Divine Intervention - [PG-13]

Okay, this is pretty much going to be a quick overall review of prologue through Chapter Two. Sorry that I can't go into detail for all of them but everyone else pretty much said what I was thinking and also I'm playing catchup before I need to go back to studying. XD

I like how you set the stage for the beginning of the story. I admit there's been stories already of a plague or some other epidemic coming and then when the people prayed everythings's fine, but I like how instead of just a story of always have faith the sudden disappearance of the plague caused a bit of a stir.

For Chapters One and Two, so far the characters look interesting and we have a bit of background on everyone. However, it's kind a bit early to tell so I'll probably wait and see a few more chapters of how well they developed. I must agree on bobandbill that Ezekiel's decision to join the group is a bit quick. Maybe have him can't really sleep because his mind has been on it for quite some time?

Lastly, for the actions I say you execute them well. True Chapter Two didn't have much, but that's cool. I actually like chapters where characters stop and then found out something that would soon freak them out. XD

Overall it's beginning to look interesting. Can't wait to see what kind of events will come next. ^^
 
Forgot I have reviews to reply to.

@SharinganFlames: I loved Rush Hour, it's one of my favorite movies. And that connection between the movie and Lupe and Lucy gets much deeper in Chapter Three.

@Bay: (In case you're wondering, I didn't forget about the review I owe you XD) Thank you for reviewing. I'm aware of all the stories out there starting out with a plague so I decided not to make that the main point of the Prologue, so I'm glad you liked that. About Ezekiel's reaction, I didn't want to get so in-depth that I had to write two paragraphs about emotions, but I guess for something so serious as finding out your father was dead calls for stuff like that. And if you like the way I execute actions, then you'll love the next chapter. The first fight of Divine Intervention!


Chapter Three: Infiltration


The commotion around the Temple of Arceus had only recently died down. Light from the houses surrounding the historical monument went out one by one as the night dragged on, but there were still a few heads peeking through glassy windows. The harsh weather had calmed down into a brisk wind, and the constant sound of rain's freefall onto the ground and the lightning bolts battling in the heavens was replaced by the calls of a lonely Noctowl. Police officers had turned off their sirens and were departing from the scene of the crime, the majority of them not even heading back to the station. The only thing that seemed to remain static the entire night was the full moon bathing the landscape in its magnificent light. It was relatively bright that night; so much in fact that there was no need for street lights. Yes, the perfect night to pull a heist.

The police department, and the location of Ezekiel's CD, was located only a few blocks away from the temple. It was one of the many black, tower-like buildings that jutted from the ground around Arcanum. The radio tower atop it scraped the heavens, and the very tip had a red light that flashed every few seconds. This seemingly miniscule detail was what allowed Lupe and Lucy to identify the building as opposed to the ones that looked exactly like it. Lucy's small frame was shivering in the cold breeze, but Lupe stood almost statue-like, eyeing his target. The duo looked on from the roof of a restaurant that, ironically, fashioned a sign stating: There's no one on top of us!

"<Are you finished yet?>" Lucy asked with her arms wrapped around her body. What she was referring to was the Lucarian ability to sense the aura of all living things. It usually took seconds for them to identify auras, but at such a great distance, Lupe was having some trouble. After about a minute or so, he took a deep breath and turned to Lucy.

"<The building is pretty empty, except for a few Pokemon patrolling the basement. Unfortunately, that's where they're keeping the CD.>"

"<Like you care? I know you've been itching for a good fight!>" Lucy exclaimed, ignoring the cold.

Lupe smirked at the comment and began to move toward the edge of the roof. "<Didn't Ivan send you along to keep us out of trouble?>"

Lucy responded with a grin of her own and closely followed her partner. "<Seriously, Lupe, I know you better than that.>"

"<Oh yes you do,>" he replied, bending over and looking downward to see how long the jump was. Without a second thought, he gracefully leapt off of the ledge and landed onto a green dumpster in a dark alleyway. Unfortunately, his landing caused the metal dumpster to release a deep, rumbling sound that easily traveled across the silent neighborhood.

"<Way to go, genius,>" called Lucy from above with a hint of sarcasm. Unlike her partner, she chose to land on an old couch that someone had decided to dispose of.

Suddenly, voices could be heard behind the door leading inside the restaurant and they were getting louder. Lupe and Lucy simply looked at the door, trying not to make any noise. To their surprise, however, the knob turned and out walked three beings. The tallest and most noticeable was a pale-skinned, and quite chubby, human. His shirt was covered in blood— albeit it wasn't his— and in his right hand he held a butcher's knife. At both his sides were two Pokemon that looked like hellhounds. Bones curved down their spines and stationed atop their heads were two very sharp horns. Both Houndoom immediately spotted the intruders and signaled their master.

"You two, get down now!" he ordered, first pointing at Lupe and Lucy then at the ground in front of him. The two listened without objection, hoping to get out of the predicament with minimal damage. With them standing in better lighting, the butcher finally began to inspect the culprits. His eyes quickly scanned over Lucy, but he spent a great deal of time staring at Lupe's shin— more specifically, the missing patch of fur.

"You..." he began, pointing at the Lucario before continuing, "I heard about you on the radio. The police are looking for you!"

A shudder ran down Lupe's spine, and for a second, he considered running away and aborting the mission. Lucy shot Lupe a questioning look, as she too was confused on what to do next. Taking advantage of their shock and confusion, the butcher tapped his two Houndoom and pointed at rebels.

Howling like mad beasts, each Houndoom charged for a separate Pokemon with murder in their eyes. The one heading for Lupe jumped for its prey, but the Lucario acted quickly and took a few steps back, causing his opponent to miss by mere inches. Without hesitation, Lupe gave an upward kick, hitting the Houndoom in the chin and sending it back toward its owner.

"<That all you got?>" he asked slyly.

"<Uh, a little help here!>" shouted Lucy from a few feet away. She seemed to be struggling with her opponent as the Houndoom advanced with strong bites, and Lucy barely dodging each one. Realizing that they weren't getting anywhere, the Houndoom lowered its head and charged at the Weavile with its horns. Too frantic and worn out to dodge at such close range, Lucy instinctively thrust her hands up and to her amazement, caught the horns in her claws. The Houndoom continuously chomped at Lucy's face, but she was able to push it back at the last minute every time. He could see the Lucario approaching from the corner of his eye and tried a new tactic. Ceasing his constant jabs at Lucy's face, he took a deep breathe, followed by a release of purple gas from his mouth. Lupe, who hadn't reached the Houndoom yet, was able to leap away and escape the smog, but Lucy wasn't so lucky. Catching the full force of the blast, she had no choice but to release her opponent and back away with a violent cough.

"<Lucy, are you—.>" Lupe was unable to finish his question as a set of teeth from the other Houndoom clamped hard on his shoulder. He let out a howling cry of his own as the fangs of the Houndoom became incased in a raging flame, burning through his fur and skin. Unable to bear the pain any longer, Lupe forcibly pulled himself away and rejoined Lucy, leaving some fur behind in the hellhound's jaws. As Lupe put pressure on the deep, bloody gash, he looked over to Lucy, who was still coughing and now had watery, red eyes.

"This is what happens when you mess with the Order!" cried the human, his fist high in the air. There was a distinct passion in his words, as if he was stating something that was absolute truth.

The simple mention of the Order triggered a hatred within the core of Lupe's soul, and the Lucario glared at his enemies with a killer's intent. Removing his hand from the wound, he cupped them together at his side, and a blue orb began to form between them. Lucy looked doubtfully at the well-known attack and used the remainder of her energy reserves to move away. It grew to about this size of a melon before Lupe decided to send it hurtling at the two dogs. It exploded on contact, and the Houndoom cried out in painful whimpers through the gray smoke before finally silencing.

"<Come on!>" Lupe shouted to Lucy before running out of the alley. Neither was in any shape to run, let alone complete the mission, but both ignored their pain and ran down the empty street. By the time the smoke cleared, they were already hiding behind the police station in its shadow.

"<Lupe, we have to go back. There's no way we can do anything in this shape!>" Lucy suggested before falling to her knees from exhaustion and coughing. That last cough actually managed to produce a little blood.

She's poisoned, Lupe immediately realized.

"<Lucy, we might not get another chance like this. I understand if you want to go back, but I must get that CD!>"

Lucy coughed a few more times before responding. "<Lupe, look at yourself. Your shoulder is bleeding like crazy! If any of it gets on the floor, they'll have even more of your DNA.>"

Lupe gave a forced chuckle at the idea of aborting when he was so close and began focusing on the ground. His luck seemed to be coming back as he found a discarded rag on the ground and quickly tied it firmly around his injury.

"<I've got about fifteen minutes until this thing is completely soaked, so I better go now!>"

"<Lupe—,>" an unexpected cough interrupted the Weavile, and by the time she recovered, her companion had already ran deeper into the shadows.


**********​


Lupe kept his eyes on the ground as he ran, searching for some way to get into the building. Even though the lobby was empty— and Lupe was sure of it at this close range— it would take way too long and be too risky for him to walk around the building. Lupe had gone on enough missions in this area of the city to know the there were drains behind these buildings that lead directly to their basements. As his feet stepped onto one, it made a loud clang and he came to an abrupt halt.

Reaching down, he gripped the metal bar tightly and pulled with all his might. Alas, he had underestimated the severity of his wound and nearly screamed out in agony as he only made things worse. Nothing was going as planned and if a simple mission like this couldn't be completed, there was no way he could accomplish what was to come soon after. Using his good arm, he continuously punched down hard on the metal until the screws eventually came out, and he plummeted into the murky waters below. Any and all Pokemon around at that moment scurried away before Lupe could even get to his feet.

