I'm not letting 2017 be a screwup ~ Megan's Goal Thread

[Meganium]

2017 is gonna be a pain, I know it…

Hi everyone, your friendly Meganium here. I'm not much of a "goal-keeping" kind of gal where I just write down stuff that I need to complete for the year. I also suck at keeping new years resolutions, because I know for sure I won't be able to complete them at the end of the year. 2016 has been a horrible year for me, mentally, physically, emotionally, and surpisingly, financially. A lot of spirals have gone downward for me, and I want 2017 to be the year where I can finally fix everything and get back to where I need to be.

You see, it all started when in June I got fired from my IT job. I was hired through my university, but the scheduling was very badly timed, and I was at work without a day off. Plus, I was flunking. Because I could not fulfill my "duties", I was let go, and was unemployed for the whole summer. Then, I was kicked out of the apartment I was in, because, again, I was unemployed. I owed her two months of rent and that depleted all of my savings. Thankfully, Roy, my boyfriend, and his mom took me in and stayed there ever since. It was a horrible several months and I had hit an all time low. I became mentally unstable the first couple of months that included constant pointless fights with the boyfriend, but as I finally got a job in September, things slowly got better, but not in a pace I wanted it to be.

I wanted to improve everything in 2017. My life in general, yes, but I want to improve every area of it. Relationship with boyfriend and his family, relationship with my own family which I am still trying but to no avail I can't, improve friendships online and offline, I mean, name an area and I will try my best to improve. This thread will serve as a goal-keeping thread of mine where I can track my progress as well as making sure I am doing things the way I should be. There are notes everywhere for me to remind myself, and so far it's….going okay. I guess????

Let's get started. Here are my 2017 plans and goals.

1. - Improve yourself. It's like 2016 but you REALLY need to work harder on that.
Like I said, I need to improve myself. It's a resolution that is reoccurring every year. It was 2014's resolution, 2015's resolution, even 2016's resolution. I did better in 2015, but 2016 was absolutely awful. So, 2017 is going to be the year I get back on my feet and do what I need to do. This goes for all areas of my life, such as family, friends, relationship, work, and social life in general.

2. - Be financially aware. Save money.
I made countless mistakes and went money crazy during 2016, especially with the new job I had that made me feel financially secure. Now no longer employed at said job and now working at a job that pays less than the former, it's time to cut back a bit. I did a pretty good job with budgeting from October to December. I was even able to afford Christmas. That was the biggest thing and I feel so proud of myself for doing it.

3. - Be more communicative. Don't stay quiet when you have shit going on in your mind.
There are times that I can be quiet and mysterious sometimes. Even my own boyfriend has noticed. When I have some stuff going on with myself, I tend to not really talk about it. This is something that haunts me back to my teenage years when I would try to talk to my parents about my absolute horrifying freshman year, the only words I can get from them is "get the fuck over it, you'll be fine." While I survived the year, I was scarred by the fact that sometimes there are stuff in my mind that I would rather just…keep it to myself, especially when it's personal. When I started dating, slowly I started to spill the beans on my past. But when it comes to feelings, I don't like to talk about them, I'd rather feel them. That is something I'd like to work on. I want to talk my feelings out instead of just bottling it up. It really hurts, to be quite honest.

4. - TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND DAMN IT. This is why you're still together!
Quite honestly, Roy needs to work on this, too, but this is not about him.

It's pretty simple. I'll do my part and he'll do his. 2016 was full of arguments, even one that almost ended our relationship. I don't want another July 16th. I don't want another voicemail that has the words "I think you want to end this, do you?" I don't want another couple of nights sleeping at another room or at a friend's house. I learned more about our relationship than in 2015. The biggest realization? We're a balance scale. When I'm stressed, he's calm. When I'm calm, he's stressed. And I'm only calm for a very short time which the balance scale goes batshit crazy, because my anxiety goes over the roof when he's pissed off and stressed. If 2017 is going to be a repeat of 2016, especially now that we sleep on the same bed, then it sounds like we have a problem. Referring back to goal/resolution #3, as well as #1, improving all of the areas of our relationship is something I need to work on. Referring back to all the lessons I've learn, and use them as a refresher, as well as T A L K I N G, we could save our trip to therapy pretty much!

