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[Other Original] Never To Be Published

Winter

[color=#bae5fc][font="Georgia"]KAMISATO ART: SOUME
    • 8,320
    Posts
    10
    Years

    a collection of poems and short-form writings​

    Just a string of words nonsensically woven in an effort to seem profound and philosophical and poignant and perceptive.
    – solivagant
    Click to expand...

    Blurb:

    These will be a dumpyard, a place I've marked out in FF&W so that I can leave my litter behind without being penalized, for my string-of-words-and-random-line-breaks. Note that what you see are as the title declares works I will never publish, never send to a publisher for consideration because they are not my best and no amount of telling me otherwise will convince me. So expect mediocre to poor to absolute garbage here. Don't hold back, rip everything apart to pieces, go for the jugular. If you seriously think that what you read is really "good", let me know so that I can proceed to destroy your impression. : )

    [content-warn="mature themes such as sexuality, violence and horror and may see the usage of profanities"][/content-warn]
    Contents
    heartless
    doggy style
    tank top
    hunger
    flight
    glass
    alleyway
    rainbows
    painting
    door
    Ten Word Stories
    poets
    drink
    flame
    gift wrap
    cup
    Do I Do You

    ​
     
    Last edited:
    heartless
    I have no heart.
    It fell from
    in between my lungs
    down to
    in between my legs
    and melted into a puddle where
    whatever that remained grew
    into an amorphous blob of tissue
    like a tumor.
    I could give you that puddle
    of all my liquefied being
    but they contain
    none of my love.​
     
    doggy style
    whimpering, on all fours,
    tail wagging, begging
    to be leashed,
    tongue lolling, panting,
    catching balls, gagged
    with leather and latex,
    gnawing rubberized bones,
    sniffing master's scent,
    cuddling, nuzzling, licking
    until playtime is over.​
     
    tank top
    I like my men in tank tops:
    an apt description for fabric
    that's worn for the sole purpose
    of being taken off,
    effortlessly tearing away
    and revealing the tank
    –big, buff and bare–
    which blasts its cannon
    inside me and when you're gone,
    I breathe in the moist smell of your ammo
    from the translucent white cotton
    of the tank top you left behind.
    ​
     
    Bardothren said:
    All I can say about this is... damn. This is some mighty fine poetry, made all the better for how skillfully it uses lewd metaphors. I'm not super wild about the first one - I don't entirely get the metaphor which is probably the problem, but doggy style is absolutely perfect with how well the metaphor works. Bravo.
    Click to expand...
    "heartless" is basically a poem about 'love vs lust', when stripped (no pun intended) down to its bare bones. You like doggy style? I didn't know you were into those kind of interests. XD I kid. It is as it is, poetic dribbling of a fantasy.

    And hey, I wouldn't be shy about publishing poetry this good.
    Click to expand...
    *TRIGGERED*
     
    Like Bardothren, I too am amazed with Doggy Style. Very raw, but fits well. Heartless I think I like it for the most part though a couple phrases like "into an amorphous blob of tissue" threw me off a bit. Tank Top meanwhile I think the ammo and canon reference works. Keep it up!

    I think in the first post I would warn some of the poems will be on the lewd side, just a little mod notice there.
     
    Heartless didn't click with me, but the others were quite neat , Doggy style was especially interest
     
    Bay Alexison said:
    Like Bardothren, I too am amazed with Doggy Style. Very raw, but fits well. Heartless I think I like it for the most part though a couple phrases like "into an amorphous blob of tissue" threw me off a bit. Tank Top meanwhile I think the ammo and canon reference works. Keep it up!

    I think in the first post I would warn some of the poems will be on the lewd side, just a little mod notice there.
    Click to expand...
    Heh it was supposed to be a subtle reference to arousal but in trying to keep with the visceral anatomical imagery, it became way too weird ;-; Thanks for pointing it out! I was iffy with a few phrases but couldn't pinpoint exactly the anomaly.

