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Most fics are just unnaccepted in general.Banov said:
Like me, I don't take time to read 'em, even though I hang out in this forum~ Then I soley judge them by their titles.
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Like me, I don't take time to read 'em, even though I hang out in this forum~ Then I soley judge them by their titles.
Frostweaver
Ancient + Prehistoric
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Katsuro said:
Title is an important aspect of a story, because it reveals the absolute core of the story- in plot or of sentimental importance. If you didn't read a fanfic because the title is bad, then it means the title needs improvement. This is how titles should be for any stories that are meant to be read by anyone of age 13 and above (meaning, stories targetting anyone above elementary level of education should follow this rule for their titles. Books/stories meant to be read by younger audiences obviously do not obey this.)
The only exception to the above is those with sentimental values in the title to the author, which cannot be understood by anyone else. Those fanfics do get the unfair treatment, but the world can't always be so loving or understanding anyway. They make up a very, very, almost neglectible portion of fanfics with awkward titles though, so don't feel too, too bad about it.
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I'm not the best title creator XD
So, I get the same treatment I give~
So, I get the same treatment I give~
Why can't you change it? It's your fanfic--if you don't like the title, do away with it.
I don't have much of a problem with titles. It's summaries I can't stand. That's not really an issue on forums, though.
I don't have much of a problem with titles. It's summaries I can't stand. That's not really an issue on forums, though.
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Summaries... I hate having to write summaries. Especially if lots of plotlines are in a story, then summarizing it in a few hundred words can sometimes be a chore. Besides that, a summary can often ruin an aspect of surprise and makes something that may be original cliche by the time they read that originality, all because the summary told them [vaguely] what was going to happen.
Dragonfree
Teh Spwriter. :3
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Well, in my fic, I make the humans understand the Pok?mon rather than the Pok?mon speak their language. Of course, it's simply a school subject so since ten years before the start of the fic, everybody has learned it.
The exception is Gyarados, who both speaks humans and is different in several other ways. For a reason, obviously.
The exception is Gyarados, who both speaks humans and is different in several other ways. For a reason, obviously.
Frostweaver
Ancient + Prehistoric
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Dilasc said:
I don't think people will bother reading a summary that's a few hundred words long. Probably, a "summary" should only be as long as what FFN allows- just 2 lines worth of text. That's probably the same amount of the words that fit on the back of a real book.
On the other way...
YAY I finally finished reading Trials of Reluctance! Expect its fanfic review (but without quotes though... it's insane to quote stuff over 10 chapters worth in length) tomorrow on Sunday!
^^; We haven't seen a Frosty review for a LONG time now... but it will come up tomorrow!
Dark Quill
Shadow of a demon
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frostweaver said:
Then consider my work a DarkFic.
SRW: I could put it here, but do you really think we would want to put up with all the complaints and such? I think we'll just have to leave it on your boards for now, But pheraps we can expand it a little later.
Dragonfree
Teh Spwriter. :3
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Frosty review! *bounces*frostweaver said:
I kinda have the title problem too, but I just can't bring myself to change it. Besides that when I've thought about it, I've never thought of anything better, really. There are too many things in the fic - focusing on one in the name always seems to leave something out. Of course, "The Quest for the Legends" does that too, but at least I'm used to it. =/
Frostweaver
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@ Trials of Reluctance (up to ch.21), Meitantei Isaac
Title- 3/5
5 Title is symbolic, highly relevant and unique to the story
4 Title is relevant to and descriptive about the story
3 Title is descriptive, but is not precise in terms of descriptiveness, or is clich?
2 Title is general, and applicable to most stories
1 Title is irrelevant, and applicable to all stories
-most of the chapter titles are pretty descriptive, and captures the plot fairly well
-a couple titles are rather unnecessarily lengthy... I remember one of them that even spans to 2 lines long on my screen. It's ok to have long titles, but probably not to this extent. Try to be precise about the wordings.
-once again a note to all writers, "To Kill a Mockingbird" is NOT something you want to allude to in your story unless you are talking about discrimination or racism. Sticking a random noun that resembles a bird of some kind into "To Kill a _______" really doesn't fit...
Narrative Manner- 4/5
5 Narrative manner is excellent, and adds strength and/or hidden meaning to the story
4 Narrative manner is good, and adds some emphasize to the story
3 Narrative manner is decent, and is suitable to the story
2 Narrative manner is acceptable but not precise, or format is incorrect
1 Narrative manner is poor, and weakens the story
-mostly it's done very well, with suitable changes in the narrative manner from 3rd person to 1st person in specific story arcs/interludes.
-the only thing that I can complain on is that sometimes the 1st person is used when the author begins to talk to the readers directly, mostly for comedical purposes. However, the story arc regarding the entire adventure up Mt. Chimney is probably not very suitable to insert one of those moments.
Grammar/Coherence- 8/10
10 Grammar mistakes are inexistent, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
8-9 Grammar mistakes are rare, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
6-7 Grammar mistakes are uncommon, but story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
5 Grammar mistakes are common, and story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
1-4 Grammar mistakes are common, and story suffers loopholes in plot
-really be careful about spell checks... the computer cannot pick up misused words, or the infamous "your" vs "you're."
-sometimes there are repeated words as if they aren't completely deleted when editing... there's a couple of occassions where some phrases repeat, such as "they are they are"
-I think that there are a couple of run-ons, but they aren't too bad considering how infrequent they show up over 21 chapters
Major Character(s)- 12/15
14-15 Major characters are very multi-faceted. All details are highly precise and relevant
12-13 Major characters are multi-faceted. Most details are highly precise and relevant
11-12 Major characters are multi-faceted but limited. Details are precise and relevant
9-10 Major characters are slightly stereotypical. Details are precise but not very relevant
7-8 Major characters are generally stereotypical. Details are present but need precision.
