Twin Share Chain: Arising links

[Mr Cat Dog]

Meh... more scripts... still, to review:

Since I can only really comment on the plot and grammatical errors, I suppose I'll have to do that, instead of rambling on about description like I do in all the other fics I read here :D

The plot so far seems interesting, if not different. It's nice to see something about legendary Pokemon, but I really hope it doesn't end up in Ash or co catching it, as most of the time, that ruins fics. The only real faults I have with it is that you mixed up past and present tenses. I'll give you an example:

Past -

Brock stopped there and looked around.

Present - Everything else, or so I think... *checks again* yup that's it. Sorry for being so petty for pointing out one mistake, but that's just me... :D

Well, to conclude, this fic looks good - if not mysterious - and I look forward to reading Shadow's installments

~ MCD

 

[Shadow]

Lisa: "Focus Punch!"
Aipom's tail clenches its hand into a fist and Aipom closes its eyes, deep in concentration.
Ash: "Quick Attack!"
Pikachu charges towards Aipom, but it finishes focusing and punches Pikachu right as it is about to strike. Pikachu is thrown back to Ash.
Ash: "Pikachu! Use Thun...."
Ash is interrupted by a large beam of green energy going in between his group and Lisa. A scream is heard as a little boy of about ten comes running up to them.
Ash: "What's wrong?"
Boy: "Our city was attacked..."
Max: "So you must be from Merl!"
Boy: "Yeah..."
Brock: "Who attacked you?"
Boy: "A gang, led by Winona... She's the one who chased me here."
Max: "Winona? The Fortree gym leader? But she trains Flying types and a Solar Beam that powerful could only come from a Grass type."
May: "And why is she chasing you?"
Boy: "Because of this..."
The boy hands Ash a book written in some ancient language.
Boy: "My names Ray. That book is my granny's and she told me to run away with it since they seemed to be after it."
May: "I can't read it. Why would a gym leader attack an innocent city for this?"
Ash: "I don't know, but we should go and find out!"

Meanwhile in the nearby bushes

Meowth: "Did you hear that? A gym leader attacked a city for that book!"
James: "Yeah it does seem odd that one would do that..."
Jessie: "James, you dult, we don't care about gym leader ethics! That book is obviously rare and valuable if they sought to protect it so much. We should steal it!"
James: "Oh, you're right Jess! It may contain the location of some rare, ancient, and legendary Pokemon!"
Meowth: "Or it could hold the secret to turn dirt into gold! I can imagine the boss waking up in his golden bed, underneath his golden quilt. He rises his head up from his golden pillow and says: 'Wow, that golden bed Meowth and those other two got me really has helped me sleep better.' Then a gold plated Pikachu walks up to him and gives him a spectacular breakfest, served on gold plates with gold forks, knives, and napkins. And maybe a cup of coffee in a golden mug. And he' will remark...."
Jessie: "Hold it Meowth, if we had that much gold, we could buy Team Rocket!"
James: "We could buy Europe and lives the life of kings and queens, and live in a different country each season!"
Meowth: "What are we waiting for? Let's get that book!"

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

Well, the story's progressing nicely. And it's nice to see Team Rocket (my favourites in the anime) make an appearance. No past and present mix-ups, good plot, characters are staying in character... yup. This fic seems to be going fine!

~ MCD

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

I try my best... I seem to be the only person actually interested here, but still... Anyways, for this review:

Only one mistake (and I'm sorry for picking it out, but I just like to), you said May was Ray in one of the lines:

Ray: "That's her! Winona!"

Unless that is a character called Ray (in which there is a chance), that was the only mistake you made. If there was a character called Ray, it would have been nice for a little introduction. Anyways, I shouldn't be going on about one mistake shouldn't I? :D

Well, the rest of the fic seems to be going smoothly, and there is a bit of suspense with that cliffhanger with the "fake" Winona and Lisa. Although I do have one comment, howcome when Ash scanned the PokeDex, it didn't pick up the Tropius? Unless you were trying to scan the Tropius... Meh, doesn't matter. The fic's coming along fine. :D

~ MCD

 

[Shadow]

Uhh MCD, I introduced Ray in my reply. He's the little boy...

