a weird trend i've noticed

[antemortem]

no, not circular avatars, nor steven universe, or pugs.

but when engaged couples (this is prominent in movies but i AM referring to in reality as well) decide to break off the engagement, why do they more often than not dissolve the entire relationship? like they came a hell of a long way in the relationship to even consider getting engaged and just because, for whatever the reasons they've deferred the wedding may be, things are postponed they can't be together anymore? i'm truly baffled.

help me understand, Engaged Couples of PC.

 

[esperance]

I've never been engaged, but I would think it's similar to a bad breakup between a non-engaged couple. By that, I mean that it may just be too awkward/uncomfortable/painful to continue a relationship of any kind with said ex-significant other, especially considering how "deep" the relationship once was.

Maybe they're a reminder of what could have been, and you just can't handle the wondering?

 

[Melody]

It's often the pain of what is wanted but could not; or cannot be.

 

[Raine]

People probably have this negative concept about not being able to salvage a falling relationship, or they think counselling would not help the matter.

One of my guilty pleasures would be going through the r/relationships sub on Reddit, and I've read threads starring people falling out with their significant others over the most trivial matters that could be fixed with counselling. But more often than not, one or both individuals are not willing to put in the additional commitment of going through weeks of therapy to rebuild their relationship.

I think it's simply in the person's perspective and their outlook, whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. But if I were to be in that situation, I would choose to do everything possible to salvage the relationship and I'd do it in a heartbeat.

 

[Lucid]

Here's my 2 cents no one asked for. Because one or both people want the relationship to culminate in marriage. If it's not happening, someone isn't getting what they want from it. It's a romantic ideal. People put way too much meaning behind marriage, as a married person, I can honestly say it's no different from just living with your significant other, just if they piss you off bad enough, you have to give them some of your stuff. Engagement rings tho...

 

[Raine]

Here's my 2 cents no one asked for. Because one or both people want the relationship to culminate in marriage. If it's not happening, someone isn't getting what they want from it. It's a romantic ideal. People put way too much meaning behind marriage, as a married person, I can honestly say it's no different from just living with your significant other, just if they piss you off bad enough, you have to give them some of your stuff. Engagement rings tho...

I started looking at the idea of marriage as being dating, but you now are legally bound to each other by a piece of paper. I understand that people can change and they're generally not the same person they were years ago, but that's not an excuse for individuals to treat their significant other as any less than what they deserve.

 

[Lucid]

I started looking at the idea of marriage as being dating, but you now are legally bound to each other by a piece of paper. I understand that people can change and they're generally not the same person they were years ago, but that's not an excuse for individuals to treat their significant other as any less than what they deserve.

And I totally agree with you, but a lot of individuals just want to be married for the relationship status. For example I had a friend a few years back who broke up with her boyfriend who was a good guy and had no real issues with just because he never wanted to get married after dating for two years. She wanted her "fairytale wedding" and he wasn't going to give it to her, not on her time schedule anyway. Is that incredibly stupid, selfish and immature? Yes. But people still do that shit. People are assholes. Women are pressured to be married in general, it's hard wired into our brains from a young age and it has been for centuries. I'm not saying marriage is bad, it has its benefits financially and symbolically, but a paper isn't proof of your love. I explained this all poorly I think. ;/

 

[Raine]

And I totally agree with you, but a lot of individuals just want to be married for the relationship status. For example I had a friend a few years back who broke up with her boyfriend who was a good guy and had no real issues with just because he never wanted to get married after dating for two years. She wanted her "fairytale wedding" and he wasn't going to give it to her, not on her time schedule anyway. Is that incredibly stupid, selfish and immature? Yes. But people still do that muk. People are assholes. Women are pressured to be married in general, it's hard wired into our brains from a young age and it has been for centuries. I'm not saying marriage is bad, it has its benefits financially and symbolically, but a paper isn't proof of your love. I explained this all poorly I think. ;/

I understand where you're coming from. Some women are out there simply to have a one-day party and not for the husband, which it should be about. It shouldn't matter where you're getting married, how you're doing it, when you're getting married or any of the finer details. What matters is that you're committing to each other for the rest of your life, which is essentially what I've always dreamed of when thinking about marriage.

I'm neither one to dream about my wedding nor would I throw away the idea, so I guess it's slightly because of the relationship status change, but mainly as another symbol and action to show my significant other that I'm ready to commit my life to bringing them happiness.