Sorry I didn't know this. I actually used to think that they were just optional info, unless it specifically said "read here first". I didn't realise that regular stickies could have vital info to the board too. It seems I'm not familiar with customs and stuff here.
Yeah, this is a generally good rule of thumb to keep in mind: that the stickies are generally worth looking over because they usually contain important information of one sort or another. That's why they're stickies, after all: to separate them from the other threads (the ones that are
actually optional) and to highlight that they're probably a good idea to look over. This is pretty much true anywhere you go, even on SPPf (where I've also seen you hang around).
Well actually all I've given you is an incomplete summary actually, and haven't even decided on how it will end so don't worry about that.
Nonetheless, it's
how incomplete it is that's the cause of worry here to be honest. Like, if this was the first 50% of the story, we might be a little put-off by the story itself. Emphasis on might. I mean, if this was pretty skeletal for the first 50%, it still might not be too much of a turn-off and all, but.
I should probably have clarified that this is a fictional world. It's not any city or country that exists in our world with a very different system. Pretty much a total lack of social programs (although it used to have them).
*le nod* Yeah, definitely keep in mind that whenever you ask for opinions on your plot ideas, you'll want to provide any and all information that would allow people besides you to understand what's going on. I know that sounds really condescending, but I seriously don't mean it like that. I'm just saying this to help you figure out how these kinds of threads tend to work. Just remember that everyone else isn't you, so we'll need as much information as possible when you ask us these kinds of questions because we just don't know the kind of world as well as you do. I'd suggest putting pretty important information (like a brief summary of what the world is like, considering it's original fiction) behind a spoiler cut to keep your length under control.
That being said, I can understand a lack of social programs in that case, sure. The parents thing could work as well, and it probably would work better than just having him be homeless. After all, giving him a family not only offers up a background (and maybe some free characterization by allowing us to see how he interacts with his family members) but also explains why he's in school instead of scrounging around for food. Or, for
that matter, how he can afford school if he's a homeless squatter. (In areas where a public school option isn't provided by the government, there's usually only privately run schools as an alternative. As in, the state doesn't run them, but a church or separate organization does. Which probably means there'd be tuition involved and whatnot. Family explains that away by giving the character a source of support.)
Again, I probably explained it poorly. It was supposed to be surprising to the protagonist more, not so much the reader. He can't understand why they're able to be happy because he's such a misery-guts. It's more to convey the protagonist's character than anything else, but as I said in note form it might not have been very clear.
Fair enough there. Personally, I like the way you're building up the main character, and considering that his outlook is that grim, it'll be satisfying to see karma kick his tail. I do have to say, in general, that your characterization is one of your strongest points, so I'm sure it'll be fun to see how you treat his personality roller-coaster (i.e., how he goes from a pessimist to a happy-go-lucky kid to... well catatonia, but hey).
The point is that it's supposed to be unbelievable. Like "no way that just happened" kind of unbelievable. It's what's supposed to be so surprising about it. In the dream I had the guy's head lit up and blood didn't really pour out for some reason (just leaked), and everyone was shocked that he even lived. I'd hope to expand on this when I come up with an idea for it.
When you go to write this idea, unless you're outright writing a fantasy or something along those lines, you'll probably have people who will be asking these questions anyway. This goes especially for the fact that he's just shrugging off a head injury because that could be a sign that he's a godmodding Gary Stu. (That is to say, he ignores the laws of science just because he needs to be awesome.) It will probably leave a bad taste in a reader's mouth, just because it's really hard to take a fic seriously when a character suddenly has godly abilities (like one that allows him to ignore serious injuries) for no apparent reason besides "it looks cool."
That and you've got a lot of potential for drama (the good kind) if you treat the wound realistically
or introduce the fact that this is a fantasy world. For the first idea, it means that the wound gets treated, and the three guys suddenly find themselves responsible for a kid who's got some serious mental issues as a result. For the second, it means you make the readers wonder just what this kid is and if there's more of him. Right now, it feels like you're not really doing either (in that you're not creating a real fantasy world
and you're not really treating it realistically), so it just feels like it has the potential of ending up as an awkward moment of Gary Stuing.
Point was the bystanders were looking out for a fellow human being.
So... despite the lack of social programs, why did they think it was a good idea
not to get help of any kind? I mean, even the cops, considering he was just shot at. Or even a doctor, considering they eventually found one who would help him anyway? I mean, why didn't they just do the whole "go find a professional" thing to begin with instead of wait until he was foaming at the mouth and bleeding all over the place? After all, he clearly had a head wound (because in order to injure the frontal lobe, I'm pretty sure there's no possible wound that you could inflict that looks like the person was grazed instead), and he collapsed. Wouldn't that trip any mental alarms for them?
Just trying to figure this one out because it's probably going to be your biggest plot point, looks like.
See previous note about it supposed to be being unbelievable.
My point about the frontal lobe wasn't just a point about believability. It was a point about what to do with your story thereafter. Put it this way. If you rely on the idea that this is supposed to be unbelievable, you're passing up a
lot of potential plot points. There's a
lot of drama that could be added to your story and a
lot of obstacles that your character could overcome built into the injury you chose to give him. If you choose to give him an injury this serious but refuse to go into the full spectrum of implications that it carries (that is, what it means for him if you decide to give him those obstacles
or what it means for him if they're just not present -- the latter on a particularly detailed level for reasons I'll explain in a moment), it's not going to come off as awesome. It's going to come off as, frankly put, a little boring, and an intelligent reader will pick up on the idea that something is missing.
