We Were Once Gods

[manego90]

We Were Once Gods
By Leo

We were once Gods,
living high in the mountain tops
Free of order, roaming the free land,
The day was young, but it had yet to grow,
Giving time the opening to run aimlessly

But then the day grew old,
Time limited itself, order became my captor
holding me with its bare hands as time marks my new boundaries,
I now sit on a flat land with no ups and downs
Restricted to travel a day's worth abroad my new land,
Never again are we to reach our beloved land

The mountains were high
And the Greenland was low,
Never again we were to access our beloved land,
Foreign to us as we now know it,
But still strong in our roots
To only serve as a reminder to what kind of life we once lived,
As our only option we helped these new Gods grow,
Nurturing the Gods because they remind us of what was once ours,
For we too were once in their land,
As we had fallen from the mountain tops,
They will do accordingly,
Side by side in the land where time age,
No longer in the Mountains where youth persist
For this is the life of us Gods


Hi, this is a poem i wrote. I used to once be active on here since I was a kid and see much hasn't change. I just wanted to get your guys feedback and all.

 

[Aisu]

I really like this poem, Leo. The figurative language is endearing with lines like "order became my captor" and "the day was young, but it had yet to grow," and some of the lines I just found flat-out amazing, i.e. "Never again were we to access our beloved land, / Foreign to us as we now know it,". I appreciate the use of metaphors and personally I think that there were instances within the poem that you could've traded literal lines for them, but I don't think one can really critique a poem, so I just want to say it's a very great piece that you've written!