If the person above was a pokemon, which pokemon would they be? (v2.0!)

Hmm...I don't feel like thinking, so I'm just going to say you're a Moltres.
 
Your username refers to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicles, but it also has allusions from the theory of relativity and the Simpsons. And we also cannot ignore the brilliant use of similes to compare World War II and Lasagna. All this evidence is enough to safely conclude that you are a Ludicolo.
 
OK, your avatar is Mightyena, which is Dark-type and black in color. Umbreon, which is in your username is another black-colored Dark-type. So, another Pokemon fitting both descriptions would be Zoroark.

So, you are a Zoroark.
 
I have no choice but to make you an Oshawott. Correct me if spelling is wrong for I still don't know how to spell Unova Pokemon. Oshawott is one of the few Unova Pokemon that earns my respect.
 
You obviously like Dark Pokemon. And your signature has two Pokemon fighting each other. So you're a Zwelious (might have misspelt that), a dark type with two heads that fight with each other.
 
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