To Love, or be Loved?

[Frostweaver]

Valentine's Day is just over, and first of all, Frosty hopes that everyone else got a better Valentine's Day than Frosty. Staying at work and staring at textbooks all day to study is not the coolest Valentine's Day ever.

With all the best memories of the awesome date last night for all of you, let's have another mind provoking question...

If you can only choose one of those 2 options, meaning that you cannot choose the ideal relationship where both of you love one another... Will you rather want to be with someone who loves you yet you don't love him/her in return, or will you want to be with someone who you love yet you will not be loved in return?

Why will you pick what you've chosen for your relationship?


Just a silly little question for thought ^_^

 

[Dee Trier]

Second one. For me it's better if i can do something for the other rather than someone done something for me. Simple

 

[22sa]

I'd be with the more beautiful one. O_o;

But otherwise, it isn't hard to offer value to someone who "loves" you even if you don't love them back. So that'd be my second choice. =x ;) :P

 

[Krafty Quill]

For me, that would depend on the type of person she is and what intentions she has with the relationship. Truly devoting yourself to someone who doesn't love you back is a position with a lot pitfalls. If you're with a girl who doesn't return your affection, you're bound to question her reasons for being in the relationship somewhere along the line. Since it's not you she loves, what else could it be? Your money, your cars, the satisfaction she gets by totally playing you? If you're happy being a sugar daddy, things like that won't matter to you I guess, but it would be really sad if you were actually in love with such a person; they'd be taking advantage of both your assets and emotions. You'd be a lot safer with someone who truly loves you. At least in that situation, you'd have no reason to suspect their intentions or devotions. So, I'd rather be with someone who loves me but I don't love back. I'd imagine that would make me feel more powerful and in control of the relationship as well. =x

 

[Goku Goku]

I'm to love, because I like someone, yet the person doesn't know me much at all, and if we ever met, then she'd see me as a friend rather than a partner. :\

 

[Signomi]

I chose the first option. I'd rather be with someone who I don't love but loves me just the same, than someone whom I love and doesn't show me the same kind of affection. Imagining the latter can bring a depressing thought to mind. At least with the first, you'd know there's at least one person out there who loves and cares for you.

 

[Chibi-chan]

I'd rather be with someone I love who may not share the exact same feelings for me, really ^^; Well, not because I like this answer better than the first, it's just that the first answer creeps me out a lot; Someone who loves you that you don't really love...that could be anyone. It could be a stalker for all I know o.o; It could also be someone with a higher power than may be able to blackmail you; a perfect example is in the classic Tess of the D'Ubervilles. And if they do love you, what kind of love exactly; physical love, mental love? The latter would be a terrible reason to be with someone who just loves you...it's scary really. So yeah, because I'm freaked by the first one, I chose the second one XD

 

[Alter Ego]

Nyu, I feel for you, Frosty. I spent most of yesterday with lab reports and my comp. *Is such a pathetic person* Anyway, moving on to the actual question...

This is definitely a hard choice, I'll give it that. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back means a lot of emotional torment with a side-order of public humiliation, but stringing along someone who really loves you is terribly unfair to the other person and, I should say, rather selfish.

Still, I'd rather go with being loved. I mean, even if it wasn't love I can't imagine not managing to at least like someone showing me such attention a whole lot, maybe even growing to love them over time? (I'd imagine that this is a hypothetical situation where that isn't an option, though) Even though it would probably make me feel seriously guilty, I'd at least try to keep that someone sort of happy (If not as happy as she maybe deserve's to be) and at the same time I'd be loved, whereas in the second option I wouldn't be loved and I'd merely be a nuisance for the other party, wherein both only get the negative side.

So yeah, option one for me. Selfish or no, it's the lesser of two evils.

 

[22sa]

I'd rather be with someone I love who may not share the exact same feelings for me, really ^^; Well, not because I like this answer better than the first, it's just that the first answer creeps me out a lot; Someone who loves you that you don't really love...that could be anyone. It could be a stalker for all I know o.o; It could also be someone with a higher power than may be able to blackmail you; a perfect example is in the classic Tess of the D'Ubervilles. And if they do love you, what kind of love exactly; physical love, mental love? The latter would be a terrible reason to be with someone who just loves you...it's scary really. So yeah, because I'm freaked by the first one, I chose the second one XD

I agree with your point. xD; For someone who doesn't want to waste their time with people they don't like, option #1 is pointless and self-deceiving.

 

[Drifblim]

To be with one who loves me irrespective of my feelings. At least I have someone who'll give me some confidence, and over time I might start loving her.

 

[Sammi]

I think I'd rather love than be loved. To be honest, both options are going to be depressing for me; I'd feel guilty if I were loved and I'd feel upset if I loved and got nothing of it. But if I'm loved, I'd feel even worse. I hung up on a boy who said he had a crush on me. I felt really bad after that, and he never called back. It must've hurt him. I'd rather feel the hurt than have someone else feel it. (I've never had anyone have feelings for me after that... figures.)

