I've been trying to lose weight for 12 years. I am 19 years old. I have been to the doctor several times, but I've never received any sort of help for my weight other than "you should just be less stressed out" or "you must be having trouble with your friends". Nothing of value or substance.
There's really not much I have to appreciate. The only positives about me physically would be my hair length and my eye color, to be honest. If someone thinks of me as pretty, why would they not show interest? In college, it seems like everyone has some form of courage and self-absorption and if they really thought a girl was attractive, they'd say so. I can't remember the last time I received a compliment about my appearance at all.
I hope some tough love won't offend you, I mean this all of this in the best possible way.
This mentality right here -- "There's not really much I have to appreciate" -- is a big reason for why a person wouldn't want to approach you. We are wired to appreciate and admire confidence, it is attractive and appeals to our nature. Moreover, it catches your attention: we are more apt to notice a person who walks like they're the hottest thing on earth rather than someone who sits meekly in the background wondering why no one ever talks to them. I have seen this work on people who do not fit into any socially agreed upon "standard" of attractiveness and they manage to turn heads all the time. The results may not have always been positive, but they at least are
getting results.
On the other hand, an air of discontentment and an attitude of self-pity are considered largely undesirable traits. People spend a lot of time trying to get over their own insecurities, they don't want to have to take care of someone else's. Not being happy with how you look or your situation
will show on your face, posture, movements, etc...and you are more likely to be passed over rather than chatted up.
This is all coming from a guy who until a few years ago had severe self-image issues and loads of insecurities about basically every aspect of his appearance and personality. That version of me wouldn't even be able to type or post on forums like this without triple/quadruple-guessing my words and how badly people would think of me for typing them. A lot has changed since then since I accept that hey, this is the hand I've been dealt. It might not be the most awesome hand in the world, but I'll be damned if I don't play it the best way I can. What came with this was realising that I actually
wasn't a troll in man form and that girls actually could find me attractive. That people did not scrutinise every single word I said and some people might actually agree with me and like my mentality. It was all about deliverance and self-acceptance.
This is going to sound like some kind of Lifetime movie line, but a mentality shift will literally change your life. I promise you that. Be happy with who you are, and remember that unless you're into polyamorous relationships or something (haha), you only need one person to think you're pretty -- you're telling me at 19 that's just never gonna happen?
Come on :)
P.S. I dunno if you have already since you didn't mention it, but have you attempted any sort of physical activity/eating habit changes? Stress is something but I find that more often than not it's usually the food we eat under stress rather than the stress itself that has a negative impact on us (when I'm mad I like comfort food, for example, takes a lot of willpower to resist that :p)
