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[Pokémon] Alpha Protocol

Ωmega

Four score and seven years ago
68
Posts
14
Years
  • CHAPTER I


    "Mom, do I have to go?" a teen male complained. He was just seventeen, tall and lean, with a sense of anxiety emanating around him. His jet black hair was swept back under a red and blue baseball cap that was turned backwards. His tan skin glowed under the ceiling light as he approached his mother with a sense of urgency.

    "Yes. You do. No arguing with me," his mother told him as she grabbed a long black coat off of the nearby beige sofa. Their house in Saffron was quaint and enjoyable, able to get the job done.

    "I barely knew the guy! I don't understand why I have to go to his funeral, though," the young man continued to complain as he tied up his shoelaces to his dress shoes. The two were preparing for a funeral, dressed in the usual attired, getting ready to head out the door. It was sunny outside with a slight breeze coming from one direction.

    "It doesn't matter. He's my father and you are also in his will. It's being read after the service today and if you're not there to claim what was given to you, then you have to relinquish it," his mother explained as she grabbed car keys off of a nearby end table.

    "Fine. But I get to take Bagon with me," the young man said. A young Bagon walked out of the kitchen holding a piece of bread in its mouth and sat down next to the young man.

    "Whatever. Just as long as that thing stays out of trouble. I don't even know why your father decided to give that to you," his mother said as she turned around. "Alright, Anne. We'll be back in a few hours. Everything you need to take care of Georgia is in the bag," the mother spoke to the babysitter who was cradling a baby girl as she was seated on another couch across the room.

    "See you later, Anne," the young man said as he guided Bagon out of the door.

    "Bye, Arlett," she said back to him as his mother and he walked out of the door.



    The car ride to the funeral was rather long. Arlett and his mother constantly argued the whole way about bringing the Bagon that sat in the back seat, looking out the window and drooling all over it. When they reached the venue where the funeral was to take place, there was a Pokemon battle going on outside between a Hitmonlee and a Ludicolo with the Hitmonlee apparently taking the upper hand.

    "That's just like our family: battling every waking moment of our lives without regard to what's going on," Arlett's mother said as she parked the car. Arlett grabbed Bagon and its Pokeball and hopped out of the car at the same time as his mother.

    "Hey! Brenda!" a voice called out. Arlett's mother turned around and saw an old man walking towards her, arms outstretched.

    "Gary! How have you been?" Brenda said as she hugged him.

    "I've been alright. Just taking care of the lab, handing out Pokemon, checking up on the gym and all that. The usual, I guess," Gary said as he shrugged his shoulders. He turned a bit and noticed Arlett petting Bagon. "And this must be the grandson, I suppose?" he asked. Brenda nodded and Gary outstretched his hand. "Gary Oak. I was a good friend of your grandfather's. I run the lab back in Pallet Town and I'm one of the leaders at Viridian," he introduced.

    "Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you from my dad," Arlett said as he shook the hand.

    "I see. Well, when you see your father, tell him I'm gonna have to give him the beat-down, alright?" Gary chuckled. In his old age, he still seemed to act the same way that Arlett's father described in the stories.

    "Will do," Arlett said as he nodded his head. Bagon let out a yawn as it dug at the dirt beneath its feet, kicking up a lot of it in the process.

    "Control that thing!" Brenda barked at Arlett.

    "Mom, calm down. He's not hurting anyone," Arlett countered as he motioned to Bagon to stop. After a few moments, everyone began to enter the building save for the two trainers battling outside. There were hundreds of people--friends and family--entering at one time. The building was massive and there were many seats to house the numerous guests that came to the funeral.

    After everyone was seated, a bell tolled and a man stood at a pedestal so everyone could see him. In front of him was a casket, open, with an old man lying down, a rusty Pokeball in his hands.

    "Everyone, please calm down and be seated. We are gathered here today to celebrate the life and times of one of our most beloved family members: Ash Ketchum..." the man began.



    After the funeral, several family members including Brenda and Arlett gathered into a back room where a lawyer in a black suit with an envelope was waiting.

    "If everyone would gather around please, that'd be splendid. I am here to day to read you the last will and testament of Ash Ketchum. In this envelope are his final words and requests that are to be carried out as part of his dying wishes," the lawyer explained. He opened the envelope as everyone began to sit down. Arlett lifted Bagon into his lap and stroked him to calm him down.

    "So...what now?" a female family member asked from the other side of the table.

