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[Pokémon] Existence of Nothing Volume 1

Gray-_-Hatred

Choose how you live
374
Posts
9
Years
  • Alright, Before you start reading, let me do a quick little warning. There's violence, Profanity, Sexual Content, Just a bunch of mature content. By the way, I have the same story posted up on Fanfiction and Newgrounds, but I think this'll be my main place for posting. So yeah, Enjoy!
    ___________________________________________________________________________
    Pokemon Existence of Nothing
    -Chapter 1-
    The End Begins


    =Tyrell's POV=

    "…. What is 'Joy'?... What is 'Happiness'?... What is 'Love'?... I ask myself these questions over and over in hopes of finding an answer but, I can't seem to find it. Those around me experience these trivial emotions... Why not me? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I love? Is there perhaps... Something wrong with me?..."

    I look up from my desk and stare at the teacher, who was teaching her classroom. Her eyes met mine and she asked: "Tyrell? Is there a question you'd like to ask?" I shook my head, not wanting anymore attention on me. But before I realized it, all the heads in the classroom were facing me. I quickly shouted before she continued teaching the lesson. "I'd actually like a drink of water please!"

    "Go ahead, Tyrell, hurry back quickly." She said, while writing on the board. I left the room quickly after grabbing my books and bag, I had no intention of going back into that class. I went to the school roof, a spot where it was nice and quiet. I walked up the staircase and entered the door leading to the roof. The roof created a nice bit of shade, so I decided to lay down beside its wall.

    "Hopefully nobody would come up here, I could use a good nap." I said to myself, already dozing off into sleep. As I was closing my eyes, I thought I heard the school announcements... Must be my imagination, lack of sleep can cause hallucinations.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​
    I opened one of my eyes and saw an orange horizon.

    "...What time is it?..." I slowly picked up my phone from my pocket and squinted as I turned the brightness down... My eyes widen as I saw the time "6:53?!" I got up hastily and ran towards the edge of the roof getting my Pokemon from my pocket.

    "Let's go Staraptor!" I shouted, sending her out of her pokeball. I jumped off the roof and Staraptor came to my aid by flying underneath me, making me land on her back while simultaneously flying off to my house not too far from school. As Staraptor flew to my house, I noticed a lot of military trucks and a variety of steel type Pokemon.

    "Staraptor, fly a little lower so I can get a better view." I ordered. She did just that. She lowered her altitude and I saw strange R like symbols on each steel type Pokemon. The most common seemed to be Aggron, and they all had that R like symbol on them.

    Staraptor flew in circles over them as I wondered why and what are these military men and their Pokemon doing all over the city.

    "Hmm... Whatever it is, I don't want to get involved. Staraptor! Let's go ho-" I heard a terrifying screech from my Staraptor as she hurled to the ground with me still on top of her.

    "Staraptor?!"

    I noticed her eyes were closed. That's when I realized static sparks coming off of her. I tried to wake her up, But it was no use... We were heading towards the ground so fast, I felt my face sting as the wind brushed along it harder than concrete.

    "AAAHHHHH!"

    …... My head hurts... I opened one of my eyes... It was blurry... I slowly got up and when I did, my hands and feet were covered in a dark red liquid... "...Blood?" I traced the blood back and it... It was coming from my Staraptor... My eyes widen as I saw one of my dear Pokemon lay on the cracked concrete.

    "Staraptor?"

    I put my hand on her stomach, and felt no heart beat... No pulse... "... No... Noo... This is fake... A dream... Wake up Staraptor... WAKE UP!" I felt myself beginning to tear up. "No... NOOO! GET UP STARAPTOR!" I yelled hoping she would regain consciousness, but to no avail. I poured my eyes out... "My one and only Pokemon... Dead..."

