Fanfiction Lounge

[Iveechan]

I read "Summer's Dying Days" and I didn't feel attached to the Linoone. Eh.

 

[yoshi1001]

Here's what other people have said about my fanfic, How Pokemon Really Works :

Disturbing how well you pulled it off. I'm pretty much a non-fanfic reader, but I've got to say that I could really see the show making off those kind of jokes (If they would work a bit harder on the show, that is...) and you just had such a great way of writting it, honestly. But I have one comment: Why is Ash able to use compleate sentences without using the Pokedex for help? Yeesh, you even gave him a vocabulary. ;)

You know, I usually do this huge review with sections and everything, but just this once, I'd like to do something a bit differently...

*throws herself down and hugs your ankles*

Not only do you try to approach the Pokemon world from a logical angle, but you also do it with some decent humor. I mean, conspiracy humor! Middle Eastern oil jokes! Giovanni at Goodwill! Mai is thoroughly amused.

Do keep up the good work. ^_^

There's too many hilarious things to list here

 

[Lily]

LOL at Yamato-San.

Notice how all my 90+ fics are written at age twelve. I'm beginning to think my writing ability shrunk.

Either way, lol. ^_^;



[oh...and frosty, don't forget our little contest =D]

 

[Geometric-sama]

@ Iveechan: That's OK, you don't have to feel attached to anything. The story itself was an experiment.

 

[Iveechan]

An experiment that got a really high score.

 

[Frostweaver]

I didn't get attached to Linoone either =p

But that doesn't mean how I shouldn't give it such a high mark... as anything else I'll be marking on content which is subjective, and that isn't fair. I can give a very high score to a story yet be bored beyond ends with it... >>; (lol I personally dislike LOTR a lot as I tried reading all 3 books and fell asleep in all 3, yet it's still considered one of the most welcomed, popular series ever.)

I mark on "what's wrong with it," not "what's so good about it." If I also mark on how well did the story attract me into reading further (attached to the story), why I'll give Tolkein's work a 60 at most =p

objective marking = Frosty
subjective marking = Your English Teacher

 

[IceKing]

Ok, I really want to know my no one reviews my fic so I have to ask is there something bad about the title "Whirl Island Adventures?" Is it really bland and boring?

 

[Aiya Quackform]

Ok, I really want to know my no one reviews my fic so I have to ask is there something bad about the title "Whirl Island Adventures?" Is it really bland and boring?

Well, it is pretty bland. If you did a search, you could probably find several other fics with that exact title. Any title with the word "Adventure" in it for a Pokemon Fic is really old.

Try to avoid words such as Pokemon, names of places in the games, adventure, master, quest, journey, trainer, league, legend, anything else like that that you see in a lot of other fic titles.

 

[Strawberry Delcatty]

I WAS going to review WIA, but I thought I'd wait until I finished the second chapter.

Also, chapter 4 of my HMW revision is going rather slow. Personally, this chapter didn't stand out to me when I first wrote it. I had some good ideas for the revision, but I'm sorta hesistant to put them down. In other words, chapter 4's gonna be delayed. Sorry!

 

[Geometric-sama]

I have the most clich?d title for a fic EVER. *points to "pok?mon friend" in sig* XD

Yay! Frosty got bored beyond ends with my story!

 

[Lily]

Offtopic, yes, I know, so sue me.

But JA made the 1000th POST. XD

 

[Casual Billy]

Alrighty, the moment everyone's been waiting for is finally here! *drum role* Chapter 2 of Worlds Away has been posted!!!

Hey, where'd that tumbleweed come from? Anyway, I just posted chapter 2 of my new fic and thought I'd let y'all know. People seem to like it so far and hopefully you (those who haven't read) will too.

P.S. - This is the right place to do this isn't it? 'Cause if it isn't...I'll feel like the biggest n00b ever.

 

[yoshi1001]

Well, it is pretty bland. If you did a search, you could probably find several other fics with that exact title. Any title with the word "Adventure" in it for a Pokemon Fic is really old.

Try to avoid words such as Pokemon, names of places in the games, adventure, master, quest, journey, trainer, league, legend, anything else like that that you see in a lot of other fic titles.

On the other hand, you have to consider the context of the name. A self-conflicting phrase would be a very appropriate use of the term.

 

[Frostweaver]

Appropriate, possibly. But why not squeeze the last bit of the creative juice to find an even *better* title that doesn't have the word Adventure and is equally descriptive and suitable for the story? XD

In fact, it's pretty safe to say that any Pokemon fanfic made within the last 3 years of time that still uses the word "adventure" is very plain and not that original. The only good fanfic that I've read so far that got an "overused" title is of course, "Pokemon MASTER." But then again... it was written as one of the first of all Pokemon fanfic, starting its own genre in the Pokemon fanfiction world as the "dark fic." Written in year 1997 (once upon a time, when Frosty is *still* young and cute, not so old and ugly like now,) first started on the Pokemon fanfic mailing list ^_^

Recent, there seems to be a love for "ties of ______" as well... I've seen Ties of Love and Friendship (Oni himself wrote this), Ties of Blood, Ties of Water and Fire (Miyu chan herself), Ties of Dragon Blood, and Ties of the Gods...

So let's take that as a warning and stay away from "ties of ________" unless you want to join that huge list O.o;

 

[Frostweaver]

*NEW CHANGES!