    "I will begin reading the last will and testament of Ash Ketchum to you all. Any questions you have about the will may be asked after I have finished reading it.

    'To my dearest family,

    I thank you all for the good times, the bad times, and everything in between. Each moment I cherished with all of you shall be forever remembered and carried throughout the family legacy. I am of sound mind and body to be writing this will and testament and, as such, I request that you all honor my dying wishes and requests. First, I would like to give to my granddaughter Emilia my bicycle. She enjoyed riding it as a child and I find it fitting that only she get it. To my grandson James I give my entire supply of Ultra Balls, capsules, and cameras . It's over 30,000 pieces of equipment that he may use for his scientific studies at the university. For my son Adam I give an egg that I had put into suspended animation. It is the last egg from my Meganium who died years ago. I pass it onto you because I know how much you've always wanted a Chikorita. To my daughter Brenda, I give you my house in Pallet Town as well as this envelope that you are to open in private. Lastly, to my grandson Arlett, I give you three keys to a chest in my house in Pallet. The items inside are yours to keep. That is all and I hope that this finds my family well.'"

    The lawyer finished reading the will and there were groans around the room. Some people were obviously distressed about their lack of getting items while the few who did seemed enjoyed about them.

    "His house? Keys? A chest? What's going on, Mom?" Arlett asked as he stopped Bagon from chewing on the mahogany table that sat in the middle of the room.

    "I don't know, hun, but we should go to that house now," Brenda said as she began to walk out. The lawyer handed her the enveloped to which she was entitled and handed Arlett the three keys Ash mentioned. Everyone who was leaving said their goodbyes to those who were staying for the procession afterwards. Brenda and Arlett along with Arlett's Bagon hopped into the car after saying their goodbyes. Arlett pulled out his cell phone and immediately dialed his father.

    "Dad? Where were you today?...Okay...Right...So you'll be home...when? We're going to visit granddad's house in Pallet. He gave it to mom in the will. Yea...alright. Okay. Yea, Bagon's doing fine. He keeps nibbling on things. Teething? Great. Okay, raw meat. Alright...okay. Alright. Bye, dad." Arlett conversed.

    "What's up with him?" Brenda asked as she drove down the road towards Pallet from Lavender Town.

    "He got caught up in some stuff over in Celadon. He said that he'll meet us at granddad's house. He asked about Bagon and said that it's around the time that Bagon should be teething. We're going need raw meat, mom," Arlett explained as he turned aroudn to the back seat and saw Bagon curled up and asleep. Brenda nodded her head and continued to drive down the road. After about an hour of driving, the two eventually reached Pallet Town. They slowly drove around looking for Ash's house, a house that Brenda had not been to for a while.

    "Did you forget?" Arlett asked mockingly.

    "Why don't you try to drive, huh?" Brenda snapped as she continued looking. Eventually, she found the house because Arlett's father was standing outside talking on his cell phone. "Hey Zach!" Brenda called out. Zachary Oak was a rather large man and muscular at that. His dark brown hair was neatly tied in a ponytail and he greatly resembled his father, Gary Oak.

    "Hey, beautiful! Hey there, Arlett!" Zach called out as he hung up his cell phone. "What took you guys so long?"

    "Traffic," Arlett answered as he pulled Bagon out of the car.

    "There's my little champ. I remember the day you hatched," Zach said as he knelt down to pet Bagon. He growled a bit, then licked his hand in pleasure. "Alright. What are we doing here?"

    "Well, this house was given to me in my dad's will. Same with this envelope. Arlett got keys to some chest in there. I say we start with this envelope," Brenda said as she quickly opened it. There were a few papers inside as well as a small notebook labeled "FOR ARLETT." Brenda fumbled through the papers and found that one of them was the deed to the house. The others were all stamped with "CONFIDENTIAL" or "TOP SECRET" in the upper corners. "What was dad getting into?" Brenda asked. Zach shrugged his shoulders and looked at Arlett who did the same.

    "How are we supposed to get into the house to get the chest?" Zach asked.

    "Well, I have some keys. Maybe one of these opens the door," Arlett said as he walked towards the door. Zach urged Bagon forward through the door and Brenda followed, reading the papers thoroughly. After some fumbling with the keys, Arlett eventually opened the door and it creaked open, letting out a bellowing echo throughout the house. It was relatively empty save for a few pieces of furniture here and there. Zach spotted a door at the top of the staircase and walked towards it while Brenda sat down to read and Arlett and Bagon walked around the house examining it.

