I am...

[The-Voice-of-the-Forest]

(Something made for english class... hope you guys like it. x3;
Also submitted on my DeviantArt account. Also tryed to make it pretty with codes. Some of its not supposed to make sense by the way. Its deep that way.)


I am the Light and the Dark
I wonder if there is a true difference between Good and Evil
I hear the dreams and nightmares echo through the endless night
I see your wishes and my fears
I want to be understood...
I am the Light and the Dark.

I pretend to be all you need
I feel my heart slowly b r e a k i n g
I touch the day and night
I worry I may notbe enough
I cry everytime I see myself change
I am the Light and the Dark.

I understand nothing is perfect
I say perfection is in the eyes of the beholder
I dream to be able to reach for the stars
I try to do everything you want...
I hope I can be your sun and moon

I am the Light and the Dark.


Non coded version (for people with bad screens)

I am the Light and the Dark
I wonder if there is a true difference between Good and Evil
I hear the dreams and nightmares echo through the endless night
I see your wishes and my fears
I want to be understood...
I am the Light and the Dark.

I pretend to be all you need
I feel my heart slowly breaking
I touch the day and night
I worry I may not be enough
I cry everytime I see myself change
I am the Light and the Dark.

I understand nothing is perfect
I say perfection is in the eyes of the beholder
I dream to be able to reach for the stars
I try to do everything you want...
I hope I can be your sun and moon

I am the Light and the Dark.



Hope you enjoy!

 

[ShadowLeader]

...so...many...COLORS!! AHHHHHHH!!!!...lol...I like it! I love the way that you portray the illusion of light and dark over and over again. i think ill rate it around 8/10. Very good imo. Keep on writing!

 

[JX Valentine]

Some of its not supposed to make sense by the way. Its deep that way.

As someone who's studied poetry a lot, I'd like to say that not making sense =/= deep. In fact, it's actually the opposite of deep. What makes a poem deep is that it has a meaning to it, but that meaning is not easily grasped. However, that doesn't mean that the meaning should never be reached. It simply means that you have to look at the poem from various angles before finally getting what it means.

That said, I'd hate to say it, but different formatting kills people's eyes either way. Or, they kill my eyes, at least. I actually wrote a mini-rant about that here. Just find the pink text.

Seriously, though, if you want to be artistic, it's really all in the delivery, not the pretty colors or formatting. To be blunt and honest, your colors tend to make your poem a bit more, well, corny because you use obvious colors anyway. I mean, really, when people think of "light," they think of some light color, so it appears yellow in your poem. That's nice, but it's a bit of a trite analogy. If you wanted to add meaning to words by coloring them, the novel House of Leaves is a great example. Yes, House. People have actually analyzed why the word is in blue.

But anyway, on with the rest of the poem.

I am the Light and the Dark
I wonder if there is a true difference between Good and Evil
I hear the dreams and nightmares echo through the endless night
I see your wishes and my fears
I want to be understood...

So, basically, you're writing the usual, "No one understands me. I'm deep because my heart is polarized," right? Not that that's a bad subject. It's just that it's a subject a lot of poets in their teens tend to take. But my advice would be to liven it up a little. Use metaphor, rather than come right out and say that's what you mean.

For example, take Percy Shelley's "To a Skylark." It's basically about a speaker lamenting that because his mind is bound by the concepts of time and the tangible (i.e., he can't comprehend anything without comparing it to something he knows), he can't understand perfect and pure beauty. The skylark, which is never actually seen in the poem, represents that moment of absolute serenity, so Shelley spends the entire poem trying to define the skylark -- which means, by extension, he's trying to describe infinity.

Basically, what I mean is you're coming up with so many images flashing at the same time, and you don't really spend time developing any one of them. We have opposites, but they don't really serve to reinforce an overall meaning to the poem other than one you're basically clearly stating. In other words, your poem falls just short of achieving its goals because you really don't describe the subject solidly. (Perhaps you don't need to focus on just a single symbol, but I'd suggest not drifting, either, if that makes sense.)

I am the Light and the Dark.

I pretend to be all you need
I feel my heart slowly b r e a k i n g

Again, poetry is all about evoking the senses. You need to get the reader to actually feel their heart breaking as they read about your heart breaking. You're not really doing that because it feels like you're just telling them how you feel, rather than backing it up with images and sounds that would stir their emotions.

I touch the day and night
I worry I may notbe enough
I cry everytime I see myself change
I am the Light and the Dark.

It should also be noted that setting light and dark up as both an image of duality and polar opposites tends to be a trite analogy in itself. In other words, it's overdone.

I understand nothing is perfect
I say perfection is in the eyes of the beholder
I dream to be able to reach for the stars
I try to do everything you want...
I hope I can be your sun and moon

Interesting analogy -- at least in that you move a step away from the usual light vs. dark images and go into another classic couple of opposites. However, it's still something that pops up in poetry quite frequently. You could really do a lot better than settling for two things that are often compared with each other already. There's a lot of opposites-but-not-quite in nature that you could use. Birds and fish, for example. Or, if you want one that doesn't quite incite giggles, bats (night) and sparrows (day). Wind (free to go anywhere) and mountains (solid, reliable). Sea and sky. Dandelion (something that doesn't belong in a garden) and rose (something that does). That sort of thing. Yes, the sun and moon are powerful objects, but your writing tends to lose power if you settle for something that we expect to be set as opposites.


I guess the point I was trying to make (other than there's a lot of people who give out one-liner reviews around here) is that you have potential, but you need to remember what the goal of poetry is. The poem's not meant to look pretty. It's meant to sound pretty. Evoke emotions and make a point through solid images and well-placed words. I can't say it's terrible poetry (because I've seen worse, trust me), but it just doesn't have as much fire as poetry should have. You want to make it a point that you're a complicated person, but you get stuck on repeating the same thing over and over again. I don't feel that internal war of balance, and all I see are images that I figure would be set as opposites.

In other words, it's not bad, but if you really want to be a good poet, you'll want to keep in mind the art is in the words, not the formatting.

 

[Feathing]

The idea of the colors and fonts is original, but I liked the non-coded version.. Its more appropiate, I think..

Anyway, I liked reading it, specially some phrases:

I hear the dreams and nightmares echo through the endless night

and

I dream to be able to reach for the stars

those are very deep to me ...

 

[pokerus34]

OMG, here comes Valentine again...

Well, nevertheless, He's right...

Colors! They're good but I don't appreciate them much.

The Poetry is deep, so deep that i can't really understand it.

Still, nice job! :)

P.S.