There was an extremely strong stench in the air down there and Lupe was nearly brought to tears. He sank into the brownish-green water to about his knees and he felt as if walking through an ocean of mud. He had gone a bit lower than he expected; all the way into the sewers below the building, but still fairly close to his destination. The large, rusted steel pipes resembled a maze and judging by his luck so far, the Lucario better had get out of there and fast. Because of the thick, vile liquid, no matter how much energy he put in to moving, Lupe was forced to advance at a constant speed. It took him nearly five minutes to reach a nearby ladder.

"<I've already come this far,>" Lupe murmured, grimacing at the filthy ladder. Sighing at the pain he knew was going to come, he gripped the bars tightly and hoisted himself up. Expectantly, waves of pain shot across his bad arm and at one point, he almost released his grip, happy to soak in that despicable liquid rather than experience such pain. But luckily, he strived on, and managed to reach a small door at the top of the ladder.

"<Uh oh,>" he said to himself, realizing the dilemma he was faced with. The door required a lever to be pulled for it to open, but his hands were occupied at the moment. As he thought about how he could get around this predicament, a small splash could be heard in the distance.

He mind began racing with various thoughts. Did they find me? Was it just a wandering Pokemon? Was it my imagination? Can I even handle another battle? For a second, he even doubted not heeding Lucy's warning. Of course, all those questions didn't matter as the being turned the same corner as Lupe and stepped into the light.

"<I was worried,>" said Lucy as she tried to muster up a smile. Even from Lupe's position he could see that she was still fighting the poison that had entered her body from the last fight. He didn't know whether to be happy that she was a here or furious.

"<Lucy, you have to go back. In that condition, you'll only end up slowing us down.>"

"<You seem to be doing perfectly on your own,>" she replied, referring to the fact that Lupe still hadn't figured out a way to push the lever without falling to the water. With a groan he moved to the edge of the ladder, giving Lucy's petite body just enough room to climb up. Even in her poisoned state, the Weavile hastily darted up the ladder. With a nod from her partner, she pushed the lever and the circular door above them automatically slid back into the wall.

As expected, the duo climbed out of the hole only to end up in the basement floor of the police department. Although the surface area was about the size of the Rebel base's main hall, the similarities between the two ended there. Unlike the base, the entire structure, although underground, was constructed of a fine, metal alloyed. The lights on the ceiling were placed at great distances from one another, but thanks to this metallic material, still made the entire place shine in an almost divine luminosity. The halls gave an illusion of continuing on for miles, making the building look much bigger than it actually was. Doors lined the both sides of the hallway, but thanks to Lupe's aura-sensing ability, could tell that the majority of them were empty. This was believable, as the sun wasn't due to rise in a few hours.

"<Lupe, look, your shoulder,>" Lucy suddenly pointed out. The Lucario curiously glanced at the rag covering his shirt was astounded to see that the bleeding had stopped. One less problem for them to worry about.

"<Too bad it still hurts. Now that luck is finally on our side, let's get moving,>" he suggested, walking toward the shortest corner.

"<How do you know it's this way?>" Lucy questioned as they walked. She struggled to say the entire thing in one go without coughing.

"<Truth be told, the only thing I know for a fact is that the lab is on the basement floor. However, I do sense a lot of auras in this direction, mostly humans,>" he explained. Although he'd never admit it, it was enjoyable to have someone to go on missions with. It was really the only time he was able to show off his skills.

"<So in other words, there's a good chance we might be walking right into a trap?>" Of course, there were times when Lupe preferred to work alone.


**********​


Although he thought he had grown used to it, the eerie silence of the halls was beginning to get on Lupe's nerves. The only sounds made were that of the two Pokemon's feet scraping across the glistening metal and an occasional wheeze from Lucy, who deserved a medal for simply staying conscious that long after taking a smog at point-blank range. The hypnotic rhythm of their steps put Lupe in a daze, causing him to nearly walk past their destination. After noticing the large collection of auras behind a large, rusted door—the only of its kind in the hall— the Lucario abruptly came to a stop and signaled Lucy to do the same.

"<Five humans, one Pokemon,>" he said absentmindedly. "<Can you handle a small brawl?>"

"<What's with you and fighting?>" Lucy whispered back while pointing upward. Above them was a vent that, in all likelihood, led into the lab. "<Give me a lift and I'll take them out silently.>"

Lupe looked back and forth between the vent and his partner. If he agreed to her plan it meant he'd take absolutely no part in the main objective. Of course, neither of them was in any shape for a fight. He finally came to the conclusion that it'd be best for the mission if they were unnoticed.

"<Don't screw this up,>" Lupe whispered with a scowl. After an agreeing smile from Lucy he cupped his paws at his waistline and held them in place. As Lucy cautiously positioned her small feet in her partner's hands, he slowly lifted her up until she could touch the ceiling. Getting right to work she twisted out all four screw and handed the vent-hatch to Lupe, who was forced to hold it in his teeth.

"<Dis ting tase horri'le and ish hea'y. Hurr' up!>" he mumbled. Refraining from bursting out in laughter, Lucy quickly hopped into the hole, freeing Lupe's hands.

The stealthy Weavile had never traveled through a filthier vent in her previous adventures. Sure, she navigated in some dirty ones, but this particular one hit her with a one-two punch of stench and dustiness. Lucky for her, she knew exactly which tunnel led to the designated room and didn't waste time bumping into dead ends. As she approached the second vent-hatch, she began to hear voices echo against the dusty, gray walls of the tunnel.

"Well? Did you get the stream from the street cameras yet?" questioned an annoyed, masculine voice.

"Y-yes, sir, it just came in. Let me play in for you."

Careful not to scratch against the metal, Lucy positioned herself over the hatch and got a good look at the room. It wasn't nearly as big as one would think from looking outside, but that was probably due to the various machines taking up a lot of space. Just as Lupe had said, the room contained five humans, all scurrying around in lab coats. She was unable to see the Pokemon, most likely because it was out of her field of view. Two humans walked up to a large screen on the wall, one of them wearing a black suit under his coat. The other pressed a green button to his left and the entire screen came to life at once. From what Lucy could see, they were looking at a video of a street corner. Nothing special seemed to be happening until two figures suddenly dashed across the screen.

"Rewind that," ordered the suited man.

"Y-yes, sir." Another button was pushed repeatedly until the two figures appeared frozen in the middle of the screen. To Lucy's surprise and terror, she discovered that they were looking at a video of her and Lupe running toward this very building.

"Gotcha," said the suited man with a smirk. "You see that?" he asked, pointing at Lupe's shin, "This is the Lucario we're looking for, and it seems he's coming right to us. How long ago was this video taken?"

"Approximately twenty-five minutes ago, sir."

"Hmmm... if he knows where he's going, than he should already be well into our building, if not approaching this very room."

"Sh-should we be worried, sir?"

"Not while we have our secret weapon here."

"<Crap,>" Lucy cursed, forgetting that she was supposed to remain unnoticed. The others had obviously heard her as they began looking all over the room for the voice's source. In a panic, Lucy tried to turn around and make a run for it, but had accidentally clawed at one of the screws, causing the hatch to falter and eventually fall under her feet. Without warning, she fell into the room and crashed onto the back of an unsuspecting scientist. However, knowing she was well into enemy territory, the Weavile ignored the pain from both the fall and the poison circulating throughout her body and scurried back and forth across the room.

"<Help!>"


*********​


Lupe waited impatiently outside for any word from his partner. His ear had been pressed firmly against the wall, but all he could hear was very faint mumbles. Therefore, he wasn't prepared for the loud thud followed by screams of terror.

"<Damnit, Lucy!>" he shouted, running over to the door. With a series of strong kicks, he was able to force the metal doors off their hinges. The room he entered was in utter chaos. A couple of scientists were trying— and horribly failing— to catch a very frenzied Lucy. A few others were simply running in circles, only to crash into the monstrous machines that made the room feel so crowded. Only one human seemed to be keeping his cool and he was glaring at Lupe. The human reached for a device at his waist and in reaction, Lupe grabbed the closest human and held him against his body.

"Release him!" ordered the suited man as veins became visible in his bald head. He was pointing a gun at Lupe, but with the human hostage, couldn't get a clear shot at the Pokemon. All other motion had ceased— except for the hostage begging for mercy— and Lupe took that moment of silence to think the situation through. He spotted Lucy standing over an unconscious human with claw marks in his coat. Not too far from her position was a long table with a lone CD on top of it. There was no indication if that was what they had come for, but it was their best bet.

"<Give me that disk,>" said Lupe with an order of his own, hoping that the human had spent enough time working with Pokemon that he could understand the language. Luckily, the human gave a slight nod and backed up toward the table, never moving his eyes or the gun away from Lupe's direction.

"<No, wait!>" Lupe suddenly said, making the human stop dead in his tracks. "<Let the Weavile get the disk. When she's by my side, I'll release this human and we'll make our way out of here.>"

"Why should I trust you?"

"<Because his life is in your hands,>" Lupe answered, moving his arm up to the man's neck. With little remorse, he tightened his grip, slowly chocking the hostage. Lupe had no intention in killing the man, but it was a necessity that he got that disk.

"H-help," said the victimized scientist. Simply by the sound of his raspy voice, it was obvious he couldn't survive much longer without oxygen.