    "This place is huge," Arlett said to himself. He looked down at Bagon who was simply standing there, observing the floor. "Damn. You have no attention span. I can't wait until you're older," Arlett said to Bagon.

    "I can't make any sense of these papers. It keeps mentioning something called the 'Alpha Protocol.' I swear, the words 'Subject Alpha' appear everywhere in these documents. It talks about how it's supposed to 'revolutionize the bond between trainers and Pokemon.' It just makes no sense," Brenda spoke out loud.

    "Hm. Maybe what we're looking for lies behind the only locked door on this floor," Zach said in a straightforward manner. Arlett walked up the stairs with keys in hand. He opened the locked door using the second key and it quietly creaked as it swung. There was a single chest sitting in the middle of the room. It was dusty in the room save for the chest which looked relatively new. Arlett approached it and saw that, engraved on the top was "ALPHA PROTOCOL: ID-133."

    "Mom! Come here!" Arlett called out. Brenda came upstairs, still reading the papers, and approached the chest. She looked at it, back at the papers, then back to the chest.

    "Open it, dear," Brenda suggested. Using the third key, Arlett opened the locked chest. The lid was rather heavy and both Zach and Arlett were needed to open it. Bagon looked as if he wanted to help, but he was too small. When the lid finally opened, the contents inside surprised each of them.
     
    Last edited:

    Spinor

    <i><font color="b1373f">The Lonely Physicist</font
    5,176
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • Age 27
    • Seen Feb 13, 2019
    I have to say, this story sounds pretty interesting. You set up the overall start pretty nicely as well, but of course there's a few things that I see, though there's no real major flaw. I also like the futuristic setting you set, it'd be to your advantage if you could describe some technology in future chapters

    After a few moments, everyone began to enter the building save for the two trainers battling outside. There were hundreds of people--friends and family--entering at one time. The building was massive and there were many seats to house the numerous guests that came to the funeral.

    Directly after this, it appears you immediatly start the hearing, but isn't a funeral usually sad? I couldn't find any tone that set a mood proper for a funeral. Maybe if you had described some of the family members and their actions or sadness. Also try to find correct words to set the mood. It might be hard at first, but, for me, it's more of an intuitive thing to train.

    Also, in matters of the story, it doesn't really make too much sense that hundreds of people attended the funeral. It might be logical to a watcher of the anime who can anticipated what Ash would accomplish, but just one nice thing to add in would be the significance of the funeral. You are in 3rd person, so you don't have to be too concetrative on the main character, but that's more of a preference.

    "Dad? Where were you today?...Okay...Right...So you'll be home...when? We're going to visit granddad's house in Pallet. He gave it to mom in the will. Yea...alright. Okay. Yea, Bagon's doing fine. He keeps nibbling on things. Teething? Great. Okay, raw meat. Alright...okay. Alright. Bye, dad." Arlett conversed.

    I'm... not exactly a fan of this part. The conversation should have probably been a dialogue instead of just that paragraph of sentences and ellipsises. More awkward is "Arlett conversed" after all of that.
    "Well, I have some keys. Maybe one of these opens the door," Arlett said as he walked towards the door. Zach urged Bagon forward through the door and Brenda followed, reading the papers thoroughly.

    It's minor, but I can't exactly make full sense of this part of the paragraph. Was Bagon urged through the car door? Or did you mean to the door of the house?


    That's about some of it for me. I don't think there's significant grammatic flaws, but that's something I didn't really look at.

    This story is alright. As an anime watcher it also holds some significant interest to me. I'll be waiting pantiently for what's inside that chest.
     

    Ωmega

    Four score and seven years ago
    68
    Posts
    14
    Years
  • CHAPTER II


    Welcome to Silph Industries database. All data is encrypted. Please enter your username and password.

    user: ketchuma
    pass: *******

    Login information accepted. Omega Level Clearance granted. What would you like to do?

    access: protocol_

    Please designate.

    protocol: alpha_

    Designation "alpha protocol" accepted. What would you like to do?

    access: string - directory/user/ketchuma/protocol/alpha/preliminary

    String accepted. Opening "preliminary" files for "alpha protocol."

    WARNING. THIS DATA HAS BEEN RENDERED INVALID AS A RESULT OF MANY MISSING AND DAMAGED FILES. BECAUSE OF THIS, IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED THAT ANY OF THE INFORMATION BE TAKEN AS TRUE.

