A Pichu poem

[blafblabla]

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]Pichu[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]P[/FONT]ichu a very cute little sight to see,​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]I[/FONT]t will eat poke food and will battle for it's master,​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]C[/FONT]heeks bright yellow shooting out sparks of yellow light,​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]H[/FONT]ungry as can be,​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]U[/FONT]nbelievable strength for something so tiny!


​

 

[blafblabla]

A Eevee poem.

Eevee​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]Evee one of the cutest pokemon i know,[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]Eevee probably is cuter than Pichu![/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]Vicious no Eevee is not too vicious at all,[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]Eevee one of the cutest pokemon i know,[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]Eevee probably is cuter than Pichu!
[/FONT]

[FONT=Impact, sans-serif]Ralts[/FONT]​

[FONT=Impact, sans-serif]R[FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]alts a psychic type pokemon,[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=Impact, sans-serif]A[FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]ttacks with growl,psychic, [/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=Impact, sans-serif]L[FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]ittle but powerful,[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=Impact, sans-serif]T[FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]eleports away form your battle! [/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=Impact, sans-serif]S[FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]mall 0.41 meters of height and ways 6.8 KG![/FONT][/FONT]​

 

[daydreambeliever]

Great to see you take an interest in writing, so do I.

But this thread is Pokemon related and it has its own board for Pokemon related fan work.

 

[blafblabla]

OK thx for the information.

 

[Klippy]

Yeah, seeing as this is about Pokemon, I'll just throw it over to there. :x

Moved.

 

[Post Office Buddy]

Umm, IDK what to say to this. Never seen a poem like this here. Not even sure if it's supposed to be in this section...

I'll still review it though. The Pichu poem was missing punctuation, which isn't usually needed in poems, but since poems work more through rhythm than anything else, then commas at least are needed. Also, word choice was an issue at some points. The rhythm of the poem would have been better with better flowing words...

The Eevee poem was obnoxious. You really only said three separate things there. Repeating the first two lines for the last two is lazy and doesn't even really constitute a poem. Revise that immediately.

The Ralts poem had plenty of grammar errors that need fixing. The information at the end was also a bit too technical for a poem as well.

None of these poems really flowed well. You should really put more effort into it if you want to become a Pokemon Poem Master. Yeah, bad pun.

 

[Mewcario]

it was good! but work on ur grammar!

 

[Saltare.]

cute. very cute! But, yeah. Grammar

 

[Astinus]

Just because poems are short, people, doesn't mean that you should leave short reviews. It's common sense, people.

You could at least point out the grammar mistakes.

Teleports away form your battle!

"from"

Small 0.41 meters of height and ways 6.8 KG!

"weighs"

And you misspelled "Eevee" in the first line of the "Eevee" poem.

These poems really didn't have much rhythm to them. They didn't flow well, and read more like a ramble than an actual poem. Poems need to have a certain feel to them. When read out loud, there needs to be a beat to them to make them flow and stick. These poems really don't have that.

 

[Post Office Buddy]

Okay, here is a somewhat formal review of your poems. Corrections will be in bold. First up, the Pichu poem...

[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]P[/FONT]ichu is a very cute little sight to see,
[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]I[/FONT]t will eat poke-food and will battle for it's master,
[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]C[/FONT]heeks bright yellow, shooting out sparks of yellow light,
[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]H[/FONT]ungry as can be,
[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]U[/FONT]nbelievable strength for something so tiny!
​

Sadly, this was the best of your poems. It still lacked correct punctuation and was absent of any real rhythm. Now, to your Eevee poem...

Eevee is one of the cutest Pokemon I know,
Eevee is probably cuter than Pichu!
Vicious? No, Eevee is not too vicious at all,
Eevee one of the cutest pokemon i know, (Second verse, same as first.)
[FONT=Arial Black, sans-serif]Eevee probably is cuter than Pichu! (See: above...)
[/FONT]

Again, the lack of originality in this one disturbs me. Really, why reiterate what you said two lines ago? Are you trying to beat into the reader's head that Eevee is one of the cutest Pokemon you know?

Ralts is a psychic type pokemon,
Attacks with growl and psychic,
Little but powerful,
Teleports away from your battle,
Small; 0.41 meters in height and weighs 6.8 Kg!
​

Oodles of grammar errors here. A lot of it was poor word choice, but spelling and punctuation were common errors as well.

Anyway, you need to work much harder to create acceptable poems. Just try not to repeat yourself, and think about writing sentences that make some sort of sense.​

 

[JX Valentine]

To add to jeffback's review, a little rule of thumb:

its = possessive of it
it's = contraction for "it is"

Pronouns don't have apostrophes in them unless they're contractions for something else. In other words, what you're saying in one line is "it is master."

Also, avoid using hard facts. Height and weight? A bit too factual for poetry. As in, poetry usually avoids that sort of thing to go for words that have some sort of artistic meaning. As in, if it's in poetry, it's there to look pretty and help with the rhythm. Specifying the height and weight just feels like something out of a textbook.

Nitpicks aside, I'll have to agree on the note about rhythm. I encourage you to break out of that entire "use the letters of a word to start every line of a poem" because it's a little lazy and keeps you from forming the rhythm that keeps the poem flowing from one line to the next. You end up so stuck on finding a way to create a sentence or line that starts with that one letter that you don't really think about anything else, including avoiding repeating lines or writing lines that make sense.

Some other styles you could possibly use:

- Couplets (two rhyming lines -- AA BB CC DD)
- Sonnets (various styles -- look them up)
- Blank verse (unrhyming poetry that uses iambic pentameter -- look that up)
- Free verse (unrhyming poetry that doesn't follow any meter but still has a certain rhythm)
- Haiku (three-line poetry with the first line being five syllables long, the second being seven syllables, and the third being five)
- Any of various other forms you might come across by Googling poetry.

In other words, while your poetry is, on a level, cute, it's also awkward because, yes, it feels like you're rambling in an effort to get all those lines to start with a certain letter and to talk about the subject somehow. I'd suggest branching out. Good luck.

 

[Kozoi]

Oh yeah, this doesnt really have a section. It should have a subsection i guess, its a genre of something or another.

Good poems but try to be more poetic and less descriptive, people might not be interested in Ralts' height, but instead of Short you could of put something a little more descriptive. ^_^

Good try though, Gardevoir is my fav Pokémon. Try do a poem for Gardevoir if you like, but i'd reccomend you leave v blank.

 

[Glitter Stain]

The problem with these...

They're just descriptions of some of your favorite Pokemon. Most of the time, each line has absolutely nothing to do with the preceding one. Other times, it's just repetitive. All I got out of the Eevee poem was:
Cute
Cute
Not vicious
Cute
Cute

And, of course, that's not a whole lot to get out of a poem. I mean, these aren't as bad as some I've seen, but I can't see these taking a whole lot of effort to complete.