"Fine," agreed the bald man, followed by a few mumbled curse words, and Lupe loosened his hold. Lucy looked at Lupe suspiciously and hastened over to the table. Too short to see clearly across the entire table, Lucy just swiped her hands across the surface until she hit the circular disk. With a childish squeal she hurried over to Lupe's side. The duo— trio if you count the hostage— slowly backed out of the room. If he wasn't part of the rebel force, Lupe would have thanked the Gods that the department happened to be pretty much empty on that particular night.

"<Lower your weapon!>" Lupe demanded with a smirk. He knew he had complete control over the situation

"You think I won't shoot!?" screamed the bald man, moving his finger ever closer to the trigger.

"Please, no!" pleaded the hostage as tears began to stream down his eyes.

Reluctantly, the human aimed his gun toward the ground, but with the faintest of smirks. Ignoring the grin, Lupe pushed the human back into the room and with Lucy and the CD at his side, made a run for it.

With the hostage safe from danger, the bald officer rushed out of the room and shouted, "Okay, now!"

As Lupe and Lucy approached the corner of the hall, they began to see something weird happening to the wall. A sudden chill hit the Pokemon, followed by some purple matter emerging from the walls. Unhindered by the solid metal it was effortlessly passing through, the being materialized completely out of the wall, showing its full figure to the escapees. Standing at approximately five feet, the Gengar was able to easily stare down his opponents with his trademark: blood-red eyes.

Lupe suddenly realized the mistake he had made before. When he checked the room for auras, there was obviously a Pokemon there, but when he burst in, the only Pokemon visible was Lucy. The only question that remained was if two exhausted and injured Pokemon could defeat this new opposition before anyone else showed up.

"<Lupe, I know you might think otherwise but there's no way we can beat this guy,>" Lucy whispered.

"<Actually, I agree with you, but mainly because most of my moves would have no effect on him. I suspect you have a plan?>"

"<Yep,>" she simply answered, resuming her dash for the exit. Putting all his trust in the anxious Weavile, Lupe followed in suit, running straight for the enemy. The Gengar looked rather surprised that his two foes were running right at him and cupped his hands in a very familiar fashion. As he started to form his shadow ball attack, Lucy sped up and upon reaching mere yards of her target, jumped into the air. Despite the poison ravaging her body, she inhaled a large amount of oxygen and in her exhale, shot icy shards from her mouth. Upon contact with the unsuspecting Gengar— mainly the sinister blob forming between his hands— the shards exploded and filled the hall with smoke and small icicles.

"<Nice job!>" congratulated Lupe, something he rarely ever did. The two entered the cloud of debris, stepping over the temporarily downed Gengar and toward that dreaded sewer.

Back in front of the lab room, the bald man could only stare at the mess the two rebels had made. He played out the situation many times in his head and if anything like this was to happen, he was sure that either he or Gengar could stop it. Of course, he had never anticipated the Weavile tagging along, but by her faulty stealth, concluded she wouldn't even matter. Now only one thing was certain: Peign would not be pleased.


**********​


Ignoring their injuries and fatigue, the two Pokemon ran as fast as their battered bodies would allow. They went much farther in the sewer tunnels than before, making sure not only to emerge far from the police department, but also to hide their smell from any Houndoom or Mightyena. They departed from the sewer tunnels somewhere in the town that sat in the shadow of Arcanum, but they knew that they still weren't in the clear. About ten minutes into their onward trek to the rebel base, Lucy's poison-filled body began to take its toll to the point where she could barely keep up.

"<I told you to go back,>" Lupe said, although he knew the mission would be near impossible if it hadn't been for her.

"<Sh-shut up and give me a hand here,>" Lucy mumbled while on her knees.

"<I'm surprised you even lasted this long, so I guess I'll help out. Hop on.>" Lupe held out his good arm toward the Weavile, who gave him a questioning stare.

"<You're going to carry me?>" she asked.

"<What does it look like? I owe you that much.>"

"<I can't wait for the others to see this,>" she said with a smile before climbing up his arm and swinging around onto his back.

"<I'll throw you off my back and drag you into the base before I let anyone see us like this.>"

"<Heh, didn't take long for the old Lupe to come back.>"

The casual chatter continued throughout the night as they made their way home and for the first time in a long time, Lupe was happy to have a partner.


***** End of Chapter Three *****

Beta'd by diamondpearl876. And just so you know, that bald guy is the same one who was running things at investigation at the temple.
 
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I've finished the prologue, and it was very high quality, even if it was low quantity. My only suggestion would be at some point to come back to it and extend it.

I'll definitely be reading more of this. Keep up the good work. n_n
 
Now that was a rather action-packed chapter there. Very enjoyable, and you did a fine job with it all. I look forward to more scenes of the such, I have to say.

Pacing was good - nice and quick, maybe a tad choppy inbetween scenes of quick action and calm, but still more or less steady, and worked well. Liking the characters more and more as I read on, and the description was good enough not to get attention away from what was happening, yet still give plently of information.

Lucy's small frame was shivering in the cold breeze, but Lupe stood almost statue-like, eyeing his target. The duo looked on from the roof of a restaurant that, ironically, fashioned a sign stating: "There's no one on top of us!"
I do question, just slightly, that Lucy feels the cold, being an ice-type... on of the few anime episodes which I have watched mentioned that ice types don't feel the cold (cue Snorunt dancing happily in a blizzard...) - even without that piece of info (which I myself don't take much for granted), I do think an Ice type would feel the cold far less easily... but minor and debatable, I suppose.
As amusing as the sign was, I would advise not using quotation marks for signs, maybe 'signblahblahblahmessage' instead, as it isn't really saying anything.
If any of it gets on the floor, they'll have even more of your DNA.>"
M
ore DNA? I dn't know anything about forensics, but would only a small amount be enough already? If you know otherwise, clarify please. :)
"<Lupe—,>" and unexpected cough interrupted the Weavile, and by the time she recovered, her companion had already ran deeper into the shadows.
'An' over 'and' I think here.
Although he'd never admit it, it was enjoyable to have someone to go on missions with. It was really the only time he was able to show off his skills.

"<So in other words, there's a good chance we might be walking right into a trap?>" Of course, there were times when Lupe preferred to work alone.
Liked the small quips you had, such as this one. :)
"Hmmm... if he knows where he's going, than he should already be well into our building, if not approaching this very room."
Cough... you don't say...
A couple of scientists were trying— and horribly failing— to catch a very frenzied Lucy. A few others were simply running in circles, only to crash into the monstrous machines that made the room feel so crowded.
I like the image that conjured up in my head when I imagined that. :)
"<I'm surprised you even lasted this long, so I guess help out. Hop on.>"
Insert an 'I'll' there in-between those two bolded words.

A really good chapter there - very enjoyable to read, and with a lot of action there. Moved on quite well, and I wonder what the reaction to this shall be. Again, looking forward to the next chapter. ;)
 
Acrutheo said:
I've finished the prologue, and it was very high quality, even if it was low quantity. My only suggestion would be at some point to come back to it and extend it.

I'll definitely be reading more of this. Keep up the good work. n_n
I wish I could extend the prologue, but there really isn't much to add. But you did remind me that there is something I have to edit. Oh, and thanks for the compliments and for reading. ^^

bobandbill said:
Now that was a rather action-packed chapter there. Very enjoyable, and you did a fine job with it all. I look forward to more scenes of the such, I have to say.

Pacing was good - nice and quick, maybe a tad choppy inbetween scenes of quick action and calm, but still more or less steady, and worked well. Liking the characters more and more as I read on, and the description was good enough not to get attention away from what was happening, yet still give plently of information.
Nice to have you back, bobandbill. Once against you've left me some wonderful comments that will keep me motivated to write the next chapter. I never really focus on scene transmissions (hence the *s), so you're probably right about the chapter being a bit choppy. And with all the stuff that happened in this one chapter only backs up the statement even more.

I do question, just slightly, that Lucy feels the cold, being an ice-type... on of the few anime episodes which I have watched mentioned that ice types don't feel the cold (cue Snorunt dancing happily in a blizzard...) - even without that piece of info (which I myself don't take much for granted), I do think an Ice type would feel the cold far less easily... but minor and debatable, I suppose.
As amusing as the sign was, I would advise not using quotation marks for signs, maybe 'signblahblahblahmessage' instead, as it isn't really saying anything.
Two good points you've made here. I'll eventually edit out or change that scene with Lucy and I've already fixed the problem with the sign. Thanks.
More DNA? I dn't know anything about forensics, but would only a small amount be enough already? If you know otherwise, clarify please.
No, you're right. I was trying to make it seem that she would say anything if it made Lupe think twice about going into the building.

A really good chapter there - very enjoyable to read, and with a lot of action there. Moved on quite well, and I wonder what the reaction to this shall be. Again, looking forward to the next chapter.
Things will probably cool down in the next chapter and I'm hoping to spend more time expanding on Ezekiel's character. He will (possibly, if things go according to the way I planned them) play an important role in chapter five.
 
Comments on Chapter One:

Incredible imagery throughout. Ultimately, an excellent chapter that's kept me interested. I have one nitpick to make, though:

Saying "it must have been my imagination" sounds a bit unnatural to me. Whenever I have one of those moments, I merely think it. A possible rewrite of the section could be, "That's what I get for working overtime two nights in a row," he muttered to himself, concluding that it was merely a product of his imagination. He motioned to make a quick adjustment to his glasses, but as he withdrew his hand from the keyboard... [and carry on as normal] Forgive me if in your culture saying that out loud is something that you do in that situation, but it's just a small point that I thought would be more appropriate to do with description rather than dialogue.
 
