No one told Derek about the nidoran egg

If you don't understand how pokemon actually "make their eggs" then you are too young to be reading this story. The daycare man is not involved in the making of pokemon eggs in any way, I can tell you that much. This is PG-13 but you want me to change the rating just tell me.

CHAPTER ONE: The egg

Derek rode his bike down the paved path in the early morning mist. He sniffed in the fresh pine scent. He finally arrived in Solaceon town. He rode over to the daycare.

"Excuse me sir, but I left My Nidoqueen here the other week and I wanted to pick her up." Derek said.

"Ah, its you. We were raisng your pokemon and we were suprised! It had an egg! You do want it don't you?" the daycare man said.

"WHAT! I only left my Nidoqueen here for one week and now I find out she had an egg? I didn't even leave any male pokemon in there with her! Did some one else get her pregnant? Because if I have to argue with another trainer about who the egg belongs too, than you just lost a customer buddy!" Derek said furiously.

"Well, there was a young boy who left his Nidoking here and your Nidoqueen fell in love with his Nidoking. Nidoqueen actually laid two eggs and he already came by and got one of them. Would you like the other?" The daycare man asked.

"Well okay sure." Derek accepted the egg and decided he would hatch it. He got back on his bike and rode away. It had been an hour since he left, so he decided to sit down and take a break.

Derek ran his fingers across the smooth surface of the egg and stared. Something lor some one; a magical force; was pulling his attention towards the egg. It was almost like he was in a trance when he looked at it. He decided to pack up the egg into its case and he slipped it into his backpack. He got back onto his bike and rode forward into the unknown.

It was getting foggier and foggier and Derek noticed alot of changes. The bidoof started to disappear, and the trees started to change. The honey trees completely vanished. The berries started to look like fruits he had never seen before. Where am I? He thought. I have two options, look for civilization, or turn back. Lets go with option one. He knew it would be best for the egg to be warm, and the only way he could do that, was find a pokemon center ahead or some sort of shelter.

Now things were getting really strange, everything looked completely different. There were wingull instead of starly, and poochyena and zigzagoon started to appear frequently. The air even smelled of a diffrent smell. He saw people ahead, and gathered up some hope. When he finally got close enough to see who the figures were, his hope suddenly vanished.

There were several thugs standing around spitting, laughing, smoking, and drinking beer. They looked very drunk, and Derek thought it would be best if he didn't ask them where he was. He tried to ride by with out being seen.

"Hey kid, whats in the bag?" The drunken thug with the leather jacket asked him as he jumped infront of Derek's bike.

"Nothing of your concern. I will ask you nicely once. Please move." Derek said in his firmest voice. He was scared but he couldn't show this guy that he was scared or he would be dead in a second.

"And If I dont?" The thug asked.

"He'll tell your mommy!" One of the thugs with a red mohawk screamed. All the thugs smashed their beer bottles on the ground and howled with laughter and amusement.

"He'll beat you up Jakey boy!" The thug with 3 cigars in his mouth yelled. They all laughed again.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! Stop making jokes and watch me pound this kid." The big thug loomed over Derek, and Derek felt as if he were an ant and the thug was a big tall sky scraper.

"If..If...If you don't move, THAN I"LL MAKE YOU!" Derek screamed. The big thug punched into Dereks stomach, and Derek flew back and skidded onto the roadside. All the other thugs joined in the beating. Derek reached for his pokeball and sent out his Nidoqueen.

"Body slam! Erf...Ehk...HURRY!" Derek screamed. Nidoqueen slammed all the thugs off, but they weren't knocked out just yet. They got back up and charged towards the Nidoqueen. She put Derek in a safe part of a tree and continued to fight them.

"Nidoqueen! Poisonfang! and combine it with crunch!" Derek called out. The nidoqueen bit all of them and purple poison oozed out of her teeth and seeped into their skin.

"Dude, What do we do now?" The youngest member of the thugs asked.

"Y'all ever heard of suckin' da poison out? Ma buddy said he got bit by a seviper once and it worked for 'em." The rowdy one said.

"Lets get outta here and find a doctor or sumthin' cuz I can't feel ma arm no more boss! and besides, If we kill the boy, Officer Jenny will have our hides tacked to the jail cell wall like a zigzagoon skin hide during a huntin' spree." The other other rowdy thug with the cowboy hat said.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! lets get outta here instead of talkin around. And Timmy, don't say any of your dumb little sayings, I HATE EM!" The leader thug said. They all ran down the road and out of sight.

Derek lay in the tree look at all the blood on his clothes. He called back Nidoqueen. He cleaned up as best he could and got back on his bike. Every time he pedalded was a struggle for him. He fell over and couldn't get up. Derek layed on the cold concrete ground looking at the cloudy sky. Raindrops came down and washed all the blood of his body but the stains set in on his clothes. The rain stung like needles pushing into his body. He reached for his cell phone but the battery was dead.

It seemed like hours until he saw a girl riding by on a bike. She looked about his age, 16 or 15 maybe. She noticed him laying on the ground.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" She asked him.

"I can't feel my body that much and the rain stings all my cuts, but other than that. I'm Just fine." Derek replied

"What happened?" She asked.

"Well, These thugs wanted to take my stuff, but I refused to give it to them, so I got a beating." He said.

