[Pokémon] Deeds of Darkness

[Haruka of Hoenn]

I haven't been here in a while D:
But for those of you who remember me, I had a fic on here... It wasn't that great... but I've made a LOT of changes to it. Well... here it is. Rating is PG-PG13 at some points.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8


PROLOGUE​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]A few miles off the Sinnoh west coast, nestled amongst hissing waves and weather-beaten rocks, is an island. It is remotely located near the northern peninsula, where its rocky shore is the only speck of land seen for miles. A constant cloud of black hovers over the landmass, completely blocking out the light from the outside world. It gives the island its name: New Moon Island. Few have ever seen it, and those who dare to venture out in its direction usually don't come back. There used to be an old myth that told about how the evil of the night retreated there so it wouldn't get burned by the sun. But of course, people know better now. What actually lives there is ten times worse: the pokémon Darkrai. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Even now, no one knows how Darkrai came to be. There were a few legends, but they were slowly forgotten as time went on. At first the people of Sinnoh overlooked the pokémon, deeming it of little importance. It peacefully lived on its own for a few centuries, until the silent treaty of peace was broken. The people of Sinnoh noticed how their crops were pulled from their roots, how their fences were destroyed, how entire colonies were wiped out by a single attack, and how these things always happened overnight. And so, Darkrai was blamed...[/FONT]


[FONT=Georgia, serif]January 2nd, 2000[/FONT]


[FONT=Georgia, serif]On a chilly winter morning, the president of Sinnoh stood before 50,000 people in one of the most important press conferences of his life. Dr. Berry's eyes surveyed the silent crowd for a few moments, then he picked up his papers and began to speak. An array of microphones amplified his soft voice. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]People of Sinnoh. Ladies, gentlemen, and children. As many of you are well aware, we are faced by a threat. And, without proper action, it could turn into a very formidable foe for us. We have received your complaints, and we have received your pleas for action. And I am here to tell you that those calls will be answered. Darkrai will be extinguished."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The crowd stirred at his words. The bright flash of cameras blinded him for a moment, and he could no longer see the gentle falling of snow outside the window. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Mr. President, how exactly do you plan on achieving this?" asked someone from among the crowd, holding up a tape recorder. Its plastic coating gleamed in the light. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The world became silent as Dr. Berry prepared for his reply. His gaze flickered down to his papers before he answered. "I have been discussing the matter with the Sinnoh Department of Defense, and we have reached an agreement. Though I will not speak of our plans, I assure you that we have everything under control. In the meantime, you are advised to go about your daily activities, and not trouble yourself with Darkrai."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]He could tell that the press was pleased. Reporters stood to applaud him, and there were more flashes of cameras. The rest of the conference went by smoothly, discussing lesser things like the environment issues and taxes. But Sinnoh's main question had already been answered. Within a few months, Darkrai would be dead. [/FONT]


[FONT=Georgia, serif]...[/FONT]


[FONT=Georgia, serif]In the next few days to come, this particular conference will be all over the news. The people of Sinnoh will heed to their president's words, reassured that everything will be all right. And so, life will go on. Peacefully, at first, for just as the President of Sinnoh stepped down from the podium, a shiver ran through the region. The wind direction altered ever so slightly, and the ground gave a slow budge. The change was too subtle to be noticed by humans or pokémon, who paid no attention to the chill in their spines. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]At that very moment, something was awakened. For the first time in thousands of years, it was... alive. [/FONT]

 

[Elite Overlord LeSabre™]

I've reviewed it before elsewhere, but, I like the new prologue. Mysterious, suspenseful, and it has a way of drawing the reader in and shows the great promise these rewrites have:) It really casts Darkrai in an air of mystery, like it's the secret shame that nobody wants anything to do with... except some secret government operation to "take care of" it. It really makes you wonder what their plans are, how Darkrai will react, and what consequences those actions will have.

Can't think of much more to say at this point, but I can't wait to read more, especially when a certain math nerd makes her debut:)

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

Hey! And it's okay, I don't mind horribly short reviews :P
But I'm glad you liked the new prologue!

I'm being very precise about this, people. New chapters will be posted exactly 1 week apart, since I already have some of them done.

 

[Esper]

Poor Darkrai gets blamed for everything.

The first part has a nice flow to it, although I think it could do with a little less exposition on the night and darkness. The press conference was worded nicely. Well done on that. The dialogue is spot on realistic. You've got a nice mythology brewing. It seems, perhaps, a little too straightforward. An island of perpetual darkness where a pokemon of darkness slumbers and bad things are happening to people? I can't help but think to myself "Yes, and what else?"

"This island has no name, since no one is really in a hurry to give it one."

This sentence does not jive with the rest of the paragraph. Either it has a name because it's so well know, or it has no name because it's just that mysterious and no one is sure why it has no name. I feel similarly about the line with "deciding that it was just there for no apparent reason." It's so clearly the observation or opinion of the narrator that it takes you out of the story. For most of the prologue the narrator remains more impersonal and unseen than that.

Apart from those bits I mentioned I have no real complaints. I'll look for more (writing, not complaints) when more gets posted.

 

[Bay]

I told LeSabre I would review this as he told me a lot of great things about the original version of this fic. :) Wished I read it while you were posting it at Serebii, but I guess a rewrite will give me the chance to read at the beginning without trying to play catch up. :P

I like the dark tone you're going for in the beginning. Very dark and haunting and also relates to the island and Darkrai. However, like Scraf, I feel you went a bit too much explaining night causes this and night causes that. I'm left wondering where you're going with this or when some sort of conflict/action will take place.

The press conference scene and the ending lines are awesome, though. Yeah, like LeSabre, I too wonder what plans the government has for Darkrai and also what causes Darkrai to do mischief.

Well, you have me hooked already. :) Can't wait for next chapter!

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

Scarf: The paragraph ab out the night and stuff is actually a big theme in my story, but now that you mention it, I think that could use some trimming. Your comment helped me a lot, I'll be working on this some more.

Bay: I remember when I posted it for the first time on SPPF... I actually still have some of the old chapters; that's what I'm working off of. But yeah, it's good that you came in time for the rewrite.

Glad you guys liked my story so far! Your advice was appreciated. Chapter 1 will be posted in a few days. See ya then :)

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

Sorry guys, this one's long. I won't have time to post on my regular date, so I just decided to post it now.

CHAPTER 1
​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Buneary, use Jump Kick!" [/FONT]​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie's neck stiffened as she watched Buneary sink to one knee, preparing for a jump that would end the match. Its beady eyes glinted like the eyes of its trainer, Rena. She stood fifty yards away, posed with a hand on her hip, smiling as her pokémon acted on her orders.[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Half a second later, Sadie blinked. Buneary was no longer there. All she could see was a blur of brown hurling towards her at breakneck speed, dispersing the blades of grass. Buneary's spring was weightless, and carried it several yards into the air where it carefully took its aim.[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie's Luxio stood firmly by her side, its large yellow eyes glazed and unfocused. Its slender blue tail flicked back and forth lazily, almost as if it knew that this was just another battle. A trip to the Pokémon Center would follow soon afterward, just like it always had... [/FONT]​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie bit her lip."Come on Luxio, you can do it! Quick, dodge the attack!" Her words were shaky and forced, just like her determination. Luxio's pointed ears flicked backward, catching the sound of her voice. But the rest of its body remained still. Through her eyelashes Sadie saw Buneary descend to the ground, a speeding bullet. She felt the world slowly blur before her. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]But then...[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Bolts of white electricity began to gather from within the spiky tufts of fur, a deep-throated growl mixed in with their crackling. It took Sadie a few moments to comprehend what was happening. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]We just might pull it through this time! Sadie wrapped a black strand of hair around her finger. [/FONT]