_______________

Winona: "I'm tired of this. You guys can't prove anything!"
Ash: "Yes we can! Umm Max, what's the proof we have so far?"
Max: "Well there's the fact that she is using grass types..."
Winona: "Maybe I felt like changing my team."
Max: "Then there's the part that she is kidnapping Lisa..."
Winona: "How do you know she didn't recently commit a crime and I'm taking her to jail?"
Brock: "My sweet Lissa could never do wrong! She's a perfect little angel, and..."
Max: "Ok, that's enough Brock."
May: "If she commited a crime, Officer Jenny would be here, not a gym leader. Right?"
Winona: "That's enough out of all of you! Go Exeggcutor! Hypnosis!"
Winona throws a Pokeball, which releases the demented palm tree. A few seconds later, everyone but Winona falls asleep.

Ash, Brock, May, Lisa, Ray, and Max wake up inside of a cage in a dark room filled with computers and many other empty cages.
Ash: "Uggghhh....Where are we?"
A dark figure walks up to them stepping into the light ro reveal himself to be Shadow.
Shadow: "In the Fortree Gym storage basement."
Max: "What did you do to Winona?"
Shadow: "Nothing at all."
Brock: "Then why is there an imposter going around as her attacking innocent cities?"
Shadow pulls out Ray's grandmother's book.
Shadow: "To obtain information."
Ray: "Give that back!"
Shadow: "And how do you know that is an imposter? The power of the purse is a great power..."
Ash: "A gym leader would never do such a thing!"
Shadow: "Some of them might. And to tell the truth, Winona wasn't one of them. She's locked up in a secret location with other noncompliant gym leaders. And this fake Winona is the top executive of the northen Hoenn region so of course she was in charge of obtaining this book. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet with the Eastern executives to see if they've acquired some more information."
Shadow walks out of the basement.
Ash: "Now Pikachu! Thunderbolt the cage! Pikachu? Oh no! Pikachu's gone!"
Ash, May, Brock, and Lisa check their belts and find no Pokeballs. The fake Winona walks up to the cage.
Winona: "Looking for those?"
She points to a shelf with many Pokeballs on it.
Ash: "Where's Pikachu?"
Winona: "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Ash: "Tell me!"
Winona: "Well, OK, it's not like you'll be escaping anytime soon. It's at the Lavaridge Gym being guarded be "Flannery's" Diglett army."
Max: "So the Flannery imposter has ground types? That is bad for Pikachu..."
Winona: "A lot more then ground types my dear lad, a lot more..."

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

Hehehehehehe... I knew that... who said I didn't *looks around*

Well, there were two minor spelling mistakes (and I realised who he was when I read back who Ray was - sorry Satoshi-kun), but that was about it. The plot seems to be coming ever more mysterious, and we are starting to see more of Shadow's personality,even if it is still mysterious (I hope you aren't like this in real life :)) Anyways, I'll try not to say anything without rereading again... sorry once again Satoshi-kun... *gets down on knees and starts to beg*

~ MCD

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

Well, at least we know the name of the book now (I hope that wasn't mentioned in Shadow's chapter...), but we still don't know why they want it. Hopefully that shall be revealed in good time. Only a few grammatical mistakes, nothing major, obviously... It's also nice to see Meowth and Wobbuffet on their own, and without Jesse and James, as I prefer their personality to that of Jesse and James' corniness. The plot is still feeling more and more mysterious, and with this Marilin character (I'll need to read the other story) being the fake Winona, who knows what would happen in Shadow's installment. Keep up the good work...:D

~ MCD

 

[Shadow]