5-6 Major characters are stereotypical. Details are present but limited in amount.
1-4 Major characters have no personality traits, and no details are paid to characters.
-May is slightly confusing here... I didn't understand her very well when Steelix showed up the first time along with the Zubat/Golbat crowd, especially when the inner conflict shows up again between May and her "younger self." That part is pretty confusing. I definitely recommand more details about May's character, especially any of the scenes in the Astral Plain (which proves itself to be increasingly important, as it seems to fortell parts of the future too on top of self-discovery, such as the sinister Steelix)
-Didn't really understand May's dark aura, and its effect on Lightning's evolution either. All I got out of that part is that somehow the evolution is (at first) not going on normally as any other evolution. This maybe connected to the confusion first caused by the above point, though.
-Brendan was much more clear, precise, and easy to understand. There was enough details about him. It's pretty cool to see that some of the minor details are coming back, proving that the author haven't forgotton about them, such as the glasses.
-After May woke up, Angelique never physically appeared again, but there were a couple "mentionings" of her (such as the mentioning of topaz eyes) throughout the story arc related to Mt. Chimney. I never figured out why she suddenly "appeared" either, or for what purposes...
Minor Character(s)- 6/10
9-10 Minor characters are necessary and relevant, contributing to the story in multiple ways
7-8 Minor characters are interesting and relevant, contributing to the story
6-7 Minor characters are interesting, but are limited in contribution to the story
4-5 Minor characters are irrelevant, and are limited in contribution to the story
1-4 Minor characters are completely irrelevant, and are completely unnecessary to the story
-an insane amount of supporting casts... with an insane amount of names for those casts. If they only appear for one sentence worth (such as a lot of the Magma grunts who accompanied Amanda, and the two camper girls with Daisuke), then just call them by something generic (the grunts) and save some names. That can lower the amount of confusing over the various casts.
-never really understood just what is Steelix trying to do, even with the help of Steven's analysis of the Steel Snake. What's with the dragonbreath up to the sky, and the sudden revitalization of Steelix after it's hit by Metagross's Earthquake when it's using Dragonbreath against the sky? It's a bit rushed up for Steelix, which isn't too fair for the poor guy. Steelix was a pretty interesting Pokemon character, more than Tsunami.
-Soltone's defeat is quite a disappointment, considering the large amount of power it used when it first appeared. Did it use any attack but hypnosis, psywave and fire spin ever? Plus when you think about it, all of this is Solrock's attacks... so where does Lunatone come in? >>; When you look at the length of Steelix's battle, incomparison to Soltone...
-Team Magma/Aqua's hatred against one another is still confusing... In the earlier parts, it feels like Ayame is Archie's family relatives (sister, etc), but then later it gives me the impression that she was his wife... it's not the same to call one "family" if s/he is actually "husband/wife." When one is only addressed as a member of the family, then it usually refers to parents and siblings. Spouses and children are even closer in comparison to these family members, so they are usually referred to as more than just "family." Some forms of reinforcement usually goes along with the term... I still don't know what's the exact relationship between Archie and Ayame right now.
Story Details- 8/10
9-10 Details are relevant, contributing to at least four out of the five story components
7-8 Details are sometimes relevant, contributing to most story components
5-6 Details are lacking, not necessarily relevant and verisimilitude is endangered
3-4 Details are severely lacking, and verisimilitude is damaged
1-2 Details are almost inexistent, and verisimilitude is severely damaged
-some of the battling details are rather lacking, such as an explanation on the exact effect of Soul Thread from Shining Fist. Things happen rather quickly too.
-finally we see what's the point of the Pokemon game O.o; those sections were pretty annoying because we have no idea what is the point of that Pokemon game before...
-think most of the problems regarding details are mentioned already cause it overlapsed into the other sections...
Conflict- 5/5
5 At least 3 conflicts are present, ?good and evil? cannot be divided
4 Many conflicts are present to enhance the plot, ?good and evil? are questionable
3 ?Man vs. Man? along other conflicts, but ?good and evil? are obvious
2 ?Man vs. Man? only, good and evil are obvious
1 ?Man vs. Man? only, ending is highly predictable
-this story never had any problem in this section. Keep up the good work!
Diction/Tone- 13/15
14-15 Diction greatly contributes to story components. Tone is very relevant and suitable
12-13 Diction contributes to story components. Tone is suitable but not always relevant
10-11 Diction and tone are suitable but not always relevant
8-9 Diction and tone are sometimes suitable but always relevant
6-7 Diction and tone are sometimes inappropriate and are not relevant
1-5 Diction and tone are inappropriate and are not considered by the author
-a couple of words/phrases are used quite repetitively... "cold daggers" are used quite a lot when there are plenty of other ways to express the same thing, such as glaring and so on. There's a couple of other words that are used repetitively too during the first battle against Steelix.
-again as mentioned earlier in this review, there's a couple places where comedy is not preferred due to the high tension within that section of the story
-overall, diction is good. It doesn't contribute anything extra, nor does it hold any secret meaning behind some words, but it doesn't subtract anything away from the story.