Acrutheo said:
Comments on Chapter One:

Incredible imagery throughout. Ultimately, an excellent chapter that's kept me interested. I have one nitpick to make, though:

Saying "it must have been my imagination" sounds a bit unnatural to me. Whenever I have one of those moments, I merely think it. A possible rewrite of the section could be, "That's what I get for working overtime two nights in a row," he muttered to himself, concluding that it was merely a product of his imagination. He motioned to make a quick adjustment to his glasses, but as he withdrew his hand from the keyboard... [and carry on as normal] Forgive me if in your culture saying that out loud is something that you do in that situation, but it's just a small point that I thought would be more appropriate to do with description rather than dialogue.
Thanks for the imagery comment and it's nice to know that my descriptions really are good.

About the quote, I'm sorry if it sounded awkward but I'm the kid of person that says 'bless you' to himself after I sneeze if I'm in an empty room. But I guess unnecessary quotes like that could be left to description. I hope you catch up soon.
 
Yeah, I've come in late for quite a few fanfics around here. I'm quite content to be a little bit behind, though. It means there's another chapter waiting. :P

Comments on Chapter Two:

Another excellent chapter. However, you mention Lucario and Ezekiel as being a "duo". "Duo" has connotations of two people, well, being on the same side, which is not really appropriate at this point.

And,

Gummy said:
we'll find a way to get you out of here without letting our see our exact locations, so think hard.
Should be we'll find a way to get you out of here without letting you see our exact location, so think hard.

Gummy said:
Truth be told, he knew which side for once he saw the evidence, but the entire ordeal had left him weary.
Should be Truth be told, he knew which side once he saw the evidence, but the entire ordeal had left him weary. Just, "which side for" sounded a bit weird to me and I had to reread the sentence a few times to understand what you were saying.

Ultimately though, an excellent chapter.
 
*Meebles* I've been a bad, bad noodle. I waited for this fanfic for, like, a month...and now I've let it go past a month before I actually sat down to read and review. ;.;

Anyways, now that I have a thankfully large amount of time for this, it's time to right that wrong. *Cracks fingers* To my shame, I must admit that I've only skimmed the other reviews here, so my apologies if I echo something that's already been pointed out.

Peace.

A word used so often, but in truth, is never attained.

Many have come close. Still, no matter how close they get, it always ends with the same thing...

Catastrophe.

Umm...dare I ask where that 'is' there came from? o.O If this was something like "A word that is used so often" then it would be grammatically correct, but in this case it just looks...off. Also, attaining the word peace (as you say it here) really isn't any harder than sitting down and writing said word on a piece of paper as the word itself is just a collection of symbols or (in speech) sounds rather than a state of being like peace is, so strictly speaking it's not even possible to 'attain' a word. So yeah, I'd suggest swapping out 'word' here and doing something about the 'is' situation. Sorry for harping on and on about such a little nit, but all those freakin' Linguistic Research lectures I attended are just screaming out in protest at this. xD

The entirety of its grace glinted in the magnificent moonlight and could probably be spotted a mile away. However, on this particular night, the building only housed one individual.

The 'however' here seems a bit odd to me as it seems to imply some kind of relationship between from how far you can see the building and the number of people it houses. If you had said something like 'On a normal night, the magnificent structure would be packed full as the town's senior citizens gathered to play salvation bingo' then it would make some sense (since this implies that it's normal for there to be lots of folks around), but since you have given no reason to expect there to be a lot of people in there, the fact that there aren't a lot doesn't really require a 'however' to go with it.

...erm, I hope that was a bit clearer than mud? xD

There was a quick, almost unnoticeable, pitter patter from the ceiling that managed to disrupt the chorus of keys. Nonetheless, the man bolted up and examined the window above him. The snow was falling harder than usual that night, but there was no way it could make such a sound. With a dismissing chuckle and a tug on his brown coat, he turned back to his work.

I must question whether the 'nonetheless' here is really serving any purpose. If it was a phrase like "It was probably just his ears playing tricks on him, but the man bolted up and examined the window above him nonetheless." then I'd understand it, but as it is it seems like you just put the word there as a filler.

And no, I'm not just saying that because I've had a bad habit of doing stuff like that myself. Perish the thought. xD

"What is he... no, he won't. He can't!" the man managed to finally say, but a little too late. Before he could even raise a foot, the figure smashed through the window with a fist that seemed to be encased in a blue light. The man could only watch in terror as shards of glass, snow, and the mysterious figure rained down upon him. In a last minute endeavor to protect himself, the worker shielded his head with his arms and grimaced as the broken glass effortlessly cut threw his clothes and skin. Without warning, a heavy weight fell on his back, knocking him to the floor and sending his glasses across the room. Lying in a puddle of his own blood with his back probably permanently damaged, the man rested his head against the floor and waited for the grips of death. That is, until a pair hands grabbed him at the side and turned him on his back.

That underlined bit should be 'finally managed to say', I believe. Also, though I'll admit this might be a personal obsession of mine, 'say' and exclamation marks just don't look that good together. Maybe use a slightly more loaded term in this instance? Regardless, you have a misspelling of 'encased' there.

"Hmm... this is interesting," whispered the sergeant as he held the bag close to his face. "This is definitely not from a human and according to my research, Mr. Orna's hair is not blue. Get this to the forensics lab immediately; our culprit will be found out soon enough."

Tiniest nit in existence, but...this guy actually went researching just to find out Ezekiel's hair color? Don't these Order people have files on their employees, eliminating the need for research? o.O Like I said, tiny, but using that term to get information that should be common knowledge just seemed sort of odd. :3

Light flooded the dark room, illuminating it enough for Ezekiel to notice that he was nowhere special. All four walls were made of stone and at the doorway stood two figures, one of which he recognized instantly. It wore no cloak this time and exposed its beige fur.

Wait, so his eyes were exposed to bright light after being kept in total darkness, his glasses are still missing, and he's just woken up in considerable pain yet he still immediately identifies someone he only saw in almost equally bad conditions shortly before losing consciousness? Whoa, Ezekiel sure is quick on the uptake, I'll give him that. You'd think that his eyes would need a few seconds to adjust, though. o.O

"Ah, yes, he has a tendency to stray from his main objective. No, Mr. Orna, I can assure you that you will live. That is, as long as you cooperate with us." For some reason, maybe it was the calmness of this man's voice, but Ezekiel felt like he could trust him. However, there were still some things that he just needed to know.

No need for that 'but' there.


Aaaand those were actually just about the only nits I could find, save for a few that were already picked up by others. As always, your fic has been an enjoyable read thus far (and happily ignorant of your influences as I am, they do not interfere with my enjoyment :3). As has already been pointed out, you've done a remarkably good job at making the scenes...visual, for lack of a better word. Lupe crashing down through the window in the first chapter was particularly clear. Character development is going okay, though many are still waiting to expand theirs, and I love the whole dystopian setting to pieces. The only complaint I'd have to give in addition to the quoted stuff is that the plot point with Ezekiel's change of sides is a bit...sudden. I mean, we haven't really even established his loyalty to lord Peign before he suddenly renounces it completely as the oh-so convenient envelope of revelation comes along.

I mean sure, it's waterproof evidence that Ezekiel's presented with and he obviously needs to join the rebels for plot reasons, but even so his change seems a bit too...sudden. Somehow, I would think that it would be a bit more human of him to reject - or at least struggle against - the obvious truth at first rather than immediately becoming a 100% devoted-to-the-cause fanatic like Lupe (Heck, given the way Lupe's treating him, you'd think that it would make Ezekiel less inclined to jump over to the radical wing of the group o.O). Another thing that could have helped the awkward feel here would have been to establish his devotion to the order by means of some cute little spiel of how they take him in after he loses his father to a tragic car accident or something to that effect, but then that may be just me.

Erm...yeah, that's about it. Looking forward to future chapters as usual. ^.^
 
Yeah, I've come in late for quite a few fanfics around here. I'm quite content to be a little bit behind, though. It means there's another chapter waiting. :P

Comments on Chapter Two:

Another excellent chapter. However, you mention Lucario and Ezekiel as being a "duo". "Duo" has connotations of two people, well, being on the same side, which is not really appropriate at this point.

And,


Should be we'll find a way to get you out of here without letting you see our exact location, so think hard.


Should be Truth be told, he knew which side once he saw the evidence, but the entire ordeal had left him weary. Just, "which side for" sounded a bit weird to me and I had to reread the sentence a few times to understand what you were saying.

Ultimately though, an excellent chapter.

Thanks again for reading and spotting those errors out for me. I believe theres another "duo" error somewhere in chapter three, but I'll change that later.

Alter Ego said:
*Meebles* I've been a bad, bad noodle. I waited for this fanfic for, like, a month...and now I've let it go past a month before I actually sat down to read and review. ;.;

Anyways, now that I have a thankfully large amount of time for this, it's time to right that wrong. *Cracks fingers* To my shame, I must admit that I've only skimmed the other reviews here, so my apologies if I echo something that's already been pointed out.
Nah, it's okay. You did tell me to PM you when I finally posted and just decided to let you read at your own pace. You don't know how happy it makes me that you came here at your own will.

