The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

[TornZero]

Ach! Homework makes me miss so much! T3T
But on the good side, I finished my required semester of Economics in a week flat.

What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?

Pretty much what the others have said, it feels very restricting not being able to be myself. However, there are times I just don't care, such as in the presence of certain people that believe me calling another guy cute/hot/sexy is purely aesthetic or complimentary. (Sometimes it is, like to encourage a friend of mine.)

Lol, okay, here goes. Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?

The promiscuity stereotype of bisexuals, and the judgement resulting from knowledge of this stereotype. I'm not a very sexual person myself, and while I DO have a classmate that fits the bill (and is avoided by some of the hetero students [that are just as bad]), this is the one thing about my orientation that pisses me off the most.

I have a question:

Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

No. Just no. Unless it's in something like -ty-'s case where they deserve it in whole.

-----

And finally, the poll.

A-0
B-0
C-1
D-1
E-2

A few vault-like friends know and support me and won't tell anyone without my consent, and while it's also "some family," it's really just my older brother. He thankfully accepted it as a part of me despite his beliefs, and still supports me when our parents aren't in earshot. (He's kind of the only member of my family I would trust with my life, even more so than my parents.)

 

[-ty-]

A few vault-like friends know and support me and won't tell anyone without my consent, and while it's also "some family," it's really just my older brother. He thankfully accepted it as a part of me despite his beliefs, and still supports me when our parents aren't in earshot. (He's kind of the only member of my family I would trust with my life, even more so than my parents.)

Nothing is more admirable than someone who can support you despite their beliefs. I actual get sick to my stomach hearing about family members that estrange themselves from GLBT family members, especially when we are talking about siblings/children.

 

[Melody]

Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?
Like TornZero mentioned, I really don't like that people think that bisexuals are sex machines. We're not usually like that. Of course there are always idiots who are exceptions to the rule but every group has it's members that they're not really proud of. Another thing that bothers me is that people seem to think me as indecisive because I'm genderfluid. There couldn't be a more wrong impression, I actually take my fluidity seriously and don't just flip-flop or crossdress or do any of those "alarming" things. I've never actually had problems with sticking to a single gender in any context when it's needed.

Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?
Not really. Unless you're just confiding in your own personal confidant, who is known to be very much like a bank safe when it comes to secrets, out of shock it's not really acceptable. And even if you confide in someone trustworthy and they leak it, you get the blame. x3

D here, My brother and sister know, and my best friends know, but none of them will out me prematurely, of this I'm sure. My sibs are a given, I wouln't keep it a secret from them even if they did decide to hate my guts
A-0
B-0
C-1
D-2
E-2

 

[Esper]

A-0
B-0
C-1
D-3
E-2

I would say that I'm a 'D' because a few people I trust know everything about me, but when it comes to other people like family, not-so-close friends, and people I work with I just don't talk about it and let them think whatever they want. Some of them think I'm a gay guy, which is fine with me if that's what makes it easier for them. I really don't want to bring it up with family... ever. It's already too much for them to think that I'm anything but straight and cisgender so I know that being completely open with them would just cause more tension.


And re: outing other people - always bad. Even if your whole family is gay and you're still in the closet and only tell your brother or sister of whoever. It should always be a personal decision.

 

[-ty-]

Actually, my mom outed me to all family. And she wrote them some weird email that was like "Everyone, Ty needs everyone to be very supportive of him, he's going through a tough time. Everyone needs to be extra sensitive toward him and make sure that he knows that we accept him for who he is." lol

Sooo....for like a month everyone was literally acting like I was a little kid who was a victim of some horrible crime. I found it slightly condescending, but humorous more so. I was like, "stop being unnecessarily nice to me!" lmao. I mean, I don't care that she did it, it saved me the awkward conversation. I think I lucked out because I wanted to come out and was ready, but if I wasn't ready, it could have been bad. But it is nice to have someone else out you to everyone if you would rather them do it for you.

But if you don't want to yet, then that should be respected.

 

[Ineffable~]

I really don't want to bring it up with family... ever. It's already too much for them to think that I'm anything but straight and cisgender so I know that being completely open with them would just cause more tension.

Derp, I forgot to mention my family.