    ==========

    22 May 2058
    Laboratory Bravo, Section A

    Today we start work on the Alpha Protocol. As directly quoted from our president, Mr. -DATA MISSING-, it is supposed to "revolutionize the bond between trainers and Pokemon." By undergoing this project, we are making our mark in history. I'm actually excited about all of this.

    AK

    ==========

    25 May 2058
    Laboratory Bravo, Section A

    We're three days into the project. So far, the project leaders have had us take the genes from both humans and Pokemon and -DATA MISSING-. The results were astounding. It opened up a doorway for us that could allow us to further explore how Pokemon evolve and how human cells form. We need more data, however. I have a feeling that there's much more out there.

    AK

    ==========

    30 May 2058
    Laboratory Bravo, Section A

    Progress has gone on with astounding results. We're almost past the alpha phase and ready to progress into the beta phase of the project: live subjects. The beta phase is going to be the longest part of the project and may take weeks because of the multitude of species out there and the expanse of information that is the human genome.

    AK

    ==========

    12 June 2058
    Laboratory Delta, Section C

    We had to relocate. One of the subjects caused massive damage to our section of the lab. Maybe it was in response to our -DATA MISSING- genes to their own -DATA MISSING- genes. It resulted in the death of the subject. From that subject, we realized that we needed a more stable gene base, something able to handle the stress of -DATA MISSING- evolution.

    AK

    ==========


    "What the..." Zach began as he further investigated the contents of the chest.

    "I think it all makes sense now." Brenda said as she kept reading the papers. "Evolution, evolution, evolution," she repeated.

    "I'm still very confused," Arlett said as he backed away a bit from the chest. He returned Bagon to his Pokeball and placed the ball on his belt. "I can't believe that this thing is actually locked inside this chest. Why would he do such a thing?"

    "I'm not sure. He wouldn't do it without reason, though," Brenda said as she shrugged her shoulders in confusion. "Dad wasn't like that. I'm sure that there's an explanation for all of this and he wants you to figure it out. Honestly, I have too much stuff to worry about to be dealing with nonsense like this," Brenda scoffed as she went on a tirade.

    "Well, I think we should go. We've been here long enough and I have a gym to tend to," Zach said. "Arty, grab it and bring it to your mom's car."

    "You two really don't want to be a part of this, huh?" Arlett said as he lifted the contents of the chest into his arms. Both of his parents looked at each other, then back to him and shook their heads simultaneously. Arlett let out a sigh and began walking out the house, contents in hand. He reached his mother's car with his parents in tow. His mother unlocked the trunk and Arlett carefully placed the object into it before closing it.

    "I'm gonna head back to Celadon and take care of the gym and then I'll be back home, alright?" Zach told Brenda. She nodded and the two gave each other a kiss before Zach jogged back to his car. Arlett was already in the car and Brenda soon was as well.

    "Arlett, I'm going to let you know something," Brenda began as she started the car. "Dad kept a lot of stuff from me during his days at Silph. He wouldn't tell me anything. If he's willing to let a grandson he barely knew know about something that's so secretive, then it must be important. I'm going to trust you and I'm going to let you figure this out on your own. If you need my help, I'm always here for you and so is your father."

    "That's great to know, mom. Is it alright if I look at those files?" Arlett asked as the car drove down the road towards Saffron City. Brenda reached behind her and grabbed the files that she was reading before. Arlett vigorously studied the files on the way back home, noticing the repetition of words such as "evolution," "revolutionize," "bond," and "Pokemon." Arlett couldn't really make sense of it all other than the fact that the project had something to do with humans and Pokemon.

    After much driving, they eventually came back home. Zach called a bit before Brenda pulled into the driveway and said that he was going to be late because he was ordering files at the gym. Brenda sent the babysitter home for the night, paid her, and put Georgia to sleep. Arlett went upstairs to his room and sat down at his desk, still studying the files. He stayed up until the late hours, sifting through countless papers and reading hundreds of words in order to make sense of whatever his grandfather wanted him to know. In a lapse of memory, he forgot that the contents of the chest were still in the trunk of the car. He ran downstairs, grabbed his mom's keys, went outside, opened the trunk, grabbed it, locked the car, and went back into the house.

    "I swear, whatever Granddad wanted me to know about this thing, it better be important," Arlett said to himself as he placed it on his bed. He looked at it for a few moments before returning to his mess of a desk, intricate files strewn about, information still lost within its words. Eventually, Arlett found a slip of paper with a website, a username, and a password. Using his better judgement, he went to the website and entered the login information. It immediately brought him to a welcome screen that appeared to be a backdoor into a top-secret database.

