Fanfiction Lounge

[pokejungle]

It's called Authors of Neopia :P I started it with Saul ^^;

I still need to write that fic up too XD

 

[SilverBlaze09]

Heh, no more orange... XP

Sorry about my not getting the FFBattle story up yet, Negrek. We're kinda in a big job, and I accidently deleted my first try, so it might take as long as this weekend for me to get it up. XP

Hey, looky this! They came up with topics without me! XD

Summaries are easy. I mean, just say what the thing is about!

'Legends are boring. At least, that's what Goober Elkhorn thinks. Everybody's trying to catch one, but he thinks that they're more ugly and stupid than normal Pok?mon. For example, they're always saving the world, for Pete's sake! So, he stays as far away from suspected Legendary stomping grounds as he can.

But, like all people who want to stay out of things, he ends up having to team up with three legendary creatures to defeat a world-threatening organization. This is the story of one cynical trainer and three naive Legends...

XD See? XD

Of course, you'd hafta group it down some... XD

Question: What do you think about self-set deadlines?

I can't operate with them; I always end up late... XP

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[purple_drake]

Question: What do you think about self-set deadlines?

I can't operate with them; I always end up late... XP

I hear that. If I set them then it ends up being late, if I don't then it takes weeks to get done. -_-;; motivation... oich.

 

[pokejungle]

I think I need to impose a deadline on myself x.x;


You can just call me Mr. Procrastination. >.o;

 

[Act]

Question: What do you think about self-set deadlines?

I can't operate with them; I always end up late... XP

I don't see how it would work. What happens if I don't make the deadline? I fire myself? o.o;; I have no intitive to make myself do something when there's no consequence... which is bad, I s'pose...

I don't write well when I have to. I like things at my own slow, steady, procrastinatoriffic pace.

 

[Dragonfree]

Self-set deadlines are the only deadlines I can work with; I created a Pok?dex for my website for its birthday once all because I had decided that I would finish it for that day. (Of course, something went wrong with the updating so I couldn't upload the Pok?dex until two days later, but that's another story...) So yeah... if I *did* set myself a deadline for a fanfic chapter, I'd probably be able to do it.

Of course, it's very different how long passes between chapters of my fics, since it's basically that if I'm writing a fun chapter it may take like two days, but if I'm writing a relatively boring one, it can take weeks. x_x Well, boring to write, anyway; I hate writing battles, for example.

 

[SilverBlaze09]

lol, the concensus is, 'self-set deadlines are bad'. XD

NEW question: where did you first discover fanfiction?

I discovered the wonderful world of FF on SPPF. XD Can you say 'Chibi Pika'? XD

Speaking of which, do you know where she went? I mean, she doesn't update her fic much anymore... X{

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[Act]

NEW question: where did you first discover fanfiction?

I had been doing fanfiction for a while, but I didn't know it has a name or anything (much less hundreds of people doing the same thing). I heard two girls at soccer practice talking about harry potter fanfiction, so I googled 'fanfiction' and found ffNET.

The end!

 

[pokejungle]

I ummmm...discovered them on PC o.o; lol

Already I was a writer, but I didn't realize people wrote all about a certain fandom XD

 

[Lily]

I liked writing, didn't know a way to express it, so a former friend of mine shared fanfiction.net.

For nearly half a year, I didn't know how to upload things. XP

 

[pokejungle]

Never been to FF.Net. Is it worth a visit? o.o;

 

[Iveechan]

I discovered fanfiction in 1999. I spent a lot of time reading Mortal Kombat stories.

 

[pokejungle]

Sounds like a bloody good time :P

Oh gosh, I'm turning into an evil Xanth charcter! =0 Anyone else read Xanth? THE BEST humours fantasy series.

 

[Negrek]

'S okay, SilverBlaze09. I've hardly started on my version, seeing as I have three chapters that should probably get done first. I had problems with your character, but now that I've got him worked out I think it shouldn't be hard to write when I get down to it. Except that I'm gonna have to do a bit of research on Colosseum...

A friend of mine, whom I met at a book club at our library (book clubs= nerd hotspot XD) was very into writing X-Men fanfiction. She told me about fanfiction, and FF.net in particular, as that's where she posted her stuff, and showed me what she had written. I lurked around the pok?mon section for awhile before I tried it out.

Self-deadlines = bad news. The only time I ever met one was when I tried to get an update in before my trip to Europe earlier this summer. I ended up having to spend time during my Word Processing final (which I didn't need to take because I had finished the class eight weeks ago) typing it up when I could have been screwing around on the internet instead, finishing it up when I got home the morning that I left, and not getting a chance to proof it completely before putting it up. It was baaaad....