"Well we will just have to take you to the nearest pokemon center, they also have a hospital for humans there too." She said with a smile.





-----------------------
I shall legnthen chapter three if you think its needed, I think its needed any way. Or I will just mush it in with chapter two.

My advice to you, before I read it( I will) is that you get rid of your "chapter two" title after a very short paragraph, and just make this whole thing chapter 1. That way you won't get in any trouble with the "law" for too short chapters.

This one was better than your other one. Fewer mistakes... A plot with description that was easier to follow. Still some grammar and misspellings, but besides that, no big issue.

In the first part of the "second chapter" you added an "l" to your "or"
And there was a "lets"after a big capitalized sentence, which is supposed to be "Let's"

There's a problem here.

Nidoqueen cannot breed.

Oh, Yeah!
I'd totally forgotten that one. Good catch, SilverSmeargle!
Well, I like what he's got.
A Nidoqueen and Nidoking together makes sense.
BTW, you forgot to capitalize "Solaceon town." It's in the second sentence I think.

Its a fan fic okay! Does no one understand that not everything has to be by the book! Anything can happen in a fan fic. So in essence there is no problem.

Event_collectorx said:

Its a fan fic okay! Does no one understand that not everything has to be by the book! Anything can happen in a fan fic. So in essence there is no problem.

Click to expand...

I'd like for you to tell that to the exploding Charizard of fan fic past.

Did you read the whole fic? I changed it so I hope your happy!

Click to expand...

Yes. I did. And, no. I'm not happy. Not at all.

Kidding. But it looks like Blue Angel covered most of your mistakes below. Although, if you're typing this in Word, make sure you change the font back to the forum default.

By the way, it's "you're", not "your".

Did you read the whole fic? I changed it so I hope your happy!

BTW Don't ever put 2 chapters in the same post(at least not the first one)
Just wanted to warn you about that.

There were a bunch of capitalization error's and a couple grammar errors, and besides the fast paced-ness of your story, and the fact that you mashed your story all into your first post, it was a nice read.

The egg was what intrigued me, how it was "unique"
The sad thing was you immediately(seemed like it since the chapters were in the same post) revealed what it was.

My advice, if you aren't writing in Word, do so to catch your capitalization errors and grammar errors. Also, separate each chapter into a different post. Don't worry about double posting. It is aloud for the author in case of posting chapters

Darn, every one is ragging on about the friggin egg. "NIDOQUEEN CAN'T LAY EGGS!" Thats like saying your mom isn't fat. Just kidding, anyway, I had to reveal what the egg was early in the story because of whats coming next. But if you want me to spoil it for you I can. You all are getting ahead of yourselves. Jeeze, every one is out to get my egg!

chapter two

Chapter two

The girl called the pokemon center and within minutes an ambulance came to pick the both of them up.

"This will only hurt for a second," The nurse inside the ambulance said. Needles were being poked into him at every possible spot. Derek began to get sleepy. The world around him seemed to swirl and then he saw blackness.

"Hey, I think he's waking up," the girl said. Derek sat up and looked around the room. There were several nurses with aprons and clip boards gathered around a table. And then he saw the girl who saved him from the roadside.

"Thanks for calling the ambulance, my cell phone battery died and I don't know what would of happened if you didn't come rescue me." Derek said.

"No problem, but you don't seem like the kind of guy from around here. Didn't you know that was the most dangerous way into hoenn? Its where the thugs hang out!" The girl said.

"I'm in Hoenn! I thought I was still in Sinnoh! By the way, I'm Derek," Derek said.

"I'm Grace. So your from Sinnoh? That explains alot....Well welcome to Hoenn!" Grace replied.

"Do you know where my bike, backpack, and things are?" Derek asked

"I brought them with because I knew you might want them. Nurse Joy has them at the moment." Grace said. She turned a little red.

"You didn't have to do that for me," Derek said.

"I wanted to...any way you should get some rest, I'm staying the night in this pokemon center just to see if your okay in the morning. Good night!" Grace said, getting redder as she walked out of the room.

Whats with her? He wondered.

He called one of the nurses over asked for something to drink and eat. They gave him a warm croissant ham and cheese sandwhich with lemonade. He sipped the sweet and tangy lemonade as he watched the television in the room.

"Hello, I'm Judy and your watching the world wide region news, better known as the WWRN. Today, I have just been informed that in Groudon and Kyogre are fighting again for the SECOND TIME! But rayquaza showed up again to end the fight, like last time. But Rayquaza came down from the thundering skies with another pokemon. It appeared to have a white like appearance, with goldrings around its body. It looked like some sort of absol only godish like. It was also confirmed that this new pokemon is able to change its type from fire to water in an instant! What is this new pokemon? What do you think professor?" The lady with blue hair and a microphone said infront of a green screen with the picture of the pokemon.

"Well, I think that this new pokemon could be the legendary ______" The proffesor was about to say something, but the nurse turned off the televison and told Derek he needed his rest.

Derek woke up the next morning, feeling refreshed. He checked on the egg. It was fine but it started to shake every now and then. When It shook, A strange traingle symbol appeared on the surface of the egg and then it would disappear when the egg stopped shaking.

"Would you be able to run a test on this egg for me? I'd like to know what its going to be when it hatches." Derek asked.