    "This looks interesting," Arlett muttered to himself as he followed on-screen instructions that eventually led him to a directory filled with his grandfather's files. "So much stuff that isn't here. Video logs, chat histories, everything," he said in astonishment. He downloaded most of the information, save for what he already had. He opened a video log and noticed that it was recorded in a laboratory.

    "Hmm. Today is...the 10th...or the 11th. I don't remember. Days just blend together in here. I haven't had sleep in a few days. I've been working non-stop on this project and, frankly, it's driving me crazy," Ash spoke in the video. There were men around him, checking computers, looking through microscopes, and working on test tubes. "We've just entered the beta phase and we've decided to use live subjects. We need to decide which subjects we're going to use, however. From the result of all the information we've gathered so far, ID-235 looks like our best bet. However, we need information for each type, so we're taking a specimen from each one."

    "ID-235?" Arlett asked himself. He paused the video and searched the directory for that specific term. A document came up about the results of those tests:

    12 June 2058
    Laboratory Delta, Section C

    We had to relocate. One of the subjects caused massive damage to our section of the lab. Maybe it was in response to our -DATA MISSING- genes to their own -DATA MISSING- genes. It resulted in the death of the subject. From that subject, we realized that we needed a more stable gene base, something able to handle the stress of -DATA MISSING- evolution.

    AK


    "There's missing data...," Arlett noticed. Upon finishing the file, a warning popped up on the screen warning him of any potential damaged data. He disregarded it and continued to search through the directory, curiosity probing his mind as to what his grandfather was studying. He searched for "stable gene base" and one report came up: a report on ID-133.

    25 June 2058
    Laboratory Echo, Section A

    We've found it. To think that the perfect subject was just one species away. We started with one subject from each type and -DATA MISSING- with our own. Only a few subjects survived and from each of them we gathered our information. Using that information, we thought that ID-132 was our stable gene base because of the fact that it could -DATA MISSING- into practically anything it wanted to. However, it couldn't -DATA MISSING- through unconventional means, such as the use of -DATA MISSING- or even -DATA MISSING-. But after much thinking, we found it. Just one species away: ID-133. It is the key to -DATA MISSING- the human genome with that of Pokemon. The secrets this subject contains in its DNA is astounding. To think that we were looking for a stable gene base when we actually needed an -DATA MISSING- one, one susceptible to -DATA MISSING- evolution. We merged our -DATA MISSING- with its own and there were no ill effects. We then merged the -DATA MISSING- of other Pokemon to it and we discovered -DATA MISSING- new -DATA MISSING-. All our work has paid off. Eevee is the key to -DATA MISSING-.

    AK.


    "Eevee is the key to what?" Arlett said as he rolled his chair back from his computer. He turned around and saw the Eevee that was in the chest at Ash's house curled up and asleep on his bed. "What's so important about this specific Eevee?" Arlett asked himself as he knelt down beside it.
     

    icomeanon6

    It's "I Come Anon"
    1,184
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • I've read the first two chapters, and you've succeeded in this important sense: I desire to learn just what Ash has been up to at Silph.

    That aside, there is one important issue that I think you need to address, and that's credibility. The main thing I have in mind here is the way you handled the Eevee that was locked in the trunk. Aside from the fact that unless someone else Ash knew has a key to that trunk it had been locked in there for days without food or water, you didn't mention that it was an Eevee until the end of the chapter. At first I thought that the "contents" were printouts of the logs you showed at the beginning, which left me confused, and not in a good way. Because you had earlier only referred to Eevee as "the contents" or "the object" (which normally signals to the reader "not a Pokemon"), the big reveal at the end that I'm sure you were going for fell flat, and made the earlier sections just seem strange. It broke my suspension of disbelief, and that's especially dangerous in a sci-fi story.

    I would change it so that you reveal the Eevee at the beginning of the chapter, and I'd probably remove the database passage that comes before it, or at least relocate it. It gave me the impression that Arlett was reading the text, which makes the passage when he does actually read some of it feel odd.

    Also, there's one strange thing I noticed with the way these relationships are laid out: If Zach is Gary Oak's son, that makes Arlett Gary's grandson in addition to being Ash's. If this is the case, why does Gary introduce himself as "a friend" instead of as his other grandfather? Whether this is an oversight or intentional, it makes the revelation that Zach is Gary's son jarring. I would make sure you have everyone's relationships figured out, and make sure their interactions are written appropriately.

