I know how you feel, I suppose in a sense I'm lucky, the crash left me dazed and I was extremely disoriented I only have a few flash images, my Dad shouting something and quickly swerving, a loud metalic screeching, a passer by asking me if I was alright, the men from the ambulance pulling me out. Then nothing. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed the next morning, my mother, grandmother and best friend Robert standing over me. Then my grandmother told me and my Mom started crying. I was left in shock as the few images I had rushed through my mind and I understood what had happened. I weapt for days and tried telling everyone how I felt, how it was my fault he had died. However they told me it wasn'y and I believed them. I understood that it's the will of the people and the thing that they do that determins the outcome of life. I stopped being Christian soon after. I realised that people shape their own paths and that a "God" was irrelevant and dare I say stupid. People understood my viewpoint and accepted it and I've tried to never look back... but I'm sure you of all people understand that such things are not easily forgotten. The experience thus far has changed my life, most likely for the better. But it wasn't worth my fathers life, not by a long shot.