I'll Be Mrs...

A big problem with that a lot of people probably overlooked is once your married and have completely different names is how are you going to decide on what to name the kids?
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Hyphenated names or choose one of the last names. Though in cases I've seen, it's mostly the former.
 
wcdaily said:
A big problem with that a lot of people probably overlooked is once your married and have completely different names is how are you going to decide on what to name the kids?
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The couple make up a name together and use that. I think it would be kind of romantic for a couple to both change their last names to something they both like. I guess that might defeat the purpose of having last names - the whole family line thing - but that's not something that matters to me.

I hope no one assumes that if you take someone else's name it means you're being subservient. I mean, that's what it is in some cases and it's mostly unconscious when it happens, I hope. I wouldn't mind changing my name if it meant I had a better, more meaningful one to me. The one my parents have isn't all that special to me.
 
Bluerang1 said:
It's the unity, having a family united by one name. I want my future wife to take my last name even though its ethnic and she may oppose though I hope not. If she doesn't want to, what can I do heh? It's their choice. But it's mean they won't really be a Mrs. Xxxxx always Ms.
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Unity is important in a family; however, it is just a title or name and has little to do with qualitative unity. Also, if it does create unity to some degree, then would you consider taking your wife's last name in order to preserve unity?
I think that neither partner should pressure the other into accepting the other's last name - that would be mean, haha.

For myself, I think I would want to take my future spouse's last name or hyphenate it, unless it is god-awful! lol
 
I like surname change, it's a nice little bit of tradition. If she has a career or something going on that's very name dependent, I don't see a problem with them keeping their name. There are some celebrities who keep their name as their "screen name" but change their legal name when they marry, so that's another option too.

I hate the hyphened name though. It just spells trouble down the road when your hyphenated last name kid marries another person with a hyphenated last name. And so on.

I think you should have the same last name though. Someone should change their name. Or both go *shutter* go the hyphen option. It just shows you're a unit and not so much two people who live in a house together.

In the end, whatever she wants to do
 
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I find it unfair how women change their name but men doesn't. I wouldn't EVER change my last name if I married someone unless if their last name is better than mine..? xD; And women here in hk aren't expected to change their names. >w<;
 
When I was a little kid, I made the decision that I would never change my last name if I were to get married and I still very firmly stand by that decision now. I won't even hyphenate. Personally, I was never for changing my last name, which I consider a part of my identity and just... I dunno. I want to be able to keep my last name for life, haha.

For the most part, it's a traditional thing now to change the last name and not at all a symbol of a woman being subservient to a man (although I've never been one to stick to tradition, haha). That said, it is the 21st century after all, and even though it's traditional, it should not be expected. It's a personal decision.

And hypothetically, if I were to have children, I am absolutely fine with them taking my husband's last name since I don't want to burden them with a hyphenated surname and the names I like for children don't go too well with my own.
 
I'm not a girl so I can't speak for them, but personally I want leave it to my future wife to think about it (except trying to change my last name :paranoid:)

I'm against the idea of hyphenated last names though. Like triforce89 said, it would be weird to have multiple hyphenated names.
 
If I ever get married I want to keep my last name, I dont see why I should have to give it up, so I wont.
 
Why go the bother to change something that's perfectly fine? There's the costs of changing the name on passports, IDs etc.

If I am female, I would not change my surname; no logic or reason to change what I was called since I was born. If I am male, I would advise against my wife-to-be not to change her surname to avoid replacements due to name changes, but I will respect her decision.

Well, if we are going to be so close-minded about how to do something, chances are pretty good that many things would not be invented, and that we would still live in caves.
 
I have heard of couples making up an entirely new surname for them both so they can have the unity of one surname. Good because it means not only one has to change their name and there isn't the awkwardness of a long double-barrelled name.
 
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I was actually talking to mom today about those kind of conventions and stuff about Western culture and marriage. I even said "What if I got married in red instead of white?" she was absolutely fine with it.. and honestly.. why not? (I'm not of Asian descent.) As long as you keep to your vows and everything.. I don't see a problem with the traditions of the actual ceremony..

Regarding the name though.. I'm not sure if I'd change it. I'm an established artist under my own name.. so if I change my name legally I may make my middle name my husband's name and keep my last name or something.. I dunno. I guess neither of us (my boyfriend and I) see it as a big deal but we'd need to talk about it more seriously after engagement obviously. :3
 
Should women be expected to change their name in marriage?