"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Come on, there's still a chance!" Sadie shouted, and she realized that she was speaking to herself.[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]And just like that, the two pokémon collided. Luxio didn't even have time to fire a single bolt. The force of Buneary's kick sent it flying, and finally landing, at Sadie's feet. Luxio lay still for a moment, then began to twitch. She cupped her hand over her mouth as her scarred pokémon struggled to get up. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]How could Luxio survive that? Sadie was too stunned to speak. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Buneary, use Quick Attack!" [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Before Sadie could look up, Buneary was already running. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]No!" The involuntary cry had barely escaped her lips as Buneary knocked into Luxio full-force. It began circling it, throwing fast kicks and hard punches. Sadie watched in horror as a dazed Luxio tried to locate Buneary, but was unable to single it out in the tornado of grass and gravel it was picking up. The final punch threw Luxio a few feet into the air, then finally hurled it towards the ground. The battle was over. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Oh, Luxio!" Sadie said aloud as she rushed to her fallen pokémon. She lifted Luxio up into her arms, took the pokéball out from her pocket, and watched as Luxio's red outline disappeared inside the capsule. Sadie sighed, holding the pokéball at eye level.[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]There goes another loss... it's your fault Luxio. You didn't listen to my command. No, it's not your fault, it's mine. I barely even said anything... Sadie sighed, for she had heard it all before. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Ever since she was young, pokémon never seemed to listen to her commands in battle. And, coming from a family of coordinators, that was almost disgraceful. Her mother had always tried to cheer her up with comments like "Don't worry, sweetie. You did your best!" but over the years they began to lose their effect. Sadie had always dreamed of living up to her grandmother's reputation of being one of the top 50 in Sinnoh and Hoenn, or at least have her contest pokémon's photograph hanging in Hearthome like her mother. Her grandmother always told her that to become a coordinator you needed three things: "Pokémon that love and trust you, an unshakable desire to be a coordinator, and the ability to take risks." [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Well, I'm almost certain that I have the first two things... but what about the third? Why? Why can't Luxio just listen? Shaking her head in dismay, Sadie finally dropped the Pokéball into her green backpack.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Hey, good game!" someone called from behind. Sadie turned to see Rena walking towards her, slinging her tote bag over her shoulder. Strands of orange hair were sticking to her smudged cheek, but her lips were pulled back into the widest of grins. Buneary skipped happily along by her side, its large ears bouncing to the rhythm of its footsteps.[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]According to her parents, Sadie was the complete opposite of her best friend. In their eyes it was a good thing, since she usually stayed out of trouble. But Rena possessed the very thing Sadie longed for- the power to influence others. Rena noticed Sadie's dilemma with commanding pokémon, so she decided to help out. During the school year they didn't have as much time to battle, but now that summer vacation was once again upon them, they had more time to spend together. Rena's training sessions were supposedly free of charge, but Rena asked Sadie to lend her some money when she became a millionaire. Sadie had laughed along to that joke, secretly not sure if she would ever get that far. And with this loss, her goal seemed to be getting farther and farther away from her. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]You actually did a lot better this time, Sadie," Rena said as she took out Buneary's pokéball. The rabbit pokémon vanished into the capsule with a flash of red. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]You think?" Sadie replied, honestly surprised. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Uh, duh! Did you see Luxio getting ready for that Spark?" Rena giggled.[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie shrugged. "I don't know... I think he just got scared or something. I told him to dodge the attack, not to use Spark..."[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena imitated Sadie's one-shoulder shrug. "Well, at least he did something. I remember our first battle! He totally - "[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Fell asleep, I know." Sadie giggled, blushing from the memory. "Do you remember how we first met? You told everyone that your mother gave you a Steelix for your first day of kindergarten! And I confronted you and said that I didn't believe you."[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Yeah, and we got into an argument over a bunch of crayons, and you started crying when I challenged you," Rena laughed. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]And when we battled after school, I found out that you didn't have a Steelix, you were still using your mother's Stunky! And while we were battling, you scared Luxio away."[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Yeah, my mom got really mad at me for that! She made me sit outside for an hour to 'think about what I had done'." [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]And I saw you outside!" Sadie finished. "And we completely forgot that we had been arguing in school, and you asked me if you wanted to pull a prank on your mom... You haven't changed at all since then."[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Nope," Rena giggled. "Neither have you!" Sadie turned away for a moment, and surveyed their battlefield with a cringe. What was once a simple, lush meadow now looked as if a bulldozer had gone through. Most of the grass was trampled, and there was a large empty patch where Luxio's Spark had hit. The sidewalk was littered with dirt and debris from Buneary's Quick Attack, and the strip of white fence to Sadie's left was smeared with dirt. The potted plants that once stood in a neat row beside it were knocked over, their contents spilled on the sidewalk. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Whoever owns those is gonna be mad! Let's get out of here," Rena sighed.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Way to go, Rena. I told you that battling here would be a bad idea!" Sadie exclaimed, pulling on her hair. "If my mom finds out..."[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Aw, forget about that! No one is gonna care. The idiot who decided to put up a garden in Route 202 is, well... an idiot!" [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Okay, fine, but we should at least clean up a li-" [/FONT]​

​

​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]BANG![/FONT]​

​

​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The sudden roar of thunder sent shivers down Sadie's spine. She looked up slowly at the sky. It had been a light, warm gray only minutes ago, but was now darkening rapidly. A group of storm clouds was gathering a few miles north, where Jubilife City was. She felt something cold drop on her cheek.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Aw no, it's raining!" Rena shouted, wiping her tote bag. "My mom will kill me if I get this wet! And I mean kill! She thinks this is real leather!"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]But it's not," Sadie raised an eyebrow. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]That's not what Mr. Henley said. He just wanted to get an extra buck out of her! Damn, this is why you should never trust garage sales... I swear, you and me, we'll egg his house one day." [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe we will. But right now, we have to get back to Sandgem before it starts pouring! Let's go," she said, picking up her lumpy backpack. It was nearly weightless, the only objects inside being two pokéballs, and a notebook. Sadie didn't pack an umbrella however, which she began to regret as the drops of rain became more frequent. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The two girls walked briskly down the path, trying to outrun the oncoming storm. The trees surrounding them bent and twisted in the strengthening wind, and the girls were soon forced into a sprint as the rain began to pour. Sadie's backpack, which had been hoisted onto her head to shield her from the rain, wasn't doing much good anymore. Strands of long hair were sticking to her face and neck like slimy worms, and she frequently had to stop and wipe them off of her eyes. It was times like these that made her jealous of Rena's short hair, which could easily be tamed with a headband. On top of it all, the wind was howling so ferociously that she could barely hear her own footsteps.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]This is so weird!" Sadie shouted. "The weather guy – said – nothing – about – a – storm!"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I know!" came Rena's reply. "The weather guy's – probably a – phony!"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]No – it can't be – him! The weather – never – changes – this – fast – around here!"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Look, I really don't care why the weather's like this!" Rena's voice was strained. "I just wanna go home! And my mom's bag is ruined! Gaah!"[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Another roar of thunder rippled through the sky, this time louder and definitely closer. Whatever had been going on over by Jubilife had finally reached them. Suddenly, with a wet snap, a thick branch broke off of a tree, missing the two girls by an inch. Sadie screamed, her fist curled around Rena's sleeve.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]My gosh, this is like a hurricane!" Rena shouted. Sadie was too stunned to speak. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]When they reached the open, flat expanse of Sandgem, the wind seemed to reach its peak. Walking became difficult, and the girls had to grab onto fences and signs to keep their footing. As Sadie's house neared, she could see only one light that was on - in the living room. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]My mom's probably so worried about us! Sadie bit her lip as they climbed the stone steps.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]We're here!" the girls shouted in unison, pounding on the door. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The door was opened by Regina, Rena's mother. Her eyes narrowed as she gave the girls a quick once-over. She made no comment about the tote bag, which Rena had cleverly hidden behind her back. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Katherine, they're home," she called over her shoulder. Sadie recognized her tone immediately. This wasn't going to be fun. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The girls were led into the living room, where the television was tuned in to the weather channel. A remote control silenced the reporter's frantic words, and Sadie's mother slowly rose from the couch. Her forehead was etched with lines. After a long, painful silence, she spoke.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Where... were you girls?"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I... uh... we were just... battling..."[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Good gracious, battling? When there's a tornado outside that's destroying half of Jubilife City as we speak, you girls are battling?"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Whoa whoa whoa! That was a tornado?" Rena exclaimed. "There are never tornadoes in the South!"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]That's what got us so worried about you girls," Regina finished. "You could have been killed!" Sadie's mind immediately flashed back to the falling branch, and she swallowed a mound of bile. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Well we weren't!" Rena countered. Sadie nodded sheepishly, though she knew that it wouldn't make much of a difference. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena, I'll let your mother decide what she wants to do with you, but Sadie is forbidden from leaving this house alone!"[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie gasped. "What? Mom, come on!" [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Don't try to worm your way out of this! Sadie, do you know how dangerous - "[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Katherine, please!" Regina said, finally turning away from the girls. "Don't you think the girls had enough for one day?" She leaned forward and whispered something to Katherine. A few moments later, both women turned to their daughters. Katherine stepped forward. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Girls, go upstairs to Sadie's room. Rena, you'll spend the night here -"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]All right, sleepover!" Rena grinned at Sadie.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]- but you two are to immediately go to bed! And I mean it. No talking after the lights go out. Okay? And leave your wet shoes by the door. I don't want them all over the carpet." [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena's smile faded into a scowl. Sadie sighed in a what-can-you-do sort of way as they both took off their wet shoes. Sadie wiggled her numb toes and wrung her hair dry. When she and Rena were well up the stairs, the whispering resumed. The mothers were well out of earshot, and Sadie could make out little of their conversation. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I wonder what they're talking about," she said to Rena. Her friend simply shrugged. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Beats me."[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The girls did not speak for the rest of the night. After they brushed their teeth, Sadie took out a spare sleeping bag out of the closet for Rena, then got into her own bed. Listening to the steady plip plop of rain on the window, Sadie quickly drifted into unconsciousness. [/FONT]​

