Temporal Collapse (PG-14 please) Kinda Historical

-retired too many negative comments-

I highly suggest that you find yourself a beta reader. Your story has a few problems that make it difficult to read, unfortunately. Grammar is pretty bad, to be on the harsh side. Punctuation, capitalization, proper paragraphing. There's a lot here to fix.

I'm not quite sure as to what's going on. I can tell that you want to use the dropping of the atomic bomb on Hiroshima as an Pokemon-ized event in your fic. The one problem is that I'm not sure where your characters are in relation to the bomb dropping that I can't be sure if I should correct you on the effects of radiation or not.

Before you post your second chapter, you should take more time to work on it. Write the chapter, set it aside for a while, then read it over to catch the mistakes that you can find. If you are unsure of your writing, then a beta reader can help you out by working with you one-on-one before you post, catching your mistakes and helping you fix them before you post the chapter. (They can also help you with your plot and characterization, depending on who you get as a beta reader.)

I wish you the best of luck, and you can ask me any questions you may have.

No No! You can tell me anything thats wrong. Grammar, punctuation you know it! Im in 7th grade dude.

It still doesn't matter, ASTINUS is a very clever and busy moderator, so it's msot likely that she'll be too busy to root through all the mistakes. However, I'd be happy to do it for you ^^

I'm not adding too much that could help you, but is it really wise to name your main character after a racial slur? =x

Uh no i just named it darkie because its short for darkrai Silly.

Congratulations, you've missed the point.

Talk about friendly community. *rolls eyes*

I said PM or help me not be mean to me.

.......................................................................

Meanie.

Closing to protect the innocent.

darkie, good luck on everything, and don't let people get you down.