I don't think most people care that much, and even if they shouldn't, it's such a societally-inscribed custom that not changing would attract attention. I personally don't view it as that important; the only benefit I see for changing surname is for genealogical purposes (but that only works patrilineally anyway). And hyphenated names are hard to write out and look pretty silly.


Is this expectation, or indeed the practice itself, a symbol of female inferiority that no longer applies in our society?

I don't think it shows female inferiority per se, but it is obviously an artifact of the old, male-dominated society.


If you are female, do you intend to change your name when you get married? If you are male, would you want your wife to change her name?

I don't honestly care, but I would probably change my name (in the case I would get married, which as of now seems unlikely...)


Above all, should we allow tradition to dictate our future? Just because something has always been done one way, does that mean it should always be done that way?

It'll change or it won't. Most women really don't seem to care, so I don't think it'll change in the near future. Subscribing to tradition blindly is pretty silly, but it's relatively harmless.
There are a few cases where the husband actually changes his name (a fictional example that comes to mind is Gendo Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion).

 
i don't think women should be expected to change their last name to their husband's. although, i do understand that it's suppose to symbolize that they are now "one flesh" as a married couple. some women actually change their surname because of that very reason.
personally, i'm not planning to change my last name if i end up in a heterosexual marriage. although it's probably going to be pretty confusing if my child will go to school and his teachers ask who his/her mother is, seeing as i won't share my husband's family name.
 
Well, I'm from Canada, so these informal rules are the same as the United States, but for me personally, I will not be changing my last night. It means to much to me and my boyfriend and I have discussed that and his is okay with it. I think he was a little sad at first when I told him, but he's had lots of time to get over that! haha I love my last name, it's me! It's who I am. As far as our kids, they'll get his last name, that's okay to me.

I do think it's a silly tradition...plus the father "gives" away his daughter, like she is an object. Obviously, we don't think like that anymore, but it is still in the marriage ceremony. It's interesting to think of it like that. We all just do it, but when you think about it, it's a little weird, and VERY outdated. I totally don't mind my Dad giving me away, because it's that thing you do in the ceremony, but when you really think about it, it's totally dated and sexist. I think it should be a choice, as in, perhaps the Man can take the woman's last name, or you just keep your own last names, like my boyfriend and I will be doing.
 
I remember asking my parents this question when I was like, /really young/.

It has never been the case that women /have/ to change their last names if they don't want to. "/never/" It honestly appalls me that some people think that's an actual rule or more than a culturally accepted default of trivial importance.

Whether the woman changes her last name or the man changes his last name is ultimately up to the couple and not up to our petty tradition vs new age philosophy |D As far as I know it has been that way for as long as I've been alive.

However, it is heavily ingrained in our culture that both people share a last name. That is not something we should change.
 
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PkMnTrainer Yellow said:
I remember asking my parents this question when I was like, /really young/.

It has never been the case that women /have/ to change their last names if they don't want to. "/never/" It honestly appalls me that some people think that's an actual rule or more than a culturally accepted default of trivial importance.

Whether the woman changes her last name or the man changes his last name is ultimately up to the couple and not up to our petty tradition vs new age philosophy |D As far as I know it has been that way for as long as I've been alive.
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I disagree. What you say is technically true, it has always been the choice of the woman as to whether she wants to change her name. But a woman changing her name is a tradition that began somewhere and it has become the societal norm for her to do so. There are instances where a woman would face ridicule from her husband's family for the decision to keep her own maiden name. I've seen it on quite a few TV shows (which while fiction, do have roots in truth) as well as seeing it on occasions in my own family.

PkMnTrainer Yellow said:
However, it is heavily ingrained in our culture that both people share a last name. That is not something we should change.
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Why not? Does the fact that something has always been one way mean that it always should be?
 
Jorah said:
I have heard of couples making up an entirely new surname for them both so they can have the unity of one surname. Good because it means not only one has to change their name and there isn't the awkwardness of a long double-barrelled name.
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Got to say I like this idea. May steal it (I'm a guy).

Personally, taking the surname seems more like tradition than anything. It shouldn't be expected, but isn't wrong in any form to be embraced. In the end, its up to how the couple feels about it and how important each option is to them.
 
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