Recent content by LampShade.

Er. My fanfic? What about it? o-o http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=203954

Chapter 6 - I Escape the City I’m getting out of here soon, according to the big man. Recently, the big man has been teaching me what time is. For instance, he said that it’s been two months since he has come to see me. This is my third written record. He told me that it’s been two...

Hey guys, I'm incredibly sorry for the lack of plot embellishment for the next two chapters, but I haven't worked on them in months. These were the documents I have had for a while now, so I apologize for lack of style, transition, etc. Chapter 5 - How Objectivity Pertains to Legendary...

Chapter 4 - I Listen to a Story The big man says I have a problem. I do not know what he means by problem. He says that my sensry memory gets clouded every day and that it is disrupting my learning. He does not sound happy when he says this. I have come to know what he sounds like when he...

You have a great plot idea and you're setting yourself up for some good thematic elements, but you need to do a lot of work on characterization, setting, style, diction (word choice), and detail. Character - Tell us more about Josh and his Dad. Describe all of their important physical...

It looks like you have someone already correcting the grammatical errors, so I'll go ahead and comment on your overall plot, characterization, etc. It was good to see you describe the mom, but I wasn't quite sure how to picture Seth. There are different ways this Pokemon character can look...

I would suggest that you look over your story a little bit; there are some stylistic errors that need cleaning up. Here are a few examples: You might want to take out "In the past", or simply remove the last phrase and replace "here" with another word for another way to describe this...

Check out my signature - Chapter 3 uploaded, 4 coming soon.

I write for power. I don't deny my testosterone-filled drive. Rather, I embrace it. Many people try to push this drive back, trying to be humble and all, but all that does is limit oneself. I write because I am fulfilling my instinctive impulse, I write to be free. And freedom is power.

I tried to change chapter 3 up a little bit, in order to clarify Sophia's role as a Renegade. That way, she will seem more fit for her job. Keep in mind, I have been using the word "girl" to describe her. I'll post Chapter 4 after another person or two comments.

Chapter 3 - Disastrous News and the Invisible Monster Sophia’s house was quite a dreary place. There was a single, fragile bulb that hung over her quaint kitchen. Her kitchen consisted of a dull looking refrigerator, a dusty microwave, and a rusty faucet that smelled awful every time the...

I have added a paragraph, just before Sophia leaves the library. It's meant to reveal some of the plot and give a little more reason for the reader to read this story. Please tell me if it's a bit too superfluous or anything like that. As for intentional mistakes and the purpose of the...

Chapter 2 - I Learn How to Write Th big man says that people and cities have something called a name. I do not think I have a name. I do not think that th city that I live in has a name. I m not sure if I believe th big man. Th big man says that I can stop myself from being...

Hi there. I have come from another Pokemon community in search of critique and praise alike, in order to better myself as a writer. I hope you enjoy this story. If non-action fanfiction isn't quite your cup of tea, I suggest that you not read this story. Also, if you are planning to comment...