​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]...[/FONT]​

​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]A few miles away, well beneath the crags and craters of Mt. Coronet, a small military squad was finishing its dinner in the confines of an empty cafeteria. The soldiers sat at metal tables and leaned over plastic trays, their brown and green uniforms standing out against the pale color of the walls. The environment overall was a quiet one, since most of the room's attention was directed towards a large TV monitor hanging directly above the food line. Usually this monitor displayed what the men referred to as 'The Military Channel', which was basically a more complicated form of government news. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]But on this particular night, the TV had been tuned to the Sinnoh Weather Channel, where a bald reporter was doing a frantic live coverage of a storm. Almost everybody in the room seemed engrossed by this report, talking in hushed voices so as to not talk over the weatherman. Even the lunch servers on duty had paused in their tasks, spaghetti sauce dripping off their ladles as they watched. The only person who was visibly not watching the TV was Dalton, a man in his late twenties. Though he sat in full view of the monitor, his gaze remained on his plate of uneaten food. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Seriously Dalton, are you gonna just sit there staring at that apple or are you going to share?" Bret chuckled after a few minutes of silence. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Without hesitation, Dalton pushed his tray over to his friend. "I'm not hungry today," he shrugged. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Suit yourself..." Bret said, swallowing a spoonful of his spaghetti. Dalton cringed as the watery noodles disappeared into his puckered lips. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Only a month has passed since he had been assigned to Squad 6 – one of twelve special squads stationed across Sinnoh. Only soldiers with at least ten years of experience would be assigned to them, so of course Dalton would be picked. He, including Bret, had been in the Sinnoh Armed Forces since the age of sixteen, though they had started out with much smaller jobs. The years went by pretty quickly, with many broken bones. And suddenly, Dalton found himself involuntarily placed in a special operations group whose goal was to capture and kill Sinnoh's most wanted - Darkrai. Just as their squad commander, Hart, kept repeating daily: 'You men are doing this region a service! And you better be damn proud of it!" [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]If that's so, then would it be too much of a hassle to give us better food? Dalton thought as he watched Bret devour a chunk of bread. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]A long gap in their conversation soon followed, allowing Dalton to direct his attention to the TV. A darkening sky was shown from a shaky camera angle. The tornado was a thick funnel that dropped down to the earth, as black as the sky itself. A thick cloud of dust spun around its bottom, making it almost impossible to see what was going on in that miserable patch of land. Through it all, the reporter droned on. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]... currently in Jubilife City. While the source of this tornado is still unknown, it has grown stronger since it was first sighted near Route 203. Its winds are currently at speed of 160 miles per hour, and are predicted to reach 200 miles per hour by ten o'clock. Residents of nearby areas are urged to stay in their homes, preferably in a room with no windows. If anybody is injured, dial 911 immediately. This tornado has been predicted to go through Sandgem Town and Twinleaf Town, but you are advised to stay in your shelters until the end of the storm is announced. Stay tuned for more live coverage..." [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]That tornado is gonna make a mess of the city," Bret said, his voice lacking any particular emotion. "Good thing we're underground, eh?" He chuckled to himself. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Yeah. It's a shame, though, with people losing their homes and stuff... I never did get to visit the TV station either," Dalton laughed along. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Another silence fell upon them as Dalton watched the TV, trying to ignore Bret's chewing noises. The reporters had been talking nonstop for an hour, and by their tone of voice, things weren't getting any better. Dalton sighed as a tree was sucked into the swirling vortex.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Man, this sucks..." he murmured absentmindedly.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]What do you mean?" Bret asked between bites of bread. Dalton jumped, suddenly aware that he had been speaking out loud.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Uh... sorry, what?"[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]What 'sucks'?" Bret looked at him quizzically. He had paused in his meal.[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Dalton ran his fingers through his unkempt blond hair. "I don't know... have you ever just gotten the feeling that this whole thing is a waste of time?" [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]At this, Bret raised an eyebrow. "I'm still not following, dude." [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Dalton puffed out his cheeks. "Just this entire Darkrai thing. I really don't think we're gonna get anywhere with this. How long has it been, a month? Seriously, Darkrai hasn't been sighted since we started. I would bet anything that Darkrai finally got a brain, and left."[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Bret shrugged, returning his attention to his food. "Well, what can you do? At least sitting around doing nothing is better than being sent on a life-threatening mission," he said nonchalantly. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Dalton chuckled. "Yeah, that's really pissing off the commander. He loves it when we bust our backs..." Almost by instinct, Dalton's eyes scanned the crowd for Commander Hart. "Speaking of which... where is the guy?" [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]No clue. He was right by the food line a few minutes ago... maybe he died." Suddenly, Bret gasped. "Oh no, I told you my birthday wish!" [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The two men burst into laughter, their voices louder than usual. A few soldiers looked up in annoyance, but their interest gradually went back to the TV monitor. Dalton's gaze once again fell on the TV, and what he saw shocked him. The black storm clouds that had spiraled into a tornado were now gone, replaced by a flat gray sky. Most of the eastern part of the Jubilife was ravaged by the tornado. The western section however, was still sound and whole. Dalton leaned in closer to get a better view. It was nearly impossible for him to make out the reporter's words through the static and sound of pouring rain.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]... simply incredible! What could have been the most powerful storm in Sinnoh has mysteriously vanished, moments after sweeping East Jubilife. As you can see, towards the left, the city's completely destroyed. The storm was predicted to go through Sandgem and Twinleaf, along with their respective routes. But just before it reached the heart of Jubilife City, it exhausted itself out. This mysterious event was captured right here on camera! Here, we're replaying it now... The weather station is still getting a tremendous amount of phone calls about the incident. The authorities have not yet declared it safe to leave your homes, and you are advised to avoid any electrical appliances until a rescue crew has arrived to clean up..."[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Whoa, did you see that?" Dalton said to Bret, who had been munching on chips the whole time. [/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]What?" He twisted around to face the monitor. "Whoa..." he said after a few seconds, then turned back to face Dalton. "So the tornado's really gone? Just like that? That's not normal..." [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Dalton was about to reply, but was distracted by a slamming door. Commander Hart stood in the doorway, his face contracted in a grimace he was famous for. He whispered something into his walkie-talkie, then turned to face the room, which had fallen silent upon his entry. All eyes were on him.[/FONT]​

​

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]All right men, dinner is over! Everybody is to head back to the barracks immediately!" [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The room was suddenly abuzz with the clatter of trays and shuffling feet as the men got up from their tables. Dalton and Bret rose together, tossing out the remainder of the food in a nearby trash can. [/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The cafeteria was connected to the rest of the base by a series of wide tunnels. Dalton had always described them as unbearably stuffy, and found the flickering of fluorescent lights distracting. But tonight he was too exhausted to care. All questions and worries about the tornado were left behind upon his exit, leaving only one urge – sleep. The heated conversation about the storm had already ceased to interest Dalton, the voices of his fellow soldiers fading as he struggled to keep his eyes open. [/FONT]​

​

​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The last drop of rain fell at midnight, long after the squad had drifted off to sleep. By then, the storm had finally reached its end. [/FONT]​

​

​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Or was it really just the beginning of a new one?[/FONT]​

​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]...[/FONT]​

​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]
In a sea of darkness, all that is visible is a pair of piercing blue eyes. All is silent for a few moments. Then there is a faint rustle of leaves as it takes off, a black shadow tearing its way through the sky.[/FONT]​

 

[Esper]

I know that this does sometimes happen with friends, but I groaned a little when I read "Do you remember how we first met?" You want the reader to know this background info, I get it, but it might be better if it was written as Sadie thinking back to when they met rather than the two of them informing each other about something they both already know. I'm glad it's there, though. It gives them a history which makes them more rounded and interesting.