Umm...dare I ask where that 'is' there came from? o.O If this was something like "A word that is used so often" then it would be grammatically correct, but in this case it just looks...off. Also, attaining the word peace (as you say it here) really isn't any harder than sitting down and writing said word on a piece of paper as the word itself is just a collection of symbols or (in speech) sounds rather than a state of being like peace is, so strictly speaking it's not even possible to 'attain' a word. So yeah, I'd suggest swapping out 'word' here and doing something about the 'is' situation. Sorry for harping on and on about such a little nit, but all those freakin' Linguistic Research lectures I attended are just screaming out in protest at this. xD
It's been a couple of months but you still manage to find the stuff in my fic and a lot of others miss (or realize that letting one grammatical error slip isn't going to end the world XD). I tried to fix it but grammar is exactly my forte (go figure), so if it's still wrong, tell me.

The 'however' here seems a bit odd to me as it seems to imply some kind of relationship between from how far you can see the building and the number of people it houses. If you had said something like 'On a normal night, the magnificent structure would be packed full as the town's senior citizens gathered to play salvation bingo' then it would make some sense (since this implies that it's normal for there to be lots of folks around), but since you have given no reason to expect there to be a lot of people in there, the fact that there aren't a lot doesn't really require a 'however' to go with it.

...erm, I hope that was a bit clearer than mud? xD
Yeah, I see what you mean there. *goes to fix*

I must question whether the 'nonetheless' here is really serving any purpose. If it was a phrase like "It was probably just his ears playing tricks on him, but the man bolted up and examined the window above him nonetheless." then I'd understand it, but as it is it seems like you just put the word there as a filler.

And no, I'm not just saying that because I've had a bad habit of doing stuff like that myself. Perish the thought. xD
A desperate attempt to make the sentence flow better that, of course, went horribly wrong. *goes to fix*
That underlined bit should be 'finally managed to say', I believe. Also, though I'll admit this might be a personal obsession of mine, 'say' and exclamation marks just don't look that good together. Maybe use a slightly more loaded term in this instance? Regardless, you have a misspelling of 'encased' there.
*sighs and goes to fix* Picking my fic apart should be a sport. :P

Tiniest nit in existence, but...this guy actually went researching just to find out Ezekiel's hair color? Don't these Order people have files on their employees, eliminating the need for research? o.O Like I said, tiny, but using that term to get information that should be common knowledge just seemed sort of odd. :3
Isn't searching through someone's files called research? If not, what do you call it?
Wait, so his eyes were exposed to bright light after being kept in total darkness, his glasses are still missing, and he's just woken up in considerable pain yet he still immediately identifies someone he only saw in almost equally bad conditions shortly before losing consciousness? Whoa, Ezekiel sure is quick on the uptake, I'll give him that. You'd think that his eyes would need a few seconds to adjust, though. o.O
I never, ever wanted to use this line, but I have absolutely no idea what do to here, so: It's fiction, AE, you have to let some things go by.

No need for that 'but' there.


Aaaand those were actually just about the only nits I could find, save for a few that were already picked up by others. As always, your fic has been an enjoyable read thus far (and happily ignorant of your influences as I am, they do not interfere with my enjoyment :3). As has already been pointed out, you've done a remarkably good job at making the scenes...visual, for lack of a better word. Lupe crashing down through the window in the first chapter was particularly clear. Character development is going okay, though many are still waiting to expand theirs, and I love the whole dystopian setting to pieces. The only complaint I'd have to give in addition to the quoted stuff is that the plot point with Ezekiel's change of sides is a bit...sudden. I mean, we haven't really even established his loyalty to lord Peign before he suddenly renounces it completely as the oh-so convenient envelope of revelation comes along.

I mean sure, it's waterproof evidence that Ezekiel's presented with and he obviously needs to join the rebels for plot reasons, but even so his change seems a bit too...sudden. Somehow, I would think that it would be a bit more human of him to reject - or at least struggle against - the obvious truth at first rather than immediately becoming a 100% devoted-to-the-cause fanatic like Lupe (Heck, given the way Lupe's treating him, you'd think that it would make Ezekiel less inclined to jump over to the radical wing of the group o.O). Another thing that could have helped the awkward feel here would have been to establish his devotion to the order by means of some cute little spiel of how they take him in after he loses his father to a tragic car accident or something to that effect, but then that may be just me.

Erm...yeah, that's about it. Looking forward to future chapters as usual. ^.^
I've been getting several complaints (if you can call it that) about the scene with Ezekiel accepting everything so quickly, so I'll try to rewrite it whenever I get the chance and I guess I can incorporate some stuff in the next chapter. Thanks for all the compliments, nitpicks, and the review altogether. I hope to see you here with the next chapter.
 
Comments on Chapter three:

Another enjoyable read. :D I do wonder why it took so long for any of the pokemon to release a long-range attack at the start, though. Also, when Lupe is climbing the ladder, you say he "luckily" reached the top. How you've presented Lupe thus far would suggest that it wouldn't have been luck that allowed him to reach the top, but his raw determination.

*awaits the next chapter*
 
Sorry in advance if the reviews are almost the same as the others...didn't really get the chance to read them yet. :X

Quite like this chapter, very action pack and described nicely. I think my favorite part is after Lucy cussed and fell down she started to run around but the people inside the room can't get her. XD I also quite like Lucy and Lupe's interactions this chapter, many funny moments, this my favorite:

"<How do you know it's this way?>" Lucy questioned as they walked. She struggled to say the entire thing in one go without coughing.

"<Truth be told, the only thing I know for a fact is that the lab is on the basement floor. However, I do sense a lot of auras in this direction, mostly humans,>" he explained. Although he'd never admit it, it was enjoyable to have someone to go on missions with. It was really the only time he was able to show off his skills.

"<So in other words, there's a good chance we might be walking right into a trap?>" Of course, there were times when Lupe preferred to work alone.

Would have the same reaction too. XD

I think the only criticism I would make is it seems unrealistic Lucy would still be able to go on that look, with her being poisoned and all. Then again, in the Pokemon games if a high leveled Pokemon is poisoned then it would take a while until that Pokemon will faint. XD

Well, quite like the chapter for both its actions and character interaction. Until next chapter!
 
*blows dust off thread*

Well, this chapter certainly took longer than I expected. But it's here, so let's celebrate!... or not. *ahem*


Chapter Four: Fall From Innocence


Ezekiel sat motionless in a wooden chair, staring at the ceiling above him. He was at his childhood home; a brick, one-story, white house— nothing special. The room he was seated in was nearly empty, as if someone was moving in— or out. Across the room stood a muscular man, his face crowded with healing scars and un-kept hair. He dragged two black suitcases against the aging wooden floor, creating the irritating sound of the metal rolling against the grain.

"Ezekiel, are you honestly going to watch me leave without saying a word? Your own father?" pondered the man, mainly to himself rather than the young adult seated nearby.

Still, Ezekiel looked at his father and gave his reply. "Don't you dare question my morals. I'm sure you'll have lots of fun in Johto."

"You just don't understand, do you? The Order obviously has a tight grip on you, but I don't know how I allowed that to happen. I'm doing this for the better."

"Why don't you tell that to Mom next time you see her?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite ready to die yet," he said bitterly. "I'm sorry for what happened to your mother, and it plagues me every day, but I'm doing this so it doesn't happen to you too. They can't get to me in Johto, and with me out of the picture they won't come after you. Especially now that you got that new job. And—"

"I didn't ask for your protection! I didn't ask for any of this, and neither did Mom! You constantly running from place to place isn't helping anyone and if Mom noticed that earlier, maybe..."

"Your mother married me knowing how I felt about the Order. Then when you were born, everything got out of hand and before I knew it, the Order had pulled her back in and learned of our pasts. She probably turns in her grave every time you blame me for her death."

Ezekiel's eyes filled with liquid as tears began their trek down his cheek. Slowly, he rose from his seat and walked toward the door, never taking his eyes off of the floor. Without hesitation, he reached out for the knob, twisted it, and pushed the door open.

"That is the LAST time you talk about Mom in such a way! I don't know why I allowed such a heartless man in the home that she paid for and passed down to me, but now I'm going to fix that. Out, now." As he lifted his glasses to wipe his eyes of the tears, a rugged hand lifted up his chin, and he stood face to face with his father.

A smirk appeared on the man's face as he stared at what looked like to be a younger version of himself. It astounded him as to how Ezekiel could hate him so much and even more than that, not understand his cause.

"Son, you have no idea how much the two of us are alike."

And then he left, never to be seen again.


**********


Ezekiel jerked up from his bed drenched in sweat. The cold liquid ran slyly down his torso, causing his shirt to stick to his chest. His heart felt as if it would suddenly burst out of his body at the rate it was pumping and due to his racing mind, Ezekiel was unable to control it. It was the third time that night he had woken up from the same dream— nightmare— and it became clear that he was not getting any sleep that night.

Why do I remember that day so clearly? he thought to himself as he retrieved his glasses from a nearby desk. The gloomy surroundings were by no means making the situation any better.

He and his father had never shared what most would call a normal 'father-son' relationship, especially after his mother had died. Now his father had passed on too, and it was affecting him in a way that he never would have imagined all those years ago. And after that rebellious decision he had made only hours earlier, he was beginning to wonder if those final words his father left with him were true.

"I always accused that man of being a hypocrite, but just look at me now." Ezekiel rarely addressed his father as 'father' or 'dad.'

His field of vision subconsciously fell upon the desk where his glasses were, and a small shudder ran down his spine as he spotted that dreaded envelope. Slowly, he reached out for it and placed it on his lap. His sweat-drenched hands shook in anxiety as they pulled the document out of the envelope and brought it to reading level. He examined every single word, letter and punctuation point, not sure of what he was looking for but positive that he'd know when he found it.