    Soon I heard the voice of a man. "He's over here!" The guy said as he pointed a gun at me. People who dressed the same as him came to his side As he walked up to me, I looked up in fear as he pointed the gun at my head. I soon felt an incredibly painful shock surge all around my body… He tased me…

    I tried to maintain consciousness but felt myself give away to the pain. I slowly started to close my eyes, But as I did, A girl with brown hair wearing all black jumped from the rooftop of a building and landed on one of the soldier that was killing me and started to fight them...? I Couldn't make out her Pokemon, But it looked like a dog...I crawled to the wall and that was when I decided to... Sleep…

    =MYSTERIOUS GIRL'S POV=

    "Hmm...2..3..4..." I glanced to my left and as I did, one of the soldiers ran to me. I slowly take a few steps back as I finish counting the rest. "There seems to be 7 in total... You take out the Pokemon, I'll get the men." The Pokemon by her side nodded and immediately dashed towards the Soldier's Pokemon, Shooting multiple shards of ice. Though the ice shards looked small, They were full of power. Each one shot sent the opposing Aggron straight to the ground.

    Meanwhile, The Mysterious girl was doing hand to hand combat with all the men, taking them down one by one until all were on the ground spilling a decent amount of blood.

    "That was easier than expected-"
    "TAKE THIS!-"

    A man running towards the girl yelling until he was violently tackled into the alley wall by the girl's Pokemon. "... Thanks." The girl said, petting her light blue Pokemon. "Now... What do we do with that guy over there?" She asked, Pointing to Tyrell. The Pokemon walked up to Tyrell and it's eyes widen in fear. It backed away before looking at the girl, nodding.

    "!... I never seen you act like that before... You really think he can do it?" The Pokemon nodded again before getting over it's fear. "Alright then, But I don't think the others will let a kid like him try to tame it. Oh well, It's worth a shot." The girl carried Tyrell onto her Pokemon before getting on herself. The Pokemon jumped from the alley, leaving the injured men, Pokemon and Dead Staraptor.

    =TYRELL'S POV=

    "Ugh..." I got up from the couch I was in and look around. The room I was in seemed like to me just a living room sized metal box. The floors were the same as the walls and ceiling. There was a Old man sitting in a computer in front of me, A younger girl looking over him, A guy who seemed like he was angry was asleep on the cold metal floor and a familiar looking girl standing over me with I believe was the same dog.

    "Where am I?! Who are you people?!" I shouted nervously.

    "Now Now, I don't think that's the way you should 'ask' for information. Especially when the information you want is from someone who saved your life." The girl above him said giving him a stern look.

    "... I guess... Can you please tell me where I am? And who are you people?"

    "WE! Are what's the only thing not tainted by this corrupt world! The old man sitting in the chair said while spinning in it, slowly moving closer to Tyrell. "Before we tell you who we are and what we do, I think it would be best to tell you where you are my good boy. We are in a hidden location, more specifically, 80 miles under the ground, covered by ocean and rock above us! Why am I telling you this? Well It's quite simple! When we tell you our identities, We can ensure you won't tell anybody, and if we think you're going to betray us, we can easily dispose of you. Now that we have gotten that out of the way, Let's move on to who we are, shall we?" He mentioned, finally no longer spinning.

    "We, Are Nothing. We are Nobodies, Cast aside by the world, leaving us with nothing except our names. I, am Jerald. A former lead scientist of Silph Co.'s. The girl that was studying me and my work is; Amy, My granddaughter. The man you see that looks upset in his sleep is Evan and the girl who saved your life is Mira."

    Tyrell Looked at everyone equally but looked at Mira the longest.

    "I don't know why Mira brought you to this place, But she and her Pokemon; Suicune have a great sense of Judgment." The old man continued. "Actually Jerald, It was Suicune who made the choice to bring that boy here. Suicune believes he can tame 'IT'." Mira added.

    "WHAT?! You think a curious boy like him can tame a Pokemon like 'THAT'?" Jerald questioned in blatant fury. "No. Suicune does, and so far, Suicune hasn't been wrong about anything. Besides, You just suggested you trusted our judgment." Mira replied, Calm as usual.