Now, I mentioned earlier something about implications in the consequences just not being there. What I mean by that is right now, it seems like you're focusing a lot on the character not being happy-go-lucky, on his relationship with the gang, on the gang's struggle to pay the doctor, and all kinds of side points. However, you want the nature of the character's wound to go against the laws of reality. If you shrug off science, your readers are going to look at your character and write him off as a Gary Stu, as I've mentioned paragraphs ago. However, if you mention that science just doesn't apply here, you
really have to go into detail as to
why, especially if the other characters realize that this isn't normal. It probably says a lot about the protagonist himself, and in general, you're going to have to be prepared to explore all the reasons why this is special. Is he a zombie? God? Fairy? Vampire? Alien? Something else? Whatever he is, it's going to open the door for the gang to a world beyond what they're used to, so, yeah, it's going to be a little important.
Short of it is, don't just shrug off science just because you want this to be trippy and cool. In prose, everything happens for a reason. Be prepared to back up your plot points, and don't introduce something major unless you're willing to explore the full impact of that something on the cast. In other words, if you want the story to focus more on the character interaction instead of the character's injury, don't give the protagonist a serious injury. If you
do want the injury to be massively important, don't set it aside for the character interactions and then go back to the injury later on in the story as if it's an afterthought.
Thanks you've given me a lot to think about and there is a lot to improve on the plot summary.
No problem. Good luck with everything, and I hope this reply helps you develop it a bit further.
But you gotta admit it was a really cool idea for just being based off a dream?
Tip: Don't tell a plot reviewer that they should think your idea is cool. It comes off odd.
With that being said, there's a couple of things you have to keep in mind about dreams:
1. What happens in them inherently doesn't make much sense. That's why translating them into writing (or even a visual medium) in a way that makes sense to anyone but you is extremely difficult. It's also why you'll need to make it clear whether or not you mean for it to be fantasy when you go to write it. (Basically, it circles back to what I said about fantastical fiction versus realistic fiction in the paragraphs above this.) If it's not meant to be a fantasy, it's your job as a writer to take that dream and reshape it to make some of the surreal elements be a little easier for the reader to buy. This isn't an issue of whether or not you're allowed to make something unbelievable. It's more of an issue of simply making things make sense to people besides you.
2. Dreams have special meaning to the people who have them. For example, bluntly put, that dream you had seems rather tame compared to most of what goes on in my head while I sleep, but I'm sure that if I told you about some of mine, you'd probably think they're rather stupid. (No, really. Even
I can see how anyone but me would think some of my dreams are rather stupid, but they still affect me because I'm pretty sure my brain is smoking weed when I'm not looking.) The reason why is because each of our dreams contain symbols and extracts of our psyche to make them basically be movies custom-made for our brains.
To make it a bit clearer, imagine a magical bread. The first person who touches it decides what that bread will taste like because the magic knows what that person likes the most. So, the first person touches it, and the bread suddenly tastes like anchovies. Now, the first person is thrilled because HOLY CRAP ANCHOVIES THE BREAD KNOWS MEEEE, but anyone else who takes a slice goes, "What the crap did I just eat." This is because the magic is in the person's mind. I swear this wasn't just an excuse for a convoluted analogy, but the point is it's awesome to you because it's your dream. To everyone else, it could go either way.
To me, personally? The fact that it was based on a dream doesn't really affect me that much because of point the third:
3. A lot of people write stories based on dreams. There's Coleridge's "Kubla Khan." The famous
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Stephen King doesn't remember writing
Cujo. (Although would that really count?) Lovecraft, of course.
And, of course, a lot of fic writers. There's actually a plot bunny in my head that's based on one, although I don't directly lift it from what happened in said dream. I'm also certain that I'm not the only one who wrote fic based on a dream, but I'm honestly too lazy to look up who might have as well.
Point is... eh. *shrug* Honestly, it really doesn't matter to me whether or not it's a dream, sorry to be blunt about it. It's what you do with it that's more important anyway.
Edit:
Hmm ... Penny for your thought.
In all sorts of pokemon canon, we see characters with both natural and unusual hair colors that seem to come about through nature (Bugsy, Karen, Ardos, etc). Would you believe it all right to transfer that into fiction, especially mainly OCs, or do you prefer to use real-world hair colors on no uncertain terms?
Just something I've been tossing about while working on my original region.
Side note: Not to mini-mod or anything, but it's perfectly okay to ask these questions in separate threads.
Actually, is it at all clear what a plot bunny is in the first post? To quickly define it (if it isn't because I know sometimes bullet point lists might skip information and whatnot), a plot bunny is a plot
idea. Concept. Summary of a potential story you're writing. Something like that. It's not a particular detail in the story, and it's not a blow-by-blow summary of everything that happens in it (for the purposes of this thread anyway). It's just a summary of what you plan on doing with all the information we need to get it (in order to help you) without getting spoiled.
That being said, at the risk of sounding biting (and I apologize for that), yes, it's okay to have a character who's pink/purple/green/blue/whatever-hair-colored. There's only two ways where it's
not okay:
1. If you proceed to turn that character into a Mary Sue by having her be a vortex of implausible happenings (i.e., have her say, "screw the rules; I'm awesome").
2. If you focus too much on the character's hair color. (Brief mentioning is okay. Paragraphs and repeated references to this color are not unless it's for some reason part of the plot.)