5. - Finish A+ certification. Earn more money.
I finished my university studies back in September. This was one of the proudest accomplishments of my life. I am now the rarest member of the family with a college education (my uncle is an art professor). But, there's still some things I need to do before I can actually use my degree. I am not A+ Certified, at least…my certification expired in June. But I didn't have the money to sign up for another class, nor that my university offered it. So I have to apply to a different college and register for their "continuing education" program, which includes the A+ Certification. Many classes start every couple of weeks, so that gives me a chance to sign up for one, and pay $500 for it. The good thing about it is that I get two chances to take the exam.

6. - Get a cool job that pays more. Earn more money.
Let's go back to goal/resolution #1, 2, and 5. I do not plan to repeat the same mistake I did when I got the IT job last year. My requirements to complete this is going to pretty simple and straightforward: it's gotta be a job that has a decent pay that would at least pay the bills. Quite honestly, I am not planning to spend the rest of my life at my boyfriend's mom's house. So a place of my own is high on my list. Probably a small apartment at the Island or somewhere nearby where I may be needed most of the time. So, to save money, I gotta earn money. And to earn money, I gotta get a better job that pays more. I love the job I'm in now, but I am in demand of more pay.

7. - Drink coffee with no cream or sugar
Roy's sister told me about drinking coffee with no cream or sugar. It's the sugar that totally gets you. That is why I get these stupid sugar highs and crashes and not to mention spiked up random anxiety attacks every now and again (that explains the mental instability). So, I'm drinking it all black. According to a study, people who are drinking black coffee are…psychotic. Therefore, they are just crazy as fuck.

8. - Blog once a day. Oh right that one's down the tubes lol.
I screwed this one up already. Blame life. But…I have notes of what I actually did the past few days so I should be okay! I may just write a summary of what happened the first five days of 2017 so that way I can simply catch up! This was actually a suggestion Roy made for me, and I did this before with my former psychologist. It was a blog filled with 365 days of my life. I did this in 2013 but I stopped after my grandmother passed away. So I reverted to monthly updates (which you see every month here on my blog). While they are easy, it's hard to recap what I actually did during the month. Not even my own planner helps out. Lmao.

So, in conclusion, I am so ready to do this! It's barely the 5th here, so I have no rush whatsoever to make these happen. Wish me luck and some motivation is needed! If y'all have any tips or advice on what I should do for the following 8 goals/resolutions, feel free to tell me! <3
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[Kanzler]

For number 3, consider learning from Alain de Botton at the School of Life:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwxNMb28XmpcEwc0qydf2jSszQFSht81E

He discusses relationships (along with other aspects of philosophy) and personally it's helped me gain a lot of insight. Some good ones: Loved and Being Loved, How to Defuse an Argument, Why Our Partners Drive Us Mad, Why We Go Cold On Our Partners, Why Love requires Generosity, Why We Should Treat Our Partners Like Small Children.

 

[Meganium]

Just saved the playlist and will give it a look soon!!

 

[Nina]

In what ways are you trying to save money? What plans do you have/do you look at any resources for it.

 

[Meganium]

There was actually another resolution I meant to add for this year. My mom talked to me about post college plans, and seeing as I do not have children yet, she wants me to start traveling to places other than Houston or California. There are many places I really want to visit, and it's gonna require me to save money with the job I have currently.

To answer one of y'all's question, 2017 is going to be filled with so many finances. I had to drain all of my savings last year because I had lost my job, and now, I would like to get that money back in there while I can. However, it looks like I might have to sacrifice a few things this year including attending conventions. I may be traveling to California a lot more often than I would because my little sister is having her quincenera party later on in the year. And it looks like I may be traveling to other places like Baltimore. I also would like to move out of the place I'm in right now and find one of my own... either in Houston or in Galveston.

