Codecrakr
My mother never hugged me.
- 63
- Posts
- 20
- Years
- Age 36
- With your mother
- Seen Oct 17, 2005
This is one of the most incredibly random things I've ever written. I think I wrote it at a rather ungodly hour of the morning while on some kind of high... Anyway, here it is:
Upon Hearing the Voice of God After Eating a Ham Sandwich
And God spoke unto me
saying,
"Child,
arise and take thee to the dessert stall
and procure for thyself
a muffin."
"A muffin? What of the sugar content therein contained?"
"Dost thou question the will of God?" sayeth He,
"Dost thou not know that sugar is a necessary part of a balanced diet?"
"Truly, You are most right, Lord."
"Always," agreed He.
And as God had spoken, I got myself hither and came across a tray of
muffins.
"Take one," spoke He once more.
"Take? But doth not Your Word reprimand the thief and his thieving ways? Nay, I would rather be burned alive screaming in the utmost agony from the depths of my tormented soul than to be branded a thief and disobeyer of Thy Word."
"Did I not speak, child?" exclaimed the Almighty one in a Holy rage.
"Didst thou not hear the words that fell out of my Divine mouth into the inner cavities of thy mortal ears? I have spoken: Take a muffin. It has been bought; the price of it has been paid."
"Thank You, Lord." So I reached out and grasped a muffin.
Returning to the place where I had first been told to procure the muffin,
I sat and held the muffin before me.
"Well?" asked the exasperated voice of the Most Holy One. "Eat the muffin." The Lord paused and, as an afterthought, added to his commandments, "And be blessed."
And so I was.
And taking the muffin, I broke its bread and thanked God for this warm oven-baked blessing.
It was cranberry.
And it was good.
And there was rejoicing,
not much,
but enough.
So, what do you think? Am I crazy?
Upon Hearing the Voice of God After Eating a Ham Sandwich
And God spoke unto me
saying,
"Child,
arise and take thee to the dessert stall
and procure for thyself
a muffin."
"A muffin? What of the sugar content therein contained?"
"Dost thou question the will of God?" sayeth He,
"Dost thou not know that sugar is a necessary part of a balanced diet?"
"Truly, You are most right, Lord."
"Always," agreed He.
And as God had spoken, I got myself hither and came across a tray of
muffins.
"Take one," spoke He once more.
"Take? But doth not Your Word reprimand the thief and his thieving ways? Nay, I would rather be burned alive screaming in the utmost agony from the depths of my tormented soul than to be branded a thief and disobeyer of Thy Word."
"Did I not speak, child?" exclaimed the Almighty one in a Holy rage.
"Didst thou not hear the words that fell out of my Divine mouth into the inner cavities of thy mortal ears? I have spoken: Take a muffin. It has been bought; the price of it has been paid."
"Thank You, Lord." So I reached out and grasped a muffin.
Returning to the place where I had first been told to procure the muffin,
I sat and held the muffin before me.
"Well?" asked the exasperated voice of the Most Holy One. "Eat the muffin." The Lord paused and, as an afterthought, added to his commandments, "And be blessed."
And so I was.
And taking the muffin, I broke its bread and thanked God for this warm oven-baked blessing.
It was cranberry.
And it was good.
And there was rejoicing,
not much,
but enough.
So, what do you think? Am I crazy?