Petalburg Gym; Backroom
Jessie: "How dare that copycat throw us in a cage."
James messes with the cage door and it slips open.
James: "He forgot to lock it."
Jessie and James get out and walk towards the shelf with Dustox, Cacnea, and Seviper's Pokeballs. They grab them and the light flicks on.
Norman: "What's going on in here?"
Jessie: "Prepare for trouble since you forgot to lock the door."
James: "And prepare for trouble and a little bit more."
Jessie: "To protect..."
Hitmonlee: "HitmonLEE!"
A Hitmonlee kicks Jessie in the face sending her into the wall.
James: "A Hitmonlee? But who's is it?"
Norman: "It's mine. And so are these two."
Norman throws two Pokeballs releasing Hitmonchan and Hitmontop.
James: "What happened to your Slaking and Vigoroth?"
Jessie: "I don't care! That stupid Hitmonlee kicked my precious face! Seviper! Dustox! Poison Sting!"
James: "You too Cacnea! Poison Sting!"
Norman: "Mach Punch Hitmonchan!"
Hitmonchan dodges the needles and punches Cacnea sending it into Seviper's head. The blast makes Seviper face Dustox and shoot it with Poison Sting. All three Pokemon fall down in a pile.
Norman: "Brick Break now Hitmontop!"
Hitmontop kicks Team Rocket's Pokemon with its full force sending them blasting off without Jessie and James. Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan, and Hitmontop surround Jessie and James.
Norman: "The boss has special plans for you."

Mt. Chimney
Cassidy and Butch exit the lift and walk to the top of the montain.
Butch: "They're suppsoed to be here somewhere..."
Cassidy: "Just be patient... Hey, is that them over there?"
Cassidy and Butch run over to Fred, who is operating some kind of machine positioned on the side of the mountain.
Butch: "We found you!"
Fred: "Ah, Team Rocket. So glad you could make it to part B3 of our plan."
Butch: "B3?"
Fred: "Yes, but you won't find out what it is."
Several Shadow Inc. agents jump out of nowhere and grab Cassidy and Butch. A Flannery imposter walks up.
Fake Flannery: "Take them to Lavardige gym! Is it ready yet Fred?"
Fred: "Almost finished..."
A screech is heard from the lava and giant brid-shaped flame emerges.
Fake Flannery: "A newborn Moltres just for me..."
The fake Flannery takes a Dark Ball from her pocket.

 

[Shadow]

Shadow is hiding in the bushes spying on Ash and company.
Shadow: "Oh great. Sabrina is here. At least I can block her psychic energies from reading my mind or sensing my presence. Too bad, that's all I can do with mine..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Shadow: "What the?"
Shadow turns around to Seviper, Cacnea, and Dustox falling out of the sky, heading directly towards him. They hit him in the head and knock him out of the bushes.
Ash: "There's Shadow!"
Brock: "And that's Team Rocket's Pokemon!"
Shadow: "And that's my cue to leave. Venomoth! Teleport!"
Shadow sends out Venomoth and the two of them vanish instantly.
Ash: "Darn he's gone!"
Kent: "He just teleported to Petalburg."
Sabrina: "Then let's go."
They all teleport away.

Petalburg Gym
Ash: "Where's Shadow?"
Sabrina: "He must have teleported here then somewhere else."
Ray: "Look up there! It's my grandmother's book!"
Ray points at the book resting on a tall cloumn in the center of the gym that raises up to the roof.
Sabrina: "I'll get it."
The book doesn't budge.
Norman: "Very amusing, but it is fitted with a special psychic-proof sheild. You have to climb up there to get it."
Ash: "Go Treecko! Climb up there and get it!"
Treecko runs towards the pillar and starts to climb it, but he is kicked away by Htimonlee.
May: "Hitmonlee? Then that really isn't dad!"
Max: "Where is dad?"
Norman: "There may be some answers written on a piece of paper in the book or there may not be. And you have to get it with my Pokemon guarding it."
Meowth: "What about Jessie and James?"
Norman: "Maybe a key in the book, maybe not."
Ash: "Treecko! Try again!"
Ash looks at Treecko, who is in a cage.
Norman: "Oh, and each of you only get one try..."

 

[Shadow]

May grabs the book and opens it. I piece of paper and an ID card fall out. Max picks up the paper and reads it.

Dear Idiot and/or other nuisances,
If you want to find me and stop any evil/diabolical plots I may have, I am at the new Shadow Inc building. In case you don't watch the news, it is located in Rustboro. You'll need three different Executive IDs to enter it due to tight security in this week before opening. You have one, but can you get the others? I've already recovered the fake Winona's badge so don't even look for it.

~~Shadow

PS: The Rocket Idiots are down in the basement. The key's under the gym doormat.

Sabrina: "What has he got planned now?"
Brock: "Who knows?"
Kent: "I'm betting that one can be found in Rustboro if there is a Roxanne imposter."