"Sure, I'll go see what I can do," Nurse joy replied. She took the egg and put it in a strange machine. It started scanning and a bunch of numbers showed up on the computer screen. Then a big question mark popped up. She walked back to Derek.

"Something might be wrong with our machine, or maybe the species in the egg can't be Identified yet. Our machine was working fine yesterday. I'm sorry." Nurse joy said.

"Thats fine, I guess I'll just wait to see what it hatches into." Derek replied. He took the egg and put it back into the egg holder case. He slipped the case into has backpack and was ready to leave.

"Derek! Wait! I want to come with you!" Grace yelled running down the pokemon center's stairs.

"Uh...Okay I guess you can come with," Derek replied.

"Thank you so much!" Grace said. She ran up to Derek and kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. Derek's face turned bright red and so did Grace's face. She let go of him, looked away, and smiled.

"I wan't to explore this region. I heard kyogre and groudon had a fight again. Could you take me to the battleground where they fought?" Derek asked.

"Oh sure, thats sootopolis city. Its an Island that is pretty hard to get to unless you have a boat or a pokemon with dive," Grace said.

"I don't have a pokemon with dive," Derek said

"Well I do, so lets get going." Grace replied. The two got on their bikes and rode away from the pokemon center.

"Why aren't there any bidoofs here?" Derek asked.

"In Sinnoh, almost all of the pokemon from other regions are able to journey there and stay there. In regions like Hoenn, Kanto and Johto, pokemon from Sinnoh have a hard time adapting to the living conditions there. Its complicated really but it doesn't really matter," Grace said. Derek listened to only part of what she said, but he was too busy looking at her blonde hair flowing in the wind and her blue eyes sparkling as she talked.

"Are we getting close?" Derek asked.

"Not yet, but we are approaching Lilycove," Grace said.

"Okay," Derek said. They kept riding until they reached Lilycove city.

"You do have a pokemon with surf don't you?" Grace asked.

"Yeah, come on out Wailord," Derek said. The wailord popped out of the pokeball onto the beach.

"I have enough room on Wailord for two," Derek said.

"Okay," Grace replied. Grace climbed ontop of the wailord with Dereks help. Then Derek got ontop of The wailord. They surfed until they reached route 126.

"I can take over from here. Go sharpedo!" Grace said. She hopped on sharpedo and put an airmask on. She threw an airmask to Derek. He called back wailord and hopped on sharpedo. The dove underwater and found an underwater cavern. There were clamperls and seaweed every where. The sand what milky white and the walls where dark chocolate brown. Eventually, they found an opening and arrived in Sootopolis City.

They surfed over to the exact spot the showdown was at, and then to the island where the gym was. White fur was lying on the ground, and it shimmered in the light.

"Hey, check this out, it looks like the legendary pokemons fur!" Derek said.

"We should tell people and the professors and the news! Oh and we should tell the-"

"Grace, we can't tell any one. They will go crazy over this stuff if they see it! Lets keep this our secret." Derek suggested. He put it away in the container with the egg.

"Fine, good plan." Grace replied.

Chapter three

CHAPTER THREE: the hatching

"We have to go back to Sinnoh, and I have a pokemon with fly, so come on out Staraptor," Derek said.
They both got on Staraptors back, but the bikes where weighing it down, so they arrived in Solaceon town later than normal.

The egg started wiggling and the triangle symbol glowed brighter and brighter. Then all of a sudden it started cracking. A small white figure emerged from the goop and cracked egg shells.

"It's a mini version of what I saw on TV! Grace, something strange is going on here. Lets go to the daycare man." Derek said.

"I'm going to look around the town instead. Is that okay?" Grace asked.

"Fine, but be back soon because we have a lot of places to go." Derek said

"Fine," And with that she hurried off. Derek picked up the small furry white legendary baby, and brought it to the daycare man.

"You knew something all along. Nidoqueen couldn't have laid this egg! I want answers!" Derek said as he grabbed the daycare man by the collar of his shirt.

"No need to be violent, but come inside the house." The daycare man said. Derek followed him into the house where they sat down to talk. The little white thing ran around in circles until it got tired and went to sleep.

"So what's the truth?" Derek asked.

"You Nidoqueen didn't lay the egg, the Arceus did." The daycare man said.

"Arceus?" Derek questioned.

" Yes, the name of the legendary pokemon on the news. The egg will only hatch when the prophecy is fulfilled." The daycare man said.

"What prophecy?" Derek asked.

"The boy pure of heart who possesses the Nidoqueen will hatch the arceus egg. The item that that helps the egg hatch is the Mother Arceus's fur. If the fur, the egg, and the pure boy all touch at the same time, the egg shall hatch. Arceus chooses the trainer carefully, and puts its egg into the Nidoqueen's arms. That's what it did to your nidoqueen a couple of days ago." The daycare man said.

"It's starting to make sense now, but why me?" Derek asked.

"Arceus does this only when the world is about to end. And since Ho-oh, Lugia, Groudon, Kyogre, Dialga, and Palkia have been fighting, that means they are in distress. I heard rumors that all the different region teams are becoming one big team to destroy the world. And in the prophecy, only the boy with the Arceus egg can stop them. You must protect this baby arceus at all costs. Do you understand?"

