[Help Request] Ageua Chronicles

Chemist Wooper

Chemist Wooper

AIN'T HOT, M8
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    8
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    Welcome to Ageua Region, full of wild life and vast plains, savanahs, and beaches. This place is comfortable and good to inhabit. It's also an island.
    And in the town of Gero, there lived a trainer of Charlie and was about to get his starter choice of totodile, cydaquill, and chikorita. The Professor was Mr. Ucding. And being mild-mannered, he chose chikorita and chose to improve upon it. His mom, though, was a bit nervous about whether Charlie should go across the island alone. But lucky for Charlie, he didn't need running shoes because he had good skill with his rollerblades and was able to go to deep places except for caves because of all of the cave-ins that could happen. And his mom sent him off to go conquer the ones known as Noble Four. And the one know as Great One.

    Well That's some context about the roleplay and i'll make an example of how to join:

    Name: Charlie
    Age:14
    Gender: Male
    PKMN Trainer Rank: Ex. Scientist, Ace Trainer, Biker (For Charlie, I'ts just PKMN Trainer)
    PKMN: Chikorita
    Bio: Main Charater
     
    I'll firstly echo what I said in the "check to see" thread: You should take a look at some other RPs to see how they present their setting, gameplay and plot. Currently, you only tell us a tiny bit about one character. Think about the setting a bit more and make sure that the players know enough to be able to create believable characters who live there! Think up a reason for the player characters to head into the plot and adventure. Is the main purpose for the players to go on a journey and catch pokémon?
     
    adventure said:
    I'll firstly echo what I said in the "check to see" thread: You should take a look at some other RPs to see how they present their setting, gameplay and plot. Currently, you only tell us a tiny bit about one character. Think about the setting a bit more and make sure that the players know enough to be able to create believable characters who live there! Think up a reason for the player characters to head into the plot and adventure. Is the main purpose for the players to go on a journey and catch pokémon?
    Click to expand...

    I did a rewrite and I hope its better than this one.
     
    Chemist Wooper said:
    I did a rewrite and I hope its better than this one.
    Click to expand...
    Chemist Wooper said:
    "Welcome to the Vast Region Of Ageua! Ageua is filled with species from around the pokemon world, along wth our own exclusive species!" said the PokeNav that Charlie had gotten the day before.
    "Well, I have a reason to leave now. I'm 13 and deserve to get a pokemon sooner or later. But the problem is what my mum would think. And my dad...well that chap would be happy. He's part the elite four and would love me to challenge him. I'll have to convince my mum that all will be good."
    A loud bark is heard from far away.
    "Will! Keep it down, I coming with your treats!" The Herdier barked loudly hearing that his owner will give him treats.
    "I wonder if I should take Will on the journey. He could help me get to places that i can't go. I'll think about it."
    "Here ya go young chap, 2 pokepuffs, fresh from the oven. Mum's delicious works of yumminess."
    Will scarfs the pokepuffs down a licks Charlie happily.
    "I'm going away for right now, Will. Don't get into trouble while I'm gone." Will barked a cute yip and went to play.
    Charlie ran to the pokemon research lab and met there the famed Pokemon Professor Acadia who ran the pokemon research lab in Ageua.
    "Charlie! You good chap. Ready to get your starter?" He asked.
    "Yes. Yes I am!" Charlie shouted.
    "Choose. Totodile, the water pokemon, Cydaquil, The fire pokemon, or Chikorita, the grass type pokemon."He asked in question.
    "Chikorita, please and the name should be Sally."
    "Well there you go! And she does take a good liking to you."
    "Thank you." Charlie said in a happy tone.
    Charlie went home and told his mum about his journey to be the champion, and getting better and away from the constant teasing that his father used to say that he was a bit too wimpish.
    "Well, what if you get hurt?" His mum asked in concern, I'll go to the Pokemon Centre, it helps humans too." Charlie said in protest.
    "Um, umm.. Okay. You can go Charlie. But don't get hurt and take your phone with you."
    HOOOOOOOOORAAYYYYY! Charlie yelled.
    Charlie, after deep thought choose to take Will with him and so started his journey to beat the 5 gyms of Ageua and beat the elite 4 and champion.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    CUT!
    That's a wrap, folks. If you want to join, you can post a reply saying you name,age, Pokemon Traner Rank, Pokemon and you can come anytime you can come right after this part!
    Well, goodbye folks!
    And always do chemistry!
    Click to expand...
    This is still like the beginning of a fanfic rather than an introduction for a RP other people can join. What other RPs in Roleplay Casting have you looked at so far, for inspiration?
     
    Shadowlucario's.......
    :(
    :(
    ;(
    Though I'm about to cry i just ask if this is good for fanfic
     
    adventure said:
    This is still like the beginning of a fanfic rather than an introduction for a RP other people can join. What other RPs in Roleplay Casting have you looked at so far, for inspiration?
    Click to expand...

    I'm sorry but this crushed my dreams...
     
    Chemist Wooper said:
    Shadowlucario's.......
    :(
    :(
    ;(
    Though I'm about to cry i just ask if this is good for fanfic
    Click to expand...
    Sorry but this isn't the Fanfiction & Writing forum; this is the Roleplay Theater. You're better off seeking help there especially since you didn't meet the criteria of a roleplay opening post.

    Also, I don't understand why you would cry or feel crushed by what adventure when she tried to help and give you advice. It's not really nice to treat someone who wants to help you like that. You haven't even met the harshest critics in here and I'm already trying to be polite since you are relatively new. But I'm not here to scare you, I'm here to advise you to grow a thicker hide and be able to accept criticism. This is the Internet, you have to be responsible for whatever you put out there for the world to see. If you crumble so easily, you'll only make yourself easy prey for the trolls. If you genuinely want to pursue your dreams, you need to persevere and keep doing all you can to better yourself and not be discouraged so easily. If you say you cannot, you already lost.

    I hope you find the help you're looking for and I hope you'll be willing to accept it.
     
    Can someone join my roleplay its in roleplay casting, called "Glacella Reborn"
     
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