The usual "effort/originality" category has been reduced to be only out of 10, and tone/structure is now known as Tone/Atmosphere out of 15. 2 new categories will be created: title out of 5, and Story Structure out of 15.

Lately there has been so many "whining" about how it's difficult to come up with an appropriate title without using the "overused title terms." So, it sounds that it's only suitable to reward the writers who spent a lot of time to think of an original yet suitable title. Title shouldn't be a hard thing to "earn marks" on.

Thought that story structure is such a difficult thing to manage that it deserves a category of its own, instead of leeching off tone which is also too important to be shared a category. Plus, to me, effort/originality should be reduced as much as possible, since it's such a subjective thing that it's never all that fair for the writers...

As a small compromise for the increased difficulty of the new rating system, any Standard of Excellence Award winning fanfic gets a rep up from Frosty ^______^;

And the first guinea pig to the new change is...


@ Remnants

Razors knew it as well, and he knew

Try your best to avoid using the same word so often, unless a repetition is intended. But in here, I don't see a need for the repetition of "know."

He turned his reptilian head to me, his large red-brown eyes filled with hopeless acceptance.

A bit strange as in this point of the story, there's only the narrator and Scyther that's present. Now... when did Scyther have these attributes? Perhaps these new traits came as a result of this special Scyther being a Kabutops-Scyther-"hybrid," but readers should be hinted that this isn't an ordinary Scyther when readers come across this description... it's not a good thing to do to expect your readers to ignore the confusion, and read on forward then come back in order to understand everything.

-"We both..." is oral/online language. In writing, it becomes "The two of us..."

couldn?t be stored normal in

normally should be used instead of normal. Be sure to use the correct form.

-"bird of prey" is a noun and it isn't an adjective... really gotta be careful about using the correct form of the word!

...he severed the man?s head; crimson blood spurted, his body collapsed instantly, ...

The semicolon should be a period, and a new sentence should start. After a semicolon, there should be no more than one clause. In here, you got at least 3...

-now if you decide to have 'the room' inside single quotation marks, keep it that way all the way through. Don't switch in-between to double quotation marks.

-a Pikachu-Zapdos hybrid is used for stuides, yet clearly throughout the entire Remnants the narrator told us that the control over legendary Pokemon are what the Humans are striving for... if they haven't got a hold over the legendaries yet, I'm not very sure how can a Pikachu-Zapdos hybrid (which is obviously man-made) exist. Now possibly the narrator is the Pikachu-Zapdos hybrid, but I think that the narrator should be Jolteon. A Pikachu-Zapdos hybrid should have wings which the narrator lacked, and a Pikachu-Zapdos hybrid won't have the black pointy ears that a Jolteon possessed... so either way, the Pikachu-Zapdos hybrid is unexplained.

-something to explain regarding the 13/15 for story structure... the indication that all the other captives being freed isn't the best for the story on the symbolic level. To be freed out of the cage symbolizes freedom, yet all the other captives have lost their mind already... so the symbol didn't really work there. It would be much better if only the narrator is freed.

-can't help but ponder for why the "s" exist in "Remnants" (story title), when there is only one that is left... afterall, the narrator did state that it is "the only remnant of their experimentation..." Have to be careful about little details like this.

Good Things
-an emotional piece of work that success at giving the readers a feeling of angst
-great writing ability makes a very redoned, unoriginal idea unique and "new"
-very appropriate tone and atmosphere used throughout the story

Focuses to Improve On
-consistency
-small loopholes in the story still existed
-use the correct form of a word (noun, adjective, verb, etc)

Title: 4/5
Grammar Basics: 8/10
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Characterization: 19/20
Story Structure: 13/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 15/15 *excellent!*
Diction: 18/20
Effort/Originality: 14/15
Lit. Device bonus: +0

Total: 90 {STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE}

Though it may seems that it barely got into the Standard of Excellence, the new rating is definitely a *lot* harder than the old one, so by no means think that you're inferior to any other SoE Awarded writers ^_^

... too many Standard of Excellence lately ;_; I must have lost my heart-breaking touch...

 

[Yamato-san]

eeee..... title category, eh? I seem screwed there. Unless.... are you counting individual chapter titles as well (considering I put them in my sig, they could count as an ad in a way)?

Pokemon MASTER was written in '97? Wasn't Pokemon released in America in '98?

 

[Breezy]

I thought Pok?mon was released in 95 ... Wasn't the 10th anniversary a few days or weeks ago?

Or am I thinking about something else ...?

Edit: And now I see that Yamato-san said America in his post. I'm smart. *rolls eyes*

 

[Dragonfree]

Japan was 95. Amerca was 98 unless I'm very much mistaken...

 

[Yamato-san]

it's possible Acey was following the Japanese series way back before it made it to the states, but that's doubtful. Pokemon fanfiction never even existed until a good while after its release in America, plus he uses English names (although, he could've updated names to fit the English release). Plus, after looking around a bit on his site, he doesn't know too much Japanese (he commented on the rom to the Ranma 1/2 RPG being in Japanese, which lead me to believe he hardly knows the language), so he wouldn't have been able to follow the story.

 

[Frostweaver]

wasn't it 97? Well guess I was wrong by a bit then... ^^; Perhaps it is 98 when the Pokemon series just started in English.

As for the title thing, 1st review for the story/oneshot will include the main title, and all the other time will rely on names of chapters. If the story doesn't possess a chapter title, then it'll be just omitted in total ^^;