What are some of the most funny/ignorant things people have asked you about your sexuality, and how did you respond?
"Are you gay?"
This used to get me really paranoid. After I became friends with people who were gay, I started to think that it wasn't that big of a deal when someone asked me that, especially since after high school I was never going to see them again, so I started embracing the question for what it was worth and having fun with the people who were asking me it. And they were always the same people who asked me. Thinking that I would never change my answer caught them by surprise. I remember one in particular asked me during biology my sophomore year. He turned around before class started and asked if I was gay. I told him he wasn't my type.
But what really pisses me off are these people who get the impression that if you're not together with someone of the opposite sex, you're gay. I don't mind people thinking I'm gay, because of the fact that the majority of my friends are gay and I've gotten to the point where I just don't find it that big of a deal if someone thinks I am. But for someone to assume someone's gay because they aren't looking to sleep around -- like every other guy around here -- with as many girls as they can get with, that's extremely ignorant and highly pig-headed. I have a loss of respect for people who think like that and think that they're better than everyone else for the amount of sex they have with the amount of girls they end up with. Sexuality is not gay or straight, black or white. It's not even gay, straight, or bi. It's such a complicated thing, sexuality is. That being said, I do fit into something, which falls in the gray-A area. I'm not gay, straight, bi, or pansexual, though.
I'm demisexual, which 'is a person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with someone. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to (usually in love with but sometimes feel strongly as friends) someone else, the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.' When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, sexuals often mistake it as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed.'
I stumbled upon the term about a week ago, thinking to myself "Whoa! That sounds exactly like me."
For a while, I didn't know what I was. I thought I might have been gay after a while because I didn't have any attraction to girls in a sexual way. Then I realized that I didn't have any attraction to guys either. After a while, I started thinking I was pansexual, because of my belief that anyone can end up falling in love with anyone else, regardless of their sex or orientation, and I was primarily blinded with sexuality and the comparrison to romantic attraction and physical attraction. After that, I realized that I didn't have any sexual attraction to anyone, except for one person. I've only ever experienced true sexual attraction once in my life, and that was with my ex, which was
extremely limited. I had a hard time talking to her about sex, mainly because she was really sexual sometimes. She was fully straight, and couldn't understand why I wasn't like any other guy my age and didn't want sex. I couldn't either. My belief is that, sex is something that -- while a truly wonderful thing if it's in a loving relationship -- should primarily be used to procreate. I see a lot of people my age having sex just because it feels good, and while I recognize that, I don't have the desire to just go up to someone and have sex with them. That seems entirely too foul to me, and I would feel that if I did that (especially since I wouldn't really have any interest in it), I would not only disrespect myself, but I would disrespect whoever I decided to get together with.
I have a slight interest in having children, and I can only think of that being the reason I would have sex with someone. I picture myself with a family, and think that that would be the only reason I would have sex. I mean, I have some sexual desires every now and then, but that's nothing that I can't do myself. I don't have any desire to fulfill them with another person. Especially now that I'm not in a relationship with anyone, or interested in getting into one at all at the moment. But, as I was saying, for the last few months I have been trying to discover what sexuality exactly I am. I came to the conclusion that I was demisexual because the only person I ever had sexual desires for -- after at least three years of knowing her -- was my former girlfriend, and they were very,
very limited. I only thought about it about two or three times, and they came and went like drinking a glass of water. It didn't last very long, but in those few spans of times, I did have a lust feeling building up that I normally never felt. Comparing that to how I view other people, the only thing I can say is "Oh, she's very pretty!" I don't have any sexual desires mixed with physical attraction. I can view someone and point out if I find them attractive, but I don't feel anything sexual towards them.
But all in all, the fact that the only person I've ever had sexual feelings for was my last girlfriend, I've determined that I was demisexual since I felt that I met the criteria. I was only ever in one truly romantic relationships, and now -- thinking back -- I realize that I didn't have sexual feelings until my emotions developed to her to what I
believe was love, but I don't really have anything to compare that to since I've only been in one relationship. Unfortunately for me, those sexual feelings started
two months before we broke up... so it was really shellshocking to me, and I feel that's going to prevent me for a while from getting into a relationship with anyone else.
Nevertheless, despite not fully meeting into an asexual aspect, since I feel that I do have sexual desires as it stands, and not fitting the LGBTQIA mold, I certainly support the LGBTQIA community and support them having the rights that they should.