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It hurts.


[b][color=red][font=helvetica][i]door-kun best boi
I believe I fell in love with a girl 5 years ago. I think it is love because any normal crush usually don't last this long.

So, well, obviously, things didn't work out. We don't even talk much. Almost close to no interaction. But I still haven't been able to completely move on from her. Every time I see a picture of hers on facebook or instagram or anywhere, my heart skips a beat and I start wondering where it all went wrong and all the ifs that could've been.

The thought of cutting her completely off from my life by getting rid of all my links to her over the internet feels like it is physically hurting me. It almost feels like I'm forcing myself and tearing my heart out.

I know people say I'll probably end up with someone equally, if not more, good. And a few friends of mine even said that she's not exactly what I see her as and its only good that things didn't work out for me. If they did, I might've ended up being in a lot worse of a situation than I am in now.

But I can't let go. I just can't. Seeing her hurts. And the thought of completely letting go also hurts. I have no idea what to do.
It's understandable that you feel this way since this girl had such a long lasting effect on you. However, I do feel there is something to be said about looking back at the past too much especially while you're still young and have the entire world ahead of you to experience. I know it sounds a tad cliché to be saying any of this, but new experiences you're going to have over time will hopefully be able to numb that pain a lot better. If things didn't work out, then you've got to understand that this will help arm you with a better understanding of what kind of woman you would want in your life ahead.

Though more importantly, you would need to find distractions that can allow you to focus more on other things. Your love life is something that can hold many surprises, but events can happen so spontaneously and at any time at all. I personally wouldn't advise putting it at the forefront of your mind. Focus on continuing to find different ways of strengthening yourself as a person, that way you not only have a better awareness of yourself but also of what you truly want.
  • Age 16
  • Seen May 28, 2019
You're experiencing infatuation. You're putting too much value into a fantasy relationship with that person, and the pain you're feeling is the result of that projection you have in your mind.

Getting over it is a lot easier said than done. Focus on having other priorities and find anything that could take your mind off her, little by little. Center all your thoughts on yourself, not her. It's a slow process, but it ultimately pays off.

I'm going through the same situation. It's destructive, but I'm getting better. A lot better.
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Definitely I've been in the place that you and Spinosaurus has been. It's a hard place to be, and love can be especially heart-wrenching when you try to ignore or displace it. Just do your best, everything heals given time, even if you're still raw now. You definitely may need to put your foot down and de-link yourself from her online, but I'm not going to tell you to do that, that's your choice.

I just wish you the best Dero!
  • Age 33
  • Seen Jan 12, 2024
Spino is right. The relationship you're imagining is the most difficult part to move on from, not the girl herself. It's hard to let go, especially when it means moving on from something that you've been so emotionally invested in - good or bad - for five years. Change isn't easy.

But you can't live your life in "what ifs" and "if onlys". They're just going to subtract from your present experiences. The new loves you could be finding, the happiness you could be sharing with another girl. Stay strong, Dero. You're an amazing young man, don't lose hope. Time will heal this. <3



For you.
Love is in many places. If you tell yourself things wont change, then things won't change. Tell yourself you're open and receptive to the new and exciting. To the good. To more love. Don't idealize love. Don't compare love. Be open and it will come. It's time to focus on you, not to "finding something." You will find fulfillment there, and slowly, but it will better you in the end.