Story Structure- 14/15
14-15 Story structure is carefully planned and greatly contributes to all story components
12-13 Story structure is planned and contributes to most story components
10-11 Story structure is planned and contributes to some story components
8-9 Story structure is slightly weak and sometimes contributes to some story components
6-7 Story structure is weak and rarely contributes to story components
4-5 Story structure is weak and endangers the story components
1-3 Story structure is fragile and damages the story components
-again, this section has always been an obvious strength of this story. This story has carefully placed each scene in an effective place.
-the only thing I see about this is that during May/Steven's battle with Steelix, and Brandon/Mia/Flannery's battle with Gatsura, sometimes the connection between the switches in these two simultaneous battle isn't too good. It will probably be better if scenes are switched back and forth when both cases are around the same level of tension. The two battles should be shown to the readers simultaneously too. I remember one section is "20 minutes ago" and that annoyed me a bit...
Effort- 9/10
9-10 A great amount of effort is shown. Author?s re-read and editing are apparent.
7-8 A good amount of effort is shown. Further double checking maybe necessary.
5-6 A good amount of effort is shown. Double checking and spell checking are necessary.
1-4 A limited amount of effort is shown. Please use spell check and other helpful devices.
-a few mentioned grammatical errors are *really* obvious... rather surprised that they aren't caught on your 3rd check-up
Literal Device Bonus- + 1/15 (Foreshadowing 1/1, Contradictive Style /1, Foil /1, Dramatic Irony /2, Situational Irony /2, Allusion /2, Motif/Symbols /3, Theme /3)
Total- 83/100
The minor characters are probably the biggest problems in this story. Do keep in mind that it's relatively a lot harder to score in time of heavy action in an adventure story, because it's so easy to confuse your readers about the situation of the battle.
Of course, as always, argue with me for mark refunds.
Title- 3/5
5 Title is symbolic, highly relevant and unique to the story
4 Title is relevant to and descriptive about the story
3 Title is descriptive, but is not precise in terms of descriptiveness, or is clich?
2 Title is general, and applicable to most stories
1 Title is irrelevant, and applicable to all stories
-most of the chapter titles are pretty descriptive, and captures the plot fairly well
-a couple titles are rather unnecessarily lengthy... I remember one of them that even spans to 2 lines long on my screen. It's ok to have long titles, but probably not to this extent. Try to be precise about the wordings.
-once again a note to all writers, "To Kill a Mockingbird" is NOT something you want to allude to in your story unless you are talking about discrimination or racism. Sticking a random noun that resembles a bird of some kind into "To Kill a _______" really doesn't fit...
Narrative Manner- 4/5
5 Narrative manner is excellent, and adds strength and/or hidden meaning to the story
4 Narrative manner is good, and adds some emphasize to the story
3 Narrative manner is decent, and is suitable to the story
2 Narrative manner is acceptable but not precise, or format is incorrect
1 Narrative manner is poor, and weakens the story
-mostly it's done very well, with suitable changes in the narrative manner from 3rd person to 1st person in specific story arcs/interludes.
-the only thing that I can complain on is that sometimes the 1st person is used when the author begins to talk to the readers directly, mostly for comedical purposes. However, the story arc regarding the entire adventure up Mt. Chimney is probably not very suitable to insert one of those moments.
Grammar/Coherence- 8/10
10 Grammar mistakes are inexistent, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
8-9 Grammar mistakes are rare, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
6-7 Grammar mistakes are uncommon, but story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
5 Grammar mistakes are common, and story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
1-4 Grammar mistakes are common, and story suffers loopholes in plot
-really be careful about spell checks... the computer cannot pick up misused words, or the infamous "your" vs "you're."
-sometimes there are repeated words as if they aren't completely deleted when editing... there's a couple of occassions where some phrases repeat, such as "they are they are"
-I think that there are a couple of run-ons, but they aren't too bad considering how infrequent they show up over 21 chapters
Major Character(s)- 12/15
14-15 Major characters are very multi-faceted. All details are highly precise and relevant
12-13 Major characters are multi-faceted. Most details are highly precise and relevant
11-12 Major characters are multi-faceted but limited. Details are precise and relevant
9-10 Major characters are slightly stereotypical. Details are precise but not very relevant
7-8 Major characters are generally stereotypical. Details are present but need precision.
5-6 Major characters are stereotypical. Details are present but limited in amount.
1-4 Major characters have no personality traits, and no details are paid to characters.
-May is slightly confusing here... I didn't understand her very well when Steelix showed up the first time along with the Zubat/Golbat crowd, especially when the inner conflict shows up again between May and her "younger self." That part is pretty confusing. I definitely recommand more details about May's character, especially any of the scenes in the Astral Plain (which proves itself to be increasingly important, as it seems to fortell parts of the future too on top of self-discovery, such as the sinister Steelix)
-Didn't really understand May's dark aura, and its effect on Lightning's evolution either. All I got out of that part is that somehow the evolution is (at first) not going on normally as any other evolution. This maybe connected to the confusion first caused by the above point, though.
-Brendan was much more clear, precise, and easy to understand. There was enough details about him. It's pretty cool to see that some of the minor details are coming back, proving that the author haven't forgotton about them, such as the glasses.
-After May woke up, Angelique never physically appeared again, but there were a couple "mentionings" of her (such as the mentioning of topaz eyes) throughout the story arc related to Mt. Chimney. I never figured out why she suddenly "appeared" either, or for what purposes...