I have told my parents and my sister and my grandmother. At first my sister was really stupid about it, and I mean really stupid but at this point I think she's accepting me completely. My parents on the other hand don't even seem to believe me, let alone accept. I've been taking hormones behind their back, but my mother found out and is kind of giving me hell about it. My father would probably flip a table if she told him. My grandmother is really surprisingly supportive--after I told her she even asked me, "does this mean I have two granddaughters now?" which I thought was pretty cool.

Umm, what was my point?
Oh yeah, I'm only out to a small portion of my family and might keep it that way.

 

[Alice]

D

There are a select few friends online that I would never tell, and I wouldn't tell anyone irl unless they asked me directly.

 

[Shining Raichu]

Pretty much most people who know me know, so I put D. It's not exactly public knowledge, like my customers usually don't know and whatnot, but my friends and family do.

I've put the poll at the top of the thread because adding the results into the posts was annoying me lol - so yeah answer there :P

 

[Sydian]

Pretty much most people who know me know, so I put D. It's not exactly public knowledge, like my customers usually don't know and whatnot, but my friends and family do.

Imagining someone just walking in your store and looking at you and KNOWING RIGHT THEN AND THERE that you're gay. Just like "oh my god the cashier is gay" lol. It was funny in my mind. :<

I have told my parents and my sister and my grandmother. At first my sister was really stupid about it, and I mean really stupid but at this point I think she's accepting me completely. My parents on the other hand don't even seem to believe me, let alone accept. I've been taking hormones behind their back, but my mother found out and is kind of giving me hell about it. My father would probably flip a table if she told him. My grandmother is really surprisingly supportive--after I told her she even asked me, "does this mean I have two granddaughters now?" which I thought was pretty cool.

Awww. Grandparents, from my understanding, seem to be the most understanding, despite being from generations where LGBT stuff was nearly completely socially unacceptable. This really goes for more than just LGBT stuff though. But yeah, just something I've noticed.

Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?

-whistles-

Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

Oh God no. Don't do that. :( Like it's been said, it's that person's decision on who they want to know.

 

[Shining Raichu]

Imagining someone just walking in your store and looking at you and KNOWING RIGHT THEN AND THERE that you're gay. Just like "oh my god the cashier is gay" lol. It was funny in my mind. :<

LMAO that would be the funniest thing ever. Little old lady Annabelle walks into Liquorland, looks up at the counter, stumbles backwards clutching her heart

"That boy... he's one of them! He's one of the queers I've heard about!"

 

[-ty-]

hey, you made into an official poll! :D

 

[Alice]

Awww. Grandparents, from my understanding, seem to be the most understanding, despite being from generations where LGBT stuff was nearly completely socially unacceptable. This really goes for more than just LGBT stuff though. But yeah, just something I've noticed.

Eh, not in my experience. (Or my friends' experiences.) One of my would-be-transgendered friends lives with his grandma, and she threatened to abandon him if he was anything but straight.

She knows all about it, because he used to cross dress openly before he moved in with her, but she's forcing him to pretend to be 'normal', and there's nothing he can do about it if he doesn't want to live on the street.

(This is an online friend of course, so I can't do anything about it.)

 

[Ineffable~]

Imagining someone just walking in your store and looking at you and KNOWING RIGHT THEN AND THERE that you're gay. Just like "oh my god the cashier is gay" lol. It was funny in my mind. :<

That's so hilarious. xDD

Awww. Grandparents, from my understanding, seem to be the most understanding, despite being from generations where LGBT stuff was nearly completely socially unacceptable. This really goes for more than just LGBT stuff though. But yeah, just something I've noticed.

It makes sense, since grandparents sometimes don't see their grandchildren often and don't have to raise them and spend money on them as often as parents do (unless the parents are mooches lol), but they still have the whole parental love thing going on.
Then again, my other grandmother is somewhat racist. I highly doubt she would accept me. So, maybe I'm only half-blessed here.

 

[Esper]

It makes sense, since grandparents sometimes don't see their grandchildren often and don't have to raise them and spend money on them as often as parents do (unless the parents are mooches lol), but they still have the whole parental love thing going on.
Then again, my other grandmother is somewhat racist. I highly doubt she would accept me. So, maybe I'm only half-blessed here.