H. Peign.

That was the last thing written on the page, the indubitable signature of lord Peign. Ezekiel's eyes rested upon that particular part of the document the longest. He had seen the same signature so many times before to the point that he could tell the difference from the real thing and a Smeargle's forgery.

This was, without a doubt, authentic.

With the Order's hold on him severely damaged, Ezekiel began to see the flaws in the religion. How strict the laws truly were, the various limitations of their so called 'free speech,' and the fact that only seven copies of the Order's sacred text— the Arcanus Manifesto— were ever printed and can only be interpreted by the Sacred Seven themselves. Even so, a small part of him still sided with the Order, and before he knew it an internal war was raging inside of his brain. And when you're used to accepting everything your superiors say without question, thinking this hard was a serious strain.

"They're back! Lupe and Lucy are back!"

The cry was faint, probably only heard by those with good ears. All thoughts immediately left Ezekiel's head. Ivan had assured him that Lupe rarely failed in his missions, so their arrival meant only one thing: they had retrieved the CD.

Without a second to spare, Ezekiel threw the covers to the ground, slid into his shoes, and without even tying his laces, rushed out of the room. As he traversed down the narrow hallway, he heard others stirring in their beds from the recent news.

Although it had been his second time there, the grand hall still amazed Ezekiel with its immense size and multitude of residents. Of course, at this late hour it was much emptier, but more and more people were pouring into the hall to verify the news. Forcing his way through a densely packed crowd, Ezekiel managed to reach the heart of the attraction.

And there they were, Lupe and Lucy back from their mission. Lupe wore an exasperated expression as he hunched over with Lucy on his back. She looked to be sleeping, but her breathing was highly irregular and her usually black forehead had turned a vibrant red. A few bystanders chuckled at the sight of a Pokemon who made a name for himself as a real tough guy to be carrying the Weavile, but all jokes were put aside when Lucy's condition became an imminent concern.

A couple of muscular men— probably former sailors— came to the Pokemon's aid and carried her off into some unknown direction. With the strain on his back relieved, Lupe straightened up and walked toward the crowd. As if being approached by a divine entity, the crowd split in a wave like pattern as the Lucario walked past. Fellow rebels congratulated him and some tried to pat him on the back, only to stop short at the deep gash in his shoulder. However, Ezekiel's attention was captivated by what was in the Pokemon's hand— a single CD.

Suddenly, Lupe dropped the CD and fell to his knees. His facial expression showed that he was in great pain, but when others tried to help, he gave them a threatening glare. If there was one thing that would never change about Lupe, it was his stubbornness. Still, Ezekiel took this moment as the perfect time to approach.

"Uh, Lupe, are you—."

"<You're still here?>" he asked, although his tone was more mocking than surprised.

Ezekiel decided to let the comment slide. "You're obviously hurt. Why don't you get some help and I'll bring the CD to Ivan." Ezekiel tried to sound as concerned as possible. He could only hope his performance was convincing.

Upon his request to finish Lupe's mission for him, the hall became filled with gasps and comments like "who does this guy think he is?" and "newbies gotta learn the hard way." He honestly had no idea what everyone was babbling about, but he started to get an idea when Lupe got to his feet and looked Ezekiel dead in the eye.

The hall fell into an eerie silence.

"<I've never met a human with such a thick skull before. I don't like to repeat myself, so listen carefully: I don't want any help, nor do I need it.>" Believing the conversation to be over, the Lucario swiftly turned around.

"Then why did you let Lucy go with you?" Many eyes widened at the follow up question.

Lupe turned around again, this time stepping right up to Ezekiel. "<It was a direct order from Ivan and you know that.>"

"I don't recall him saying you had to carry her on your back."

Whispers traveled across the spectators at the statement. Ezekiel was only guessing that Lupe didn't care much for any previous partners he might have had, but the young challenger hit the jackpot.

"<So what are you getting at? Team mates help—>" It was then that Lupe understood Ezekiel's point, and the two shared a grin that puzzled everyone else.

"<You've got balls, I'll give you that much. If Ivan needs me, tell him I'm in the Health Ward.>" And with that, the Lucario thrust the CD hard into Ezekiel's stomach, just enough to cause the human to bend over with his head right next to Lupe's mouth. "<But I advise not to try something like that again,>" he added in a whisper before walking in the same direction that Lucy was carried off into.

All eyes fell on Ezekiel as he rubbed his stomach with one hand and held the CD tightly in the other. As the crowd slowly dispersed, some were still mesmerized by what they just witnessed. It was a rare event to see someone rise up to Lupe in such a way and walk away with all their teeth intact. And if that wasn't enough, this guy had been part of the Force for less than a day!

Ezekiel simply ignored the commentary as he made his way for Ivan's office. It amazed him at how perfectly his plan played out, and now that he possessed the CD, he could truly test his loyalty to the rebellion. As he contemplated the events that were about to come to past, he barely noticed the boy walking beside him.

"That was some nice work back there," the boy remarked, breaking Ezekiel's train of thought.

"Huh? Oh, um... thanks?" Ezekiel looked over to his companion and was shocked to see how young the boy was. His long, skinny arms and pimply face showed he wasn't a day over sixteen. His wardrobe complimented that fact, with his black, ripped jeans held way below his waistline and his stained (probably purposely) T-shirt.

"What are you staring at?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, sorry about that. I didn't think anyone so young would be part of the rebellion." The boy simply smirked at the statement and moved on ahead. Although he was ahead of Ezekiel, the suspicious teenager seemed to be going in the same direction and even stopped infront of Ivan's door.

"Think you can walk any faster?" he called, before pushing through the doors.

What's going on? Ezekiel thought to himself. I didn't see him in the crowd, how does he know I'm headed to Ivan? After shaking off the uneasy feeling, an anxious Ezekiel gripped the CD tightly and entered the room.

As expected, it hadn't changed at all since Ezekiel had last been there. Ivan was still seated at his desk engrossed in his laptop, and the teen looked on from behind him, still wearing his smirk. Ezekiel stood there for a few seconds, trying to decide if he should wait for Ivan to acknowledge him or speak up.

As he opened his mouth to make himself known, Ivan suddenly lifted himself up from his seat and began walking around the desk.

"I have to admit, I was beginning to doubt you were going to get Lupe to give you the CD," the old man said to Ezekiel, although if you followed the path of his eyes, you'd think he was talking to the CD.

"H-how did you even know I was going to try to get it?"

"What can I say?" Ivan began with a grin. "You're predictable. I could tell you were just caught up in the moment when you decided to join the cause. So I ask you again, have you come to a decision?" The rebel leader held out his hand. Ezekiel didn't have to speak; handing over the CD would be enough. With a shaky arm, he held out the CD.

This was it. This would prove his loyalty to the rebellion. All he had to do was hand over the disk.

Ivan's wrinkly hand tugged on the CD, but Ezekiel's hand had held it in place. He had made his choice. Ivan tried again, but the object didn't budge. The on-looking boy's smirk immediately disappeared.

Slowly, Ivan retracted his hand and looked into Ezekiel's eyes. In truth, the young man didn't know what was going to happen when Ivan tried to take the CD. He let his subconscious choose his path.

"I see," Ivan said after a long period of silence. "Is there any way I can change your mind?"

"I'm sorry Ivan... According to you, the Order has fed me lies all my life, but how do I know you're not doing the same?" Ezekiel replied softly enough so the boy wouldn't hear.

Ivan's smile returned. "How far have you traveled from Arcanum?"

The odd question caught Ezekiel off guard, but he still answered. "Not much farther than Viridian, but what does that—"

"Dexter, come here please," Ivan ordered, and the boy came around the desk. "If you saw, firsthand, the horrors that plague this world, would that change your mind?" Ivan asked.

"Um... I guess so, but what are you getting at?"

"I'm going to have Dexter show you the living style of those that live outside of Arcanum's vicinity."

Ezekiel looked over at Dexter. A teenager was going to show him the 'horrors that plague this world?'

Before Ezekiel had a change to object, the teenage stepped between him and Ivan, fashioning a smirk even bigger than his previous one. Without warning, his body began to glow a spectacular white, similar to light given off during Pokemon evolution. His tall, slinky figure rapidly shrunk to a mere foot above ground, and his shape became so irregular to the point where he looked like a gelatinous mess. Eventually the light subsided, and Dexter's body took on a pink hue.

"A— a Ditto!" Ezekiel shouted in amazement.

"Yes, Dexter here is quite skilled in transforming into humans," Ivan said with pride. "He'll transform into a flying Pokemon of his choice and gladly show you what lies beyond Arcanum."

"<Yes sir!>" Dexter agreed, this time in a squeaky voice. Once again his body became engulfed in a brilliant light and took on a new shape. As he grew back to his human height, wings formed along his sides and his head grew outward. His skin tone became a grayish-purple, and his transformation was complete.

"<This should be big enough for you.>" His voice changed once again, this time much deeper to suit his Aerodactyl body.

"I'll never get used to that," Ivan said from behind the ancient bird. "See you soon," he added before turning around and moving back to his desk. Ezekiel tried to follow him but Dexter blocked his path.

"<Oh no, you're coming with me. We should leave before sunrise.>" The large reptilian-bird insisted before nudging Ezekiel out of the room with his snout. However, the young male was able to get a peek at Ivan before the doors shut. He was seated at his desk, buried in his work as usual. Was he really that sure that this little trip would change Ezekiel's mind?


**********​

"Where are we going?" Ezekiel demanded as he followed Dexter, who had to fly close to the ceiling due to his size. He came to realize that he still wasn't respected as a newcomer since he practically had to dodge around people just to keep pace.