Minor Character(s)- 6/10
9-10 Minor characters are necessary and relevant, contributing to the story in multiple ways
7-8 Minor characters are interesting and relevant, contributing to the story
6-7 Minor characters are interesting, but are limited in contribution to the story
4-5 Minor characters are irrelevant, and are limited in contribution to the story
1-4 Minor characters are completely irrelevant, and are completely unnecessary to the story
-an insane amount of supporting casts... with an insane amount of names for those casts. If they only appear for one sentence worth (such as a lot of the Magma grunts who accompanied Amanda, and the two camper girls with Daisuke), then just call them by something generic (the grunts) and save some names. That can lower the amount of confusing over the various casts.
-never really understood just what is Steelix trying to do, even with the help of Steven's analysis of the Steel Snake. What's with the dragonbreath up to the sky, and the sudden revitalization of Steelix after it's hit by Metagross's Earthquake when it's using Dragonbreath against the sky? It's a bit rushed up for Steelix, which isn't too fair for the poor guy. Steelix was a pretty interesting Pokemon character, more than Tsunami.
-Soltone's defeat is quite a disappointment, considering the large amount of power it used when it first appeared. Did it use any attack but hypnosis, psywave and fire spin ever? Plus when you think about it, all of this is Solrock's attacks... so where does Lunatone come in? >>; When you look at the length of Steelix's battle, incomparison to Soltone...
-Team Magma/Aqua's hatred against one another is still confusing... In the earlier parts, it feels like Ayame is Archie's family relatives (sister, etc), but then later it gives me the impression that she was his wife... it's not the same to call one "family" if s/he is actually "husband/wife." When one is only addressed as a member of the family, then it usually refers to parents and siblings. Spouses and children are even closer in comparison to these family members, so they are usually referred to as more than just "family." Some forms of reinforcement usually goes along with the term... I still don't know what's the exact relationship between Archie and Ayame right now.
Story Details- 8/10
9-10 Details are relevant, contributing to at least four out of the five story components
7-8 Details are sometimes relevant, contributing to most story components
5-6 Details are lacking, not necessarily relevant and verisimilitude is endangered
3-4 Details are severely lacking, and verisimilitude is damaged
1-2 Details are almost inexistent, and verisimilitude is severely damaged
-some of the battling details are rather lacking, such as an explanation on the exact effect of Soul Thread from Shining Fist. Things happen rather quickly too.
-finally we see what's the point of the Pokemon game O.o; those sections were pretty annoying because we have no idea what is the point of that Pokemon game before...
-think most of the problems regarding details are mentioned already cause it overlapsed into the other sections...
Conflict- 5/5
5 At least 3 conflicts are present, ?good and evil? cannot be divided
4 Many conflicts are present to enhance the plot, ?good and evil? are questionable
3 ?Man vs. Man? along other conflicts, but ?good and evil? are obvious
2 ?Man vs. Man? only, good and evil are obvious
1 ?Man vs. Man? only, ending is highly predictable
-this story never had any problem in this section. Keep up the good work!
Diction/Tone- 13/15
14-15 Diction greatly contributes to story components. Tone is very relevant and suitable
12-13 Diction contributes to story components. Tone is suitable but not always relevant
10-11 Diction and tone are suitable but not always relevant
8-9 Diction and tone are sometimes suitable but always relevant
6-7 Diction and tone are sometimes inappropriate and are not relevant
1-5 Diction and tone are inappropriate and are not considered by the author
-a couple of words/phrases are used quite repetitively... "cold daggers" are used quite a lot when there are plenty of other ways to express the same thing, such as glaring and so on. There's a couple of other words that are used repetitively too during the first battle against Steelix.
-again as mentioned earlier in this review, there's a couple places where comedy is not preferred due to the high tension within that section of the story
-overall, diction is good. It doesn't contribute anything extra, nor does it hold any secret meaning behind some words, but it doesn't subtract anything away from the story.
Story Structure- 14/15
14-15 Story structure is carefully planned and greatly contributes to all story components
12-13 Story structure is planned and contributes to most story components
10-11 Story structure is planned and contributes to some story components
8-9 Story structure is slightly weak and sometimes contributes to some story components
6-7 Story structure is weak and rarely contributes to story components
4-5 Story structure is weak and endangers the story components
1-3 Story structure is fragile and damages the story components
-again, this section has always been an obvious strength of this story. This story has carefully placed each scene in an effective place.
-the only thing I see about this is that during May/Steven's battle with Steelix, and Brandon/Mia/Flannery's battle with Gatsura, sometimes the connection between the switches in these two simultaneous battle isn't too good. It will probably be better if scenes are switched back and forth when both cases are around the same level of tension. The two battles should be shown to the readers simultaneously too. I remember one section is "20 minutes ago" and that annoyed me a bit...
Effort- 9/10
9-10 A great amount of effort is shown. Author?s re-read and editing are apparent.
7-8 A good amount of effort is shown. Further double checking maybe necessary.
5-6 A good amount of effort is shown. Double checking and spell checking are necessary.
1-4 A limited amount of effort is shown. Please use spell check and other helpful devices.
-a few mentioned grammatical errors are *really* obvious... rather surprised that they aren't caught on your 3rd check-up
Literal Device Bonus- + 1/15 (Foreshadowing 1/1, Contradictive Style /1, Foil /1, Dramatic Irony /2, Situational Irony /2, Allusion /2, Motif/Symbols /3, Theme /3)
Total- 83/100
The minor characters are probably the biggest problems in this story. Do keep in mind that it's relatively a lot harder to score in time of heavy action in an adventure story, because it's so easy to confuse your readers about the situation of the battle.
Of course, as always, argue with me for mark refunds.