"I understand, but there is still some stuff I don't get." Derek replied

"You will understand soon young one. Now go, It isn't safe here." The old man said.

Event_collectorx said:

Darn, every one is ragging on about the friggin egg. "NIDOQUEEN CAN'T LAY EGGS!" Thats like saying your mom isn't fat. Just kidding, anyway, I had to reveal what the egg was early in the story because of whats coming next. But if you want me to spoil it for you I can. You all are getting ahead of yourselves. Jeeze, every one is out to get my egg!

Click to expand...

It's called "respecting the canon". You're writing in some universe where Nidoqueen can't lay eggs. If you don't want to respect the canon that you're writing about, which would be the Pokemon world, why are you writing fanfiction? Fanfiction is supposed to respect the fandom that you're writing about.

In the Pokemon world, Nidoqueen can't lay eggs. You're writing this story where Nidoqueen can lay eggs. That's like saying "Charmander evolve into Mewtwo! :D" Which doesn't happen.

Read this, and don't just say tl;dr.

You respect this canon that you're writing in, just like you respect the rules of the forum you're writing in.

Of course, you have Arceus lay an egg. That's just made for massive massive "lulz" right there. And prophecies as well.

Baby Arceus. Oh gods.

sorry

I was a bit upset. I'm sorry. I understand what your saying though.

chap 4

CHAPTER FOUR: Gotta find you

Chapter four

Derek walked around pacing back and forth outside of the pokemon daycare. It had been an hour since he had last seen Grace. I hope she's okay. He thought to himself. Sweat ran down his face as he stared nervously around town. It was too quiet.

Derek decided he was going to look for her himself. He raced up and down the street looking through all the store windows. He even went inside the stores and called her name. It seemed like a ghost town. Almost no one was around.

"GRACE! GRAAAACE! Are you out there?" Derek yelled with his hands cupped around the side of his mouth. No answer came from anywhere.

Something furiously fluttered towards Derek with immense speed. Derek didn't know what was going to hit him until it got so close that the fluttering blur knocked him into a building.

He rubbed his head and stood up. "Go Staraptor. Wing attack!" He said as he threw a pokeball into the air. A Staraptor emerged from the light and flew towards the fluttering object. The fluttering object slammed into the dusty road making a hole about 2 feet deep. Derek walked over to the hole and saw an injured Dustox laying in the dust.

"You managed to defeat my slave, but that's okay, I'll burn him later. But I'll finish you now." A Galactic grunt said.

"Pokemon aren't slaves, and you shouldn't treat them that way! Staraptor, Blow this dude away!" Derek screamed. The staraptor charged toward the Galactic grunt, nearly knocking him over. But the Galactic grunt took out an electric whip and slashed Staraptor with it. Staraptor fell to the ground twitching in pain. Its feathers were scorched.

"Don't mess with team G.R.A.M! Heheheh…." The grunt said

"But your uniform says 'Galactic', and what does 'GRAM' mean any way?" Derek questioned.

"Stupid kid, well I guess I should tell you our devious plan since I'm going to finish you off anyway. GRAM stands for Galactic Rocket Aqua Magma. The rumors you heard were true. We are uniting and we plan to use the legendaries as our slaves to destroy the world. Evil isn't it? I'm still upset about the uniforms though. The new ones don't ship in until next week!"

"Thanks for the plan; I got it all on this recorder, so now I can tell the world!" Derek said with a smile. He held up the recording device.

"I won't let you tell the world, because you won't survive long enough to tell them!" The grunt whipped the electric whip at Derek. Derek braced himself with his arms in front of his face. He didn't feel the stinging of the whip against his arms, so he looked up to see what happened. The little Arceus had popped out of the pokeball and changed into an electric type. It was absorbing the electric whips power.

"You have the Arceus baby!? I have to tell the others!" And with that, the grunt raced away. Derek walked over to the Dustox and picked it up. He dropped it off at the nearest pokemon center, and then left to search for Grace again.

"I don't know what you can do, but could you help me find Grace?" Derek asked the Arceus. The Arceus purred and made some happy little chiming sounds. It floated in the air and motioned Derek to follow it. Derek pushed through the trees and tall grass. His sneakers sloshed through the muddy ground.

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Derek asked. Arceus licked his face and purred. Then they continued through the marshy area. Arceus lead him to a small warehouse.

Derek walked up to the door and tried to open it, but it was no use. Arceus became a ghost type and sat and Derek's head. Then they both become invisible and floated through the wall.

They floated into the room that Grace was in. She was tied up in several ropes and there was a bandana covering her mouth. There were male members of team GRAM touching her breasts. She appeared to be crying and trying to yell for help.

"Yell all you want girl, no one will hear you!" The GRAM member with the red hood and ears said. He appeared to have the Magma outfit.

"I heard her." Derek said. He still was floating but he was now visible.

"We'll kill you before you get to rescue your girlfriend!" The rocket looking grunt said.

"She's not my girlfriend….yet…." Derek said with his voice trailing off. Grace tried to smile, despite the situation she was in.

"Does any one else feel sleepy or dizzy? I know I do…" One of the grunts said. He staggered around and wobbled, then collapsed. The others looked dizzy also. They all collapsed. The Arceus was sending out psychic waves to the grunts, but Grace and Derek were perfectly fine, because the rays were being sent to the evil hearted grunts.