This Dalton character, though, he confuses me. He seems to jump from apathetic to outraged and back to apathetic in no time. If that's his character then I can't says I care for him. If that burst of why-are-we-doing-this? is how he really feels then I think you first need to establish somehow that even though he's been a soldier for ten years his current mission has caused him to feel uneasy. He also seems to know what's "really" going on even when everyone around him is taking it for granted that Darkrai is the cause of all the problems. This isn't the image I have of someone who's been a soldier for ten years, at least not when I don't know anything about him.

One other thing that caught my attention was the dialogue between Sadie and Rena. It could also be toned down a bit. You have an overabundance of exclamation points.

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

I know that this does sometimes happen with friends, but I groaned a little when I read "Do you remember how we first met?" You want the reader to know this background info, I get it, but it might be better if it was written as Sadie thinking back to when they met rather than the two of them informing each other about something they both already know. I'm glad it's there, though. It gives them a history which makes them more rounded and interesting.

Writing it out was how I first tried it, but it didn't really work out for me. The scene didn't flow with the rest of the chapter. My best friend and I often reminisce on how we met, even though we both know the story, so I just based it off of that.

As for Dalton, I haven't revealed all the aspects of his personality just yet, but it's in his character to be like that. He's mainly passive unless he feels strongly about something. I'm not sure how he confuses you though, because in all honesty, I think I described him as best as I could for his introduction. If I missed a big point you were trying to make, please say so. I want to make these rewrite chapters as best as I can.

Well, thanks for giving your honest opinion of my chapter! I appreciate it ;)

Next week, I won't have time to be online due to a series of tests I have to take... yay. If anyone posts a review then and I don't reply to it, don't think I'm ignoring you :P

 

[Elite Overlord LeSabre™]

I personally liked the little pieces of dialogue between Sadie and Rena really helps to develop their character, as the difference in personality between the girls becomes apparent. And I do sometimes talk with my friends about "the good old days" too.

I'm sticking to my opinion that the second part of the chapter, with Dalton, might have been better tacked on to the next chapter, as it seems like his introduction is a bit random considering the bulk of the chapter is devoted to Sadie and Rena. I don't know why, but in my opinion, introducing new characters seems less random when it's done at the beginning of a chapter. Might be just me, and if you did it this way to make the chapters more equal in length, I understand that too. :)

In any event, it'll be interesting on how these elements (Darkrai, Sadie+Rena, Dalton and the army platoon) come together as the story unfolds. I'm looking forward to it! ;)

 

[Bay]

"That's not what Mr. Henley said. He just wanted to get an extra buck out of her! Damn, this is why you should never trust garage sales... I swear, you and me, we'll egg his house one day."

Yeah, go egg his house! :P

Anyways, like DarkPersian, I actually like the girls' conversation too. I don't think you need to do a flashback or go further with their first meeting and such. Yeah, shows their personality a lot and also I'm a sucker for conversations of the good ol' days. XD Another thing is the exclamation points didn't bother me. I talk like that with my friends sometimes. :P

One thing I'm worried about is the mention of Pokemon not listening to Sadie since she's little. Sorry, but comments like that make me think as if you're mentioning all Pokemon and that they somehow revolved around her. And when I mean revolved, it can go either way- everyone likes her or hates her. Something like that moves to Mary Sue territory. I'm not saying Sadie is a Mary Sue, but watch out for that. However, I might misinterpret something here, so don't hesitate to let me know my mistake. ^^;

Hm, for Dalton, I kinda have to agree on Scraf, at least on him fear of Darkrai being a more logical reaction. True, Dalton and the army had been trying to find Darkrai and so far, nothing. However, Dalton could have worried also that maybe Darkrai is hiding somewhere, waiting for the opportunity to strike, etc. However, unlike Scarf, I wasn't confused by his character. I too am mostly passive but I can have strong opinions on certain topics. Can't wait to see how you'll develop him, though.

All in all, nice chapter here to set up more things coming in our way.Can't wait for the next chapter!

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

LeSabre:

I'm sticking to my opinion that the second part of the chapter, with Dalton, might have been better tacked on to the next chapter, as it seems like his introduction is a bit random considering the bulk of the chapter is devoted to Sadie and Rena. I don't know why, but in my opinion, introducing new characters seems less random when it's done at the beginning of a chapter. Might be just me, and if you did it this way to make the chapters more equal in length, I understand that too.

I understand your point there. I felt that I should introduce all the major characters in the first chapter, then describe how their fates are intertwined. zomgspoiler.
Anyways, thanks for stopping by!

Bay:

One thing I'm worried about is the mention of Pokemon not listening to Sadie since she's little. Sorry, but comments like that make me think as if you're mentioning all Pokemon and that they somehow revolved around her. And when I mean revolved, it can go either way- everyone likes her or hates her. Something like that moves to Mary Sue territory. I'm not saying Sadie is a Mary Sue, but watch out for that. However, I might misinterpret something here, so don't hesitate to let me know my mistake. ^^;

I think I get what you're saying. When I say 'Pokemon don't listen to Sadie' technically I'm talking about her Pokemon. There's just something 'missing' in her that makes her all uncertain when giving commands. It's an important part of her character; I guess you could call it 'lack of confidence' or something. I see what your point is, and I'll keep it in mind when I'm writing.

Now I think I understand what you and Scarf were mentioning about Dalton. At first, I wasn't sure what you guys meant, but now I do. I'm not going to explain his meaning, however. You'll understand his views more as the story goes along.

Next chapter might be delayed a day or two. It's written and all, but I have to see what work my teachers have in store for me... D:
See you next chapter!

 

[Giratina ♀]

If short reviews with few quotes are not your style, please forgive me, but that's just what I find easier and quotes are usually used more for grammar checking than anything else. There may be a few, but I'll mostly be talking about the story in general, not specific parts.

Now that I've got you sufficiently bored with my rambling, let's go!

Well, from reading the prologue, I agree with what most have said: the beginning dwelled a bit too much on the darkness and how totally dark it is, which unfortunately made me skip to the next paragraph. :C I do that more than I should, so don't let it get you down too hard, but... aw, never mind. Moving on. Second half of the prologue, with Sinnoh's President, was a lot more interesting. I've never seen Darkrai portrayed quite like this, and there's something about your brand of 'Darkrai is a common enemy and is thought to be evil' that doesn't seem quite so cliché. Props on that.

First chapter, then. I think the reason that Sadie's Pokémon don't obey their Trainer has something to do with them being too powerful for Sadie's assumed-badgeless credentials to control easily. Of course, this is just me recognizing the signs - falling asleep, wrong attacks, and so on - though I could be wrong. The reflection-laden conversation between the duo seemed pretty good except for the last sentence, where it was stated they were friends ever since... shouldn't they both know that already? It seemed very out of the blue for two people who were thinking about things that so obviously defined their relationship as buddies. Also, you didn't need to put in the 'do you remember how me met' part - just having them jump right into the funny early parts of their friendship would have been enough. Just my opinion, but it still seemed sort of jarring.

Also sort of interesting is the use of cursing and their more family-friendly counterparts - for example, Rena uses 'damn' and Sadie, about the same age, used 'gosh'. A miliary commander uses 'darn' and Dalton used 'suck'. While the first example could be excused as Rena being slightly less strict about that sort of thing, two adults in the military, with one addressing other adults in the military... it'd be better to make up your mind. ^^

I am done. C: Keep going - this looks like it has potntial to turn out pretty nicely.

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

If short reviews with few quotes are not your style, please forgive me, but that's just what I find easier and quotes are usually used more for grammar checking than anything else. There may be a few, but I'll mostly be talking about the story in general, not specific parts.

I really don't mind which, to be honest. I like a lengthy no-quote review every now and then!

Well, from reading the prologue, I agree with what most have said: the beginning dwelled a bit too much on the darkness and how totally dark it is, which unfortunately made me skip to the next paragraph. :C I do that more than I should, so don't let it get you down too hard, but... aw, never mind. Moving on. Second half of the prologue, with Sinnoh's President, was a lot more interesting. I've never seen Darkrai portrayed quite like this, and there's something about your brand of 'Darkrai is a common enemy and is thought to be evil' that doesn't seem quite so cliché. Props on that.