Isaac Gravity
Supports hot-bloodedness
- 262
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- Years
- A quiet place where I can stare at the clouds
- Seen Aug 24, 2008
Trust me, points/scoring mean little to me. All I wanted is to know where to improve and maybe even get some pointers on how. But I'll back up what needs to be backed up....
With chapter titles, I try making these exceedingly overdramatic sounding titles like an anime would have. One of the more fun points for me really.
As far as the current title goes: I was trying to make a mixed message so it could be looked at in a more pyschological perspective. As the focus of the current mini storyline is Flannery, we're taking into account not only her ego as a whole, but the deeper idealogies one may posses by mere following of another. As I'm trying to show in this arc, her pride and very substance how she sees life has been shattered/destroyed.
The firechick part could be looked at as a pheonix, or Torchic. In a sense to represent flames or May's interferenace in Flannery's lifestyle.
I guess it could be also dubbed: "The perishing of everlasting flames" But then again, I realize my morbid sense of humor.
You were confused? Good, I was able to complete my task at most. Right now, she's been "awakened" and is now at odds with herself on what steps should be taken now. (Angelique herself even points out the faults in girl's ambitions at the ending of Chapter 18. More on Angelque herself a bit later in my rebuttal.) As shown in the Astral Plains, she held onto a certain set of beliefs she wasn't really willing to let go. But in the end she uncounciously made the choice that she wants to live. She DID lie to her wild half about wanting change after all. Yet did realize she was out of line in her actions.
Her inner child, informally known as her wild half, was only angry that May was breaking her "promise of everything will be well if they just behave" when Tsunami was in that mess she was in. Not much detail between them now as the "promise" was all that was needed at the moment.
As I never planned on giving any detail at that point from the start. I just wanted the readers to watch her grow.
Nice assumption, but no. You have to look back to Chapters 8 and 9 (the conflict in Rusturf cave) for an partial explanation to that. Like what Steven said during that scene it was meant to be an overall spoiler for the true connection of the serum and antidote. Something I'm trying my hardest to keep quiet about only giving minor details (hoping that the readers will actually try to contemplate the matter themselves like I want them to) until May's true reflection chapter and the ending chapters. This is where alot of the confusion should be covered.
As for the rippling aura, it was meant to be a spoiler of sorts for whats to come. (All that was shown that it held some kind of connection to May's wild half/younger self and Steelix.) For the time being It was meant to be regaurded like other auras shown in the story thus far: A trainer and Pokemons battle spirit. But as far as the reader was suppose to be concerned... something warped.
Like before, I never had any intention of going farther.
Again, you have to look back to earlier chapters. In this case chapter 15 part 1 to learn why she isn't around for a while. The ending of the Mt. Chimney arc even gave a small hint of her whereabouts in Maxie and Tabitha's chat.
But as far the Astral Plains, from how I wanted to depict it: the Astral Plains is a place where our souls (astral bodies/spiritual aura) go when we dream. Bringing the term shared dreams where "souls unite." (Another way to look at Bendan's dream in Chapter 17) But in May's case her soul and pyshical unique aura (her spirit and body) was weakened to the point of near death after the New Mauville thing. Considering what happened to Angelique in Chapter 15, its fair to say her soul has suffered a similar fate.
As far as the girl's intrest in May goes, it was something I created to further follow shounen anime references but always gave deep thought into. As far as readers are concerned she already appears to be the superior between the two and you can't call the actions a "rivalry either" (seriously no) One might laugh it off and say Angelique is a pyscho. But remember her earliest quote in Chapter 11?: "I should be the only one."
All I can say for now, is Angelique's intrest in May has alot to do with their ties to the serum. The girl herself knows what she's doing while the readers can only speculate what the heck is running in that head of her's. While May only knows in the future running into her will mean a confrontation. Hence her line in Aftermath.
One of my greatest problems was that I always enjoyed making others think a bit. Just sitting down stop with the assumptions and give the matter a little thought. Also references from older chapters is always a must for me.
::Shrugs:: The Grunts were martyrs/Guys in they background anyway. Alot of the Grunt who accompanied her were formations she created anyway. Much like Archie calling the grunts as a whole "Swabbie#X." Hardly see the reason for confusion. In the games do you fight Cool trainer, no you fight Cool trainer "X." Sure, they all have the same sprite scheme but its for sake of individuality and feelings that they are unique in their own right is why they're all given names. I respect/wish to maintain that. There's alot of humans in the world too but I don't comtemplate whose who.
The arc itself was rushed... ::sighs:: After re-reading it, I saw that no matter how badly I want to "get on with it I need to belt down and focus.
...Steelix is female mind you...
The DB to the sky thing? It was meant to be a sorta "cry of thirst" (reprieve for the grieving soul) thing. But seriously though, like reality, not all motifs have to be clear as you can't always make heads or tails what others are really thinking is what I'm trying show. People... just do things...
Hmmm.. didn't it stop using DB on its own to look at what made her heart pulse THEN get KOed by EQ, Rather than leaving it to die Steven stuffed it in an Ultra Ball? (Or are you mentioning afterwards?)
I personally felt Whirlpool and Waves were more intresting than both. Little Tsunami is only reflecting her trainer's current mental state and growth as a whole. Something I'm working very hard to fufill. (Their overall bond that is.) Tsunami must face responsiblity as a leader of her Pokemon allies, has live up to the role she has as May's default Pokemon ally and moreover couping with her changes.
