Lying to your parents

[Guy]

We've all done it and there's no shame in admitting it. The real question is why we do it and for what reasons? Are we to be blamed for lying to our parents? Are there certain situations where we should lie to them? If we get caught, should we be upset even though we lied?

An article on Why Do Kids Lie? is here to open the discussion a bit more. I find the comments to be very interesting.
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Just recently I had a friend speak about her sister and the fact that she lies to her mom. She created a facebook page and kept it a secret just so her mom wouldn't know about it. The irony of it all is that her mom even asked her if she wanted to make a facebook account (note: the mom has one herself) and the daughter told her no, even though she already had one.

Well, eventually someone found out and told her mom about it. My friend's sister ended up getting in trouble for lying and keeping it secret, while in the end she was angry at her mom. I mean, why? She lied about it, her mom even offered, and she said no. Does she have a right to be angry? To me, I wouldn't say so, especially since her mom offered. This is just one of her lies amongst many while growing up though.

 

[Rokusasu]

I do lie to my parents on occasion, mostly because I don't want to worry them / have them be overly involved in something. Also, nowadays the only contact we have is on the phone; if there's something I need to discuss with them I'd rather tell them face-to-face.

 

[Livewire]

I think you'll be hard pressed to find a child who hasn't lied to their parents at some point, it's just a thing kids do, a developmental thing. Lying to them is pretty common, and we generally look down on that because lying in penalized heavily in out culture. But I can see a situation where it would be permissible, say lying about a surprise birthday or a present, something not so serious or negative. :)

 

[Captain Fabio]

I use to lie to get out of doing things or not wanting to get into trouble.

I would never even consider lying to my parents now, I have too much respect for them and they have gotten me to where I am.

 

[Corvus of the Black Night]

I lie to avoid getting in trouble from my parents... but another reason is because I get embarrassed pretty easily from my personal tastes. It's so bad it's almost like a complex.

 

[Åzurε]

Ehh, this is one thing I still have trouble with ("You, Mr. Christian?!"), and I don't really lie to anyone but my parents. o_O
I get defensive when I think there may be reprimanding involved, but I've been catching myself and fessing up right there.

It's odd to me that I have an issue with this, but it's there. :/

And there are better ways to set up surprises! I like simply not saying anything about it- given a little tact, you can really hide stuff effectively. And dang it, it's fun being a man of mystery.

 

[Rogue planet]

It depends on the reasons behind the lying. The act itself isn't negative (imo), it all depends on the motive.

Hiiro's example is an odd one, but I think I can understand the girl's point of view. She probably didn't want her mum controlling her Facebook account, which is why she declined the offer and then proceeded to make one herself. It's a statement of independence, everyone likes to feel like they have some sort of control in their life, especially in the young teen years where you're just passing from being an entirely dependent child into a much more independent young adult. Some people just like to hasten that process.

I don't know how old your friends sister is, but I'd guess she's about 10-14? Correct me if I'm wrong. She probably notices everyone older than her having a Facebook and sees it as something that would make her an adult, and she wouldn't want her mum involved in that.

Or of course, she could just be doing things she shouldn't be doing on there.

Lying is something that's natural, and I think the majority of the time there is a good reason for it. In order to avoid a negative situation, being judged by other people, being punished, losing out on a good oppurtunity, etc. the world is too harsh for people to be honest all the time, and that's just as true for kids as it is for adults. I personally think it's only a minority that lie for malicious reasons.

When it comes to parents, they're the main authority figure in a child's life. Nobody likes having someone in control that tells them what to do and what they shouldn't be doing, and almost every child is going to lie to their parents about certain subjects. They know what's expected of them, they know what they shouldn't be doing and they'd rather tell a quick and simple lie than face the consequences. I think a lot of people would.

And for some families as well, parents don't feel like a 'parent', they don't feel like someone you're close with and able to trust and tell anything. In some cases they are literally only an authority figure, a more accurate description would be the family police officer. At least, that's what it feels like with my parents. I'm sure some would say the same.

I'm someone who will only be honest with someone I'm personally close with emotionally. With some subjects, I'm not going to trust anyone. That's just how I am. Whether my parents ask about certain things, or if it's a stranger on the street, my response will be the same. Just because they're my parents doesn't mean they get a free pass to know about my thoughts, feelings and actions. As a result, I will lie about some things. I don't think that's wrong, I think it's natural. Nobody's really to blame I think. I don't blame my parents for not having a strong emotional bond with me, and I think that is what is really required if there's to be honesty. It's just the way things are.

 

[Kirozane]

I think you'll be hard pressed to find a child who hasn't lied to their parents at some point, it's just a thing kids do, a developmental thing. Lying to them is pretty common, and we generally look down on that because lying in penalized heavily in out culture. But I can see a situation where it would be permissible, say lying about a surprise birthday or a present, something not so serious or negative. :)

^this. EXACTLY. This.
Though now for me I don't so much lie as omit points. Because sometimes, well, most of the time, telling my mother things is a bit of a double-edged sword. I tell the truth, I'm probably going to get yelled at and interrogated... I lie... I'm going to get yelled at and interrogated... But I have more time to prepare for the inevitable reprimand.
It also doesn't help that her beliefs clash with my own and she tries to shove them down my throat.
I try to lie less, but like I said, with her temperament it's hard to always be honest too. :\
But yeah, there is no one who is 100% honest to their parents. At least no one I've ever heard of.

