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- Seen Apr 21, 2009
***Warning, this post contains graphic material not suitable for young children***
I, Captain MacMillan, hereby declare that I am the most awesome person ever conceived. Younger than that old geezer Solid Snake, cooler than that fat bastard Mario, not as emo as that kid Cloud, not as evil as that psychopath Sephiroth, and sexier than Samus Aran. I can outshoot Carlos "White Feather", and can outrun a Kenyan. In addition to all of this, I have run with wolves and climbed K2. I've even stopped a moving train.
Now I shall tell you of my exploits during my first years in the business.
My first mission took me to a strange land called Kanto. This strange land was inhabited by strange animals that seem to be called "Pokemon." These Pokemon are held in little spherical containers and are used to battle each other for their owner's pleasure. A sick and twisted world to be sure, but I let none of this get to me. I had a mission and I was going to complete it.
My mission was to kill three people who took up arms against our government. The three were Ash Ketchum, of Pallet Town, Misty of Cerulean City, and Brock of Pewter City. I was given little intel on where they could be found. I was given pictures of them, and that was about it. I started my search in Pallet Town, where this Ash Ketchum supposedly lived. I discovered that he had left to fight in some sort of contest. "The Pokemon League" I believe it was called. I soon ascertained the location and set up camp in a location with a good view of the entrance. I waited three days for the targets to show up and when they finally did I was more than ready for them. I laid my sights on the girl's head and squeezed the trigger. Misty's head became nothing more than mist in the air. The two others quickly spun to where they believed I was, and a yellow rat that had been sitting upon Ash's shoulder jumped to the ground, ready for a fight.
Ash began to shout something, but I couldn't hear it over the roar of my rifle. That yellow little fuzzball didn't stand a chance against a .50 Cal bullet. I think what the kid shouted was something along the lines of "Aaachu!!! Thunder!" Though I'm not sure why he would be sneezing or pointing out the weather at a time like this. Regardless, I took another shot and took the poor twerp out of his misery. I also took the brains out of his head, but that's beside the point.
This left one target: Brock. He had managed to throw one of his spherical torture devices to the ground, and what emerged was a beast of giant proportions. It seemed to be a giant snake made of boulders. I took a shot at it, but it didn't seem to have an effect. The beast was protecting my target, so I had to figure out a way to kill it.
Lucky for me I didn't have to do much thinking. Rain began to pour down by the gallons and it seems that my snake-like friend does not like water. It abandoned Brock and raced inside, leaving a large gaping hole in the wall. Brock turned to run inside after it, but I was too quick. I fired a round and blew his left leg clean off his body. As he lay on the ground writhing in pain, I took time to reload my gun and take aim once more. My next shot painted the wall red with blood and brain.
I packed up my gear and headed back to the chopper. My first mission had been a success.
I, Captain MacMillan, hereby declare that I am the most awesome person ever conceived. Younger than that old geezer Solid Snake, cooler than that fat bastard Mario, not as emo as that kid Cloud, not as evil as that psychopath Sephiroth, and sexier than Samus Aran. I can outshoot Carlos "White Feather", and can outrun a Kenyan. In addition to all of this, I have run with wolves and climbed K2. I've even stopped a moving train.
Now I shall tell you of my exploits during my first years in the business.
My first mission took me to a strange land called Kanto. This strange land was inhabited by strange animals that seem to be called "Pokemon." These Pokemon are held in little spherical containers and are used to battle each other for their owner's pleasure. A sick and twisted world to be sure, but I let none of this get to me. I had a mission and I was going to complete it.
My mission was to kill three people who took up arms against our government. The three were Ash Ketchum, of Pallet Town, Misty of Cerulean City, and Brock of Pewter City. I was given little intel on where they could be found. I was given pictures of them, and that was about it. I started my search in Pallet Town, where this Ash Ketchum supposedly lived. I discovered that he had left to fight in some sort of contest. "The Pokemon League" I believe it was called. I soon ascertained the location and set up camp in a location with a good view of the entrance. I waited three days for the targets to show up and when they finally did I was more than ready for them. I laid my sights on the girl's head and squeezed the trigger. Misty's head became nothing more than mist in the air. The two others quickly spun to where they believed I was, and a yellow rat that had been sitting upon Ash's shoulder jumped to the ground, ready for a fight.
Ash began to shout something, but I couldn't hear it over the roar of my rifle. That yellow little fuzzball didn't stand a chance against a .50 Cal bullet. I think what the kid shouted was something along the lines of "Aaachu!!! Thunder!" Though I'm not sure why he would be sneezing or pointing out the weather at a time like this. Regardless, I took another shot and took the poor twerp out of his misery. I also took the brains out of his head, but that's beside the point.
This left one target: Brock. He had managed to throw one of his spherical torture devices to the ground, and what emerged was a beast of giant proportions. It seemed to be a giant snake made of boulders. I took a shot at it, but it didn't seem to have an effect. The beast was protecting my target, so I had to figure out a way to kill it.
Lucky for me I didn't have to do much thinking. Rain began to pour down by the gallons and it seems that my snake-like friend does not like water. It abandoned Brock and raced inside, leaving a large gaping hole in the wall. Brock turned to run inside after it, but I was too quick. I fired a round and blew his left leg clean off his body. As he lay on the ground writhing in pain, I took time to reload my gun and take aim once more. My next shot painted the wall red with blood and brain.
I packed up my gear and headed back to the chopper. My first mission had been a success.
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