B-but it's a magical couch! TT^TT Magical couches aren't 'posed to eat people unless they're evul magical couches...
o___o You're prolly right -throws ham at couch-
WAIT what if the couch somehow manages to swallow a drop of human blood and then starts thinking it's human and then we'll be chased by its angry couch dad and then the couch really WILL become human and then the balance of nature will be thrown off and then-- /is bricked