    Oh yes, I was gonna get around to it (but I have an associate's degree in procrastination XD). I put a warning up now; hope it suffices for I can't really predict what kind of content I'll publish here. ^^;
    Oddball_ said:
    Heartless didn't click with me, but the others were quite neat , Doggy style was especially interest
    Click to expand...
    Hey Oddy! I guess my toilet poem drew you here huh? XP

    And wow Doggy Style seems to be really well-received. O_O Y'all pervs. xD
     
    Says the perv who wrote it...
    So i guess one called 'whips and chains' is to be expected?
    Jk luv u b
     
    hunger
    I AM HUNGRY
    I declared
    like a headline
    so matter-of-factly
    with a hint of expectation
    FEED ME
    I demanded
    like a baby wailing
    for its mother's teat
    subtlety out
    of the window, the room, my body
    CRUNCH
    I bit your hand
    feeling the bones crack
    as I take more from you
    a leg, an ear, a lip,
    a strip of skin and sinew
    where it matters most
    GULP
    I feel you slide down inside me
    I cry out when you hurt me
    I moan when you sate me
    and you wince and hiss
    buckle and give in
    as I digest and devour you
    whole
    AHH
    I sighed with
    hearty relief
    like a full stomach
    after a heavy meal.​
     
    flight
    you were in my cockpit
    steady hands on the yoke
    setting course for the sky
    but the sky was not the limit,
    we believed in pushing boundaries,
    pulling throttles and thrusting upwards
    high altitude adrenaline rushing through our heads
    we were gay and dizzy among the clouds
    turbulence could not shake us
    as our bodies cruised through ozone
    —no seat belts on—
    towards the future lying beyond.
    ​
     
    you're a perv. But you're also a good writer <3 I especially enjoy how you pieced together heartless and fight, actually.
     
    glass
    we were broken
    before we met
    and our two halves
    seemed to make a whole
    at the time.
    we revealed our cracks
    we shared our fragments
    gluing our shattered souls
    together in the night
    but when daybreak came
    we awoke to find ourselves
    lying in a bed of shards
    that cut deeper
    into our brittle hearts​
     
    Last edited:
    alleyway
    after the party
    you caught me in the alley
    in the drunken haze
    i never caught your face
    no words were exchanged
    no details no names
    nothing to tether our fates
    i only caught the sound of your zipper
    as i took you in
    i only caught the sound of your moans
    as you poured yourself out
    i only caught the taste of salty bitterness
    dripping down my throat like hard liquor
    i only caught the echoes
    of that empty alleyway​
     
    rainbows
    we were chasing rainbows
    but we never noticed its colours​
     
    So, playing catch up!

    Hunger and Alleyway are your more raw poems, but I think I prefer Hunger more due to more imagery used. Alleyway isn't bad, but isn't as memorable.

    Flight, Glass, and Rainbows are less raw but I still enjoy them. Flight in particular I like the more softer imagery while Glass some lines I like in particular ("we revealed our cracks" and "lying a bed of shards" among them).
     
    painting
    when i finished my first colouring book
    my parents called me an artist
    when i sketched the koi pond in the school gardens
    my teacher praised me in front of the class
    when i painted the shops along the riverside quay
    they hung it on the school walls for all to see
    but when i painted my lips, my eyes, my cheeks,
    they all called me a failure, a faggot, a freak.

    so now i no longer hold the brush,
    the only strokes i know
    are of pain.
    ​
     
    I admit to liking the comparison of makeup to art and the end result how it went from praise to negative. Last few lines, while I like "I no longer hold the brush" the last two lines I'm not feeling it. I know that ending is intended, but those two lines have been overused in these kind of poems. Still not a bad poem, though.
     
    Last edited:
    Bay Alexison said:
    I admit to liking the comparison of makeup to art and the end result how it went from praise to negative. Last few lines, while I like "I no longer hold the brush" the last two lines I'm not feeling it. I know that ending is intended, but those two lines have been overused in these kind of poems. Still not a bad poem, though.
    Click to expand...

    Bardothren said:
    I'm with Bay on this one. I love the transition of artistry into self-reimagining and the shift in social perception, but the last lines feel flat.

    I also love "I no longer hold the brush" as a metaphorical representation of how the control over his persona is taken from his hands by society. Well done with that line.
    Click to expand...
    Yeah I know the last two lines were cliched. Still working on trying to find that poignancy without being depressingly sappy or over-the-top morbid. :V
     
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