::Laughs:: Yeah, I even admitted Soltone's death was rushed, sorta a homage to Godzilla movies. But I will explain the reason for its power failure:
They seemed like that? Well, Lunatone also posses Hypnosis and Psywave so don't be too quick. The bulk of the destruction caused was through Psychic. Everything else was combination attacks of both as well as its natural ablities. (Basic Custom Tactic description.) This was shown within its last stand.
They were cousins, I believe that whole arguement was treaded entirely in a biased tone (Archie's POV) in Chapter 17. I really don't want to argue a point already said. But Archie's more obsessive behavior was a feeling of despair and anguish for events that happened afterwards (also mentioned in detail in Chapter 17) Poor Ayame only became a surrogate backbone of Archie's unfocused rage deep, desires and hatred against the Magma's. Even though he admits she chose Maxie (a man bonded only through marrital vows) over him (a person who literally raised her growing; someone she bonded to through respective parents blood) and dubbed her an enemy like the Magmas. Pretty much the reasons for his near obsessive behavior.
In his quote in the end of Part 3 he even came to the realization that he utterly shunned his true ambitions and put greater shame to his beloved cousin's name, which he laments.
Hmm... That was my first real time doing character juggling really. Was it really that troubling?
...In those battles, part 1 and 2 were supposed to directly affect the landscaping of the other. It was confusing like it was meant to though. To put it bluntly, the end of Chap 20 Part 1 better put as VS Steelix round 1 (The rockslide) was really an aftermath of the first half of Part 2. While mid battle in the first half of part 2 was actually Steelix's entrance to May's party in Part 1.
In Part 3, Mia explaining how Brendan and his party surivived the fall was a direct aftermath of the Golbats/Zubats leaving in the end of Part 1.
As far as stuff like THAT (20 minutues later) goes some edits eluded my eyes no matter how many times I read it. I suck like that, I know.
Geez Story Arc 3 as a whole for me was ::rubs temples:: very off for me. (Just alot about it) It wasn't until early summer '05 when I just went back to older chapters I just saw the flaws in them... Yet I never acted on the repair until recently.
In any case I got what I needed.
EDIT: Alot of the story was put for my wishes to go deper into psychology and the ideaologies of others. Something I always try to do no matter how much it confuses the reader. Sorry about that but I like seeing ppl go "Hmm..."
With chapter titles, I try making these exceedingly overdramatic sounding titles like an anime would have. One of the more fun points for me really.
As far as the current title goes: I was trying to make a mixed message so it could be looked at in a more pyschological perspective. As the focus of the current mini storyline is Flannery, we're taking into account not only her ego as a whole, but the deeper idealogies one may posses by mere following of another. As I'm trying to show in this arc, her pride and very substance how she sees life has been shattered/destroyed.
The firechick part could be looked at as a pheonix, or Torchic. In a sense to represent flames or May's interferenace in Flannery's lifestyle.
I guess it could be also dubbed: "The perishing of everlasting flames" But then again, I realize my morbid sense of humor.
You were confused? Good, I was able to complete my task at most. Right now, she's been "awakened" and is now at odds with herself on what steps should be taken now. (Angelique herself even points out the faults in girl's ambitions at the ending of Chapter 18. More on Angelque herself a bit later in my rebuttal.) As shown in the Astral Plains, she held onto a certain set of beliefs she wasn't really willing to let go. But in the end she uncounciously made the choice that she wants to live. She DID lie to her wild half about wanting change after all. Yet did realize she was out of line in her actions.
Her inner child, informally known as her wild half, was only angry that May was breaking her "promise of everything will be well if they just behave" when Tsunami was in that mess she was in. Not much detail between them now as the "promise" was all that was needed at the moment.
As I never planned on giving any detail at that point from the start. I just wanted the readers to watch her grow.
Nice assumption, but no. You have to look back to Chapters 8 and 9 (the conflict in Rusturf cave) for an partial explanation to that. Like what Steven said during that scene it was meant to be an overall spoiler for the true connection of the serum and antidote. Something I'm trying my hardest to keep quiet about only giving minor details (hoping that the readers will actually try to contemplate the matter themselves like I want them to) until May's true reflection chapter and the ending chapters. This is where alot of the confusion should be covered.
As for the rippling aura, it was meant to be a spoiler of sorts for whats to come. (All that was shown that it held some kind of connection to May's wild half/younger self and Steelix.) For the time being It was meant to be regaurded like other auras shown in the story thus far: A trainer and Pokemons battle spirit. But as far as the reader was suppose to be concerned... something warped.
Like before, I never had any intention of going farther.
Again, you have to look back to earlier chapters. In this case chapter 15 part 1 to learn why she isn't around for a while. The ending of the Mt. Chimney arc even gave a small hint of her whereabouts in Maxie and Tabitha's chat.
But as far the Astral Plains, from how I wanted to depict it: the Astral Plains is a place where our souls (astral bodies/spiritual aura) go when we dream. Bringing the term shared dreams where "souls unite." (Another way to look at Bendan's dream in Chapter 17) But in May's case her soul and pyshical unique aura (her spirit and body) was weakened to the point of near death after the New Mauville thing. Considering what happened to Angelique in Chapter 15, its fair to say her soul has suffered a similar fate.
As far as the girl's intrest in May goes, it was something I created to further follow shounen anime references but always gave deep thought into. As far as readers are concerned she already appears to be the superior between the two and you can't call the actions a "rivalry either" (seriously no) One might laugh it off and say Angelique is a pyscho. But remember her earliest quote in Chapter 11?: "I should be the only one."