Shadow Inc; Rustboro Facility; Top Floor
Shadow: "Everything is working into my plan perfectly."
Exec. Kent (Kenneth): "What about that brother of yours that has the same name as me?"
Shadow: "Don't worry Kenneth. The closest executives are the Flannery, Wattson, and Brawly imposters and they all have traps that will aid me if they work or fail."
Kenneth: "Yes sir. And shall we begin the warm-up procedures?"
Shadow: "Yes. Time to send the Hoenn region, and quite possibly many others, into an era of economic depression! They may even call it the Great Depression."
Kenneth: "I believe the US has already had one of those."
Shadow: "Blast it! Can't I have an idea that I beleive is original, but actually someone already did it that I don't know about?"
Kenneth: "Who cares? With the money Shadow Inc. will make by rescuing everyone from low amounts of jobs and food, we will be able to copyright the alphabet and everyone will have to shell out millions just to write a sentence!"
Shadow: "Right, but something more devious then the alphabet, Pokemon!"
Kenneth: "I have a feeling that's already copyrighted..."

 

[Shadow]

Liza runs away and a fake Liza jumps out of a bush and grabs her. The fake Liza and Tate tie her up and take her to the beach. At the beach, a large Waillord submarine emerges and opens its mouth. The imposters take Liza in and put her in a cage.
Fake Tate: "Now to take her to Shadow. And the hologram engine needs to recharge so we can turn it off for the trip."
The fake Liza pushes a button and they both appear blurry for a second and then their true selves are revealed. The fake Liza was Annie and the fake Tate was Oakley. Oakley pushes some buttons, and the Waillord submarine dives underneath the waves and heads for the Hoenn mainland.

Near Lavaridge Gym
Jessie, James, and Meowth float towards the gym in their Meowth balloon.
Jessie: "Thanks for getting us out Meowth."
Meowth: "It was nothing. Actually the twerps did help a bit."
James: "So why are we going to Lavaridge when they are going to Dewford?"
Meowth: "We need our own passes to get into the Shadow Inc. building. Once inside we can stage our own trap to capture Pikachu."
Jessie: "But what about that restaining order that Shadow has?"
Meowth: "It's only for 100 feet. That building is about 1000 feet tall."
James: "So how are we going to do this?"
Meowth: "We are going to sneak in the back, ambush the fake gym leader, steal her Pokemon and the ID card, and leave."
Wobbufett: "Wobbufett!"
Jessie: "There's the gym."
The balloon lands on the gym and James removes a section of the roof while Jessie gives Wobbufett some rope. Wobbufett holds the rope while Jessie, James, and Meowth lower down into the gym. The fake Flannery is checking her e-mail on a computer and James grabs her and ties her up.
Jessie: "That was easy."
Fred: "What are you three doing here?"
Meowth: "Another executive!"
James: "Umm hi Fred. It's been a while. How have you been since you quit Team Rocket?"
Wobbufett: "WOBBUFETT!"
Wobbufett falls onto Fred knocking him out. James ties him up.
Meowth: "Hey guys look. This Flannery impsoter has a Dark Ball."
Jessie: "Just grab it and the rest of her Pokemon."
James: "How lucky, Fred has an ID too. We got two for the price of one."
Wobbufett pops out of nowhere holding the ID card from the fake Norman.
Meowth: "Make that three, a bunch of Pokemon, and coming soon, Pikachu."
Wobbufett: "Wobbufett!"

 

[Shadow]

