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Love Intent
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    This is my first fan fic so dont be too mean.
    I am going to use the first letter of the pokemon that is talking so you know who is talking.
    -Main character-
    korinku
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    Chapter one:The Planing
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    It is a dark and cloudy night as a gangar,gastly,and haunter aprotch a dialga while it is asleep.They aprotch using dream eater to mess with it's mind......then sudenly it awakes with eyes glowing yellow and with an evil look on it's face.As it gets up it turns and jumps off into the forest.*Exelent,it's all comeing together*says the gangar in a deep voice,then reaching into a bush and pulling out a fainted celeby *now lets go back to our time so we can finish the plan*says the gangar while using dream eater on the celby....................................(M)Wake up korinku or were gunna miss our spot at the pond.Says a mudkip (K)Oh hey mudkip,what did you say?(M)I said were gunna miss our spot at the pond if we dont hurry up,now come on.Korinku starts to walk on fallowing mudkip but then,he looks at a tree branch and see's a dark figure with four legs staring at him...(K)what is that?He said in a whisper.(M)Hurry up korinku.(K)Oh sorry i'll be there in a sec.He looks back at the branch and the figure is gone.(K)for a minute there i'd say that was an Abso- (M)I guess the only way i'll get you to hurry up is by force,now come on..........................(M)Man were too late,see what you did.(K)hehehe sorry.(M)Theres nothing funny about that...(C)Oh hey korinku,and mudkip you guys need a spot? come over here.(K)Thanks chikorita.SLURP SLURP SLURP!(C)Have you guys herd about the news latly?(K)(N)No,why?(C)Well there have been rumers that the legendaires are going crazy and causing havoc all over the place.(K)what?why would they be doing that?(C)I dont know but it's got me scared.BOOOOOOOOOOM!
     
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    Capter 2: Distruction
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    BOOOOOOM!(K)(M)(C)"What was that!"all the other pokemon started to run away while chikorita,korinku,and mudkip whent toward the noise.They reached the spot that they herd the noise.Before them was an Absol.(A)"Korinku."(K)"uhh um yes?"(A)"korinku I dont have much time,So I must give you this message quick."(K)"A message,From who?"(A)"That is not important right now,what is important is giveing this message."These things that have been happening are the work of someone devius and evil and you are the one who will save us all."(K)"Save us all,save us all from what?"(A)"I'm sorry I cant stay any longer"(K)"But wait,save us from what?"(A)"you will find out soon enough."With that final word absol then vanished.(M)"Wow what was that all about?"(K)"I have no idea."(C)"Oh maby we should ask that old xato,he knows alot about most things that hapen".(K)"Ok lets go."

    |Mount sunrise|
    (C)Mister xato sir can we ask you something?(X)hm oh hello what is it you whant to ask me?(C)Go on ask him korinku.(K)Ok ok stop pushing me.Um sir I got a message from absol and(X)Absol? wow you do know that if an absol comes it means a disaster is soon to come.(K)yes yes I know all of that but He told me that I must save us all.What am I supposed to save us from?(X)Ahh yes I do know the asewer to that but I did'nt think the one would be so young(K)Huuu?(X)You are the one to save us from the legendaries.(K)WHAT?!?! i'm supposed to save us from all of those pokemon,they have alot of power and i'm i'm...punny(X)You wont beat them alone,you will have help.(K)Realy,who?(X)It is said that you will go an a long jurny forming a team.That is all I know(K)Well I guess I have to do this,in order to save everyone.(C)Well when are you gunna leave?(K)I'll leave tomorrow.(C)You know i'm going too.(M)yea me too(K)Guys i'm risking my life and I dont whant to risk your lives too.(C)Fine we'll stay(K)Thank you.(X)Good luck korinku.
     
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    You really need spacing and description. Even if this is your first fanfic you should have all of the characters names spelled out and put the speech like this

    "Guys, I'm risking my life! I don't want to risk your lives too."

    You had little to no details of what the characters are doing, this a very impotant part of a story even for a first fic.
    Also, remember to spell check and use the caps lock, it seems as if you just wrote this in the reply box:P.
     
    Thanks for telling me that,i'm sure you can tell i'm not much of a story teller.It is weird though,I have a great imagination but I just cant make it sound right.
     
    Korinku said:
    Thanks for telling me that,i'm sure you can tell i'm not much of a story teller.It is weird though,I have a great imagination but I just cant make it sound right.
    Click to expand...

    Read more, it really helps. If you don't like normal books as much read some of the fanfic here in the Fanfiction Archive You can read my fic as well if you want to, it is not the best but it has gotten good reveiws other places :)
     
    I actualy like to read,just not that much.
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    Chapter 3:The Quest
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    Koinku wallked on through the woods thinking of how he was going to form a team that would be good enough to defeat a legendarie.(K)"Maby...maby I should just turn back.NO! I cant,I have to save everyone."He then kept on walking......."your cute"(K)"Huh!?!,who's there?" Standing ready for someone to attack him,he see's that a poochyena was the one talking to him (P)"Hey,whats up?(K) "Uhh nothing i'm just on a jurney." (P) "A jorney,cool can I come?" (K)Uh sure,I guess." (P) "Yea,i'm going on a jorney with a cute korinku." (C) "NO!" Jumping out of the bushes came chikorita.
    (C) "You cant let her come." (K) "Chikorita,What are you doing here?" (P) "Who is she?" (C) "I'm...i'm his !Best! freaind." (M) "Hey I thought I was your best freaind" (K) "Guys,I thought I told you not to come." (C) "Yea well we dont care,your our freaind." (K) "Well I guess you can come if you feal that strong about comeing.Oh and poochyena is coming,we need as many members as we can get." (P) "Ha ha." As chikorita passed by pookyena she looked snobish.
    As the small team walked on,korinku noticed everyone geting tired.He see's a pond close by for mudkip so he decided to stop there.(K) "Ok guys I think we should set up a camp right here." (M)(C)(P) "FINALLY!" mudkip ran into the pond and almost instintly fell asleep,chikorita,korinku,and poochyena found there own pach of leaves to sleep on
    and they all were soon asleep.
     
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    Korinku said:
    I actualy like to read,just not that much.
    I will edit this for chapter 3 in a minute.
    Click to expand...

    Take your time, the min. number of pages per chapter is three or four, and really good writing takes more than a couple hours. A new chapter a week is even very fast IMHO, I am lucky if I get one done and editted in a month :P.
     
    Trust me I have so many other ideas,this will not be the only one i make.
     
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