That's a lot like my two grandmothers. One had gay friends for decades and the other still calls Asian people "China-men". :/

 

[Shining Raichu]

I never had to come out to my grandparents, because they're such jackasses that we stopped talking to them when I was 15 years old. The one's on my mother's side are both dead so unfortunately we got stuck with the evil ones. I can't imagine them being OK with it however, especially with me being the only male grandchild and therefore the only one capable of carrying on the family name :P

 

[Ineffable~]

especially with me being the only male grandchild and therefore the only one capable of carrying on the family name :P

Turns out I'm the same since I only have a sister and I've "relinquished" my seed, but, eugh, no kids for me regardless. x.x

 

[U.Flame]

Ugh...anyone else been in a relationship with a partner that doesn't deserve you? I haven't but my cousin is being really unrespectful to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend is increadibly generous and kind. She sees the kindness in people. But after a while she stopped having her own opinions since my cousin continues to take their relationship for granted. I know if I tried to help things could only get worse. It pisses me off that this amazing person is still with my cousin when she's only causing her harm!

 

[Melody]

U_Flame, I know you probably mean well...but I don't think you quite see it completely.

When you're on the outside looking in, you kind of miss a lot of things. Relationships are complicated sometimes, and you have to take that into account when you say things like that.

I personally don't like it when people say "So-and-so isn't good enough for you." or "You aren't good enough for So-and-so.". I think it's completely disrespectful to both sides and not only that, saying words like that is like sticking a dagger in the back of any relationship. A true friend wouldn't say that unless they were absolutely sure that "So-and-So" is really up to no good. Even when they're sure, it's really touch-and-go. It's really a sensitive topic to broach with anyone...so tread very carefully, and closely examine your own feelings for bias before you say that.

 

[TornZero]

Ugh...anyone else been in a relationship with a partner that doesn't deserve you? I haven't but my cousin is being really unrespectful to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend is increadibly generous and kind. She sees the kindness in people. But after a while she stopped having her own opinions since my cousin continues to take their relationship for granted. I know if I tried to help things could only get worse. It pisses me off that this amazing person is still with my cousin when she's only causing her harm!

Personally, no. But my little brother (before coming out as gay on Facebook, in which he's friends with both of our parents) didn't deserve the only girlfriend he had, who gave him space when he wanted it and was pretty dang nice and mature. He's sadly an "all about me" person when it comes to interactions, love-wise or not, and whined relentlessly behind her back about feeling "suffocated". He's proven this by breaking up with her through a note hoping that no one would confront him so to save his face and crotch.

My older brother was bad, but not in the self-centered sense like the younger. He actually does care about a girl's feelings, so he made pretty good friends with them even after breaking up with them; what ends up keeping him from fully deserving some of the great girls he had dated through high school was the fact that he treated things like a fling. His relationships never lasted more than a quarter (a little over two months). He's shaped up, though, and in the time since he moved out, he's had a girlfriend for well over half a year. (It shocked our parents quite a bit.) I honestly think his issues with keeping a girlfriend involved some kind of competition between him and his friends. (Some really weren't the most chivalrous and respectful of the bunch.)

 

[Esper]

I'm in a relationship and the person I'm with is too good for me. I so don't deserve her. Not that I'm awful (at least I don't think I am) but she's just so cool and accepting and overall an awesome person that almost no one could deserve her.

On a separate note, this whole trying to find who you are oriental wise is surging maniacal through my school group like a fast paced soap opera. There has been beards and secret relationships, dramatic break ups, heartbreak, and the lot.

But something new arose. One of my best friends (she's gay too (yay!)) was confronted by a member of the group (my friend has come out as bisexual to our school group, I haven't). The member was also female, and admitted to thinking she was bisexual, and was attracted to my friend. But this woman is incredibly conscious and ashamed of these feelings. My friend does not want to go out with said person, but doesn't have the heart to break it to her. Something like this would crush her, she has cuts on her arm and everything.

I am not meant to know, but considering my and my gay friend share everything, I knew the second it happened. I want to try and console the person who is confused, but if she knows I know she would be hurt that her secret has been told to someone.

....GOD THERE IS SO MORE BUT I AM TIRED OF TYPING.

That's a tough problem your friend is in. If this other girl isn't out to everyone yet maybe she'd get more confidence if she could be around more people. I dunno, you could give your friend the okay to "out" you to this other girl if you were okay with that. Then you and she could maybe talk openly. I don't know if this is really a good idea, but I don't know how else you could help if you aren't supposed to know.