All I can say for now, is Angelique's intrest in May has alot to do with their ties to the serum. The girl herself knows what she's doing while the readers can only speculate what the heck is running in that head of her's. While May only knows in the future running into her will mean a confrontation. Hence her line in Aftermath.
One of my greatest problems was that I always enjoyed making others think a bit. Just sitting down stop with the assumptions and give the matter a little thought. Also references from older chapters is always a must for me.
::Shrugs:: The Grunts were martyrs/Guys in they background anyway. Alot of the Grunt who accompanied her were formations she created anyway. Much like Archie calling the grunts as a whole "Swabbie#X." Hardly see the reason for confusion. In the games do you fight Cool trainer, no you fight Cool trainer "X." Sure, they all have the same sprite scheme but its for sake of individuality and feelings that they are unique in their own right is why they're all given names. I respect/wish to maintain that. There's alot of humans in the world too but I don't comtemplate whose who.
The arc itself was rushed... ::sighs:: After re-reading it, I saw that no matter how badly I want to "get on with it I need to belt down and focus.
...Steelix is female mind you...
The DB to the sky thing? It was meant to be a sorta "cry of thirst" (reprieve for the grieving soul) thing. But seriously though, like reality, not all motifs have to be clear as you can't always make heads or tails what others are really thinking is what I'm trying show. People... just do things...
Hmmm.. didn't it stop using DB on its own to look at what made her heart pulse THEN get KOed by EQ, Rather than leaving it to die Steven stuffed it in an Ultra Ball? (Or are you mentioning afterwards?)
I personally felt Whirlpool and Waves were more intresting than both. Little Tsunami is only reflecting her trainer's current mental state and growth as a whole. Something I'm working very hard to fufill. (Their overall bond that is.) Tsunami must face responsiblity as a leader of her Pokemon allies, has live up to the role she has as May's default Pokemon ally and moreover couping with her changes.
::Laughs:: Yeah, I even admitted Soltone's death was rushed, sorta a homage to Godzilla movies. But I will explain the reason for its power failure:
Meitantei Isaac said:
They seemed like that? Well, Lunatone also posses Hypnosis and Psywave so don't be too quick. The bulk of the destruction caused was through Psychic. Everything else was combination attacks of both as well as its natural ablities. (Basic Custom Tactic description.) This was shown within its last stand.
They were cousins, I believe that whole arguement was treaded entirely in a biased tone (Archie's POV) in Chapter 17. I really don't want to argue a point already said. But Archie's more obsessive behavior was a feeling of despair and anguish for events that happened afterwards (also mentioned in detail in Chapter 17) Poor Ayame only became a surrogate backbone of Archie's unfocused rage deep, desires and hatred against the Magma's. Even though he admits she chose Maxie (a man bonded only through marrital vows) over him (a person who literally raised her growing; someone she bonded to through respective parents blood) and dubbed her an enemy like the Magmas. Pretty much the reasons for his near obsessive behavior.
In his quote in the end of Part 3 he even came to the realization that he utterly shunned his true ambitions and put greater shame to his beloved cousin's name, which he laments.
Hmm... That was my first real time doing character juggling really. Was it really that troubling?
...In those battles, part 1 and 2 were supposed to directly affect the landscaping of the other. It was confusing like it was meant to though. To put it bluntly, the end of Chap 20 Part 1 better put as VS Steelix round 1 (The rockslide) was really an aftermath of the first half of Part 2. While mid battle in the first half of part 2 was actually Steelix's entrance to May's party in Part 1.
In Part 3, Mia explaining how Brendan and his party surivived the fall was a direct aftermath of the Golbats/Zubats leaving in the end of Part 1.
As far as stuff like THAT (20 minutues later) goes some edits eluded my eyes no matter how many times I read it. I suck like that, I know.
Geez Story Arc 3 as a whole for me was ::rubs temples:: very off for me. (Just alot about it) It wasn't until early summer '05 when I just went back to older chapters I just saw the flaws in them... Yet I never acted on the repair until recently.
In any case I got what I needed.
EDIT: Alot of the story was put for my wishes to go deper into psychology and the ideaologies of others. Something I always try to do no matter how much it confuses the reader. Sorry about that but I like seeing ppl go "Hmm..."
Last edited:
Breezy
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Nah. You can't delete threads either. ._.
Frostweaver
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Keep in mind about one thing...
There is a *distinctive* difference between confused and not knowing.
Using May Hiromi as the example again, obviously I didn't get too much of her character (reading the same story in chunks over half a year of time now in comparison to the author who reviews/fixes the story day in and day out makes a difference there), according to your explanations. Now, if I do understand the character and any secret/hidden intentions, then of course that's the best situation possible. If I didn't understand the secret, then I should just move on as if nothing happened at all. However, right now it feels "choppy" and something about the transition is not so smooth, and this shouldn't happen.
The explanation about the serum vs antidote ("there is no cure") is greatly *unreliable* because Steven is one of the least reliable character in the story by this point in time. His character changes from a serious tone in the Granite Cave incident to one of a fool (Pokemon Contest scenario), and then in the Mt. Chimney arc he transforms again from a fool into a reliable, caring character... meh I can go on and on about this story, but let's save that for PM another night.
