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[Pokémon] Time, Space... and Minccino

Vato

This Is Our Last Goodbye
  • 533
    Posts
    12
    Years
    Hello there, it's me, Vato, with another Fic. Well, not exactly, it's just another revamp of my FanFic, first of all, I have to tell you, English is not my first lenguage, so please excuse any grammar mistakes, if you may, but, anyways, bear with me as we move onto the important stuff in this Fic called Time, Space... and Minccino!

    The Fic will remain sort-of the same, but with major changes here and there, for example, I'm trying to do each scene from the point of view of a character/Pokemon.

    So, here's the plot for whoever wants to read it:
    Spoiler:


    And here's the index (I'll specify who narrates which scene next to each title):

    1 Prologue
    1.1 Minccino
    1.2 Pikachu
    1.3 VS Hydreigon

    PART I: The shadow and the chinchilla.
    2 This World...
    2.1 Deoxys
    2.2 Gyarados
    2.3 VS Deoxys
    2.4 Giratina
    2.5 Dialga
    2.6 N

    Finally, here's the Prologue (each and every chapter, obviously including Prologue and Epilogue, will be divided by scenes)
    Anyways, here it is:

    Spoiler:


    Any feedback would be awesome, as well as reviews :D
     
    Last edited:
    Wow. Those 3 were amazing. I sure will follow this story. One mistake I noticed. "Lets the match begin!" Lady Minccino says..." I'm sure that she was a Cinccino not a Minccino. As in "Let the match begin!" Lady Cinccino says...

    Other than that, nothing much at fault here. Once again, well done. It's nice to see someone making use of 1st person, especially from the Pokemon's point of view. Ice to see switching narrators too! It reminds me of a story I read here called"Survival Project" completely different storyline, but using the same way of writing (different Pokemon point of view each chapter).

    You're welcome to put another chapter on.

    Well done, docowocool
     
    OMG! A comment *faints*
    Well, glad you like it, I actually haven't spotted that error 'til now, I'll edit the chapter soon enough so that it doesn't become a bother for anyone else.
    Thanks for the feedback.
    Chapter II coming soon, I'm about to finish it :)
     
    I love stories written from Pokemon's POVs.

    Vato! I decided to check out your fic, since I haven't read any of the previous versions of this one. So everything is completely new to me.

    I like how the story is going to be. An adventure traveling around trying to rescue someone, especially when those travelers are ones that haven't seen the world? I like it already. (Especially dragons. Love them.)

    The one thing that I have to comment on is your grammar. It's still readable, so I wasn't distracted by it enough to not enjoy your story. Plus, I understand that since English isn't your first language, that there would be some mistakes. Most of them, though, were typos that you could catch yourself with a read-through once you finish your first chapter. The main one I noticed was one that a lot of people have some difficulties with: punctuating dialogue.

    "Good luck" says the Pikachu, with a big smile in his face, and I mean a very big one.
    "Thanks" I whisper.
    Here, you don't have any punctuation for the dialogue. That is, before the closing quotation marks. For both of these, you'll need a comma. You use a comma when you use a dialogue tag ("said", "whisper") because you're describing how the words are said. So:

    "Good luck," says the Pikachu, with a big smile in his face, and I mean a very big one.
    "Thanks," I whisper.[.quote]
    Like that.

    If there is no dialogue tag, then you'll use a full stop.

    {quote]Good luck." Pikachu smiled

    I was going to explain further, but it seems like you have a handle on the rest. It's just remembering to punctuate when you don't use a question mark or an exclamation mark for your dialogue.

    If you have any questions on this, feel free to ask. I'm also willing to look over your chapters and help you with grammar before you post them, if you'd like.

    Looking forward to more. Can't wait to see Pikachu and Minccino start their adventure!
     
    Thanks for the feedback :P

    Chapter I This World...

    Spoiler:


    EDIT: A couple of thing you should know:
    encompassment is the name that scientists gave to the event when Groudon and Kyogre joined the regions with their powers. To be explained in the next chapter.
    The fic will rotate from the PoV of humans/pokemon in the human world and the world only inhabited by Pokemon (the world that appears in Pokemon: Mystery Dungeon)
     
    Last edited:
    Well done again. The chapters change pov so often I lose my bearings... try either lengthening the scenes or doing less. Or combineing the two. No grammer mistakes I saw.

    Otherwise cleverly done... keep up the good work
     
    Doing less? Well, not yet, as I still have to explain stuff... but that will happen sometime. And about combining... well, that might work in the meantime ...

    And thanks... again :D
     
    Yay! Chapter III is (finally) here!
    Thanks to Astinus who reviewed it to see if there where typos.

    Chapter II Trouble

    Spoiler:
     
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