 

[Strawberry Delcatty]

I always try with self-deadlines and fall flat on my face.

 

[SilverBlaze09]

Never been to FF.Net. Is it worth a visit? o.o;

By all accounts, it's a good place to go. I tried to go there, but I couldn't figure out how to work it... XP XD

'S okay, SilverBlaze09. I've hardly started on my version, seeing as I have three chapters that should probably get done first. I had problems with your character, but now that I've got him worked out I think it shouldn't be hard to write when I get down to it. Except that I'm gonna have to do a bit of research on Colosseum...

Comment 1: Phew! At least you aren't plotting my ruin... XD

Comment 2: I get the feeling Ima be pwned... XP XD

A friend of mine, whom I met at a book club at our library (book clubs= nerd hotspot XD) was very into writing X-Men fanfiction. She told me about fanfiction, and FF.net in particular, as that's where she posted her stuff, and showed me what she had written. I lurked around the pok?mon section for awhile before I tried it out.

*twitch* You better not be calling yourself a nerd. I will be VERY put out if you are. XD

I mean, nerds have buck teeth, use pocket organizers, have big, square-rimmed glasses, and are looked down upon by nine out of ten people! XD Oh yeah, and they dress like they're always going to a meeting or something. XD

They are NOT commonly writers of fanfiction, and they aren't ph34red and respected reviewers. Like yourself. XD

Interesting. It looks like a lotta people got into FF via somebody else. XD

Hey, what happened to teh Mods?

I mean, LilyPichu is the only Mod to post here for the past, uh, hundred or so posts.

Where'd Niko go? XD

Question: How many of you have your own site/forums where you like hanging out and posting your stuff? Only letting an occasional friend have access to it, where you keep all your best stories and other stuff, like sprites? *raises hand*

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[Frostweaver]

@ Heart of the Magma, Purple Drake

Title- 4/5
5 Title is symbolic, highly relevant and unique to the story
4 Title is relevant to and descriptive about the story
3 Title is descriptive, but is not precise in terms of descriptiveness, or is clich?
2 Title is general, and applicable to most stories
1 Title is irrelevant, and applicable to all stories

-title is relevant, but it fits for any Team Magma story

-slightly overused in structure, as there are plenty "Heart of the ____"

Narrative Manner- 5/5
5 Narrative manner is excellent, and adds strength and/or hidden meaning to the story
4 Narrative manner is good, and adds some emphasize to the story
3 Narrative manner is decent, and is suitable to the story
2 Narrative manner is acceptable but not precise, or format is incorrect
1 Narrative manner is poor, and weakens the story

-3rd person omniscient definitely fits the purpose of this fanfic. Only through this narrative do we ever understand the thought of all the characters. This is especially important, and is evidently shown in the scene where the FireHeads gather to tell Maxie about the shipwreck.

Grammar/Coherence- 8/10
10 Grammar mistakes are inexistent, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
8-9 Grammar mistakes are rare, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
6-7 Grammar mistakes are uncommon, but story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
5 Grammar mistakes are common, and story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
1-4 Grammar mistakes are common, and story suffers loopholes in plot

-I see that Act already mentioned some of the mistakes, so I won't repeat them here (or try not to)

In the hallway in front

sounds repetitive with the 2 "in"s, it's also awkward in grammar but I can't offer a solution at the moment...

and knew she would blaze

and knew "that" she would blaze

-it's practice, not practise. The spellcheck should have picked that up.

Tabitha frowned, raising his big hands in irritation. ?I thought you?d tamed that one,? he snapped to the grunt.

She...

There is a little problem with understanding who is "she." It took me some time to figure out that the "she" is the grunt.

It had amazed her how big the world outside the mountains had been; amazed and scared her.

semicolon join independent clauses, so this needs to add an "it" before amazed.

Major Character(s)- 13/15
14-15 Major characters are very multi-faceted. All details are highly precise and relevant
12-13 Major characters are multi-faceted. Most details are highly precise and relevant
11-12 Major characters are multi-faceted but limited. Details are precise and relevant
9-10 Major characters are slightly stereotypical. Details are precise but not very relevant
7-8 Major characters are generally stereotypical. Details are present but need precision.
5-6 Major characters are stereotypical. Details are present but limited in amount.
1-4 Major characters have no personality traits, and no details are paid to characters.

