Are parents unreasonable if they ban all online socialization?

[FreakyLocz14]

Fueled by Oprah's very over-dramatized scare sessions, my mother and grandmother have grounded my 13 year old sister from all forms of internet access because she socializes with long-distance friends online. In my opinion they act as if every person you talk to online is an old pedophile who somehow has immediate access to her despite the fact that they live far, and they also act as if she'd jump at the chance if she was approached sexually online. I work in a law clinic and know first-hand that sex crimes against children are largely committed by someone who knows the child personally and tries to earn the child's trust over time before committing their crimes.

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[Kura]

Egh.. parents just want what's best for their child. If they're unaware of the internet, then obviously they'll jump to these sorts of conclusions. I feel like they have a right to be worried about their child's safety.. but communication is the key. If they can join the child in what they're doing.. or if the child talks to them about the friends they've made then it should be fine.
Many people harass others online, but many people can become good friends. There are too many aspects to this situation. I think overall, both children and parents should be educated on internet safety, and act accordingly and fairly.

Obviously lots of people on this forum are going to reply with "OMG THAT IS SO UNREASONABLE" but parent would ban it out of their want for their child to develop a healthy lifestyle. I don't think banning something entirely would be the way to do so, because they never know if online socialization would be needed in cases when they are older (online classes, being a network engineer, keeping in contact through email with peers) in this fast-technology world. But I feel that there should be a balance and a parent should be able to ban what they feel is not appropriate for their child and still give that child some freedom to discover technology on websites that are generally safe and monitored (a child's tv website for example.) Slowly the parent will be able to introduce their child to other sites or give the child more freedom as long as that child communicates what they are doing.

 

[Shanghai Alice]

Eh, good on 'em for banning what they think is dangerous.

However, I'm agreeing with Kura here. Limitation over Prohibition is the best choice, because... Well...

People that can't use computers are the bane of tech support, and the saviors of people that rip off the technologically illiterate. Technological proficiency is almost a necessity in this world.

 

[Kura]

I just want to add that it's neither reasonable nor unreasonable and it depends on what the child is doing. For example, maybe it isn't a child but rather a 26 year old man who just spends their whole day online, with their parents paying for the bill. I could see this being a reasonable reason for the parent to ban the internet entirely. Or perhaps the child is failing all their courses, or posting pictures of themselves nude online. I believe that'd be a reasonable reason to ban the internet entirely, until (in both cases) the attitude of the "child" changes to allow for a more balanced online experience.
It would be unreasonable for a parent to ban their child from overreacting from something they saw in the newspaper and to then assume their child is doing wrong and using the internet as an aid to cause trouble.

It's all situational. And that's why I cannot vote on this current poll.

 

[Yukimi]

I understand it, but it just seems silly beyond a certain age. I've learned a lot from spending so much time on the internet. Forums, despite how many idiots there may be, can be a goldmine of information.
Actually, the internet probably kept me away from trouble when I was a kid. I was too busy posting on forums to get into fights or pick up a drug habit.

 

[インフェルノの津波]

I can't answer this poll, it's too broken. There are plenty of reasons why they should and shouldn't, there are scarier things than pedophiles on the internet.

Anyway I want to see what a real parent says about this, you know a person with actual kids to see what they have to say since my opinion is probably invalid.

 

[Purple Materia]

What can I say that hasn't already been said?

If they use it incorrectly to harm others, then I can see a ban happening. I probably shouldn't use the Internet myself; I'm failing quite a few classes. If they use it responsibly, then in my opinion, they've earned the right to use it.

Most parents I know don't take any interest in actually learning about the internet, because they assume that they know everything about it since it was created during their lifetime (most of them, anyway). I know my dad thinks he knows everything about the internet, yet he knows nothing compared to me and even less compared to people I know. But as Kura said, parents want what's best for their child, and to me, I'm in no position to say what's right and wrong.

Quoted for truth.

 

[Nick]

Nice, and interesting discussion...

I've learned a lot from spending so much time on the internet. Forums, despite how many idiots there may be, can be a goldmine of information.
Actually, the internet probably kept me away from trouble when I was a kid. I was too busy posting on forums to get into fights or pick up a drug habit.

What he said.

Most parents I know don't take any interest in actually learning about the internet, because they assume that they know everything about it since it was created during their lifetime (most of them, anyway). I know my dad thinks he knows everything about the internet, yet he knows nothing compared to me and even less compared to people I know. But as Kura said, parents want what's best for their child, and to me, I'm in no position to say what's right and wrong.

I don't know what it's like to be a parent or to have those kinds of worries. Until I have a kid of my own, like インフェルノの津波 says, my opinion is invalid. Especially considering the fact that my dad never limited me from going online. Nor did my grandfather or mother when they were alive. It was encouraged in my household, after a certain age. But even so, I don't find that unreasonable at all. It's up to the parent at the end of the day to determine what's best for their child.