Most of you guys have mentioned this, so I took a look at the prologue and shortened the darkness paragraph a bit. I was too lazy to put it up, so I probably should do that today... Don't worry about hurting my feelings or anything. It's all good :P

Also sort of interesting is the use of cursing and their more family-friendly counterparts - for example, Rena uses 'damn' and Sadie, about the same age, used 'gosh'. A miliary commander uses 'darn' and Dalton used 'suck'. While the first example could be excused as Rena being slightly less strict about that sort of thing, two adults in the military, with one addressing other adults in the military... it'd be better to make up your mind. ^^

Yeah... I'm kinda mixed up about that. I don't like swearing personally, but I try to fit in character's words with their personalities. You're actually the first person who mentioned this, and I'm glad you pointed it out. I'll have to be more consistent throughout the story.

Thanks for the review! I'll clean up the prologue and first chapter, then I'll look over the second before posting it. That will be in exactly 1 week so stay tuned everyone!

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

Bit short for a chapter, but it shouldn't be too bad. I already had this one written, and I was very busy with other work. That's why it was sorta delayed :/

CHAPTER 2
​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The members of Squad 6 left the base camp early the next morning, while the lazy sun still hovered over the horizon. The heat of the day had not settled in yet, leaving the air cool and fresh. The soldiers marched in perfect synchrony, wet soil crunching as it gave way beneath their boots. Guns were clutched tightly against the left side of the body, and eyes stared straight ahead. If it had been any other way, the unlucky soldier would soon be forced to regret it. Commander Hart had watchful eyes and a tendency to give out unfair punishments. It was risky to sneak even a yawn, regardless of what row you were in, and Dalton was surprised when he felt Bret nudge his shoulder. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]What?" he whispered, slightly annoyed. His voice blended in with the sound of rustling leaves, and he wasn't sure if Bret had heard him. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]A few seconds later came his reply. "I think I know why they're sending us to Route 203!" he said. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]What?" Dalton repeated, risking a turn of the head as a flock of Starly few by. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]I know why we're going to Route 203!" [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Why?"[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]They spotted Darkrai there. I overheard Hart talking about it with the General."[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]I heard that we're doing cleanup duty!" said Harvey , a dark-haired man who stood on Bret's left side. "Those people have totally lost their minds! Why would we need guns for cleanup duty?"[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]We are cleaning! We're doing pest control!" said a second soldier on Dalton 's right. "Now shut up or he'll hear us!" [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Who's that talking back there?" came a gruff voice from somewhere in the front. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Oh great… Dalton thought with a grimace. The squad came to a halt. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]All heads turned to the fourth row. The man next to Dalton shifted uneasily under the stares of his comrades, but held his tongue. Nobody ever confessed to Commander Hart. For a few minutes, the only sound that could be heard was the faint rustle of leaves. With each passing second the tension grew, until Commander Hart finally spoke. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]So… nobody knows who was talking… I should have expected as much from this bunch of little girls. If it happens again, you're all doing push-ups! March!"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]That's weird… Dalton thought. Usually he'd make us all do a hundred for something like that… [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Dalton could feel the nervousness emanate from the rest of the squad. He exchanged questioning glances with Bret, who appeared to be just as confused as he was. Nobody dared to break form for the remainder of the march. They passed through the rest of the town and through the rocky interior of the Oreburgh Gate. At exactly 9:00, they stood before the tattered remains of Route 203. Only then did somebody say "Whoa!" [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The dirt path ended here, so it seemed. Almost everything before them was covered with twigs and dried leaves, and the only hints of a path were patches of displaced dirt scattered here and there. A sign stood off to the side, the board hanging from its support by a thin strand of wood. The surface was scarred and weathered, but the words were still visible: ROUTE 203. Its ruined state represented that of the route it labeled. Dalton had been to this particular route many times in his life, and found his mouth hanging open at the sight. The trees that once bordered the route now lay on the ground in a heap of splintered logs. Their absence left a gaping hole in the horizon, exposing miles of bare, twisted land. The towering city of Jubilife was visible far off in the distance. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Dalton's gaze lingered on the city, and he raised his arm so that it was at eye level, blocking out everything except for a tall city against a painted sky. The glass windows of buildings reflected the weak sunlight and scenery below. It was a peaceful sight, and for a moment, Dalton forgot the destruction that lay below. His mind began to trail off for a moment, then a loud, scratchy voice brought him back to reality. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]... station to Commander Hart..." it said, and Commander Hart raised his walkie-talkie. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]This is Commander Hart," he said into the mouthpiece.[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]We have received word of - and - the route..." Frequent outbursts of static interrupted the man's speech, making his words nearly incomprehensible. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]What was that?" Commander Hart said, this time louder. "I can barely hear you!" He pulled the radio's antenna out to its full length. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]I said to - agh! This static is too - I can't hear -" [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]I can't hear you either! Dammit! Battery's probably dead." Commander Hart clipped the walkie-talkie back onto his belt and turned back to his squad. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Now, you're all probably wondering why you're here. The answer is very simple: to clean up after the storm. You are to collect all the small things like branches and break apart big things like logs, so when the truck comes the workers won't bust their backs. Any questions?"[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]But why do we need our guns - " Harvey began, but the Commander silenced him with a mere lift of his hand. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]You ask me that every single time, Dawson! Doesn't that big mouth of yours ever get tired? I want fifty pushups, right here and now!" [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Harvey hesitated, then knelt to the ground. "Yessir..." he mumbled. Dalton felt sympathy for Harvey as he watched the soldier lower himself to the ground, and push himself back up with trembling arms. Harvey was one of the newer additions to the squad, and was not yet used to the Commander's brutal ways. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]About fifty grunts later, Dalton heard the buzz of Commander Hart's walkie-talkie. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]This is Commander Hart," he answered at once. There was no static this time, and the man's words were perfectly clear. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Get out of the route! Get out of there now!" he said. There was a frantic edge to his voice, and Dalton felt a chill run through his body. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]What? Why?" Commander Hart said. "Hello?" The red light near the antenna went out as the walkie-talkie turned off. Commander Hart stared at it for a few moments, then clipped it back to his waist. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]In the squad, nobody moved. Even Harvey had stopped doing his pushups, and was now dusting off his pants. Commander Hart let this go unnoticed, and his eyes scanned the faces of his men. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Should we leave or not, Commander?" Bret spoke up. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Commander Hart crossed his arms. "Bah! Probably just another alternate mission... But who am I to defy the 'higher' authority? Harvey, you'll resume your pushups when we return. March!" [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]With much mumbling the soldiers all turned around, neat rows fragmenting into a disorganized cluster. For little more than a second, Dalton's eyes alighted on the rising sun. Then everything became dark. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]A shadow, a black void, had descended upon them in the blink of an eye like the falling curtains of a stage. It encased the squad on all sides, blacking out everything around them except the grass on which they stood. Their surroundings emitted an eerie glow, illuminated by an unseen light source. Dalton didn't even have time to scream. A twisting hole appeared in the fabric of the void, and through it passed Darkrai. Its form, hazy and distorted at first, became more and more pronounced as it drew nearer. Its body was entirely black, and for a second, it seemed to be nearly one with the shadows. A vertical veil of white billowed around its head, and round its neck hung a red necklace that glowed with a bloody hue. Centuries of cold, silent hatred were trapped behind a single blue eye. They penetrated deep into Dalton's brown ones, sending shivers down his spine. Dalton's grip tightened on his rifle.[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]It's Darkrai! Shoot, shoot!" yelled the Commander, and a chorus of thunderous gunshots followed. Dalton pointed and fired, the force of the blast nearly making him stumble. But just as the bullet was about to meet its target, it passed through the pokémon as if it were made of air. Only then did the true danger of the situation dawn upon him. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]WHAT?!? The bullets just pass through!" another soldier's cries echoed his own thoughts. The vertical pupil turned. Darkrai raised a slender arm, and a ball of black matter materialized between twitching fingers. The attack was fired in a fraction of a second and was now speeding towards them. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Move!" Dalton lunged to the side to avoid the oncoming Shadow Ball. The soft material of his vest gave a bounce to his fall. Dalton heard two more bodies crash beside him. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]We're not gonna make it! This thing is unstoppable! We're totally unprepared!" Harvey's voice sounded.[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Shut up, Harvey! We'll find a way to get out of this!" yelled Bret. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]But the bullets just pass right through!" [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]SHOOT, SHOOT!" Commander Hart yelled. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Why is he telling them to shoot? The bullets have no effect!" Dalton lifted his head to get a better view. Commander Hart was standing at the back of a disorganized squad, pointing a menacing finger to the floating Darkrai. A few men obeyed his orders, but most were running away. Those who weren't so lucky now lay in motionless heaps, the grass around them blackened and smoking. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Why is he telling them to shoot? The bullets have no effect!" Dalton hissed.[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]It doesn't matter right now, let's just get outta here!" Bret said, and Dalton rose to his feet. He held onto his gun, even though he knew it wouldn't do any good. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Go!" he shouted, and the three began to run. Dalton risked a backward glance, and realized that Commander Hart had been watching them. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]What the...? Where are you going? Get back here NOW! That's an order! ROGERS, SANDERS, DAWSON! DO YOU HEAR ME?" [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Seeing Harvey's grimace, Dalton nudged his shoulder. "Run, just run!" Harvey remained silent, but did not slow. The black edges of the enclosure neared.[/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]NO!" the sudden cry forced Dalton into a halt. He turned back, and saw Darkrai preparing for its next, biggest attack. Black and red matter swirled angrily within a large disc. It began to expand, until it extended far beyond Darkrai's armspan. An unexplainable wind picked up, forcing the blades of grass to bow away from the pokémon. Its eye glinted with satisfaction as the disc broke, blasting and twisting through the meadow with a force so strong, the very air seemed to thin. It swept through the meadow, knocking the men down like bowling pins. Dalton shuddered as he saw Commander Hart, usually so tough and strong, be swallowed by the torrent of red and black. The final waves of the attack ebbed a few feet away from where Dalton stood, Bret and Harvey shaking beside him. A black haze lifted then faded, exposing what was left of the squad. Dalton felt something break inside of him as he beheld the motionless bodies of his former comrades. Every year they had spent together in Squad 6 seemed golden to him. Every silly request, every brutal command, they had survived together. And just like that, the gold was gone. All Dalton could feel now was... black.[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Darkrai had paused in firing, apparently satisfied with its work. Its eye scanned the area for any signs of survivors, then locked on the three men. Dalton felt a chill creep through his body, and he braced himself for the attack. But it did not come. Instead Darkrai was now gliding over to them, grass rippling from the slight gale it left behind. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]Is it gonna spare us?" Bret whispered. [/FONT]