Derek went up to grace and untied her. She smiled and said, "I heard you say I wasn't your girlfriend yet. Um…I'd like to talk about us."

"We have to do that later, right now, we gotta get outta here!" Derek exclaimed.

"You never want to sit down and have a decent conversation…" Grace said with a frown. She crossed her arms and turned away from Derek.

"Do we have to do this now?" asked Derek. The arceus teleported them to Jubilife City, where they spent the night.

"I only have enough money for one hotel room." Derek said with a frown.

"My bag and cash was stolen when I was kidnapped. So I guess I have to spend the night in a tent." Grace said with a sad tone in her voice.

Derek felt guilty so before she walked away he said, "Wait! You can stay in my room with me."

"Really? But don't you care about your privacy?" Grace asked.
"I don't care about my privacy, when it comes to helping out a pretty girl in distress," Derek tried to sound cool, but he was worried. What if she takes this the wrong way? He thought to himself.

"I guess I'll stay with you. Thank you for being so kind." Grace said.

Derek went into the hotel and got a room. They both walked into the elevator with out saying a word and they tried not to make eye contact. They walked down the carpeted flooring in the hall and found their room. Derek swiped the card and opened the door. Inside the hotel room, there was a Flat screen TV mounted on a milky white wall. The room smelled like berries. The bathroom had clean tiles, A large Jacuzzi, two sinks with brass handles, a marble counter top, a shower, a toilet, and some towels. The main room had one bed and a couch. There were nightstands on each side of the bed. And then, there was the balcony with a table for eating, and a wonderful view of Jubilife City.

"Would you like to freshen up in the bathroom first?" Derek asked.

"Sure, thanks." Derek watched Grace walk into the bathroom. He loved everything about her; from her walk to her voice to the look of her hair.

Grace walked into the bathroom and locked the door. She stripped off her clothes and threw them onto the sink's counter. She stepped into the shower and let the warm water run and hit her body. I wonder what Derek's real intentions are. She wondered. She rinsed out the shampoo and condition from her hair, and rinsed the soap from her body. Grace stepped out of the shower onto the white bath mat, and dried herself off.

The bathroom door opened and Derek sat up from the bed. Grace stepped out with a towel over her head and a robe on her body covering up her large looming breasts that seemed to burst out of the robe.

Derek was in a trance because he couldn't look away from her chest. The more he resisted, the more he wanted to stare.

"Um…I feel kind of uncomfortable with you staring like that. The bathroom's open," Grace said. Derek snapped out of it. He turned beet red, and gathered up his things.

What was I doing back there? Derek thought. He turned on the shower and washed up. He rinsed off all the soap on his body and got out of the shower. He dried off and put on his boxers and left the bathroom.

"We have to share the bed…" Grace said.

"I could sleep on the couch!" Derek suggested.

"I couldn't let you do that, and besides, you probably couldn't fit on it if you lay down on it." Grace replied.

"I couldn't let you sleep on it. Well, I guess we are sleeping together…" Derek said.

"Derek, why did you look for me?" Grace asked.

"It wouldn't be the same with out you on the team," Derek said, but his voice wasn't convincing enough for Grace.

"Is that the only reason?" Grace with a frown. She looked as if she were going to cry.

"I have a confession, I fell in love with you the minute you rescued me on the roadside." Derek confessed.

"I stopped because I saw you by the roadside. But I stayed with you because I fell in love with you too." Grace admitted.
"So are you going to continue your journey with me?" Derek asked.
"Yeah, I want to help you out, I want to help Arceus. I want to save the world with you." Grace said.
"I have to give you something." Derek said. He leaned closer to Grace and pressed his lips against hers. She didn't resist.
"Did you bring me to this hotel room to kiss or go another step further?" Grace asked.
"I don't want you to get hurt, and we're too young to be taking it up a step." Derek said.
"I love how you respect me and how you don't just want me for your sexual needs." Grace replied. They began to kiss passionately, and feel each others bodies, but one person got too far beyond the boundaries, the other would push them away. They eventually fell asleep, and everything was great, for now…

Chapter five

Sorry it took such a long time, but here it is! CHAPTER FIVE!

CHAPTER FIVE: Recrution


CHAPTER FIVE
Derek woke up and glanced at the digital clock. The red numbers flashed 7:26. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at Grace. He smiled and ran his fingers through her silky blonde hair. She was still asleep, so he quietly got out of bed to get ready.
He walked to the bathroom and stood in front of the toilet to urinate. He washed his hands after that, and then washed his face. Then he brushed his teeth and fixed his hair to the brown messy mop style it usually is. Then he put on his signature navy blue shirt with the white pokeball symbol in the lower right corner and his tan cargo shorts. He left the bathroom and watched Grace sleep for about another half an hour.

"Good morning. Hey have you noticed you're morning person? You don't have bed head. Not that you would its just…" Derek felt like an idiot saying stupid comments to the girl he loved that early in the morning.

"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or what…but good morning." Grace replied with a tired voice. Her breasts seemed to hang out of her night gown. Derek couldn't help but stare.

"Can you stop staring at my chest like that? I feel uncomfortable with you doing that…" Grace said as her face filled with redness.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. Not that your chest isn't pretty or anything. I mean, uh…Damn it I'm so stupid. Please don't hurt me!" Derek said. He brought his arms up to his face to brace himself, but not hits, slaps or fists came towards him. He looked up from under his arms.