I find it silly how, so far, the leading choice in this poll is this being unreasonable. Honestly, until you have kids of your own, who are you to call their methods unreasonable? At the end of the day, they're looking out for the safety of their child. How is that unreasonable?

 

[FreakyLocz14]

Nice, and interesting discussion...


What he said.

Most parents I know don't take any interest in actually learning about the internet, because they assume that they know everything about it since it was created during their lifetime (most of them, anyway). I know my dad thinks he knows everything about the internet, yet he knows nothing compared to me and even less compared to people I know. But as Kura said, parents want what's best for their child, and to me, I'm in no position to say what's right and wrong.

I don't know what it's like to be a parent or to have those kinds of worries. Until I have a kid of my own, like インフェルノの津波 says, my opinion is invalid. Especially considering the fact that my dad never limited me from going online. Nor did my grandfather or mother when they were alive. It was encouraged in my household, after a certain age. But even so, I don't find that unreasonable at all. It's up to the parent at the end of the day to determine what's best for their child.

I find it silly how, so far, the leading choice in this poll is this being unreasonable. Honestly, until you have kids of your own, who are you to call their methods unreasonable? At the end of the day, they're looking out for the safety of their child. How is that unreasonable?

You bring up an interesting point. That's an answer only time will tell. I still give the other posters credit for disclaiming the fact that they don't know what it's like to have those worries before giving their opinions (which is something I didn't do in my original post).

I think the teenage/college-aged crowd today will be more liberal when it comes to the internet in the future when they are parents. Why? Because they grew up with it and it became a part of their adolescent social experience for the most part. Even though plenty of older people do use the internet, they are not as heavily versed in the ways of social networking, discussion forums, and online chat rooms like their children are.

I definitely think parents should get to know their children's online friends in the same manner as they would their IRL friends to the furthest extent possible given the obvious limitation of distance. I just think that when parents get too paranoid, they get overbearing. This can sometimes lead to them depriving their children of something that could beneficial and also to unnecessary tension in their relationship with their children.

 

[Captain Fabio]

Well, I think the parents have a right to protect their children and what they are subjected to.

If I was a parent, I would like to know what my child is looking at on the internet and if I deem it to be not suitable, then I would block it. If it was a forum like this, then I wouldn't mind at all.

 

[Meduza]

I think it all really comes down to the child, what website(s) he/she is using, and how "close" they are with their friend(s).

 

[Chibi-chan]

(Concerning MSN/LJ/forums/4chany-places/whatevs)

If your parents what to make you have for IRL friends than online friends, then they have the power to ban you from online socialization! It's their internet in their house! They'll do as they damn well please in regards to what they pay for. But beyond that, I've seen people mess up in terms of internet relationships and hookups online and off. IMO, I don't think online friends will ever have the same kind of intimacy as friends you know in person would. And if they have the potential for that intimacy...you'll probably eventually see them! (Or they're misleading you and you're gonna get raped). Although the internet is a great way to find friends with common interests that you don't find (or don't feel like admitting) IRL, the cost of this is that the internet can perpetuate a certain kind of personal growth that can be adverse to conforming into today's society. But some people don't care!

If I have a kid, I know for a fact I'm going to keep them away from internet socializing. As hypocritical as it sounds, there are pros and cons to internet socialization, and I'd rather my own kid make more IRL friends than online.

 

[I Laugh at your Misfortune!]

I think the best thing would be if your sister could get your parents to talk online with the people she's socialising with. It might help them to realise that they're just normal, harmless people.

 

[Kura]

Most parents I know don't take any interest in actually learning about the internet, because they assume that they know everything about it since it was created during their lifetime (most of them, anyway). I know my dad thinks he knows everything about the internet, yet he knows nothing compared to me and even less compared to people I know. But as Kura said, parents want what's best for their child, and to me, I'm in no position to say what's right and wrong.

Not necessarily true. My mom got the iphone (32 gig one) for the sole purpose of wanting to learn about the new technology. Sure, she could've sticked to her fecking Razr (it still works!), but she didn't because she WANTS to learn and update herself. She wants to learn about the internet and it's uses, so what you said I don't think is particularly valid, but may be true in some cases (like your dad for example.)

Yes, my mom also has online friends of her own. Yes my mom even communicates with my pair and sends him stuff for Christmas/ Birthdays/ etc. So it's not just one aspect of the internet she knows about. I tell her about what I'm up to and whom I speak with and that's why she trusts me.