" [FONT=Georgia, serif]I don't know, man, maybe it wants to kill us personally..." Harvey shuddered. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Dalton opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Darkrai descended until its eye was level with theirs. Its gaze was hypnotizing, and Dalton felt his grip slacken on his rifle. Darkrai held its gaze, and for a moment, the silence of the world was broken by a whisper. The voice was quiet, yet it echoed within the walls of Dalton's mind. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sleep, human... sleep... Darkrai's will was overpowering, like a hammer pounding on a rusty nail. Dalton felt a great weight force him down to the ground. His knees met the soft grass, then his arms, then his cheek. Behind his eyelids, all he could see was black.[/FONT]



[FONT=Georgia, serif]Black... [/FONT]



[FONT=Georgia, serif]Red...[/FONT]



[FONT=Georgia, serif]Black...[/FONT]



[FONT=Georgia, serif]And then, he was being pulled upwards on a roller coaster. Then downwards. Then nowhere at all. Dalton felt as if he were slowly coming to from a long, long dream. In the distance, he could see the blurred outlines of trees. They were indistinct at first, then became more and more clear until Dalton found himself lying on cold soil, facing upwards towards a thick canopy of palm trees. The forest was silent, but he felt a strange sense of presence...[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]From somewhere far away, a pokémon let out a soft cry. Before Dalton had time to make out what it was, or if it was even there, everything was gone. [/FONT]

 

[Bay]

" We have received word of ---- and ------ ------ ---- the route..." Frequent outbursts of static interrupted the man's speech, making his words nearly incomprehensible.



" What was that?" Commander Hart said, this time louder. "I can barely hear you!" He pulled the radio's antenna out to its full length.



" I said to ------ -------- agh! This static is too ------ I can't hear -------"

I don't know, but it's kinda weird you would use dashes to show interruptions. You don't have to change this, but I recommend using something else to make this part more "professional." For instance, ellipsis or hyphens.

A shadow, a black void, had descended upon them in the blink of an eye like the falling curtains of a stage. It encased the squad on all sides, blacking out everything around them except the grass on which they stood. Their surroundings emitted an eerie glow, illuminated by an unseen light source. Dalton didn't even have time to scream. A twisting hole appeared in the fabric of the void, and through it passed Darkrai. Its form, hazy and distorted at first, became more and more pronounced as it drew nearer. Its body was entirely black, and for a second, it seemed to be nearly one with the shadows. A vertical veil of white billowed around its head, and round its neck hung a red necklace that glowed with a bloody hue. Centuries of cold, silent hatred were trapped behind a single blue eye. They penetrated deep into Dalton's brown ones, sending shivers down his spine. Dalton's grip tightened on his rifle.

I quite the entrance of Darkrai there. Very spooky and intense. However, you don't have to stuff how Darkrai looks like in one paragraph. You could have scattered the description of Darkrai throughout the rest of the chapter. Heck, I don't think you need to really describe Darkrai at all, considering we're Pokemon fans and we would already know how that legendary looks like. I like the "Centuries of cold, silent hatred were trapped behind a single blue eye" part, though.

So Darkrai comes, ey? Nice portrayal of his attacks and also dang that he's able to wipe out most of the Squad. However, kinda wonder why he spared Dalton and his friends (at least, that's what I assume O.o).

Darkrai's appearance starts out with a bang, which I like. :) Can't wait next chapter!

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

I don't know, but it's kinda weird you would use dashes to show interruptions. You don't have to change this, but I recommend using something else to make this part more "professional." For instance, ellipsis or hyphens.

I dunno, when it comes to writing radio static, I automatically think of dashes. I'll experiment with other things to see if I get a better effect.

I understand what you mean by the description. Even if I know that you know what Darkrai looks like, I still feel the need to describe it all over again :P

So Darkrai comes, ey? Nice portrayal of his attacks and also dang that he's able to wipe out most of the Squad. However, kinda wonder why he spared Dalton and his friends (at least, that's what I assume O.o).

Yes, something like that >:0
You'll find out later. Danana.

Thanks for the review, Bay! Chapter 3 is in the works.

 

[Elite Overlord LeSabre™]

This version is greatly improved over the previous one. I like the sense of confusion and fear among the troops as they march toward their destination without really knowing all the details. Oh, and Commander Hart reminds me of my old summer camp counselor:/ XD

Also notable is how you slowly build the tension. The soldiers see the route in shambles, and it only makes them more fearful of what lies ahead. And then...

Darkrai descends. I really like the effect here, as its shadow eclipses and envelopes the platoon before it makes its full form visible. It's described in excellent, horrifying detail, and the fear and desperation of the troops is also well described.

I believe I mentioned this in the original, but at this point I'm thinking there's something special about Dalton - some reason why his life was spared, and some reason why he found himself holding this mysterious object...

Well, needless to say, it was suspenseful, and I'm wanting to find out what happens next:) Well done!

 

[Haruka of Hoenn]

LeSabre: Thanks for replying! I'm really surprised at how I first wrote this chapter. And yes, I remember my exact thought process when I first wrote it :P

I described the Darkrai scene like this:

Sure enough, he could see a pitch black pokemon up in the sky.

After?

[FONT=Georgia, serif]A shadow, a black void, had descended upon them in the blink of an eye like the falling curtains of a stage. It encased the squad on all sides, blacking out everything around them except the grass on which they stood. Their surroundings emitted an eerie glow, illuminated by an unseen light source. Dalton didn't even have time to scream. A twisting hole appeared in the fabric of the void, and through it passed Darkrai. Its form, hazy and distorted at first, became more and more pronounced as it drew nearer. Its body was entirely black, and for a second, it seemed to be nearly one with the shadows. A vertical veil of white billowed around its head, and round its neck hung a red necklace that glowed with a bloody hue. Centuries of cold, silent hatred were trapped behind a single blue eye. They penetrated deep into Dalton's brown ones, sending shivers down his spine. Dalton's grip tightened on his rifle.[/FONT]

Manymanymany sentences difference. >:0


Anyways, enough of Dalton, we'll be catching up on the epic adverntures of Sadie and Rena in Chapter 3. Which will be coming... right now.