To be quite honest, my relationship with Roy has become very different and distinct from my other two, because he is the only "irl" relationship that I've had (and the first guy I have ever lived with). Because we live together now, we're always going to get into issues, and the majority of the issues I'm like "ugh what do i do ahhhh". There are times that I get scared that I may mess up and he'll get pissed about it. Other times I'll just back off. Even though he says "it's okay" deep down I always think it's not.

Quick update: I'm used to the coffee with no cream/sugar, but now that I've been doing that for a long while now, I actually miss the sweetness that is the creamer. It's starting to become bland without it. I hope it's just a phase though.

 

[SirBoglor]

Not to pry, but it seems that most of your issues with your bf seem to be simple miscommunication. I'm no expert, but perhaps you could try communicating your feelings a bit more? This is your first big irl relationship, after all. Maybe when you've had an argument, you should explain your insecurities. If you don't know what to do, don't be afraid to tell him that. I've seen many friends in relationships like yours, and communication has always been the first step towards making things better.

Just a consideration. After all, I could never know your relationship like you do. I'm sure that things will work out. :)

 

[Aquacorde]

hey megan ive been seeing your blogging is going pretty well! but you dropped off a little this last week- been busy? what else has been going on?

 

[Meganium]

Yeah, I'll explain in a bit.

Because of work being piled up the past week, I did fell off the blogging-a-day thing. However, it'd be pointless to blog about the same thing (work) over and over, plus I get tired and want to rest afterwards when I get back home. Right now it's calmed down now, and there's more time to do stuff (I just hope it stays that way). I will write a summary or something that explains why I lacked my blogging stuff, and tonight (Feb 1), I'll get back on track!

My goals and resolutions (especially #'s 2 and 6) will be the highlight of this month because my rent got increased. I do need to save up a little more per week, which makes me become a bit more financially aware (which is a good thing, right?). Although I do want to focus on finding a better job that pays more, part of me wants to focus on getting the A+ certification, in which speaking of that, I will be starting the class at the end of this month!!

However, seeing as my car's health is not looking good (someone decided to fuck up my latest oil change >_>), I may need to back off of certain things.

So, basically for this month…pretty much don't spend like a Kardashian. It was a good thing that I prepared for Roy's birthday a month early. Also, I'm not sure if my budget is up for Anime Matsuri which is in April.

I also should add Resolution #9 which is to travel somewhere other than California or Texas (or somewhere you haven't been before). There's talks about either going to New Orleans later on in the year, as well as traveling to Baltimore during the summer. All of our friends are going to a convention, but I'm not sure if that'll fit my budget as I may be going to California more than twice later this year. I'll keep updated.

I also would like to briefly update on resolutions 3 and 4…which is mostly Roy-related. It turns out that my mental instability is the main reason why I get so frustrated and stressed easily in this relationship. I have yet to go see a doctor, but I will as soon as I can.

 

[Aquacorde]

If you feel like writing just about work/life constantly would get a little boring, you could try a prompt list or generator? There are plenty to be found all over, maybe just keep one bookmarked to use when you're feeling like you're getting repetitive. Or read about something and present it to us? Stuff like that. With those kinds of things you could also write a bunch when you're feeling motivated and put it aside for if you're not able to write on some days.

In terms of saving money, the best way I've found is to think about where I'm spending more than I need to. Is it on food? What kind of food specifically? Am I impulse shopping too much? Maybe I should stay out of stores- especially when there's sales. Just because it's cheaper than it was doesn't mean I need to buy it! I tend to have a problem with that lmao. So I do stuff like... when I go grocery shopping, I buy exactly what is on my list and nothing else. I take my time and look for the cheaper options. I note when things I buy frequently go on sale. I stay out of malls for the most part, and I look for cheaper options when I do go out to eat. idk just kind of evaluate where your money is going, and keep yourself out of situations where you know you would spend extra.

I'm glad you're taking steps to help both you and your relationship become healthier! Have you started looking aorund for doctors that are in your insurance plan (if you have one)?

 

[SirBoglor]

I think that seeking help from a doctor to seek mental help is a wonderful idea, as long as you won't suffer too greatly financially for it. It can really put your emotional state in the right direction (it did for me, that's for sure.) I hope that you keep your chin up in the meantime, and keep at it!