-excellent naming for Keegan! It cannot work possibly any better than to be called "descendant of flames." She's not bad of a character either. Though stereotyped so far, it is evident that she is on her own journey to self discovery. She's still a promising character, regardless of the current stereotyping ("look it's the innocent, playful round eyed girl again!") In terms of how interesting of a character, she certainly redeemed herself quickly on the shipwreck incident.

-have to love Maxie in this story... finally we got a reasonable explanation for the goof that Gamefreak or Pokespecial has never accomplished. For once, there is a reason for team Magma to do what they want to do. Through various ways, we see how Maxie cares for his daughter. The 'death' of Keegan is reasonable enough for Maxie to change everything Team Magma stands for.

-with the above in mind, readers can't help but start wondering what is Team Magma's goal before the 'death' of Keegan? The story didn't mention this one, sadly. Guess perfection is really impossible.

Minor Character(s)- 5/5
5Minor characters are necessary and relevant, contributing to the story in multiple ways
4 Minor characters are interesting and relevant, contributing to the story
3 Minor characters are interesting, but are limited in contribution to the story
2 Minor characters are irrelevant, and are limited in contribution to the story
1 Minor characters are completely irrelevant, and are completely unnecessary to the story

-I think that so far, supporting cast is getting more general attention than the main characters. Can't help but to pay an eye's visit at the Fireheads more than Maxie and Keegan themselves.

-FireHeads are definitely well balanced and properly introduced. Their roles in the base are explained fairely well, with little side stories made for teach of them. They're definitely interesting characters (who personally interest me more than Maxie and Keegan themselves. They keep the story interesting and entertaining.)

Story Details- 8/10
9-10 Details are relevant, contributing to at least four out of the five story components
7-8 Details are sometimes relevant, contributing to most story components
5-6 Details are lacking, not necessarily relevant and verisimilitude is endangered
3-4 Details are severely lacking, and verisimilitude is damaged
1-2 Details are almost inexistent, and verisimilitude is severely damaged

-like how the minor details from various Pokemon media are included in order to secure verisimilitude. The FireHeads aren't that commonly seen in fanfic (though all Magma fanfics should have them, somehow they don't)

-the base is pretty detailed itself. We know what facilities are in the Magma base, and some of the things that are inside. THis part of the setting isn't that relevant, but it's a nice eye candy.

?Duck it, Haze!?

I don't know if this is a typo... Because it's possible that Keegan is calling Eevee by a nickname "Haze" which maybe short for Hazel. However, it can also be a tpo that left out the "l." The most confusing part is if Keegan is trying to tell Eevee to use an attack that it can't use? This one is so confusing... I don't know if it's an error, or an error on Keegan done purposely trying to use the haze attack.

-it said that Keegan only battled dark and fire types, which leads me to wonder where did all those annoying Magma Numels (ground/fire) and Zubats (poison/flying) go XD;; Not a mistake, yet I can't help but to comment on this.

-again, something strange about famous Pokemon not being used. In the shipwreck, I was so certain that they will be fine (or at least Keegan) because of Hank's Swellow. All the Fireheads have a Swellow (just like how the Aquas got Vibrava) and I was so certain that Hank will use Swellow at the end to save Keegan but probably risks death himself. However, Swellow was not even mentioned, and down the sea they go o.o; Really strange and hard to imagine that such an important Pokemon for Hank (one that he used many times in the manga) didn't even get mentioned.

Conflict- 5/5
5 At least 3 conflicts are present, ?good and evil? cannot be divided
4 Many conflicts are present to enhance the plot, ?good and evil? are questionable
3 ?Man vs. Man? along other conflicts, but ?good and evil? are obvious
2 ?Man vs. Man? only, good and evil are obvious
1 ?Man vs. Man? only, ending is highly predictable

-a well setup conflcit for Maxie. His rivalry with Aqua is really taht of "man vs self" personified by Archie as "man vs man." This complex relationship in conflict makes a bright future for this fanfic.

-Keegan's conflict is yet to unfold. She stumbled into Alto Mare, which is ironically the water capital. Most likely, I personally foresee another "man vs self" in which Keegan must try to identify herself without Team Magma's presense at all.

-Like what Act said, Team Magma seems misguided more than definitely evil. You know that Maxie is doing the wrong, but you cannot help but to feel pity for his loss. This situation makes it difficult to define good and evil.

Diction/Tone- 12/15
14-15 Diction greatly contributes to story components. Tone is very relevant and suitable
12-13 Diction contributes to story components. Tone is suitable but not always relevant
10-11 Diction and tone are suitable but not always relevant
8-9 Diction and tone are sometimes suitable but always relevant
6-7 Diction and tone are sometimes inappropriate and are not relevant
1-5 Diction and tone are inappropriate and are not considered by the author

held evidence of many minor adventures.