Besides, if I love them, it doesn't exactly mean I'm fighting for their affection, right? If I have a crush on someone I know won't love me, I'm not even going to bother revealing my feelings. I know I'd feel better that way, and it might make the other person feel guiltless as well.

I was going to think of something else to say, but I forgot it. @@; I'll edit if I can remember.

 

[Alter Ego]

I agree with your point. xD; For someone who doesn't want to waste their time with people they don't like, option #1 is pointless and self-deceiving.

Actually, the option only states that you don't love the person, it doesn't say anything about not liking him/her. And don't forget, whereas #1 might be self-decieveing, as you put it, #2 reeks of stalkerishness. (Clinging to someone who doesn't want you around? xP) It's not like there is a good option here, so how about we avoid flaming either of the choices like that, eh? That kind of childish name-calling really doesn't help the debate. xP

 

[22sa]

It is true you're stalkerish if you still chase somebody whom keeps rejecting you but hey at least you KNOW you admire and love the person. Just from one person's perspective, #1 would be avoiding the person you love the most for someone you don't love as much but loves you. Therefore even if a relationship got going with you and that second-rate, it wouldn't be the best type of guy-girl relationship desirable, and therefore 'a waste of time,' since the one would still want somebody else more. Just that some types people would think this way. xD;

 

[Alter Ego]

It is true if you're stalkerish if you still chase somebody whom keeps rejecting you but hey at least you KNOW you admire and love the person. Just from one person's perspective, it would be avoiding the person you love the most for someone you don't love as much but loves you. Therefore even if a relationship got going with you and that second-rate, it wouldn't be the best type of guy-girl relationship desirable, and therefore 'a waste of time,' since the one would still want somebody else more.

You can't always get the best in this world, you know. Also, just because it isn't the ideal relationship (Lol, is there even such a thing?) it doesn't necessarily make it a waste of time. Anyhow, if you can call stalking love anymore then it's a very very twisted kind of love and really not something I'd like to indulge in. I mean, if you're honest about your feelings and about who you are and the other still doesn't want you then you should just move on rather than keep stalking and ruining the lives of both concerned. xP

So yeah, option #2 was just too creepy for me to take, hence #1. o.o

 

[22sa]

It's not twisted if you're confident about the person you admire.

I wouldn't do #2 either personally, but it's not because I think it's wrong... just I lack that sort of self-confidence that tells me I can somehow still benefit someone despite their lack of love for me. O_o;

 

[Frostweaver]

When I made the question in mind, I thought that I have thought of all the possibilities already... but "stalker love" totally slipped from my mind XD;

True that there are many factors to consider...

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For those who pick the first option to be loved instead of to love, how well can you contain your emotion to be with only the one guy/girl? Knowing very well that s/he is not your top choice, someone else is always in your mind, yet this someone else is the one who's beside you at this very moment. Are you so certain that you can keep the relationship going before you break it up yourself for your own sanity?

What about what Nayana suggested? Does it hurt your conscience and provoke guilt in you to accept someone who genuinely loves you yet you cannot possibly return the same feeling that s/he maybe expecting to get when you accept the relationship?

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For those who picked the 2nd option to love than to be loved... Certainly there is no stability in life for it, as you maybe constantly rejected. The other person may perhaps be with you, but someone else is always occupying his or her mind. Can you truly accept this?

Say that the person who you really love finally accepts you, but you "know" that s/he doesn't really love you in the same manner. Like what Krafty said, what if s/he accepts your relationship with other intentions in mind...?

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*mind torments* ;p

 

[Auron]

I prefer being loved. Well...Nah...

I don't know nothing about these things !! xDD

The think I know is that I won't be with someone I don't love.

 

[Warheart]

I would rather be with someone who I knew loves me, because at least that way I know I have a chance of working the relationship out with them, rather than hunting down,, and staying with someone who I know doesn't feel the same way about me, as I feel about her.

If that makes any sense...

Not so much focused on physical "beauty," but even if I don't have sexual feelings towards someone, I could love them as a friend, or even just someone to talk with every once in a while.

 

[Allstories]

I would rather love. I'd feel very selfish if someone loved me and I couldn't return the affection, and I suppose it's better to have loved and lost. Plus, this option probably mirrors real life most accurately anyway.

 

[Lily]

...First of all, allow me to express my wound--I am deeply offended as to the fact you've never even once acknowledged T H I S thread. You even posted in it! >O! So this is certainly not a silly question!

Moving on, repeating myself, I'd choose to love and be unloved. That's how it is, anyway. =P

edit; I realize that thread is from 2006....*>>* Oh well~