    I don't have much else to say, mostly because the really important stuff is still in the dark. I'm not going to pass any judgment on the work as a whole yet, because that mostly depends on how interesting the stuff you have in store is. Going by the hints so far, I'm optimistic. Looking forward to the next installment.
     

    Bay

    6,388
    Posts
    17
    Years
  • Hey, hey, hey! All right, I'm breaking this review into two parts because I'm more or less reviewing the two chapters posted so far.

    Chapter One
    Okay first off, I have to agree with AdvancedK47 on the funeral part. You were telling, not showing the start of Ash's funeral. Some showings of a few people's reactions before the start of it and even also the sights and sounds of the inside of the funeral home(black curtains, flowers, tragic music, etc.) will work wonders. There are also a couple stuff I want to point out.

    "Did you forget?" Arlett asked mockingly.

    "Why don't you try to drive, huh?" Brenda snapped as she continued looking. Eventually, she found the house because Arlett's father was standing outside talking on his cell phone. "Hey Zach!" Brenda called out. Zachary Oak was a rather large man and muscular at that. His dark brown hair was neatly tied in a ponytail and he greatly resembled his father, Gary Oak.
    Hm, maybe it's just me, but I think it's weird Brenda would snap like that to her son. I'm more convinced that she'll lie to her son and say something like, "No, I didn't, we're almost there."

    "Open it, dear," Brenda suggested. Using the third key, Arlett opened the locked chest. The lid was rather heavy and both Zach and Arlett were needed to open it. Bagon looked as if he wanted to help, but he was too small. When the lid finally opened, the contents inside surprised each of them.
    I feel that last sentence you could show, don't tell. For instance, mention something about their faces filled with horrific looks. Not best example, but it gives you an idea how you can show how they're surprised.

    Other than those stuff, I have to say I'm quite interested. Hm, I don't see Ash to be someone filled with top secret stuff because I'm so used to him being this goofy kid but very determined to be the best trainer out there. I can see though because this stuff is suppose to "revolutionize the bond between trainers and Pokemon" as Brenda said, I can see him getting caught up in that kind of stuff in a way. I'm pretty open minded though, so I'm looking forward to see where you'll be going with this.

    I'll end the review for the first chapter with this:

    "This place is huge," Arlett said to himself. He looked down at Bagon who was simply standing there, observing the floor. "Damn. You have no attention span. I can't wait until you're older," Arlett said to Bagon.
    For some odd reason, I thought this was cute. XD

    Chapter Two
    I actually have to agree with icomeanon over the Eevee comment (dang reviewers coming before me XD; ). As I was reading the chapter, I was taken aback that there's an Eevee in the room. I feel you could have described the Eevee at least after the Pokemon was out of the chest. I'm actually curious how long that Pokemon was in there without much food or water and its health. X_x Unlike him though, I thought the logs at the beginning are placed okay. I still feel a sense of mystery reading those logs over what's going on.

    Now I'm quite curious over Ash's involvement with Eevee and the aftermath of that. Yeah, Eevee being used as experiments for researching evolution has been done many times, but I think you got something going on here that makes me forget about the cliché and just look forward what is going to happen next.

    Overall, this caught my interest. :) Some description and build up could be better, but I'm sure you'll improve on that as you progress the story. Can't wait for the next chapter!
     
    Last edited:
    10,175
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    17
    Years
    • Age 37
    • Seen yesterday
    This was good. Very good. And thanks to the two reviewers before me, I don't have much to add.

    I do agree with how the funeral scene was handled. Some more emotions, and even some more of the family interacting. Show how the Ketchums are now in the future. Do they all seem to have his love of Pokemon? Are there some who don't? And how do they feel without their apparent role model living anymore?

    Also, I was confused when I found out that it was an Eevee in the chest. If the Eevee was even inside a Pokeball, that would have worked better than a living creature living in a small space for a period of time.

    What I did like was Arlett and his Bagon. Their interactions were great, and showed that raising Pokemon can be a tough job. You did well giving Bagon his own personality already. I hope to see more of this little guy.

    Speaking of interactions, I also like those of Arlett's family. They act like a real family does (or does in my mind). That's missing in Pokemon fanfiction, so it was a treat to see it here.

    I did enjoy this story, and am looking forward to seeing more.
     
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