 

[TwilightBlade]

I'm very open and honest with my parents - I tell them about school, grades, PC, facebook, pictures, friends, escapades, even my financial information etc. I'm so open with them that I know I'm busting myself... I tell my parents something other teens wouldn't want their parents to know (I perform no rated R stuff, however). For example, hey mom, I forged your signature. :) :) But for a good cause! I needed to sign that field trip permission slip you forgot to sign. Oh yeah, I admit to wasting my dinner or not finishing my chores... I just can't lie to them, heh. But hey, they now believe I'm a good girl now so they aren't worried when I go out. They're more worried about the other (bad) people. I still quarrel with my parents, duh, but I don't see a good reason to lie to them. My mother catches on fast. So why waste both our times. :B

I'm 100% honest to my parents! Who else is gonna feed me... >o<;

 

[Shanghai Alice]

Lying about getting in trouble at school?
Tried it, backfired miserably. As long as I'm not in serious trouble, my parents really don't care that much anyway.

Lying about other people in the family?
I had to do this to save my sister's tuckus. A lot. It's not fun. And between my parents, I generally choose to not answer, or give the bare facts.

Lying about anything else significant?
Nein. I'm... for the most part, an honest kid and a bad liar.

 

[Alice]

I'm a good liar, but a good kid, so I only ever use my skills to stop my parents from finding out that I ----------.

 

[Kura]

I never lie to my parents. I think lying is the highest form of disrespect.

If I ever actually do lie.. it's a white lie for something like.. hiding a surprise birthday party or something.. but never to conceal important moral information. If I've ever lied in the past.. I wouldn't remember it because I was too young.

Thing is.. my parents want what's good for me.. so it's just detrimental to lie to them. Yeah okay, I got a 60 on a paper that I worked hard on. A ****** mark. Well, I let them know anyways and I just work harder for the next one. No big deal. They know I'm a big girl.

I think that's why they trust my relationship with Corey (my pair on PC) they trusted me to let him visit, and they trust me to maintain a good relationship. I'm going to go down to visit him soon and I know they trust me with that, too. If I were a liar, they wouldn't trust me, and it'd work against my goals in life.

 

[Rich Boy Rob]

I'm a good liar, but don't lie about much, only stuff that could get me in trouble or that's embarrassing. Generally if something's that embarrassing I avoid the subject completely though.
Probably the thing I have lied about most to my parents is how ill I am. Sometimes if I felt a bit ill; I used to, shall we say 'extend the truth' over how ill I actually was to get out of going to school.

 

[Bellacrose]

I have honestly lied to my guardians. Especially due to the fact my father is bi polar and sometimes does unecessary things, like throwing my laptop out the window. My dad gets very mad and expects me to practically touch the stars when I do anything because he couldn't do that well. I honestly think kids lie out of fear. And that fear comes from many things: disappointment, anger, hatred, and so on. Maybe lying may be seen as bad to some, but at this point in human life I have known fellow peers who have been severely beaten because they told the truth.

 

[Elite Overlord LeSabre™]

I lie to my parents all the time, mostly to avoid trouble, profit from my lies, or to get out of something I don't want to do. Heck, I keep my otaku lifestyle completely from them and told them that I was going to a "school conference" when I was really going to an anime convention :P

It's not something that I enjoy doing, but on the other hand I don't lose sleep over it.

 

[Shanghai Alice]

...EOLS, I hate you.

My parents and siblings look upon my obsession with shame...

And yes, I'd like to go to a Con someday. Maybe in college. *Shrug* Meh.

 

[aguinn99]

I don't lie much, but I do. I am good at it, but I try to be respectful and good. you now whats weird my brother is talking about lying right now. thats weird
0_o

 

[twocows]

We've all done it

I don't think you should speak for everyone. I'm sure there are some people who place a lot of value on honesty.

As for me, I generally only lie when there's no downside and telling the truth would just upset them or cause problems.

 

[OmegaRuby and AlphaSapphire]

I only lie if I don't want to say something embarrassing, and once or twice if I'm afraid to get in trouble...but I try to avoid lying and instead try to avoid the issue.

 

[Esper]

I lied to my parents a lot. I don't do it much now that I don't really see them, but I don't really need to. But back then I was a sneaky liar. To make sure my lies stayed undetected I would lie about less important things and let myself get caught in those lies. It generally made me look like someone who couldn't lie very well. Of course most of the time I just tried to avoid anything that would force me to lie in the first place so I avoided certain topics with them altogether.

I honestly think kids lie out of fear.

I did. While I was never beaten senseless by my parents, there were some physical altercations over some very personal things my parents objected to that I was never going to change and they just couldn't understand that.

Now, given all I just said it's going to sound hypocritical of me to say that kids shouldn't lie to their parents... in most cases. If someone is genuinely afraid of telling the truth (and I mean afraid in a personal safety kind of way, not a I'm-afraid-they'll-take-my-phone way) then maybe lying is the best thing to do, but parents generally want to help their kids out and they can't do that if they're lied to.