    "But how can you be so sure?! The Pokemon Locked up in the containment facility has killed 3 of our men. The one's WE thought were worthy. Do you really want to risk this child's life?!" Jerald shouted.

    "I do not care about his life, What we all do care for, is the safety for all People and Pokemon. If a few people need to die for the lives of millions, then so be it. If this kid can tame 'IT' then that will greatly give us the upper hand against the world's forces." Mira stated while walking towards the Containment Facility. "Also, You wanted to know why Suicune thinks that boy can tame it? It's because-"

    "HOLD UP!"

    Tyrell Shouted. "My name is NOT: Boy or Kid. It's TYRELL. T-Y-R-E-L-L. Get it straight. Stop talking to me like I don't value my life or don't exist because I do!" I shouted.

    "No Tyrell... The life you once had is now gone. You don't exist, That's why you're here." Jerald mention.

    "If you don't exist, Then how do you expect to make the changes?" I stated.

    Jerald was left silent.

    "... You make a good point, But the fact remains... You are here for a reason. You will fulfill that reason. Just as we all have." Jerald said, looking down.

    "What do you mean?" I asked. "You think we all haven't tried to tame 'it'? Luckily for us, The Pokemon we have locked up only contributed minor injuries to us. Possibly because it knows that our reasons for using it is flawed, but how we go about using it, Is the way it should be done. The only thing it hasn't harmed, is Mira. But Mira can't get it to co-operate with us." Jerald said looking slightly over at Mira.

    "...Can I see it?" Tyrell asked.

    "Not yet. You will see it when you try to tame it, but I'm quite curious to know why Suicune volunteered you of all people, Tyrell." Jerald said, having more faith in Mira's & Suicune's decision.

    "You would have known if I wasn't so rudely interrupted" Mira added, glaring at Tyrell.

    "Oh, I'm sorry for allowing you to refer to me as a nobody." Tyrell said in haste glaring back at Mira.

    "Tch. I was about to just leave him somewhere away from the military's base, but Suicune showed some sign of fear when going up to him. I assume it's the same fear it received from the Pokemon we have locked up." Mira claimed.

    "I see... It's very rare to see Suicune show fear. That definitely tells us something." Jerald mentioned, now intrigued. "Very well... Let's show him the Pokemon. Amy, wake up Evan. I have faith this might be the moment of truth." Jerald ordered.

    "Okay gramps, we'll be there in a minute." She replied as she goes to wake up Evan.

    Jerald started to open the spectate area while opening the gates to the Pokemon's Chamber. As soon as Tyrell fully stepped In the room, Jerald closed the entrance, leaving only him and the Pokemon inside. Tyrell felt an ominous aura. He felt the Pressure of just being near this Pokemon. Tyrell looked up and saw Mira, Jerald, Evan and Amy watching him, Then he looked back at the Pokemon.

    "Why is it just standing there? I asked, yelling to the spectating Jerald.

    "Well. This Pokemon Conserves its energy by keeping still in one spot." Jerald answered through the speaker.

    "Interesting, This Pokemon seems to value its power and must always want to remain strong..." I thought to myself.
    "Hey Jerald!" Tyrell yelled.

    "Hm?" He replied confused.

    "You never told me the name of this Pokemon." Tyrell mentioned.

    "I haven't? How forgetful of me. It's name is: Mewtwo."

    Spoiler:
    ___________________________________________________________________________

    This is my first attempt at posting up a thread like this, so I'm not sure what I'm doing right or wrong. Let me know what you'd like to see, What should be added and whatnot. Thanks!

     
    Last edited:

    Bay

    6,388
    Posts
    17
    Years
  • Hey, I thought I would drop by to check your story out and give out some advice. I'll go ahead and mention some of the grammar and mechanics first.

    "Go ahead, Tyrell, hurry back quickly." She said, while writing on the board.