Minor isn't a very good choice here, as not only does it make an alliteration, but it doesn't contribute to the flow of the sentence either. Using "small" instead should help with the flow of the sentence.

-I personally won't use so much semicolons, as it's specifically used to suggest a very close relationship. If too many sentences got the attention of being specially related to one another, then the emphasis will lose its impact.

when they had travelled by helicopter

this is a very awkward choice in tenses. Though grammatically this works (somewhat), this is strange because readers definitely question why the simple past tense isn't used instead.

-The story generally flows very well, but then there are oddball sentences here or there. If the story wants to go beyond good to excellent, focus on the flow of the story. Sometimes there are repetitions that aren't necessary. Alliterations are used for Maxie/FireHeads sometimes while Keegan doesn't get the alliterations that she rightfully deserves. These minor details will probably be the defining factor in terms of your improvement of writing in the future.

Story Structure- 13/15
14-15 Story structure is carefully planned and greatly contributes to all story components
12-13 Story structure is planned and contributes to most story components
10-11 Story structure is planned and contributes to some story components
8-9 Story structure is slightly weak and sometimes contributes to some story components
6-7 Story structure is weak and rarely contributes to story components
4-5 Story structure is weak and endangers the story components
1-3 Story structure is fragile and damages the story components

-Really liked how transitions are used effectively between different scenes. It allows the story to flow smoothly from one point ot another.

-ahh... guess that the ever-so annoying Eevee is destined to appear. It is foreshadowed too many times but still ;o;

-a *very* strange thing... I start wondering if Harland is suppose to be Hank? At first I only thought that Harland is an original character, but as the story goes on, his relationship with Tabitha and Courtney seems to suggest that he is the last Firehead trios, which should have been Hank... Then suddenly, the real "Hank" gets introduced... It's really awkward. Look at this sentence:

But between us, Harland, Tabitha and I have found someone suitable.

This sentence seriously suggest a closer relationship between Harland, Tabitha and Courtney than the Firehead trios, as if Hank isn't one of them while Harland is... this is probably the biggest confusion in the entire fanfic. If indeed Hank hasn't been promoted to a FireHead yet (meaning, this takes place before the time of Ruby/Sapphire then), the story should find ways to hint the readers about the time setting.

-Setting is unexceptionally powerful symbol, probably being the greatest story component in the light of this story. While setting is doing strong, I do sense a relative weakness theme... but hopefully this will pick up soon.

-a well planned out plot overall that explains many mysteries of Team Magma. The careful story structure really allows the readers to enjoy the story.

Effort- 10/10
9-10 A great amount of effort is shown. Author?s re-read and editing are apparent.
7-8 A good amount of effort is shown. Further double checking maybe necessary.
5-6 A good amount of effort is shown. Double checking and spell checking are necessary.
1-4 A limited amount of effort is shown. Please use spell check and other helpful devices.

-A good amount of effort is shown. There is evidence of careful planning in plot and its structure.

Literal Device Bonus- +3 /15 (Foreshadowing 1/1, Contradictive Style /1, Foil /1, Dramatic Irony /2, Situational Irony /2, Allusion 1/2, Motif/Symbols 1/3, Theme /3)


Total: 91 {STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE}


Haven't seen such a good "Team ________" story in a very long time.

[personal comment: NOOOOO it's another Eevee!!!]

[personal comment#2: I don't think that this is planned, but the christian insider joke is definitely hiliarious for me at the end of the story so far. It's a great pun. If this is intended... tell me and allow me to give you the 1 mark allusion that this joke so rightfully deserves XD]

 

[Dragonfree]

Heh, frostweaver, you made a typo in the word "typo" and wrote "tpo". XDDD

 

[Act]

How many of you have your own site/forums where you like hanging out and posting your stuff? Only letting an occasional friend have access to it, where you keep all your best stories and other stuff, like sprites? *raises hand*

I have site, but it's pretty much all-around access. ::pokes siggy:: Go there... now ....:P

Oh... you mean John the fisherman, frostweaver? Heh, I quite liked that...

 

[purple_drake]

Wow! ^.^ *does a little dance* thanks, Frostweaver, that's a boost to my semi-waning self esteem... now, there were some things I just wanted to reply to...