________________

CHAPTER 3
​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]By Saturday, most of the hype about the tornado had died down. The media hung on to the subject for a good week, bringing new theories about the storm's mysterious disappearance and riveting tales told by eye witnesses. But eventually the public lost interest, agreeing that Sinnoh simply got 'lucky'. Without a fresh story, news reporters were forced to go back to lesser things like supermarket scandals and political talk shows. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sandgem Town and its surrounding routes weren't greatly affected by the tornado and, except for the occasional fallen tree, cleanup was easy. Roads were restored to working order and shops reopened. Sadie's neighborhood had lost power for a few days, during which she was forced to sit idly in her house. But eventually, that too was fixed. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The following Tuesday morning found the two girls sitting in Rena's living room, watching a game show titled 'Who's that Pokémon?' The show featured nine contestants, all of which were given clues as to what pokémon was behind the red curtain. The only catch was that the clues were very vague, and contained information few people would know. The program was already three hours in. During that time, three contestants had been eliminated and the snack bowl's supply of potato chips had been replaced twice. Sadie was beginning to sink into the too-soft sofa, and Rena was constantly interrupting with loud groans and shouts of 'You idiot!' whenever someone got a question wrong. It was Sadie who decided to finally break the monotony of it all. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena, let's just face it. There is nothing good on TV today. We've been watching this show for hours, and this dude still can't figure out that that's a Chimchar behind the curtain." [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena opened her mouth to reply, but her train of thought was apparently broken. She turned to Sadie with a quizzical expression. "How do you know it's a Chimchar?"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Because the host said 'Its body is small, but agile. The fire on its tail will never go out.' How many pokémon have fire on their tails and are small but agile?" [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I don't know!" In one swift motion, Rena jumped to her feet and landed facing Sadie. "I'm sick of watching TV too, but there's just nothing else! And our parents are both at work, so they can't drive us anywhere..." Rena trailed off at her last few words, seemingly lost in thought. She emerged from the minute-long silence with an expression Sadie knew too well.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie..." she began slowly, thin lips forming a smile. "I have an idea!" [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena, you and I both know what your ideas usually mean: big trouble. Remember what happened last time? At Lake Verity?"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]But that wasn't my fault! How was I supposed to know that that Bidoof belonged to someone?"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]All right, all right, just tell me your idea and I'll decide if I want to do it or not."[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]It's a surprise!" Rena teased. "But you'll need your bike. Let's go." Rena turned off the TV and made for the front door where she laced up a weathered pair of sneakers. With a few moment's hesitation, Sadie went to join her. She slipped on her flip-flops and followed Rena outside, making sure to close the door behind her. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The sudden rush of heat left a burning sensation on Sadie's bare shoulders. She could feel the harsh sun on her skin, even through her tank top. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I hate it when its hot like this," Rena mumbled over the crunch of their footsteps. "It makes me want to fall on the ground and go to sleep." [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I know, right?" Sadie sighed. "If our parents were home, we could've asked them to take us to the beach..."[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]We'll go by ourselves once we get back." [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Back from where, Rena? Why won't you just tell me?"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I told you, it's a surprise! Just get your bike and meet me at my house." The rustle of grass faded as Rena ran off. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie rounded the corner of her house and approached the garage door. It was operated by a keypad, in which Sadie entered the code to her house. The door began to groan and screech as it was pulled open, and the interior Sadie's garage was revealed. Sadie entered the rubble and emerged with a dirty red bike. The seat was torn and the spokes were slightly rusty, but a bike was a bike. Sadie felt a tinge of jealousy as she saw Rena in the distance, mounting a much cleaner green one. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Come on, Sadie!" she waved, and pedaled off. "Route 202 away!" [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Wait, Rena!" Sadie called, rushing to mount her bike. The pedals turned slowly at first, but Sadie was soon zooming along the road as easily as Rena was. Her friend was a good few yards ahead, her form vanishing behind passing branches. By then, Sadie had given up all attempts to worm their destination out of Rena, and decided to just go with the flow, but still paid close attention to the 'Now Leaving Sandgem' sign that whizzed by.[/FONT]


[FONT=Georgia, serif]...[/FONT]


