"Yes, I care" and "No, I don't" is the simple answer. It all comes down to that.
Most of the time I really couldn't give a squirt of piss about what others think of me. Most of what people think is inherently flawed, because how could they know or understand how I feel most of the time? Who are they to judge me anyways? Seriously, these are my true, heartfelt feelings about that subject. Those kinds of thoughts and questions run through my mind most of the time. I'm quite a jaded character really. So much so that I'm too shy for my own good sometimes and this is where the contrasting feelings do run. Sometimes I bore myself to tears, so I lend myself over to trying to please someone I think deserves to be pleased. Maybe if they're a friend, I ask their opinion about me or if I feel like just making friends in general. I don't always like what I hear of course, but it really all boils down to I don't really give a care. Most of the way I decide who is worth keeping as a friend is how they express their fine opinions. If they're really rude and hostile with it, I don't particularly care to hang out with 'em. I really can't stand people who get too hurtful with their jibes, even if they're only joking. Even if I really don't care about what they think, a part of me is still too feminine to let it go, despite actually being a guy. It hurts to be disliked, it hurts to make enemies and it hurts to know that it's going to be hard to fix, even near impossible, because some people expect too much or have some skewed views on how people should be. It's really impossible to please everyone, and it's never guaranteed that you'll please even just the one person you're trying to please all the time, and I realize that. Even with face to face contact, being able to let them hear your voice, and see your body language...it's still hard to convey feelings properly sometimes, especially since society looks down upon the extreme levels of expression one must utilize to really drive the message home. Not to mention, some idiots like to over-analyze things, and yes I'm guilty of it too, and even if you go to extremes it's still really hard to reach some people. Maybe they're just as jaded as I am, and show it a different way. Maybe they have some other problem. It's really hard to know or understand why people act the way they do without really getting to know them., which, really takes a lot of time. Some causes are more important than others, so it's impossible for me to care about what just anyone thinks, but on the flip side of the coin, I really do wonder and care sometimes...when I can do so without hurting myself or someone I care about. Even then it's hard to tell when it's safe enough to give a damn sometimes.
