Unknown in Unova

[Tomandgreen]

Starting in Nuvema Town, I awoke to my mom's call.
I got up from my nice warm bed, and stared at my blank wall.
Did I chose a tepig, with fire as it's strength?
Or maybe a cool snivy, boy he sure looked swank!
I decided on oshawott, my friends, the other two,
we wondered who's the very best, so we had back-to-back duels!

I was unknown in Unova, nobody knew my name,
and as for all my friends, they could say the same.
Im was just starting the game.

I have beaten all the gym leaders, with my new epic team.
My samurott and jellicent both know hyper beam.
Alder's defeated, along with N, and it looks like all is well again.

I'm now known in Unova, the trainers know my name,
me and all my pokemon are in the Hall of Fame.
I have beaten the game.
(As for my sister, she thinks it's lame.... :P)

Credit goes to Nintendo, Game Freak, Astinus, and Hassan_Abdillah for making this poem what it is today. It you want more of my work, poem/story/blog/jokes or other-wise, just PM me! ;)

 

[Astinus]

We actually have a Poetry subforum for all poems, no matter their subject. So I'll just move this thread over there.

As for the poem itself, there are a few grammar errors sprinkled through this. Like "I'm" is supposed to have an apostrophe in it because it's a contraction of "I am". Or "Unova" is always capitalized because it's the proper name of a place. Or

mynpokemon

Also, I think the lines which end in the "ame" words should be broken up better to fit the rhythm that's going on. Because the poem has a AABBCC-ish rhyme scheme (I'm really tired while writing this, so this review won't be perfect), the lines should end to reflect this. So like

I was unknown in unova, nobody knew my name, and as for all my friends, they could say the same. Im just starting the game.

would be

I was unknown in unova, nobody knew my name,
and as for all my friends, they could say the same.
Im just starting the game.

It is a cute poem. Just needs some proof-reading to clean it up.

 

[Hassan_Abdillah]

I like the overall idea and theme behind the poem.

The rhyming of some lines could use a tiny bit of work though.

Also, the changes of phase of the poem are a tad bit abrupt.

If you want a suggestion: You could convert the first stanza of waking up and choosing a pokemon to a past reminiscence, instead of something thats apparently happening now. Then you could close the stanza by saying "I remember back then" or "those were the days..." etc.

 

[Tomandgreen]

I love the constructive criticism, and will edit and improve the poem accordingly.

 

[Oryx]

Omg this poem is so cute. There are a few parts where the rhyme is shaky though (strength/swank, two/duel), and I feel like "again" in line 12 should rhyme with the lines before it, so maybe that line could be rewritten a bit.

Line 12 in general just seems like something is off about it. Maybe the syllables are too long as well as the rhyme, or it just bothers me that Alder came before N in it, or both. But either way, that's one I feel could use some editing.

One last little nitpick: line 9, "Im was just starting the game" should be "I was just starting the game".

Otherwise, this poem is super cute and fun to read, with a nice rhythm. Good job :)

 

[Xehanorth]

A such lovely poems. Keep up the work all of you!