"I'm not going to hit you! What made you think that?" Grace asked with her sweet gentle voice.

"Well, when I was watching some TV, when ever a boy stared at a girl's breast, he would get hit with something hard or get punched. And when I was reading some books, a boy named Matt got slapped repeatedly by a girl because he unintentionally looked at her torn top. And well I was afraid I was going to get hit. I'm sorry for assuming you were going to do that." Derek said with an apologetic tone in his voice. He looked away and his face also turned red.

"Its fine, but I would never hit you for staring at my breasts. We should leave soon. I'm going to get ready." Grace replied. She walked into the bathroom while covering her breasts with her arms.

She looked in the big glass mirror as she brushed out her long, blonde, silky hair. Then she washed her face and changed into her pink mini skirt and sleeveless pink top. Grace brushed her teeth and then left the bathroom.

A knock came from the door and a raspy voice asked "Hey is any one in here? If so please reply."

"Grace, it sounds like one of the team GRAM thugs from the building. They know that I have the Arceus and I think they know we are here. We gotta get outta here!" Derek whispered. Grace nodded her head in agreement. Derek sent out his Staraptor and

Grace secured the bikes to the talons. They both hopped on its back and Staraptor took off.

"I know your in there kids, and I'm gonna bust the door open whether you like it or not." The GRAM member grunted. There was a large thud and the door blew down. As the dust cleared, it revealed several GRAM members.

"They aren't in here! Search the rest of the building." The leader screeched.

"Yes sir!" The other members screamed in unison as they ran off busting all the other doors down.

"Do you think we lost them?" Grace asked.

"I think we did, but we aren't safe any where. We lost them for now." Derek replied.

"Where are we going?" Grace asked.

"News about the Arceus probably has spread to all the regions, and if we go to Hotel Grand, they'll find us there too. We can't stay stationary. But I have a plan. If we move region to region, gathering up all the Elite four members and legendaries, we can make an Army. We need to get to the Legendaries before team GRAM. And the Elite four members have really strong pokemon to help us hold off the GRAM members." Derek said.

"Maybe we can get people from the battle frontier and battle park to help us out too," Grace suggested.

"We can try, but they may be too busy taking challenges and managing their frontiers. Who manage the frontiers while they were away?" Derek asked.

"I didn't think about that. Well I guess all we can do is try. We also have to recruit as many trainers as we can to help us. They may not help too much if they are beginners, but hey strength in numbers right?" Grace said.

"Good idea. The more people that are on our side, the stronger our team will be. But where can we start?" Derek asked.

"Kanto, it was the first region that any one ever started their journeys at. We could recruit trainers as we go through gyms asking for their help and then we could move on to Johto. But we need to avoid GRAM grunts because the old team rocket hideouts are scattered every where in Kanto and Johto. Celadon city's game corner, the building in Sabrina's city, the radio tower in Johto; their were all crawling with rocket grunts. Now there are probably GRAM grunts there instead, which means they have become more powerful!" Grace replied.

"Okay, well then if we go to Hoenn what will we do then? I don't know the region so well." Derek asked.

"We'll have to avoid the magma and aqua bases. They probably have gotten rid of their stupid rivalry problems and joined their bases together to make a new team GRAM base. Luckily, I know where their located since I had brother on team Magma and a sister on team aqua. So I know how to avoid them. Some of the gym leaders are a bit stubborn and won't believe that the world is going to end. Do you have any proof besides the Arceus that something is about to go terribly wrong?" Grace asked.

"I got a recording back when I was in Solaceon town. The GRAM grunt revealed his plan to me since he thought he could kill me. When he saw the Arceus, he ran away before I could stop him" Derek said.

"The recording is good enough. Is it okay that we show them Arceus also?" Grace asked.

"Yeah, I guess since the world is ending and all that stuff." Derek replied.

"Okay then we should fly to Kanto then." Grace said.

"Staraptor may be tired from flying so long, so can we recruit the gym leaders around here first?" Derek asked.

"Sure," Grace replied. They flew in silence for the remainder of the trip. Derek stared at the rooftops of all the houses and Grace laid down and looked into the sky. They finally arrived at Oreburgh city, and walked to the gym.

Derek entered the gym and was surprised to see three people inside. The Gym leader and two boys were talking. Derek got close enough to see who the two boys were.

"Derek? Is that you?" The boy with the yellow Growlithe asked.

"Lucas? What are you doing here?" Derek asked.

"I was just visiting the gym; I already got my badge a while ago." Lucas replied.

"Hey, hey, hey, sup D-man?" A boy with the yellow Shinx ran up to Derek.

"Alex? You guys both have shinies? I don't even have one!" Derek replied.

"Enough about you, who's the cutie behind you? She's hot dude!" Alex replied.

Grace waved and walked up to all three of the boys. "I'm Grace, and you are?"

"Dude you didn't tell us you had a girlfriend!" Alex shouted in astonishment.

"Yeah I'm not sure if she's officially my girlfriend yet." Derek whispered.

"I'm Lucas, hey are you single? I'm Lucas. Do you want my number? I know I want yours." Lucas said. He rushed up to Grace and smiled.