Annie & Oakley's submarine
Annie: "We just passed Dewford."
Oakley: "Great we're almost there."
There is a loud banging sound and the submarine tilts a little to the left.
Annie: "What was that?"
There is another loud bang and the submarine tilts even more to the left.
Oakley: "Sensors say that there are many serpentine Pokemon near the sub."
Annie: "Gyarados."
Oakley: "But Gyarados don't live here normally, and it isn't mating season..."
There is a last bang and the sub flips completly over and everything falls onto the roof. An explosion is heard and the sub rises to the surface.
Oakley: "Why are they attacking us? And how'd they know how to disable the sub?"
Annie: "At least the hull is Gyarados-proof."
Oakley: "This may be bad, they are all gathering together and there are immense energy readings."
Several Hyper Beams shoot through the middle of the sub's hull. The sub starts to sink, but is then lifted into the air. A Dragonair comes up to the hole with a boy, about the same age as Shadow, riding on it. The boy, Montana, enters through the hole.
Annie: "I don't know who you are, but you aren't going to stop us!"
Annie and Oakley send out Espeon and Ariados. Montana sends out Aerodactyl and his Dragonair enters through the hole and proceeds to Liza and Tate's cage.
Oakley: "An Aerodactyl?"
Aerodactlyl picks up Espeon and Ariados and throughs them out of the hole. Espeon grabs on to Ariados who uses String Shot to grab onto the sub which is being held in mid-air by two Dragonites. Dragonair comes back with Liza and Tate on it and Montana gets on his Aerodactyl.
Oakley: "What do you think you're doing?"
Annie: "Yeah put us down and give us our captives back!"
Montana: "As you wish."
Aerodactyl and Dragonair fly outside of the hole and Montana snaps his fingers. Hearing this, the Dragonites drop the sub and it plummets over a hundred feet to the ground. Montana's Aerodactyl drops him off near the crash site and he picks up Annie and Oakley's ID cards that they dropped during impact. He then mounts Aerodactly, and flies towards Rustboro.

 

[Shadow]

Kent: "The exit is right here."
Kent opens a door and everyone walks in before the door closes behind them. Minutes later, Jessie, James, and Meowth run in the front door and fall into the pitfall full of Cacnea. They all give James a nice friendly hug while Jessie and Meowth sneak out, using her Seviper as a ladder. It then grabs James and pulls him up. James' Cacnea pops out and starts talking to the Cacnea still clinging to James. They all hop down and gesture for Team Rocket to follow them. They lead Team Rocket to a small vent, and jump in.
Jessie: "We have to go in there?"
Meowth: "Those Cacnea said it is the Staff Entrance for the Pokemon that work in the maze. We can get into a secret staff area through there."
Jessie, James, and Meowth crawl in after the Cacnea.

Ash: "Man it's dark in here."
They see a bunch of circles ahead, one for each of them. They each step into one and the lights come on revealing a giant Articuno with a large screen behind it. Just then, large clamps lock everyone in place. The top of the Articuno's head opens and Shadow is in it.
Shadow: "Welcome to my Artic Answer-thon!"
Max: "That name sucks!"
Shadow: "BE QUIT! Or I will demonstrate what happens when you get a question wrong on you. OK, you get 100 points for every correct answer, you need 1000. If you get a question wrong, you will find a get a very chilling surprise."
Kent: "Just hurry up so we can kick your butt in your own challenges."
Shadow: "Hmmph your taunts won't phase me. Now for this first one, I hope you can count Brock."
The screen shows a lake filled to the brim with Magikarp and several other marine Pokemon below them.
Shadow: "How many Shellder are in this small lake Brock?"

The Cacnea stop in the vent and James looks ahead to see the end of the vent. In the room on the other side he sees two people tied and gagged in chairs as well as several Snorunts and other ice Pokemon walking around. He opens the grate and walks into the room.
James: "Butch? Cassidy?"
Jessie and Meowth stumble out of the vent.
Jessie: "What are you doing here?"
Meowth: "More importantly, what's with all of these Ice Pokemon?"
Jessie: "Hmmm? No wonder it is so cold in here. They should turn a heater on or something, I'm about to catch a cold."
James takes the gags off of Butch and Cassidy.
Butch: "Finally, I thought everyone ahd forgotten about us!"
Cassidy: *sneezes* "Yeah, we neeb to sbeal their Molbres." *sneezes*
Jessie: "Hah, look who's sick!"
Cassidy: "Ab leasb I look bebber bhen you."
Meowth: "Wait a second, Moltres?!?!"
Butch: "Yeah that fake gym leader caught it."
James: "The fake Flannery?"
Butch: "Yeah, what's it to you, you could never steal it in a million years."
James pulls out the Pokeballs they took from the fake Flannery and Fred.
Butch: "You managed to take it from her?"
Wobbufett: "Wobbufett!"
Cassidy: "Jub leb us go."
Jessie: "Sorry, your contagious, you should stay here alone. We'll leave Butchy here to keep you company."
Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbufett leave the room followed by the Cacnea.
Butch: *sneezes* "Now you got me sick."