Oh oh! I can argue with you about May's younger self there! ^o^ It's not bullet-proof theory, but to me, it seems that it got more evidence stacked towards me than yours. I got proofs against my own theory, but at least I got less proofs against my own theory in comparison to yours =p (Go go Brendan Astral plane section! It holds the key)
(I want to go to bed now ;_; )
*PC History Lesson Time!*
About the thread deleting idea... there is a reason to it due to PC's history.
this is because of an incident about three years ago. By that time, only Lightning (if we exclude Kwesi and Steve who are the first admins) out of all the people who are still active now witnessed it in person. Basically, back then PC is a lot smaller but there's a lot more activities per poster on average. OC is active now, and it was active back then as well. One day, over some unknown arguement that I can't find out exactly (I know some of it, but not all), the thread starter of Daily Chit Chat was mad and deleted the entire Daily Chit Chat, resulting in massive post number decrease on almost all members in PC. Around that similar era, an art subforum mod was at a total breakout against other members in PC. Both sides tell a completely different version of the same story regarding who started some extreme flaming/discrimination, and the crowd is slowly taking the opposite side as the art mod. As response, the art mod deleted a lot of threads, including art contests, and again the entire PC fumed at that art mod along with the staffs at that time. After one year (so then a lot of the current staff joined by now, including me) DCC got deleted by the thread starter again due to some MSN arguements against PC. Since then, threads cannot be deleted by normal members anymore, and mods can only "hide" a topic from the forum (so if the deleting is unjust, a higher staff can reverse the damage) instead of actually deleting it. Since the last day I was a mod, no staffs, except for one arguement between the first praetor and an admin, have ever deleted anything. They only hide threads now.
Therefore, if you want to change the title of your story, you will need to ask Niko to do it for you through a PM, which is within their job responsibility (in theory, at least, but Niko is a good mod unless he enters his anti-emo mode and you happen to be an emo at that unlucky hour). Send them a PM about the title change, and they'll do it for you. It's not hard.
There is a *distinctive* difference between confused and not knowing.
Using May Hiromi as the example again, obviously I didn't get too much of her character (reading the same story in chunks over half a year of time now in comparison to the author who reviews/fixes the story day in and day out makes a difference there), according to your explanations. Now, if I do understand the character and any secret/hidden intentions, then of course that's the best situation possible. If I didn't understand the secret, then I should just move on as if nothing happened at all. However, right now it feels "choppy" and something about the transition is not so smooth, and this shouldn't happen.
The explanation about the serum vs antidote ("there is no cure") is greatly *unreliable* because Steven is one of the least reliable character in the story by this point in time. His character changes from a serious tone in the Granite Cave incident to one of a fool (Pokemon Contest scenario), and then in the Mt. Chimney arc he transforms again from a fool into a reliable, caring character... meh I can go on and on about this story, but let's save that for PM another night.
Oh oh! I can argue with you about May's younger self there! ^o^ It's not bullet-proof theory, but to me, it seems that it got more evidence stacked towards me than yours. I got proofs against my own theory, but at least I got less proofs against my own theory in comparison to yours =p (Go go Brendan Astral plane section! It holds the key)
(I want to go to bed now ;_; )
*PC History Lesson Time!*
About the thread deleting idea... there is a reason to it due to PC's history.
this is because of an incident about three years ago. By that time, only Lightning (if we exclude Kwesi and Steve who are the first admins) out of all the people who are still active now witnessed it in person. Basically, back then PC is a lot smaller but there's a lot more activities per poster on average. OC is active now, and it was active back then as well. One day, over some unknown arguement that I can't find out exactly (I know some of it, but not all), the thread starter of Daily Chit Chat was mad and deleted the entire Daily Chit Chat, resulting in massive post number decrease on almost all members in PC. Around that similar era, an art subforum mod was at a total breakout against other members in PC. Both sides tell a completely different version of the same story regarding who started some extreme flaming/discrimination, and the crowd is slowly taking the opposite side as the art mod. As response, the art mod deleted a lot of threads, including art contests, and again the entire PC fumed at that art mod along with the staffs at that time. After one year (so then a lot of the current staff joined by now, including me) DCC got deleted by the thread starter again due to some MSN arguements against PC. Since then, threads cannot be deleted by normal members anymore, and mods can only "hide" a topic from the forum (so if the deleting is unjust, a higher staff can reverse the damage) instead of actually deleting it. Since the last day I was a mod, no staffs, except for one arguement between the first praetor and an admin, have ever deleted anything. They only hide threads now.
Therefore, if you want to change the title of your story, you will need to ask Niko to do it for you through a PM, which is within their job responsibility (in theory, at least, but Niko is a good mod unless he enters his anti-emo mode and you happen to be an emo at that unlucky hour). Send them a PM about the title change, and they'll do it for you. It's not hard.
Negrek said:
I tried, but the title didn't change. If you look in the thread though, my post has a title that I tried to give my fanfci (although looking abck I'm not too fond of that one either)
BTW, I'm about to go post a new chapter. Won't somebody review it? ^_^" And Breezy, are you still reading my fic continuously or did you only read the first 3 chapters then give up and decide to never read new chapters agan?
Yamato-san
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speaking of title changes.... there's no such thing as a "PG-14", right? "14" is just a TV rating, correct?
Frostweaver
Ancient + Prehistoric
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that'll depend on what country you're in o.o;;; every country sets them differently, so it's not the most accurate thing out there.
FFNet took an international guide, but no one knows about it or how to read it, so it's equally inaccurate/ineffective.
Therefore, the best thing is to simply know that it has to be suitable for teenagers (no adults-only material). If it obeys that, then you're guaranteed to be allowed to post it.
FFNet took an international guide, but no one knows about it or how to read it, so it's equally inaccurate/ineffective.
Therefore, the best thing is to simply know that it has to be suitable for teenagers (no adults-only material). If it obeys that, then you're guaranteed to be allowed to post it.
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