Firstly, I agree with the title *shudder* but it was the first thing that came to mind and it fit, so it stuck. With the practise/practice thing, I live in Australia :P so that'd be a matter of preference, really. As for the specific semi-colen mistake you pointed out, that was written deliberately as it was for tone.

-with the above in mind, readers can't help but start wondering what is Team Magma's goal before the 'death' of Keegan? The story didn't mention this one, sadly. Guess perfection is really impossible.

No, there was no room to fit in an explanation for the Magmas' goal beforehand, but rest assured that there was one - I'm afraid I can't explain it, though, since it's going to arise in the sequel, 'Choice and Consequence', and I don't wanna spoil anything.

-I think that so far, supporting cast is getting more general attention than the main characters. Can't help but to pay an eye's visit at the Fireheads more than Maxie and Keegan themselves.

This was worth a mention merely because I actually always considered the FireHeads to be major characters, not supportive characters - which was probably why I spent so much time on them.

I don't know if this is a typo... Because it's possible that Keegan is calling Eevee by a nickname "Haze" which maybe short for Hazel. However, it can also be a tpo that left out the "l." The most confusing part is if Keegan is trying to tell Eevee to use an attack that it can't use? This one is so confusing... I don't know if it's an error, or an error on Keegan done purposely trying to use the haze attack.

No, that wasn't a typo, it was a nickname; but since I always knew it was a nickname I guess I never saw how it could be confusing. I'd better change that.

-it said that Keegan only battled dark and fire types, which leads me to wonder where did all those annoying Magma Numels (ground/fire) and Zubats (poison/flying) go XD;; Not a mistake, yet I can't help but to comment on this.

You're right; I was thinking poochyena/mightyena and fire types (including numel). Zubats I completely forgot about... hmn, I should probably fix that...

-again, something strange about famous Pokemon not being used. In the shipwreck, I was so certain that they will be fine (or at least Keegan) because of Hank's Swellow. All the Fireheads have a Swellow (just like how the Aquas got Vibrava) and I was so certain that Hank will use Swellow at the end to save Keegan but probably risks death himself. However, Swellow was not even mentioned, and down the sea they go o.o; Really strange and hard to imagine that such an important Pokemon for Hank (one that he used many times in the manga) didn't even get mentioned.

-a *very* strange thing... I start wondering if Harland is suppose to be Hank? At first I only thought that Harland is an original character, but as the story goes on, his relationship with Tabitha and Courtney seems to suggest that he is the last Firehead trios, which should have been Hank... Then suddenly, the real "Hank" gets introduced... It's really awkward. Look at this sentence:

This sentence seriously suggest a closer relationship between Harland, Tabitha and Courtney than the Firehead trios, as if Hank isn't one of them while Harland is... this is probably the biggest confusion in the entire fanfic. If indeed Hank hasn't been promoted to a FireHead yet (meaning, this takes place before the time of Ruby/Sapphire then), the story should find ways to hint the readers about the time setting.

Heh *sweatdrop* this confusion is the result of my personal take on the pokemon world during this fic; I've taken bits and pieces from the games, anime AND manga. Harland is actually the anime Magma admin; Harland was his original name before they changed it, but that was how I knew him and I felt it fitted him better than the name they gave him afterwards. So he got put in there and Hank got pushed out as a normal Magma grunt. As for Swellow *sweatdrop* at the time of my writing I hadn't really read the manga properly, so I forgot that he should've had one. He only had a slugma. Whoops, plothole... gotta fix that.

She's still a promising character, regardless of the current stereotyping ("look it's the innocent, playful round eyed girl again!") In terms of how interesting of a character, she certainly redeemed herself quickly on the shipwreck incident.

In terms of 'redeeming', d'you mean the way she screamed and cried and was basically paralysed with fear like all little kids should be? :P lol, just struck me as an interesting choice of words...

I have been told I use too many semi-colens ^.^;; I'm making an effort to remedy that, but I was sure I'd edited HotM to fix it already. Hmn, come to think of it, that's probably where some of those repetitions and whatnot came from...

[personal comment#2: I don't think that this is planned, but the christian insider joke is definitely hiliarious for me at the end of the story so far. It's a great pun. If this is intended... tell me and allow me to give you the 1 mark allusion that this joke so rightfully deserves XD]

YUS! ^.^ I've been wondering if anyone would notice. Yes, that was completely deliberate :P

Thanks again for reviewing ^.^ I'm flattered to have been named in your 'standard of excellence'.

Oh... you mean John the fisherman, frostweaver? Heh, I quite liked that...

Heh ^.^ It was Simon and Peter, actually :P