[FONT=Georgia, serif]A few minutes later, Sadie could see the shining tips of buildings emerge from behind the trees. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Jubilife? she immediately thought, biting her lip. Why would Rena want to take us here? [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Here we are!" Rena shouted so Sadie could hear, suddenly braking. Sadie gasped as she beheld the city. Its many structures towered high above her head, and Sadie fount a silly worry nagging her – that the buildings might fall down against the slightest of winds. As Rena started forward, Sadie hesitated.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Well, are you coming or not?" Rena asked over her shoulder. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena, we're going to get lost!" [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]No we aren't! I have a map." Rena patted the front pocket of her shorts. "Trust me, Sadie."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie sighed. "All right... if you say you have a map, then we should be fine... But we shouldn't go too far into the city."[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]It's okay, we're not even gonna go past the train station. The place we're going to is really close by."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]But it turned out that 'close by' wasn't enough. As they entered the city, Sadie found herself engulfed by sound, light, and large clusters of people. It became increasingly harder to stay together with Rena, who was constantly pulling her bike off to the side to refer to her map again. Over the course of ten minutes, Sadie could have sworn that they had passed by the same building three times. Several times during the excursion, Sadie felt as if she were about to explode. The soles of her flip flops were thin, and unsuitable for walking great distances. Her foot ached when she brought it down upon the pavement. Her side bangs left one corner of her forehead cool, and the other sticky with sweat. Somehow she found the strength to suck it all up, until finally, Rena gasped and pointed.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]There it is!" she exclaimed, and Sadie saw the glory of the Jubilife T.V Station directly in front of her. The face of the building was covered by a flashing banner depicting ads for new movies. A circle of palm trees surrounded the building, making it stand out from the others. Completing the scene was a mock red carpet that led to the ornate rotating doors. Sadie found herself smiling.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Well what are we waiting for? Let's go in!" Rena said, and both girls rushed forward as fast as the weight of their bikes would allow. Like most Sinnoh cities, Jubilife was bike-friendly, and there were complimentary bike rails and chains at almost every building. After they parked, Sadie and Rena pushed the revolving doors and entered the building. Sadie was immediately thankful for the rush of cool air, and walked slowly to take in her surroundings. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The first thing Sadie noticed about the lobby was the enormous plasma screen televisions that were spaced evenly against the right side of the room, each displaying something different than the next. People sat in front of the TVs on mini sofas, drinking coffee and taking notes. The same red carpet extended all the way to the other side of the room, where the front desk was. Behind it stood a lady in full black, who stared energetically at everyone who entered the lobby. She now focused her beaming smile on Sadie and Rena as they approached her.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Welcome to the Jubilife T.V Station! We take pride in being the largest T.V station in all of Sinnoh, producing over 50 different shows and sponsoring over 100 channels. You are free to roam floors one and two, but floors three and four are for members only. If you would like, you can enter the daily lottery at the second desk on the right, on the second floor. It costs only twenty dollars to participate!"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Neither Sadie nor Rena had accepted the offer, but she was already handing them a sign-up form. Sadie pushed it away as politely as she could.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Thank you, but we're just visiting." [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The lady's smile did not falter. "All right! Let me know if you change your mind. Have a nice day!" [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]God, she's creepy!" Rena whispered as she led Sadie away from the counter. "Well, let's explore the station!" [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I have to say, Rena, for once you picked a good place to go!" Sadie admitted, staring at the glittering floor with wide eyes. "This place is so high-tech!" [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Suddenly, a loud voice sounded from all four corners of the lobby. Sadie could not identify the source, but people everywhere turned away from their occupations at once. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Attention, JTS members! We are now giving away five free tickets to see our new movie 'The Tenacity of a Trainer', which will be featured in theaters everywhere in two weeks. Here's your chance to see it before anyone else! Please go to the fourth floor to sign up for your chance to win!"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Several people jumped to their feet at the same time, crowding around the two elevators, each person desperately trying to pry open the doors to make room for them. Rena turned to Sadie, her expression frantic.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I want to see that movie so freaking bad!" she said. "We have to get those tickets!"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]I want to see it too! But we're not members..." Sadie groaned at the last word. "And it's not like we can sneak in."[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Can't we?" Rena eyed Sadie with a kind of hopeful pleading in her soft brown eyes. Sadie responded with a shrug. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Be realistic, Rena. They'll probably have to check our cards or something, and when they realize we don't have any, they'll kick us out!" [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Well, it's better to have tried and failed then to never have tried at all!" Rena said with finality, and grabbed Sadie's arm. She pulled her to the elevators, where a few unlucky people were still waiting for the next ones to arrive. With ease, the two girls pushed their way to the front of the small crowd. When the red doors finally opened, Sadie felt herself being pushed forward by a force so strong that she had to hold on to the railing for support. She felt Rena squeeze in beside her, along with another twenty people. Those who remained outside now stood with their arms crossed, and some turned to leave.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]We made it!" Sadie whispered as the doors of the elevator slid closed. She felt a rush of dizziness as the ground beneath her began to rise. The lights on the inside wall indicated that they were now passing floors two and three. The elevator came to a smooth halt at the fourth floor. Sadie let herself be dragged by the force of the crowd, and she was led into a brightly lit hallway. From the back of the group, Sadie could barely make out what was going on, except for a few words from someone in the front.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]All right, ladies and gentlemen! Who wants to be a winner?" a cheer erupted at the man's words. The next person who spoke was a female. "If you would please form a neat line, I will check your Member I.D cards."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]From beside her, Sadie heard Rena whisper "Crap!"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]As the people slowly formed a line, the two people were now examining Member cards held out by each person in line. The tremors in Sadie's hands and back grew until the woman turned to look at her, palm outstretched. Barely two seconds had passed when the woman withdrew her hand, and shook her head in dismay. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Non-member. There's always the one who tries to be sneaky... Come with me."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie stepped forward, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. She turned to face Rena and grabbed her arm. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]This is your fault!" she whispered as she followed behind the woman. Rena opened her mouth to speak, but apparently recognized defeat when she looked into Sadie's eyes. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]In here." The woman stopped at the end of the hallway and directed them towards a small office. One person was already inside, though – a female in tightly-fitting clothes sitting on the wooden desk. She held a telephone in one hand, a pen in the other, and balanced a clipboard on her legs. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]No... wait, no! It's really important! Please don't hang up, all I want to do is ask a few questions -" but before her sentence was finished, she slammed the phone down onto its receiver and turned to the woman.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]May I use the phone, Claire? I have two girls who need to call home."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie shuddered at the word home, but decided it was better to suffer in silence. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]She's gonna kill me! Mom flipped out when I came home late, but this? She'll forbid me from ever seeing Rena when shes not there to supervise! It's even worse now that I'll have to tell her myself... what am I gonna say? 'Mom, uh, Rena and I are kinda in Jubilife now.' No, that's stupid... Aww, crap! I'm dead![/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The lady on the desk, Sadie figured she was a reporter, turned to face the lady who brought Sadie and Rena inside. With a snort, she lowered herself off the table.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Hmph! No one stays on the line for reporters anymore... they assume we're all just telemarketers and hang up. I'll never finish my story! Never!"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]What story is it this time?"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Claire sighed. Clearly she had been asked the question many times before. "I'm researching the link between the tornado and Darkrai. I've been given space on next month's issue of Journals of Jubilife, so apparently they think I'm onto something! But if I can't get an actual story, they'll give the spot to someone else!"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The woman chuckled at Claire's answer. "A link between the storm and Darkrai? That's a bit odd, don't you think?"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Odd? How can it be odd when even some meteorologists are beginning to debate about it! A tornado like that simply can't disappear in a matter of seconds. There has to be something supernatural behind it. And if my story raises public awareness, think of what good it will do!" [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The woman chuckled, Sadie found herself wondering if she was distracted enough for them to sneak out. But before she could catch Rena's eye, she spoke again. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]What good could possibly come out of that, Claire? Honestly, I have to tell you this every single time you try to go out-of-bounds to write. Remember what you wanted to write about last month? It would have made you a public disgrace if I hadn't stopped it. Now, can I please have the phone?"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Claire seemed reluctant, but finally groaned and left the room. Sadie's shoulders sagged even lower as the woman picked up the receiver. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]All right, what number am I dialing first?" she snapped at Sadie without turning around. Before she could open her mouth, however, Rena nudged her from behind.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Five, five, three, seven, seven, four, two. Just do it." Sadie could barely make out Rena's words, but was relieved when the woman did not flinch.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Well?" she demanded.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Uh... f-five, five, three... seven seven four two," Sadie repeated the number Rena had mentioned, wondering what in the world her friend was plotting this time. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The woman dialed silently, then lifted the phone to her ears. "Come over here, girls," she said, and they obeyed. Being this close, Sadie could hear the phone ringing faintly from where she stood. Form the corner of her eye, she saw Rena's lips form a smile. After several painful seconds, the ringing stopped and a low voice answered "Hello!" The woman tried to return the greeting, but she was cut off as the voice continued.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]You have reached The North Pole. This is where my fellow elves and I are hard at work, making presents for all the good boys and girls. We also make lists and decide who has been good and who has been bad this year. Unfortunately, your call has confirmed that you are on the 'bad' list. Our monitors have video evidence of you not saying 'God bless you' when someone sneezed at your birthday party, and cheating in a [/FONT][FONT=Georgia, serif]Pokémon[/FONT][FONT=Georgia, serif] battle. On top of that, your call has distracted one of our elves from his work, therefore making him drop a toy train. Do you know who that toy train was for? Do you even give a damn that the little boy who was going to get that train was homeless? Of course you don't! Your spoiled ass doesn't deserve any presents. I'll give you a lump of damn coal for all I care!" The voice soon shifted into more colorful swear words, making the woman's cheeks flush an angry red. She didn't even notice as the two girls slowly backed out of the room. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]But, despite the hallway now being empty, Sadie didn't relax until she was hidden by the doors of the elevator. Once the hallway was completely hidden by the golden doors, Sadie breathed a sigh of relief. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]That was brilliant, Rena! What number did you get her to call? There was some guy impersonating Santa Claus!" Through her trembling, Sadie found herself laughing.[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Rena shrugged. "It's this prank number that this guy created. He bought a cell phone and gives out its number on the Internet for anyone who wants to prank someone. He changes the voice mail each month. But I guess he forgot to or something, because he still has the one from last Christmas. Anyways, we better get outta here! I don't want to run into her again..."[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Me neither."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The floor beneath Sadie trembled as the elevator came to a halt at the ground floor. As soon as the doors opened, she and Rena rushed to the exit, avoiding eye contact. The revolving doors took Sadie out of the building and into the heat of the outside world. Her giddy sense of freedom hadn't lasted long, though, for just as she stepped out of the building, she felt herself collide with someone. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]An involuntary "Ow!" escaped her lips as she fell onto the pavement. She found herself looking up into the face of a tough-looking police officer. His brow furrowed for a moment, but he didn't seem too mad. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Some people are in such a rush to get out of there... Is the movie preview really that bad?" he chuckled, and extended a hand. "Here, get up." Sadie muttered a quick "Thanks" as she brushed off her shorts. [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The officer studied her and Rena for a moment. "What are your two girls doing here alone? It's not safe to wander around Jubilife. How did you get here?"[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Bike," Rena said, pointing to the rails where their bicycles stood. "We live close by, in Sandgem. We just had to run a few errands for our parents. They're probably wondering where we are, so we better get going."[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]And you came here just by yourselves?"[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Neither of the girls said anything. The police officer scratched his chin.[/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]Well, I suppose I should at least get you girls home. All right, get your bikes, and bring them over to my patrol car. I'll bring you home, because it's not safe to wander around, especially at this time."[/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]The girls were given no other choice, so they obeyed. Sadie watched the officer hoist their bikes on the special bars of his car. Then he opened the door for Sadie and Rena, and, without a word, they got inside. Just as the officer closed the door behind him, Sadie felt a tap on her shoulder. [/FONT]

"[FONT=Georgia, serif]If we can just get home before either of our moms come back from work, we'll have nothing to worry about!" [/FONT]

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Sadie bit her lip, hoping all would go to plan.[/FONT]

 

[Bay]

Haha, nice on the prankcall, especially one that is to the North Pole. :P Man, now I want Christmas to come already! :P

Not much happen in this chapter, but that's cool. We're able to get a better picture of both Sandie and Rena, so it's all good. Heh, Rena seems to be the type that will just go with the flow and doesn't worry about anything much while Sandie is totally opposite and has more common sense. :P

Have to say though Claire wanting to write a story connecting Darkrai and the storm would make a great one. I would believe here. :3

Just one minor thing, though. The girls didn't do anything else but watch TV right after the power is back on? Surely they could just do a battle or two in the backyard. I probably miss something though, like always. ^^;

Overall though, good chapter there. Can't wait for next one!