"<Calm down, we're here,>" Dexter finally said before stopping at what looked to be a dead end.

"You've got... to be... kidding me," Ezekiel said as he tried to catch his breath.

"<Why don't you try looking up?>"

To the human's surprise, there was gaping hole above them. The fresh air from the outside world encircled Ezekiel, bringing a smile to his face.

It triggered a feeling inside Ezekiel's body. A giddy feeling, the kind a child would get when they were allowed to play at the park. It was a feeling that he wouldn't dare share with the surrounding rebels.

So far, the base had been like a prison, and this felt like freedom.

"<Smile while you can, because you won't be doing much of it later. Now get on my back and hold tight.>" Ezekiel didn't bother to argue and wrapped his around arm Dexter's neck and boarded the Aerodactyl.

Slowly, Dexter outstretched his immense wings and rose at a steady pace. The first thing to catch Ezekiel's attention was the sun as it slowly began to rise behind Arcanum. The towering skyscrapers glinted in the orange light, temporarily blinding anyone foolish enough to look directly at them. Lucky for Ezekiel, he averted his eyes to the suburbs just fast enough to avoid the worst of the glare. The suburbs looked like a blemish on the hand that was Arcanum, with its poorly built buildings and dangerous streets.

"Is that what you want to show me? So what, not everyone is rich enough to live in the city. Every great civilization had some sort of class system," he pointed out as-a-matter-of-factly. Dexter replied with a snort and rose higher into the sky. The hole below them closed like a gate and within seconds, the only indication that anything existed in this desolate land was a red dot where the hole once was— a marker to indicate where to land.

"<Hold your Ponytas, I'm taking you far away from here.>" Before Ezekiel could let out another word, the anxious Aerodactyl quickly turned around and darted to the west, toward Johto.

The amount of wind rushing into Ezekiel's face impaired his breathing ability, and talking was out of the question. He turned his eyes toward the ground and saw they were already traveling across the body of water that separated the two regions. Centuries ago, he would have seen Trainers riding on sailboats— and even Pokemon— to transfer to the next region. In modern times, human interference was nearly nonexistent in the area.

"<We're nearing the shoreline,>" Dexter squawked, slowing down significantly and decreasing their altitude. Little did Ezekiel know, they were in Order territory now.

With the shoreline in sight, Ezekiel looked ahead, expecting to see some teenagers having the time of their lives on the beach. Instead, hundreds of Krabby walked along the sand without a care in the world. As the pair passed over the mass gathering, all eyes fell upon the human soaring through the sky. Their stares startled him. It was the kind of stare given to something you hadn't seen in a very long time.

The image of their beady, little eyes peering into his very soul was permanently implanted into his memory, but still wasn't enough to change his mind. However, as Dexter gained momentum, Ezekiel realized that there was still more to see.

The ancient bird finally began to slow down as they approached what looked like a town— or the remnants of one at least. Being sure to keep their distance, they finally came to a complete stop, but still close enough for Ezekiel to clearly see the atrocities taking place.

Atrocities no man his age should witness. Or any age, for that matter.

Men, women, and children of all sizes were gathered around the center of the wrecked town, all wearing filthy rags. A large, tin water tank was placed in the center as well, surrounded by a dozen men that looked as if they had just walked off the battlefield. A few of them scanned the crowd thoroughly, their guns pointed at anyone in their way, no matter what age or gender. The image of a large eye with a sword in the iris was imprinted on their black uniforms.

Ezekiel's heart jumped a beat as he recognized the image. It was the most common symbol for the Order.

The people formed a rough line and Ezekiel noticed that many carried large buckets with them. A soldier standing in front of the tank took each bucket, filled it with water, and returned it to its owner and the line moved on.

The more he looked at the miserable townspeople, the less sane Ezekiel became. He took one last look of the emotionless faces of the soldiers and finally grasped the kind of world he lived in. He found himself taking back the comment he made earlier about the Rebel base. This world was the true prison, and that small, underground organization was the closest thing to freedom.

"We've got a runner!" cried one of the guardsmen near the edge of the town. A young boy, not a day over thirteen, was running into the tall grass with all his might.

"About time, I haven't had any target practice in a while!" replied a nearby man. Ezekiel knew what he was implying, but didn't want to believe it. Unfortunately, the evidence became clear as the combatant raised his firearm and aimed at the escapee. Without any signs of a human conscious, he pulled the trigger, and the boy fell almost instantaneously.

Had Ezekiel eaten anything earlier, it would have surely been vomited up after witnessing the heartless act. He could take no more of this.

Ezekiel mouth opened to scream, but all that came out was a mere whimper. Streams of sweat literally trickled down his spine and his body shook so violently he nearly fell from Dexter's back.

"You've made your point, take me back," he whispered, finally regaining his ability to speak. Without arguing, Dexter rose to a higher elevation and headed back to the base.

"Did you see that?" asked one of the guards on the ground as he stared at the spot where the rebels had just been observing from.

"What are you talking about?" asked the one who had shot the boy. There wasn't a hint of remorse in his voice.

"Eh... nevermind, it must have been my imagination."


**********​


After arriving at the base, Dexter and Ezekiel split up. Neither spoke a single word during the flight and didn't even exchange good byes. As much as he tried to forget about it, the horrific images from earlier constantly played in his head. That was all the convincing he needed. He laughed whenever his father cursed the Order, but now... now he sided with the man. The Order must be stopped.

Before he knew it, he stood in front of Ivan's door, his hand already reaching for the knob.

"<I've been looking for you,>" called a familiar voice from behind. Lupe suddenly walked to beside Ezekiel and locked eyes with the human.

"<Slow down!>" cried another recognizable voice. Lucy and Dexter (in his human form) joined the two in front the door. Although they didn't seem to be running, the petite Weavile was panting very hard.

"You should have stayed with the nurses, Lucy," said Dexter worriedly.

"<Gimme a break, I've dealt with worse poison before. I once beat a Grimer so badly some of his sludge flew into my mouth. Talk about—>"

"<AHEM!>" Lupe interrupted, wanting to get back to the point and unwilling to hear the rest of Lucy's story. "<Can you explain why you still have the CD that I gave to you hours ago?>"

"I'm handing in the CD right now, for your information. I just needed a little... convincing." He directed the last part toward Dexter, who nodded in recognition. The four rebels remained silent until Lupe spoke again.

"<In the future, learn to trust Ivan's word. I doubt what you've seen today is half as bad as things we've all witnessed.>" In his usual manner, he left before Ezekiel could reply.

"<I think he likes you,>" Lucy quickly stated before darting off to Lupe's side like a loyal dog. Dexter didn't bother with any words and just patted Ezekiel on the shoulder and left.

Alone again, Ezekiel turned the doorknob and entered the room. By the looks of things, Ivan hadn't moved an inch since he was last here.

"I heard voices outside the door. Is something wrong?" questioned the geezer.

"No, just a chat with Lupe, Lucy and Dexter."

"Nice to see you four are getting along, as you will be seeing a lot more of the each other in the future. But let's get to the main reason why you're here." Ivan lifted himself from his seat and approached, holding his hand out in the same manner as before. Ezekiel did the same, and when Ivan pulled on the CD, it slid effortlessly out of his hand. A smile appeared on the faces of both men, and Ivan suddenly grabbed his hand again, this time for a handshake.

"Glad to have you with us. I hope the things you saw weren't too severe."

"They were... unexpected. But I guess I might have to learn to get used to it," Ezekiel replied, thinking on Lupe's most recent words.

"Well, I have lots of work to do now with this in my possession. Why don't you get something to eat, you must be starving."

"I'll go do that..." Ezekiel turned around to leave but stopped in front of the door. "Ivan, did you know my father?" he unexpectedly asked.

Ivan gave a shallow sigh. "Sorry to disappoint you, but no. As you know, he traveled to Johto and may have even been part of the larger rebellion. If it helps, I think your father would be very proud of you right now."

The young man nearly fell over when he heard that, but quickly recovered. "I think he would... we were so much alike, after all."

Without another word, Ezekiel dismissed himself from the leader's presence, but walked past the bar and its many beverages and meals. With the images of the day's events playing in his mind like a feature film, there was no way he was going to be able to eat. He knew it would be the last night memories of father appeared in his dreams, as a whole new assortment of nightmares was lined up to take their place.


***** End of Chapter Four *****

Beta'd by diamonpearl876
 
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(Posting this in both forums incase one blows up XD)

I actually quite like this chapter. I love how you put Ezekiel still having doubts and have him slowly transition him to finally deciding to join the rebellion.

Also, quite like the beginning, how Ezekiel and his father have a strained relationship. I wish though it was flesh out more though, moreso on how the Order got his mother back in their religion.

Lastly, I thought it's interesting how the Order is taking control of the people's lives, though like Lupe, probably it's worse than what Ezekiel saw, huh?

Again, despite not much happening, I still like this chapter a lot. Ezekiel is developed a bit and also we know a bit more of the Order. I'll end this review with this quote:

"<I think he likes you,>" Lucy quickly stated before darting off to Lupe's side like a loyal dog. Dexter didn't bother with any words and just patted Ezekiel on the shoulder and left.

Good ol' Lucy. XD
 
Thanks Bay, I was worried that this chapter wouldn't quite live up to it's potential. I was thinking about exploring his relationship with his mother more, but seeing as his father was assassinated by the Order, I thought he'd be the better candidate for a flashback. And I also had to clear up why Ezekiel was as sad as a normal person would be to find out his father was killed by his leaders. As for the Order, I've got many more surprises left in store, with hints of them placed in this chapter.
 
