of these have been seen, let alone ones of over-average quality. If yours carry on and improves some little details on the next chapters, and settles into something more eccentrich such as every odd paragraph written in iambic pentameter (hey, that's just a crazy idea), I think it's a sure road towards a 9/10, at least.

I'll be waiting for when Articuno comes, and I'll try to do more constructive criticism along the road.

Bye!

 

[Pikalover10]

Ok solovino...thx. I'll try and fix it tonight if I can what with alot of homework i get and all. Oh and Darkrai 45 wanted me to tell everyone I kind of got this idea from his fanfiction:)

 

[mew darkrai shaymin.]

Cool begining, I can't wait to read more!!!