"I'm Alex, and hey I saw her first!" Alex yelled. Lucas and Alex had a wrestling match right there on the gym floor. The punched and twisted every possible body part they could.

"Stop fighting over Grace! We have more important issues to worry about than that!" Derek yelled. Grace turned red. She liked all the attention.

Wow, I haven't had boys fight over me in a while. Grace thought to herself.

"May I help you?" The gym leader asked.

"Yeah, I need your help Roark." Derek said.

"You already got my badge so what is it?" Roark asked.

"Teams from all the regions formed one big team called team GRAM. They are planning to destroy this planet using the power of all the legendaries. We need to gather up and army to fight team GRAM. We are trying to recruit trainers, Elite four members, and gym leaders from every region to join our army. Will you help us?" Derek asked.

"This sounds serious. But I can't believe you with out proof." Roark replied.

"I have proof. Listen to this recording." Derek said. He took out the recorder from his backpack and put it on speaker mode so every one could hear. They all listened to what the GRAM grunt said back in Solaceon town.

"Now its starting to become believable, but I need more proof than that." Roark said.

"I didn't want to do this but okay." Derek let Arceus out of his pokeball. Arceus made little purring sounds and floated around Roark's head.

"You have the Arceus? Now I really do believe you. Alright then, I'll be on your side. But I can't leave the gym unattended. So here's my number. Gimme' a call when ya can okay?" Roark said with a wink. He gave Derek a piece of paper with a phone number scribbled on it.

"Dude! You have Arceus! That's cooler than all our shiny pokemon combined!" Alex said.

"Yeah, why didn't you tell us? I wanna be on your team!" Lucas said.

"I had to keep Arceus a secret, and so do you guys. You can come with us and help us out if you want." Derek said.

"Is Grace coming?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, but you two can't get in fights about her all the time or you'll just slow us down. And you have to bring your own pokemon with fly because my Staraptor can only hold two people." Derek said.

"Fine, we will" Alex replied. Lucas nodded his head in agreement. The three boys and the one girl walked out of the gym into the bright daylight of Oreburgh city.
______________
chapter six will be coming soon! By the way, that dotted line in the middle of the chapter is there for no reason. I don't know why its there!

um, okay? no offense but, doesn't seem like a very good topoic to wrap a story around. I mean wow a boy hatching an egg! so excititing! I do that on a daily basis in my video game. Oh and also, the font for the chapters, too big, way better at 2, not 3. but watever floats your boat ;)

Event_collectorx said:

"You Nidoqueen didn't lay the egg, the Arceus did." The daycare man said.

Click to expand...

Few things wrong with that sentance.

1. ARCEUS CANT LAY FREAKIN EGGS!

2.Arceus can not breed with any pokemon on the face of the planet.

3. "You" is supposed to be "Your"

I know, I tried breeding Arceus with Ditto, didn't go over so well. So to get to the point, LEGENDARIES CANT BREED

anyway, awsome! and yes, i read the whole thing, but it seems like it is going a little fast, just lettin ya know!

Okay for you people that tell me arceus can't lay eggs, Arceus came from an egg at the beggining of time. Which came first? The arceus or the egg? Well it doesn't matter because Arceus CAN lay eggs. In the game, lugia can't lay eggs but yet in the show lugia appears to have a baby in one of the episodes. So its possible for Arceus to lay an egg.

Chapter six: Eterna city

CHAPTER SIX: Eterna city

"I want to fly to Eterna city. Can your flying pokemon handle it?" Derek asked.

"Yeah. Tropius can handle it." Alex replied.

"Togekiss can make it." Lucas said.

"Wow, you guys have cool pokemon for flying. I just use Staraptor." Derek said.

"I got my tropius as an egg for my birthday, so I use him for flying and battling." Alex said.

"I caught a togepi from trophy garden, so I decided to train him and I was suprised he was able to learn fly. I use him for flying, battling and having fun." Lucas said.

"Wow, thats cool. Do you guys have to do anything before we leave?" Derek asked.

"Not me," Alex replied.

"Nope," Lucas said.

"Okay lets go," Derek said. He threw a pokeball and a Staraptor emerged from the light. He helped Grace climb onto the Staraptor, and then he got on himself. Staraptor flapped it's wings a couple times and then took off.

The other two boys sent out Tropius and Togekiss. The took off after Derek and followed him into the air. They all flew high above the grassy landscape, the sparkling blue water, and the cycling road filled with bikers riding up and down the path.

"Hey Derek! Why does Grace get to ride with you?" Lucas shouted from his Togekiss.

"Theres room for two on here. She has her own pokemon with fly, but there is no reason to tier it out if there is room on my pokemon." Derek replied.

"Theres room for two on Tropius!" Alex shouted.

"I'm perfectly fine over here boys!" Grace shouted back.

"Derek, I'm a little cold, could you help keep me warm?" Grace asked in a soft voice.

"Um...okay..." Derek put his arms over Grace's shoulders and tried to do his best to cover her up.

"Thank you," she said smiling. She looked away and turned a little red.

"No problem...." Derek replied. He felt the heat rush to his face as he also started to turn red.

"You can get all the hugs you want over here! I'll keep you warm! I'm not just warm, I'm hot! COME ON! Whats so attractive about Derek?" Alex said. He spazzed out so much, he almost fell off of Tropius.