Gah, darn my klutzy fingers. I had this typed up once already but then I accidentally shut the tab instead of clicking 'submit reply'. >.<

My backup, of course, was only the half-finished version. *Headdesk* Ah well, I think I've restored all the stuff I lost in that process. XD

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite ready to die yet," he said bitterly. "I'm sorry for what happened to your mother, and it plagues me every day, but I'm doing this so it doesn't happen to you either. They can't get to me in Johto, and with me out of the picture they won't come after you. Especially now that you got that new job. And—"

'Either' would imply that it didn't happen to his mother either. However, judging by this exchange it did happen to her, so that should be 'too' or a synonymous expression.

A smirk appeared on the man's face as he stared at what looked like to be a younger version of himself. It astounded him as to how Ezekiel could hate him so much and even more than that, not understand his cause.

Nothing wrong with this, except...how come we shifted into his dad's perspective all of a sudden? Given that this is Ezekiel's flashback rather than an actual even in the present, the only viewpoint we really have justification to share is his, since the scene is just things as he remembers them, with no guarantee of whether they're the real thing or not.

Erm...I hope that made some sense? XD

That was the last thing written on the page, the indubitable signature of lord Peign. Ezekiel's eyes rested upon that particular part of the document the longest. He had seen the same signature so many times before to the point where he could tell the difference from the real thing and a Smeargle's forgery.

We seem to have a head-on collision of two tentative sentences for this place. Surely, that would be more like "so many times that"?

Expectantly, it hadn't changed at all since Ezekiel had last been there. Ivan was still seated at his desk engrossed in his laptop, and the teen looked on from behind him, still wearing his smirk. Ezekiel stood there for a few seconds, trying to decide if he should wait for Ivan to acknowledge him or speak up.

You might want to reconsider that word choice. As it is, the sentence implies that the office hadn't changed at all because it was expecting something, and that's...trippy to say the least. 'As expected' would imply that this coincides with Ezekiel's expectations instead.

"<Oh no, you're coming with me. We should leave before sunrise.>" The large reptilian-bird insisted before nudging Ezekiel out of the room with his snout. However, the young male was able to get a peak at Ivan before the doors shut. He was seated at his desk, buried in his work as usual. Was he really that sure that this little trip would change Ezekiel's mind?

That was meant to be 'peek', surely?

Slowly, Dexter outstretched his immense wings and rose at a steady pace. The first thing to catch Ezekiel's attention was the sun as it slowly began to rise behind Arcanum. The towering skyscrapers glinted in the orange light, temporarily blinding anyone foolish enough to look directly at them. Lucky for Ezekiel, he averted his eyes to the suburbs just fast enough to avoid the worst of the glare. The suburbs looked like a blemish on the hand that was Arcanum, with its poorly built buildings and dangerous streets.

There are multiple skycrapers, so 'them' rather than 'it'.

With the shoreline in sight, Ezekiel looked ahead, expecting to see some teenagers having the time of their lives on the beach. Instead, hundreds of Krabby walked along the sand without a care in the world. As the pair passed over the mass gathering, all eyes fell upon the human soaring through the sky. Their stares startled him. It was the kind of stare given to something you hadn't seen in a very long time.

Hate to be a prick about these things, but given that Aerodactyl is a pretty dang fast flier (and that they'd be moving pretty fast, seeing as how they're crossing oceans just like that), I should think that it's difficult in the extreme to even catch the glance of a pokémon of Krabby's size on the ground, especially when we take into account that they seem to be moving at pretty high altitude themselves, not to mention the problem of Ezekiel's impaired sight. Getting a good enough look to analyze what kind of look you seem to be getting sounds even more improbable. =O

"You've made your point, take me back," he whispered, finally regaining his ability to speak. Without argue, Dexter rose to a higher elevation and headed back to the base.

That would be 'arguing' or 'argument', I believe.

"Did you see that?" asked one of the guards on the ground as he stared at the spot where the rebels were just observing from.

That would be 'had just been', since I assume that they aren't observing anymore at the point where the guard is staring at the place. Also, 'observe' requires an object to accompany it (I.e. You must always be observing something), so either add one or stick to a less picky verb. (You could just say something like 'where the rebels had been just a moment before' or something to that effect)

"What are you talking about?" asked the one who shot the boy. There wasn't a hint of remorse in his voice.

That should be 'had shot', unless he's still in the process of shooting the boy.

"<AHEM!>" Lupe interrupted, wanting to get back to the point and unwilling to hear the rest of Lucy's story. "<Can you explain to as to why you still have the CD that I gave to you hours ago?>"

Not quite sure where you were going with that 'to as to', there, but you can just delete it in good conscience since it's not necessary for the sentence.

Without another word, Ezekiel dismissed himself from the leader's presence, but walked past the bar and its many beverages and meals. With the images of the day's events playing in his mind like a feature film, there was no way he was going to be able to eat. He knew it would be the last night memories of father appeared in his dreams, as a whole new assortment of nightmares was lined up to take their place.

There are multiple memories, so 'their'.

Overall, I like the way you patched up the plot hole of Ezekiel's sudden switch of loyalties here, though you may still want to revisit the earlier revelation chapter and make sure that there isn't too much conflict between these two, perhaps insert a hint or two of the strained relationship between Ezekiel and his father. There were also several other points that I liked a lot about this fic, particularly the little showdown between Ezekiel and Lupe, his flashback about his father, and the way you reversed the freedom versus prison thing after his little eye-opener moment.

One complaint, though: the conversion scene seemed...lacking, somehow. I can't quite put my finger on what, but I think I was kind of expecting a bit of commentary from Dexter's side (y'know...all those lovely little details about how things are out there that no-one really wants to have laid out to them), not to mention counter-arguing from Ezekiel. I mean, he made one remark at the beginning but then he just shut up and believed like a good little boy. Okay, admittedly he may just have such a disposition given that he's been such a sheep for the order all these years, but I was kind of expecting something in the way of resistance here, at least in thought.

Other than that, though, good job. Looking forward to future installments, as usual. ^^
 
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Wow this is a great fic. It's very well written, and the description is great. I've only read the first two chapters, I don't have time at the moment to read the other two, but I certainly will read them when I get the chance.
 
1500th Post!

Alter Ego said:
Nothing wrong with this, except...how come we shifted into his dad's perspective all of a sudden? Given that this is Ezekiel's flashback rather than an actual even in the present, the only viewpoint we really have justification to share is his, since the scene is just things as he remembers them, with no guarantee of whether they're the real thing or not.

Erm...I hope that made some sense? XD
It makes perfect sense, but you're forgetting the fact that Ezekiel was looking directly into his father's face right before that scene was described.

Hate to be a prick about these things, but given that Aerodactyl is a pretty dang fast flier (and that they'd be moving pretty fast, seeing as how they're crossing oceans just like that), I should think that it's difficult in the extreme to even catch the glance of a pokémon of Krabby's size on the ground, especially when we take into account that they seem to be moving at pretty high altitude themselves, not to mention the problem of Ezekiel's impaired sight. Getting a good enough look to analyze what kind of look you seem to be getting sounds even more improbable. =O

Only you would notice something like this xD. Yeah, I guess it makes sense and I gave the scene a little edit. But I couldn't change much as that scene is very important to the chapter.

Overall, I like the way you patched up the plot hole of Ezekiel's sudden switch of loyalties here, though you may still want to revisit the earlier revelation chapter and make sure that there isn't too much conflict between these two, perhaps insert a hint or two of the strained relationship between Ezekiel and his father. There were also several other points that I liked a lot about this fic, particularly the little showdown between Ezekiel and Lupe, his flashback about his father, and the way you reversed the freedom versus prison thing after his little eye-opener moment.

Go back to Chapter Two? Okay *makes note* And I'm glad you liked those parts, as they were the hardest to write other than the town scene.

One complaint, though: the conversion scene seemed...lacking, somehow. I can't quite put my finger on what, but I think I was kind of expecting a bit of commentary from Dexter's side (y'know...all those lovely little details about how things are out there that no-one really wants to have laid out to them), not to mention counter-arguing from Ezekiel. I mean, he made one remark at the beginning but then he just shut up and believed like a good little boy. Okay, admittedly he may just have such a disposition given that he's been such a sheep for the order all these years, but I was kind of expecting something in the way of resistance here, at least in thought.
I didn't want a big conversation to upset the mood after the town scene, but now that you mention, I guess the conversion was still a bit quick. If I find a way to overcome this, I'll definitely edit.
Other than that, though, good job. Looking forward to future installments, as usual. ^^
Looking forward to future reviews, as usual.

Gooberdued said:
Wow this is a great fic. It's very well written, and the description is great. I've only read the first two chapters, I don't have time at the moment to read the other two, but I certainly will read them when I get the chance.
New fan! *confetti explosion* And he thinks my fic is great *more confetti* Hopefully you'll be equally impressed by chapters three and four.
 
wow gummy,

seriously congratulations on your fic, i have to say that this IS the best fic I've read so far, and this comes from a guy who isn't that much into post-apocaliptic stories and such

overall, your grammar, and spelling errors are scarce, and you already have a lot of people helping you with that so I won't bother you for anything that (most likely) was already pointed out

(besides, since english is my second language, I didn't find much in the first two chapters, and only noticed slight errors after reading some other responses)

so... what else can I say?

great job, and I'm looking forward for more of it ;)
 
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