    For dialogue, if it won't end in question mark or exclimation point, then periods should be replaced with comma. Also pronouns (except for "I") shouldn't be capitalized, like this-

    "Go ahead, Tyrell, hurry back quickly," she said, while writing on the board

    "He's over here!" The guy said as he pointed a gun at me.

    If something like "the guy," "the girl," "the old man," etc. then "the" should be capitalized either.

    I noticed many times you capitalized random words. "I Couldn't make out her Pokemon," "The Mysterious girl, ""Dead Staraptor," "Well It's quite simple," etc.

    "Ugh..." I got up from the couch I was in and look around. The room I was in seemed like to me just a living room sized metal box. The floors were the same as the walls and ceiling. There was a Old man sitting in a computer in front of me, A younger girl looking over him, A guy who seemed like he was angry was asleep on the cold metal floor and a familiar looking girl standing over me with I believe was the same dog.

    "Old" should be lowercased and so should the bolded "a"'s.

    "We, Are Nothing. We are Nobodies, Cast aside by the world, leaving us with nothing except our names. I, am Jerald. A former lead scientist of Silph Co.'s. The girl that was studying me and my work is; Amy, My granddaughter. The man you see that looks upset in his sleep is Evan and the girl who saved your life is Mira."

    This sentence has weird capitalization and punctuation, which makes the sentences sounds awkward if read. I would change it like this-

    "We, are nothing. We are nobodies, cast aside by the world, leaving us with nothing except our names. I am Jerald, a former lead scientist of Silph Co.'s. The girl that was studying me and my work is Amy, my granddaughter. The man you see that looks upset in his sleep is Evan and the girl who saved your life is Mira."

    "I don't know why Mira brought you to this place, But she and her Pokemon; Suicune have a great sense of Judgment." The old man continued. "Actually Jerald, It was Suicune who made the choice to bring that boy here. Suicune believes he can tame 'IT'." Mira added.

    More weird capitalization here along with dialogue that should be seperated into two paragraphs. Should be like this -

    "I don't know why Mira brought you to this place, but she and her Pokemon; Suicune have a great sense of Judgment," the old man continued.

    "Actually Jerald, it was Suicune who made the choice to bring that boy here. Suicune believes he can tame 'IT'," Mira added.


    Reading further, I noticed several more instances where if you have two different speakers the dialogue are in the same paragraph. If you have different speakers, each get their own paragraph.

    "HOLD UP!"

    Tyrell Shouted. "My name is NOT: Boy or Kid. It's TYRELL. T-Y-R-E-L-L. Get it straight. Stop talking to me like I don't value my life or don't exist because I do!" I shouted.

    I noticed a slip up from first to third there (on several occasions, in fact, like with Mira's pov). Otherwise, I think this part should be rewritten like this-

    "HOLD UP!" "My name is NOT: Boy or Kid. It's TYRELL. T-Y-R-E-L-L. Get it straight. Stop talking to me like I don't value my life or don't exist because I do!" I shouted.

    Okay, enough with the grammar. I'll admit, I'm confused as to what the "nobodies" group's agenda is, although that's probably because we're only in the first chapter. Besides that, sounds to me Suicune chose Tyrell as a "chosen one", which sends me a red flag. What makes Suicune think Tyrell can be able to handle Mewtwo already?

    I'll be honest, this first chapter is littered with dialogue punctuation mistakes, randomized capitalization, and the slip from first to third person pov that it was hard for me to get through this and hence why the majority of the review is on the mistakes instead of the overall chapter. I highly suggest proofreading and/or get a beta to help with the mechanics. For the point of view slip up, I would choose either first person or third person and stick with it. If you want to have Tyrell's pov be in first and the other characters' pov third person that's fine, but I would imagine that'll be hard for you to keep track so stick to one of those.

    I apologize if this is overwhelming, there are several things that needs fixing grammar wise and I'm not so sure about a legendary thinking Tyrell can deal with Mewtwo just like that. The story still does have potential, but I would proceed with caution when handling this idea. I do wish you luck on your future chapters.
     
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