Grace just ignored him and savored the moment with Derek. The Staraptor finally landed in Eterna city, right outside the pokemon center.

"Grace, we're on the ground now. I can let go right?" Derek asked.

"Do you have to let go?" Grace asked. Wow, I sound pathetic. Grace thought to herself.

"Well if we want to get to the gym..." Derek said, while still holding on to Grace. The other two boys had already called back their pokemon.

"Why can't I get a girl that doesn't want me to let go of her?" Alex asked with rivers streaming down his face. He was spazzing out and having a tantrum.

"It's because your immature, your pick up lines suck, and you are bad at talking to girls and shall I go on?" Lucas said.

"Hmf...Yeah well you don't have a girlfriend, so if I were you I wouldn't be talking!" Alex replied.

"SHUT UP!" Lucas yelled. He lunged towards Alex and gave him a good punch in the face. Alex got up and kicked Lucas in the shins, but Lucas wasn't going to give up. He kicked Alex in the tender spot, and Alex fell on the ground holding his balls and whimpering like a baby.

"I told you that you can't argue or fight during this trip or you would just slow us down! Break it up you two!" Derek yelled. He helped Grace off the Staraptor and called it back into the pokeball. They all walked in silence until they got to the Eterna gym.

"Gardenia? Are you in here?" Derek yelled.

"Do you want to challenge me again?" Gardenia asked, walking out from behind some trees.

"No, I need your help. The world is about to end, and all the diffrent teams from each region have formed one large team. Team GRAM is what they are calling themselves. We need every Gym leader, every E4 member, and every trainer to join our team. We are going to stop Team GRAM from totally destroying earth. Here, listen to this recording." Derek played the recording. Since Grace, Lucas, and Alex heard it already, they didn't pay attention to it.

"This is alot to take in. But you're just a bunch of kids. Even if you could get an army or team, you still wouldn't stand a chance. You need to find the boy with the Arceus. He'll help you." Gardenia said.

"I am the boy with the Arceus," Derek said. He sent out the baby Arceus. It floated around Gardenia, and then it turned into a grass type.

"Amazing, but I can't leave the gym. Other trainers still need me here. Heres my number," Gardenia said. She handed Derek a business card. He added the number to his phone and thanked her. Then, Derek called back Arceus. The three boys and the girl left the gym.

"There they are! Get em' boys!" The blue haired grunt yelled. Several other grunts with different uniforms headed towards Derek, Grace, Alex and Lucas.

"Team GRAM, prepare to meet team GLAD!" Alex yelled.

"Huh?" The grunts said with confusion.

"Grace Lucas Alex Derek. G-L-A-D. Or we could be the D-force!" Alex said.

"Um lets not...but I'll tell you what we can do, we can beat the crap outta these dudes!" Lucas said. Derek sent out Arceus, and Arceus used its psychic waves to knock them out like it did before.

"You didn't give us a chance to battle! Thats no fun!" Alex said.

"This isn't about fun, this is serious stuff. These guys aren't playing around, and we shouldn't be either." Derek said.

"Fine, I guess we're going to the next city." Alex replied.

"Actually, we aren't. We are going to cut down those trees infront of that building and see whats inside. I have a feeling some one his trying to hide something in there." Derek said. They all ran off towards the direction of the building.

Event_collectorx said:

Okay for you people that tell me arceus can't lay eggs, Arceus came from an egg at the beggining of time. Which came first? The arceus or the egg?

Click to expand...

Well, considering the fact that Arceus came from the egg at the beginning of time, one would presume the egg.

Before that, there was chaos, God, what have you. Most likely chaos, if we're to assume this myth relates to the ones in various cultures that say a sun god or creation goddess or whatnot came from an egg that appeared out of chaos and darkness. (See Egyptian mythology for an example.) Alternatively, we could be asking yet another philosophical question about where the Christian God came from. Stating that Arceus can lay eggs because of this logic is a lot like saying God has a mommy and a daddy that did the horizontal tango and produced Him. I think we can safely say that this is not actually true according to various religious texts regarding this single God.

Well it doesn't matter because Arceus CAN lay eggs. In the game, lugia can't lay eggs but yet in the show lugia appears to have a baby in one of the episodes. So its possible for Arceus to lay an egg.

Click to expand...

Lugia =/= Arceus.

While Lugia was shown to make babies, Arceus was never shown to do the same. Meanwhile, Lugia can be compared to one of the gods of ancient myths, who were known to mate and produce offspring (some more than others -- *motions to Zeus and Aphrodite*). Arceus, meanwhile, is most likely meant to represent the highest form of god: not the embodiment of nature (a la Lugia) so much as God.

And while we could possibly get into Jesus allegory, I think I'll spare you English lit rants. That and I'd like to think you're not using Jesus allegory. Not only because it's a tough subject to tackle (and you're doing this just for fun) but also because better Jesus allegory is in the Narnia books.

As for the review of the story, you've got seven chapters up already. If you don't mind me reviewing just the first for now and leaving the others untouched, I can. If you'd rather me read all seven in one go because you'd like me to acknowledge the fact that you're improving, it'll take me a bit longer. I just wanted to stop in and put in my two cents about your latest response-to-a-review.