 

[Sydian]

My mom hates me talking to people on the internet. I've been on PC for almost three years and she doesn't know a damn thing. She doesn't know that I have friends online, or that I have a not-really-but-kinda-sorta-but-not-official relationship with someone from online. Every time I want to tell her, she blurts out something about how some kid got themselves snatched up by someone from the internet. And...not everyone is like that. I wish she could understand that not everyone on the internet is out to get people. You just need to trust your children's judgement, but I do agree a younger child should have limitations because they're young and naive. But even still, I see no problem with younger kids having online friends. I'd be happy to know my kids (in the future) had online friends. It'd remind me of myself, and the greatest people I know I met online.

And yeah, it would be nice if your parents could associate with your online friends...I guess. Kind of awkward, but you know, if they could just have a conversation with them or something and the parent could get to know them, that'd be better.

 

[Kura]

My mom hates me talking to people on the internet. I've been on PC for almost three years and she doesn't know a damn thing. She doesn't know that I have friends online, or that I have a not-really-but-kinda-sorta-but-not-official relationship with someone from online. Every time I want to tell her, she blurts out something about how some kid got themselves snatched up by someone from the internet. And...not everyone is like that. I wish she could understand that not everyone on the internet is out to get people. You just need to trust your children's judgement, but I do agree a younger child should have limitations because they're young and naive. But even still, I see no problem with younger kids having online friends. I'd be happy to know my kids (in the future) had online friends. It'd remind me of myself, and the greatest people I know I met online.

And yeah, it would be nice if your parents could associate with your online friends...I guess. Kind of awkward, but you know, if they could just have a conversation with them or something and the parent could get to know them, that'd be better.

I hope this doesn't veer too offtopic but sometimes it's nice when a parent can see something physical from a friend, like a letter, a webcam, or a couple pictures. Sure you can feign photos, but you can't really feign a webcam.. and a letter is just a sweet gesture. You can have them make it out to a P.O. box (it's like $5 a month to rent one) so your parents don't get paranoid about you giving away a name or a home address. Then you can correspond and it seems more like "Pen pals" rather than simply "Online friends."

Many parents dislike online friends because there is a virtual disconnect. It's really easy to just click and block someone, or hurt someone badly. If you correspond with letters, it's seen as a bigger sentiment, and therefore (to your parents,) a stronger friendship.

If you have a relationship with someone, I doubt it's entirely satisfying when your only means of contact is through the use of the computer. Sometimes it's nice to have something physical from them, because they might feel more "real" to you that way. I think parents also see it like this. If we're using the argument of the fact that they're not used to this new way of communication, your grandparents probably thought that the telephone was pretty ridiculous or even the cellphone (you know the saying that the "cellphones will give you brain cancer.")

You just have to take the time, sit down, and ease them into it. It wouldn't hurt to even say "I have an online friend that I want to turn into a penpal. Would it be okay, mom, if we could get a PO box to send letters so that they don't get our home address? Or do you not mind if I give it to my friend?" Therefore you're respecting them, yet still showing them that you have a concrete friendship with someone who just lives farther away.

 

[Hyperion09]

If I have a kid, I know for a fact I'm going to keep them away from internet socializing. As hypocritical as it sounds, there are pros and cons to internet socialization, and I'd rather my own kid make more IRL friends than online.

Here's a better idea; how about teaching them about the responsibilities of internet socialization than taking the "panicky" approach? Kids are generally smarter than older people give them credit for, if provided with the right support. You try to force them out of it, of course it's only going to get them to ignore you behind your back.

 

[Flame Claw]

If I had such a ban in place I would probably just tell them where to shove it. I've been using forums and online stuff since I was about nine, and even then I knew not to give away my address, phone number etc. - as far as I'm concerned, any kid who doesn't is just plain stupid. So yeah, completely unreasonable.

 

[Dubstep]

Just because bad things can happen isn't a reason to ban it, especially when a little smart parenting goes a long way in teaching kids to be safe. You have to weigh the dangers and the benefits, otherwise you might as well ban everything from cookies to being out in the sun too much. And if your kid doesn't seem to understand, then go ahead and take it away, but it's a valuable tool and source of entertainment for many.

 

[Massacre.]

Honestly, it depends on the child, not the parent, as it makes perfect sense to do that, as the child may or may not be what they say they are doing. I can't say that it is "unreasonable" or "reasonable", because it all depends whether they are doing child-mid-teenage stuff online. Sites such as MySpace or Facebook can be very dangerous, Me and my sister learned our lesson from it. Although chats online CAN be dangerous, after all, a 13 year old on a site can either be a 23 year old pedophile trying to attack children/teens on a website, or what they say they are. It's rather indistinguishable, though.

The computer/internet can be very beneficial, but also prevents you from doing other important stuff IRL. If the child is doing bad stuff online such as taking naked pictures of themselves then they should ban them, and I would if I was a parent.

So that's all I have to say.