dear anonymous
you know, i'm kind of glad you left when you did. because it gives you a chance to sleep through your thoughts, and it gives me a chance to sort out mine.
i guess the thing i want to tell you more than anything but can't; you said you were hopeless. life's not hopeless but you are. how can you be hopeless? how can you be hopeless? how can you live life without at the very least being satisfied with where you are? and i know you can just come back at me and say "yeah, i'm totally satisfied with where i am rn" but hell no! i mean, serious, legitimate satisfaction. you're not satisfied. i know it. i can feel it.
you're talking about being hopeless. before, you said i inspired you to hope for better days. does this mean i've failed my job? does this mean i've somehow failed you? no, it doesn't; you'll never place the blame on me because that's just like you and that's the reason i'm still here for you. you said you changed, you said you rebelled, you said you're different. you're the same person to me no matter where you change. you will always be that person to me, no matter how far we drift apart. you will always be who you are whether you feel like you're just living life or whether you live to make a difference.
want to know something? regardless of whether or not you will live to make a difference, i will live to be the difference in you. i will see too it someday that you look back on this day and never regret. you will never regret this decision that you made to not live life the way it's supposed to be lived, because you will never make this decision. i will not allow you to just waste yourself like this because you have so much potential to be the difference you need. i will be your damn superman. there's an S on my chest and i will not let you lose yourself like this. you have a heart and a brain - you have a life to live so get out there and live it already. i will gladly throw you as far away as possible from me and the rest of this world if i knew it would make you never regret in the end.
yeah, life is hard. maybe not for me so much as you, but life's still damn hard anyway. you said "love hurts"... love only hurts when you lose it. and god damnit you're losing it. it isn't what it is, it's MORE than that. YOU are more than that. you're more than that to everyone, to everyone you know, to your partner, to your friends, to your family, to your closest friends, to me. in fact, it seems to me that the only person who doesn't recognize how important and amazing you are is yourself.
someone gave up on you earlier because you let them believe you're breaking their trust. you let them believe you're giving up. i know you're not giving up. you will never do that. you are one of the strongest human beings i have ever known and i'm not lying, for once in my entire ****ing life. yeah, sure, i do lie... but i never lie when i'm serious. i don't think i've ever been more serious than i am right now. you underestimate how serious this is: it's your damn life you're throwing out the window. there is a reason for you to live life with joy, happiness, and love. live is not a struggle to be endured; it's an experience to embrace and enjoy. please, i know you're going to figure out some way to remain dramatic about all of this and let yourself stay in the state you are. i'm going to tell you right now; a big part of those "fluctuating emotions" are because i see yours fluctuate, too. i care about you. i don't know if you'll find any solace in that or if it's become something you can expect from me but i don't give a damn. i'm starting to get frustrated with myself for being unable to help when i can. and no, "just being there" isn't helping. at least, if it was, you wouldn't be where you are right now.
i will be your superman, whether you want me to or not. you're falling off a tower of hope, you're a damsel in distress; that's my cue. i might not be able to fly yet but you've given me a reason to learn how.
dear anonymous
i'm not ignoring you and neither is anyone else. stop feeling like no one cares, okay? because i do and so do all your friends. you can't let one person bring you down like they do. it's not the end of the world if one person decides that they're not good enough to be your friend.
dear anonymous
why do you know so much about me? you're... kinda creepin' me out. and if you wanted to know, no, it's not you.
dear anonymous
time to take my bow and revel in the fact that everything you know about me is made of your assumptions and forgotten pasts